(no subject)
There's this slightly creepy older geek-man in my photography class who's gradually working his way up to asking me to model for him during the portraits section. I am Chelsea's slightly repulsed determination to avoid this at all costs. He's started touching my shoulder and giving me friendly pats on the back whenever he can. If there were any way for him to do so, I would swear he stalks me to the darkroom, because he comes in every bloody time I'm in there between classes, and stays til I leave. He has thick glasses and a gap between his two front teeth; at first he just seemed friendly in a socially inept kind of way, and so I was nice to him while everyone else was busy distancing themselves.
Big mistake.
Semester has gotten hectic. Jesse wants me to run for Editor-in-Chief of the paper next semester, to which I responded (after my ego did a happy little dance around the room) with a resounding "hell NO." Apart from seeing the blood, sweat & loooooong hours he has to pour into that job, it would mean I'd definitely have to stay an extra semester. Which I'm trying to avoid if at all possible.
This means that job hunting looms on the horizon. Either job hunting or grad school applications. I want an epiphany, dammit, or at least a voice from the heavens assuring me that I won't have to live with my parents til I'm thirty, nor work in some joy-sucking hellhole doing clerical work for the next 20 years. Talked to Dad about it a bit today, and he said that what he's always prayed for me has been that verse in Proverbs, "in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path." This bit of quid pro quo makes me a little nervous, seeing as how I hardly fit the textbook definition of Christian anymore. But....it is comforting, in its own way.
It was a good conversation -- he reminded me that this is supposed to be an adventure, that if a voice from beyond told me exactly what I should be doing there wouldn't be much excitement in it. One of those little things that it helps to hear someone else say from time to time, y'know? Talked to Jay about all this last week, and she said that she'd never had a plan -- just a very strong sense of what she should do when things came to a head, without knowing quite why or for what. Obviously, things came together for her marvelously, mind-bendingly so.
And then I came across this quote in a bellydance book, of all places, a woman's memory of something her grandfather said to her when she was small:
"Whenever you don't understand, little girl, then just wait and let it be. You'll find out that the answer will grow in you, just like desert flowers do. They stay hidden beneath the sand for a long time, and when the rains come, they suddenly sprout and the whole landscape becomes filled with their blossoming pride. Everything grows effortlessly at the right time; one needs only pay attention and listen carefully to recognize this moment. For that you need faith."
...I sense a theme.
My dance-crit teacher told me I should write a book. I thought of mentioning NaNo, but didn't.
I'm starting to get quite attached to this boyfriend (6 months on Friday!!), which makes me uncomfortable. I need to stop dating boys with expiration dates, it's hard on the psyche. Trying to maintain enough distance so that you won't be crushed by their inevitable departure is easier if they have awful B.O., say, or become violent when drunk. Maybe I can convince him to stop bathing & start kicking me in the shins around March or so. Perhaps negative conditioning is the answer.
Big mistake.
Semester has gotten hectic. Jesse wants me to run for Editor-in-Chief of the paper next semester, to which I responded (after my ego did a happy little dance around the room) with a resounding "hell NO." Apart from seeing the blood, sweat & loooooong hours he has to pour into that job, it would mean I'd definitely have to stay an extra semester. Which I'm trying to avoid if at all possible.
This means that job hunting looms on the horizon. Either job hunting or grad school applications. I want an epiphany, dammit, or at least a voice from the heavens assuring me that I won't have to live with my parents til I'm thirty, nor work in some joy-sucking hellhole doing clerical work for the next 20 years. Talked to Dad about it a bit today, and he said that what he's always prayed for me has been that verse in Proverbs, "in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path." This bit of quid pro quo makes me a little nervous, seeing as how I hardly fit the textbook definition of Christian anymore. But....it is comforting, in its own way.
It was a good conversation -- he reminded me that this is supposed to be an adventure, that if a voice from beyond told me exactly what I should be doing there wouldn't be much excitement in it. One of those little things that it helps to hear someone else say from time to time, y'know? Talked to Jay about all this last week, and she said that she'd never had a plan -- just a very strong sense of what she should do when things came to a head, without knowing quite why or for what. Obviously, things came together for her marvelously, mind-bendingly so.
And then I came across this quote in a bellydance book, of all places, a woman's memory of something her grandfather said to her when she was small:
"Whenever you don't understand, little girl, then just wait and let it be. You'll find out that the answer will grow in you, just like desert flowers do. They stay hidden beneath the sand for a long time, and when the rains come, they suddenly sprout and the whole landscape becomes filled with their blossoming pride. Everything grows effortlessly at the right time; one needs only pay attention and listen carefully to recognize this moment. For that you need faith."
...I sense a theme.
My dance-crit teacher told me I should write a book. I thought of mentioning NaNo, but didn't.
I'm starting to get quite attached to this boyfriend (6 months on Friday!!), which makes me uncomfortable. I need to stop dating boys with expiration dates, it's hard on the psyche. Trying to maintain enough distance so that you won't be crushed by their inevitable departure is easier if they have awful B.O., say, or become violent when drunk. Maybe I can convince him to stop bathing & start kicking me in the shins around March or so. Perhaps negative conditioning is the answer.