feels just like i'm falling for the first time.
i said i love you to him yesterday. i didn't mean to. i totally just slipped. like, you know how when you end a conversation on the phone with your best friends you tend to say i love you? well i say i love you to so many people in my life. i'm really big on saying it. so yesterday, when i was leaving newport beach where all the highschoolers from my church were hanging out to go back to my beach house in crystal cove i gave jeremy a hug, and right as i went in to kiss him i said i love you. i pulled away from the kiss and was like "oh my gosh, i didn't mean that. i mean, i love you. but not like that. not yet. i think i will someday. i don't know. gotta go." then i ran away. fast.
so last night he kind of teased me about it and said he knew exactly what i meant and it wasn't a big deal. we talked about how when one of us does say it the other shouldn't feel pressure to say it back. i asked about if he said it with his last girlfriend (ok, duh... already knew the answer. he had dated her for 13 months!) and he asked if i ever said it to james (none of your beeswax!). i told him i would bet the farm that i'll fall in love with him before he falls in love with me just because i'm a giddy little girl. he laughed and made me promise that when i feel it, i'll say it and not earlier and not later.
so last night laying in my bed, listening to the ocean waves crash outside my window, i thought about what happened earlier when i slipped and said i love you. i thought about it for a long time.
then i realized: i don't think i slipped. i think i love him.