im an ass

Aug 17, 2002 14:35

im an asshole. i feel like the biggest fucking piece of shit on the planet. Im depressed as fuck right now and this time its for good reason, ive hurt two of my close friends tonight. I talked the sitiution over with them and they are kewl with me but i feel like a fucking prick and want to curl up into a little ball and die. I dont feel like im worthy to be anyone's friend right now. i feel like i should wear a t-shirt for the rest of my life that says "warning:being friends with me can be seriously damaging to you're emotional health" . heres what has happened.
For the last two months shortly after i got my job at hottopic the only people ive really seen have been eric and nikki, and ive hung out with mehran once or twice. other than that thats about the extent of my social life. well before i left for tour i met this girl brit through our friend racheal......you know what, fuck this i dont want to explain the sitiuation, all you need to know is that i fucked up royally with racheal and brandi and its fucking killing me. the only thing i could do is try and explain myself and apoligize and explain to them that i never ment to hurt anyone. they fully accepted the apology and we hugged on it, but it still doesnt change the fact that im a fucking prick. people for the longest time have been telling me what a good guy i am, but you know what where the fuck was that so called good guy tonight. Im going to try and learn what i can from this whole thing. and i think im going to try my fucking hardest to become this good guy that everyone thinks i am. im going to be more greatful than shit for every friend i still have. And i want to be the best friend anyone has ever had. no matter what i say right now doesnt change the fact that i still feel like i should be crucified for my sins. i would cry right now if i could but my subconcious wont allow it, because my brain knows that if i get started its not gonna stop till i fall asleep. other than that my night sucked
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