This is worse - knowing that you love me too, and not being able to have you in my arms. 2/3

Jul 24, 2011 20:00



w: I've always cared about you, Mark. Through everything. There was never a moment where I didn't care for you.

w: Not having you in my life at all hurt more than the .. betrayal.

w: The distance was good. It allowed for healing. But, I've never ever stopped caring for you.

w: I want you back in my life.

m: I want to be back

m: Wardo?

w: Yes.

w: I just - I need you to tell me what you can handle.

m: I

m: I'm sorry.

w: I know you are, Mark. I've just been waiting to hear you say it.

m: Well.

w: I forgive you.

m: ...You do?

m: You don't have to, Wardo.

w: I do. I really do.

m: I was horrible.

w: Mark. Stop.

m: I was selfish and uncaring and unprofessional and terrible as a buisinessman and a friend.

w: I'm not saying it wasn't an awful thing. It hurt. I've never felt worse in my life. But, I have had time and distance and gotten what I needed to heal. I forgive you.

m: I just don't feel I deserve forgiveness.

w: This isn't a spur of the moment thing that I'm saying. It's taken a long time to get to this place.

w: You are a wonderful person, Mark. I've always thought so. We both made some mistakes.

w: We were kids. We've grown. We've matured.

m: I know, I just. I didn't think I'd even ever talk to you again

w: Well, we're talking now.

m: I know. And that's... baffling to me.

w: And, I like it. I'm glad we've been able to get to this place.

m: I'm asleep

m: I mist be

m: *must

w: I hope I'm not boring you. I apologize. You must be overworking yourslef, like always.

w: If you need your rest... I understand. You don't need to apologize.

m: No, no, no.

m: I mean, fuck, I've got to be dreaming.

w: When is the last time you slept? Has Chris been making sure you're taking care of yourself?

w: Oh.

w: This isn't a dream, Mark. I'm serious.

m: Um. I don't know, Tuesday?

w: Mark.. Saturday where you are.

m: Yeah... guess it is

w: Has Chris changed his email? I need to talk to him. We had an agreement. He was supposed to make sure you don't overwork yourself.

m: No, it's the same one

w: He promised me before I left that he would make sure you were sleeping and eating.

m: don't think he'll be execting anything from you though

m: He tries to

m: He forcibly drags me to the cafeteria

w: He's obviously not trying hard enough.

m: He's putting up with me pretty well.

w: I don't care. He needs to be doing more. He knows you can be stubborn.

w: He promised me he'd take care of you when I left.

w: He obviously hasn't been living up to that promise.

m: I'd give up if I were him too.

w: Mark. Don't say things like that.

m: Why?

w: You aren't a monster and I will not let you speak as if you are.

m: Only a monster could do what I did.

w: You are one of the most wonderful people I have ever met and I will not allow you to put yourself down. You are passionate and hardworking and driven.

w: Mark. Please, we've already discussed this. You are not a monster. We were kids. We made mistakes. Let's start fresh.

m: That doesn't make me a good person

m: I... okay. Okay, I'm sorry.

w: You are though. You are a good person. I've always thought so and nothing can convince me otherwise.

w: Now, let's stop reflecting on all the bad memories of the past.

w: The future. What we will be.

m: Good idea

m: You. You um. You mentioned planes.

w: I need you to tell me what you can handle from this relationship.

w: Yes, planes. They exist. We both have access to them.

m: What do you mean, what I can handle?

m: I just need you, Eduardo.

JoeMazzello: I AM HERE

w: I just - I know you're busy. You have a lot going on.

w: You need me?

w: I - I -

w: I don't want to interpret this the wrong way.

w: Please, I really just need you to be specific.

m: How're you interpreting it now?

w: I can't go into this blindly again.

w: I need you to tell me.

emily was timed out

emily joined the chat

m: You know I'm not good at this, Wardo.

w: I know it's hard. I just - I need it, Mark.

w: After last time ... I need you to tell me what you want - what you need.

w: Mark?

m: I'm here, yeah.

w: So? What do you need from me?

w: Just tell me.

w: I know you. I know how you can be, but don't be nervous. It's me. Just tell me - honestly.

m: I just need... you to be there. And I need to feel again like I'm yours and you're mine

w: I can handle it.

m: that I won't lose you

w: You won't lose me, Mark. You could never lose me.

m: Never?

w: Never. Even though I'm so far from you now, I've never gone a day without thinking of you.

m: I need to be close to you, Wardo.

w: You've always had this place in my heart, Mark. I want so desperately for this to work.

m: I do too. I need it to.

w: This distance has been good for healing, but I want - I need to be near you again.

m: I need you closer.

w: How close?

m: I need to be able to--

m: touch you

w: I'd like that, too.

m: As close as physically possible.

w: It has been too long since I've been close enough to touch you.

m: Way too long.

w: I don't think you have any idea how much I'v missed you. The longing to be near you has caused me physical pain.

m: Wardo...

w: Yes, Mark?

m: God, Wardo.

w: What is it?

m: It hurts me, all the time.

m: It's just not the same.

w: Really?

w: Oh, I thought - okay. What is it for you?

m: It feels like nothing matters, not the money or the company or the anything if you're not there for it.

w: What do you mean?

w: Oh, Mark. Really?

m: It just feels meaningless if I can't share it with you.

w: I can be there. We don't have to be apart anymore.

w: You have no idea how it feels to be hearing this - especially from you.

m: You have to be. Please.

m: Yeah, well -

w: I will be.

m: You deserve the truth.

w: What is the truth, Mark?

w: Tell me.

m: Everything I've been telling you

m: I'm not making any of this up

w: I believe you. I believe everyword you've said. But -

w: If there's something you're trying to tell me, I need you to be clear about it.

w: Please, Mark.

w: I need it.

m: I love you.

w: Oh, Mark. I love you, too. I've always loved you.

JoeMazzello: GROSS SOBBING

m: Who the fuck is Joe?

w: He was this kid in this dinosoar movie thing. You wouldn't know. Just ignore him.

w: I just can't believe this.

w: I've been waiting to say this for so long.

m: Me either.

m: I always have, Wardo.

w: Always?

w: I wish I had known.

w: I always thought it was just me.

m: No. It never was.

w: How long, Mark?

m: How long have I...?

w: I fell in love with you the day that I met you.

JoeMazzello: AWWWW

w: I love you, Mark.

w: I can't believe it's taken so much for me to finally say it outloud.

m: I love you, Eduardo.

m: Well, it's, um.

w: I love you.

m: Not really out loud.

m: But. You can tell me in person.

w: I love you so much. I really can't say it enough.

w: Yes, I will. I will be there as soon as I can.

w: The first flight.

w: I'm there.

m: When's that?

m: Tomorrow?

w: Yes. I will be with you tomorrow.

w: Finally.

m: I'll be waiting.

w: After all this time, I will finally get to tell you that I love you in person.

w: You have no idea how long I have been waiting to do that. How many times it almost came out

w: I've had to bite my tongue so many times to stop from blurting it out. I was so afraid that I would scare you away.

m: Why didn't it?

m: Oh.

m: It... might have, to be honest.

w: I didn't think it was the same for you.

w: I didn't want to do anything to risk losing you.

m: I was soconfused about what I was feeling... that was part of this whole thing.

w: You could have told me.

w: You know I've always been here for you. No matter what. You could tell me anything.

m: I know, Wardo

m: It was just so hard for me.

m: I'd never loved anything before.

w: I know. I understand.

w: This isn't something I've ever felt before either.

m: But I still love you.

w: It's so much more intense than anything I've ever experience before.

w: I love you, too.

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