gross
i am a gross being. last night i was really sad and got drunk to pass the time. consequently, i have been up since 3 AM puking and attempting to make myself feel better. it's a wonder i didn't get alchohol poisoning. i don't remember much about last night, but i do distinctly remember talking to bryan. i am an idiot. i am pretty sure that i told him that i like him. i think i got mad about it too. i am such an idiot. truthfuly, i don't think i was ever planning on telling him, ever. the reason that i didn't tell him this summer (even though he once specifically asked me if i liked him), was because i didn't know how he would react. i don't remeber how he reacted last night, everything is kinda a blur. but i do remember telling him, and getting really embarassed and upset. i feel like this might screw everything up between us. he's such a good person and a great friend. seriously, i don't know where i would be without bryan. he keeps me sane. if i ran to all of my mendham friends with my problems, they would just give me something to drink. they wouldn't let me talk. i would just drink, much like last night. look where i ended up. bryan just lets me vent, and whenever i do, i feel so much better. but at the same time, i feel like i'm burdening him. i don't want him to be struggling over my issues when he has issues of his own. ugh. maybe i should just leave him be. he says he worries about me, and i hate that. i don't want to make him worry. i really hope that this whole issue won't change anything between us. i love him. he's like, my best friend. i don't know what to do. soooooo counfused.