a caravan of kids a big old mess
Oh the push and pull of everything
oh this nightmate of electricity
Im so exhausted all the time. I know I should go to bed and sleep but I feel like I cant like I need to stay awake like maybe I will get something done.
You hate livejournal. You think it isnt me. And that scares me because it is and so maybe you wont really like me. This is what goes on inside my head.
I cannot stop biting my nails. I try to paint them to prevent my self from chewing on them but it just makes it worse because I bite them more because they attract more attention.
Im listening to the same song over and over and over.
I feel like Im just thinking the same thoughts over every day but in different forms. And all of the same interactions happen every day but with different people who are so similar. And all the eye contact and forcing myself to pay attention when all I want to do is go on a walk with lorelei or drive around with her and ignore everyone or listen to music or read my books or write in my real journal but I cant because I think too fast and my hand cant get everything down when Im writing by pen, its only on the stupid internet.
And I think about summer so much that it makes me feel sick. Like actual get-up-to-vomit-sickness. I think about the heat and how I did nothing all summer but invest my time into someone who never invested his time into me and I could have been spending every day with my best friend but I spent it fighting with a stupid boy who means nothing to me now because hes a liar and a coward and I just feel so stupid. So so so stupid. For so many reasons. For being a silly girl who gets caught up in things. For thinking about everything way too much and not trusting my instincts and giving people second chances and third and fourth chances when they only use those chances to hurt you even more and I just sound so pathetic right now. But it feels okay to get it all out. There is still so much frustration towards it and I have no where to channel it.
and I want to go to that school in chicago. so badly.
oh this nightmate of electricity
Im so exhausted all the time. I know I should go to bed and sleep but I feel like I cant like I need to stay awake like maybe I will get something done.
You hate livejournal. You think it isnt me. And that scares me because it is and so maybe you wont really like me. This is what goes on inside my head.
I cannot stop biting my nails. I try to paint them to prevent my self from chewing on them but it just makes it worse because I bite them more because they attract more attention.
Im listening to the same song over and over and over.
I feel like Im just thinking the same thoughts over every day but in different forms. And all of the same interactions happen every day but with different people who are so similar. And all the eye contact and forcing myself to pay attention when all I want to do is go on a walk with lorelei or drive around with her and ignore everyone or listen to music or read my books or write in my real journal but I cant because I think too fast and my hand cant get everything down when Im writing by pen, its only on the stupid internet.
And I think about summer so much that it makes me feel sick. Like actual get-up-to-vomit-sickness. I think about the heat and how I did nothing all summer but invest my time into someone who never invested his time into me and I could have been spending every day with my best friend but I spent it fighting with a stupid boy who means nothing to me now because hes a liar and a coward and I just feel so stupid. So so so stupid. For so many reasons. For being a silly girl who gets caught up in things. For thinking about everything way too much and not trusting my instincts and giving people second chances and third and fourth chances when they only use those chances to hurt you even more and I just sound so pathetic right now. But it feels okay to get it all out. There is still so much frustration towards it and I have no where to channel it.
and I want to go to that school in chicago. so badly.