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No point to writing in this. I bought a real journal. But sometimes I feel I should.
But I sit down and everything is blank.
Im going to graduate highschool. Its not even a big deal but for some reason its all I can think about. Its over. I have to start concentrating on life after this. I wasnt even conserned with life inside highschool, but now that Im getting out, I suddenly feel like I missed out on so many things. All of a sudden, my senior year, I started applying myself and in most of my classes Im doing well. And now I think back to all those classes the past three years that I slacked off and half assed everything. I always felt like something else would come along, my big break, my big realization, but Im still stuck. Stuck in the same place I was when I entered highschool, only this time its deepened into a nuerotic tick tock tick tock of GROW UP GROW UP or YOU FUCKED YOURSELF OVER. There is so much emphasis on getting ahead and "WHATCOLLEGEAREYOGOINGTO" "WHATAREYOURPLANSFORNEXTYEAR" "WHATDOYOUWANTTODO"
BANG. I want to shoot every person that asks me. IT DOESNT MATTER WHERE I AM GOING. Im just happy that I survived. Im alive. Im healthy. I cant ask for anything else.
Im just not concerned about what I'm going to do. College is not on my radar. I dont think it really means anything. Well okay yeah if you want to make "hella bank" and have title after title and go to school for half your life and be wealthy and powerful and "sucessful" then yeah maybe it does matter.
But it doesnt matter to me. Not for the reasons it matters to most people any way.
Ill learn what I want to learn and eventually ill go to school.
Why am I even writing about school? Its the last thing I should be thinking about, or am thinking about. Maybe I am distracting myself with school to try not to think of other things.. or people.. or person.
I can feel my self slipping and running away from this one just like all the others.
IS IT POSSIBLE TO JUST BE A NORMAL PERSON?
But I sit down and everything is blank.
Im going to graduate highschool. Its not even a big deal but for some reason its all I can think about. Its over. I have to start concentrating on life after this. I wasnt even conserned with life inside highschool, but now that Im getting out, I suddenly feel like I missed out on so many things. All of a sudden, my senior year, I started applying myself and in most of my classes Im doing well. And now I think back to all those classes the past three years that I slacked off and half assed everything. I always felt like something else would come along, my big break, my big realization, but Im still stuck. Stuck in the same place I was when I entered highschool, only this time its deepened into a nuerotic tick tock tick tock of GROW UP GROW UP or YOU FUCKED YOURSELF OVER. There is so much emphasis on getting ahead and "WHATCOLLEGEAREYOGOINGTO" "WHATAREYOURPLANSFORNEXTYEAR" "WHATDOYOUWANTTODO"
BANG. I want to shoot every person that asks me. IT DOESNT MATTER WHERE I AM GOING. Im just happy that I survived. Im alive. Im healthy. I cant ask for anything else.
Im just not concerned about what I'm going to do. College is not on my radar. I dont think it really means anything. Well okay yeah if you want to make "hella bank" and have title after title and go to school for half your life and be wealthy and powerful and "sucessful" then yeah maybe it does matter.
But it doesnt matter to me. Not for the reasons it matters to most people any way.
Ill learn what I want to learn and eventually ill go to school.
Why am I even writing about school? Its the last thing I should be thinking about, or am thinking about. Maybe I am distracting myself with school to try not to think of other things.. or people.. or person.
I can feel my self slipping and running away from this one just like all the others.
IS IT POSSIBLE TO JUST BE A NORMAL PERSON?