Panic Attacks and commitment
It's been a month and a half, and I know this is going to be some sort of repetition but I feel the need to vent here to say how I feel and even tho I know I should probably stop thinking about my ex it's still there it's still in my head and I can't stop thinking about all we've been through.
One thing I did notice is that if commitment is mention anywhere near me and I'm part of the sentence I'm having panic attacks and I don't like it. I really didn't have any idea that this relationship messed me up that much, but I'm not ready to commit to another person, I'm not ready to give away my heart again. I'm probably scared to do it, but also I'm not over my ex completely. No I don't want to get back with him just over analyzing everything per usual.
I'm standing on a precipice of my emotions,
hiding my heart,
protecting my soul.
With a straight jacket I walk this world,
slowly loosing my mind,
slowly loosing my sigh.
Forgive me for I do not care this night,
and I can't bask in this lovely light.
It's been a while since I wrote a poem, I wrote this on my birthday wasn't one of my best I had especially since I felt melancholy and my Ex didn't help the matter either by sending me a msg on Skype wishing me a happy birthday and joking around :/
In other news I've did a LAN party unexpectedly and I did good. I now know I'm ready for LAN party's and I know I can still improve to be a better and more professional shout-caster. So to start this from the beginning A week ago my friends got invited to play in a Croatian League of Legends LAN tournament I went with them to cheer and make business contacts. I did that but since the casters were up most of the night and didn't get enough sleep I was asked to fill in so one can rest while the other worked, I said yes and ended casting 4 games and I loved every second of it ^.^.
I can't wait to work for CsG again in August on their online tournament this time they have sponsors and should be more interesting and fun :) And if all goes well I might start seeing a pay check which would be amazing :)