I wasnt Living until I Died_ Chapter one
Author: MAYA
Pairings: Sakumoto, Junba
Rating: PG-13 (but could be higher in the next chapters)
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, fluff
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, they own themselves.
Notes :
matsuaurore is my heroine v.v
Why did I live 30 years of my life if it wouldn't start until I die?
I met my death...
Then I met you,
Then I fell in love with you…
Then what?
Sakurai Sho committed suicide by cutting his wrists. When He woke up, he saw himself in the hospital. He called and called, but nobody replied. Then, he realized he was just a soul. That man was hung up between the real world and the death. Seeing his body on the bed, and the soul moving screened. He had no idea how to react.
"Is he really okay?" Sounds were heard from the door frame and saw two nurses entering the room with some equipment.
"No, he will absolutely die soon. However, Jun-san insisted on offering him a room and taking care of him." Sho wondered if Jun was someone he knew?
"E~h? Does he know him?"
"He said that he is his friend." Friend?
"He is handsome, just like Jun-san."
"Oh dear, it is not a new thing~~" He spoke loudly knowing that his voice couldn't be heard.
"Sakurai Sho?"
"He is 30 years old, a model?!"
"I knew I had seen him before!!"
"Oh my God, he is more beautiful in real!"
"Just let's change the feeder unless we would do something very bad." They both laughed.
"Oi!" He yelled with himself.
They left after doing their work. The big question was, who that Jun-san was? He didn't wait a long time until he knew the answer. A tall, brown-hair, beautiful sharp features face man entered the room. Behind that gorgeous man, there were two men, one was short with sleepy eyes and the other seemed to be at high school. The other two were looking at Sho's body directly, but the first man was looking at Sho! Yes, at the soul! He was frozen.
"Nii-chan, is that him? He has grown up." After moment of silent, the younger looked at that gorgeous man side, "Nii-chan?"
"Wh-what…?"
"Is it that guy?"
"Yes, he is… but, you can see him on the bed only, right?"
"What are you saying?" The sleepy man chuckled.
"I mean… nothing."
"He will be okay, right?" He asked while his eyes weren't leaving Sho's soul that standing there.
"Hope so..." The smaller sighed.
"Sorry brothers, but...could you leave me alone please?"
"What for?" They asked, surprised.
"Just..." The one who was looking at Sho constantly hesitated.
"Okay, you are strange today." The younger laughed. And both of them got out.
When he made sure that they left, he looked at Sho again.
"What is happening here?"
"I'm dead, or about to die to be apparent."
"How can I see you? Or even talk to you?"
"I have no idea." Then there was a gloomy silence till Jun asked again.
"You don't remember me, do you?" He asked, somehow, Sho felt as he heard a sad tune but didn't really care.
"To be honest, no." Then something popped in his head, "How did you help me? I am sure that I was in my locked apartment."
"You are really lucky, you know that?"
"I wouldn't say that about my life." Jun looked at the soul shocked. "I regret living my life…"
"A-"
"Thank you for helping me, even if you shouldn't do that really. I think I will die soon so-"
"Stop saying that, you will li-"
"I don't want to." After a moment of silence he breathed then smiled.
"I can't do anything about that. It was pleasure to meet you. Bye."
"Bye." Jun looked at the body a last time then headed toward the door, he stopped for a while there then left.
By the way, why was he able to see me? And how did he help me? Also he said that I couldn't remember him? Arghhh I wasn't bothered by people in my life, why am I thinking like this in my death?!!
When Jun got out of the room, his older brothers were waiting for him.
"Dear Jun, are you okay?" The oldest asked worriedly.
"Totally okay Oh-chan." Jun answered, smiling bitterly.
"Why did you choose that day to meet him in particular?" Nino said angrily, "Why did you want to meet him from the beginning?" He turned Jun's face to look at him.
"Sorry brothers, it is a long story."
"You still refuse to return home? You know...just apologize, and he is died-"
"Sorry, I need to take a rest."
"You are right. Many things happened today anyway." The older patted his shoulder then left with Nino.
He returned to his apartment. He looked around, thinking how ironic life could be.
He hardly slept that night, was it right to leave him like this? When he woke up, he turned to other side of his bed to see Sho lying here.
"Ah! What are you doing here?"
"I felt bored at the hospital, and no one could see me except you." Sho lied, he was used to be alone, but he was curious. "I didn't know that you were that rich, then I will not regret making you pay for the hospital." He laughed while looking to Jun's big luxurious room. "Ah~ I heard from the nurses that the hospital also yours?"
"Not mine, father's."
"I see, but it will be yours."
"No, it won't... I have two brothers older than me."
"Oh, wait...don't say the two..."
"Yes, the two from yesterday." He stood up from his bed and took a tee-shirt, "Do you want to eat something?"
"Are you kidding?"
"Ma~ I am trying to." They laughed. "By the way, I don't even know your name." Jun stopped then sighed.
"Matsumoto Jun." Sho froze, recognizing the awkward situation he put himself in.
"S-sorry. It seems that I will bother you even if I am dead. I will leave now." The soul apologized, feeling really embarrassed.
"No you don't, and don't leave either." Jun approached him, "You should worth your last few days in this world… and I don't think you will be able to do such a thing in hospital."
Jun went to take a shower then ate his breakfast. After that he stood behind the T.V. carrying a lot of papers. Sho wanted to break that silence, so he spoke.
"You have been a teacher?" He looked at Sho then smiled.
"It was my dream. I like my job. Being among students makes me keening. I am really happy." He gazed to the papers in his hands but it seemed that he was thinking of other things, not concentrating on what he was doing. "Why did you try to kill yourself?" He asked, lowering his head.
"Just bored of my life." Sho said. He didn't want Jun to ask this question particularly. It was disappointing.
"I can't believe that. You were shining."
"You can't understand." When he didn't say anything, Sho said the thing he had kept for himself a long time ago, "You are as a son of that rich family won't be able to understand me." Who cares, he will pass soon anyway.
"I will not understand if you don't tell me."
"Why I need to do so?" Jun pushed the papers to the ground and rushed toward Sho.
"To leave peacefully your life." Sho froze. He didn't know how to react. "Do you regret really your life?"
"I regret even being born." The older whispered.
"Family?" He approached the soul.
"Don't have."
"Girlfriend?" Closer.
"No."
"Ordinary friends, someone you respect or even an animal?" Closer! He was centimeters from Sho's face. He couldn't sense his hot breath, but somehow… he felt it.
"Nothing."
"Someone you love?" Sho shook his head. Jun tried to touch Sho's face, but his hand passed through him. It was painful for some reason…
"Could I ask you something?" Sho talked, after moments of silence. "Why you helped me that time? And this time?" Sho knew Jun understood him well. He referred to that time to some accidents they shared fourteen years ago, and this time when he helped him after suicide.
"Just… felt I had to do so."
"Probably pitiful." Sho whispered, then, vanished in front of Jun not hearing him calling his name.
When Sho looked at his pale body on the bed, he felt hatter. The soul hit it once and once more. Why did I choose to live like this? You stupid. I hated myself from the very beginning, I didn't feel like loving my own self. That is why I wasn't able to love and be loved. That is why I didn't deserve his sacrifice.
Fourteen years ago...
"Madam, I have finished washing the dishes. Would you allow me to leave?"
"Clean the garden."
"Done." The maid replied with a polite way.
"Just do anything, but don't leave." The rich lady said angrily.
"Please madam, my son is at home alone since a long time." She begged as usual.
"Ah~ that asshole?"
"…"
"listen, your salary would be decreased. We are having some problems these days."
"But…"
"Do you have something to say?"
"Stop dear, we don't have problems or anything!" Man's voice was heard from the door frame.
"Now you are trying to help her again? What? Wanna fuck her?" The woman teased him.
"Stop it! Maria-san, you can leave." The husband pointed to the maid for leaving.
"Thank you Mr Matsumoto." The young servant bowed and left.
"Tadaima."
"Okaeri mom!" The young boy came and took his mother's coat and held her hand.
"Sho…"
"You are so tired. I cooked you dinner so-"
"How are your studies? Did you study well?"
"Mom…" Sho sighed, little upset about his mother insistence on studying all the time.
"Dear Sho, I don't want you to end up like me. You are so smart. You should study, so won't regret it later."
"Okay..." Her son nodded and smiled at his mother.
"Good boy." She kissed his cheek. Then headed toward the table where Sho put her dinner.
"Mom? May I ask you something?"
"Of course dear."
"Why dad left us?"
"Sho…" She sighed, tired of her son's stubbornness.
"Really mom. I need to know. I am tired of thinking like he had neglected me."
"Because he did." She left what she was eating and held Sho's shoulders. "That is why, Sho. That is why you need to put more effort in your studies. Be better than them, be the best!" Sho wasn't sure what did his mother mean at that time. He wondered if he understood what she really meant, would his life would be a bit different?
Maria-san was holding a tray of glasses when one kid ran in front of her making her unbalanced, so the tray fell and everything broke.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"So-sorry madam, I will clean everything."
"It is not about cleaning STUPID!" She shouted and took a thick stick, "They were a heirloom."
"Sorry Madam! Sorry... Please forgive me...forgive me." She kneeled down, apologizing and begging.
"What for exactly? For stealing my husband? For having his son on your care? For being so rude to complete working here? WHAT FOR EXACTLY??!" The rich lady started hitting and punching her in every part of her body in front of her younger son, who felt guilty for having run and made her break everything, but he was more scared of his mother.
After 10 minutes of torturing, she stopped finally.
"Mom!!!" Sho rushed toward his mother! "What is going on?! What have you done for her? I will call the police!!"
"Oh~ so you are that son?" Sho ignored her and continued calling his mother's name. At this moment Matsumoto-san came back home to see this situation.
"ARE YOU CRAZY?!!"
"Please sir, help my mom...please." Matsumoto-san froze, seeing his own son begging to help his mistress.
After that, everything went quite fast. Matsumoto-san called the ambulance, and took her to the hospital.
She wasn't well, but she didn't die… She was in coma.
Months had passed, and his mother was still in coma. Sho left the school, and started working part-time jobs everywhere just to pay for the hospital. That part of his life was just dark, even if his life was a mess from the beginning, but his mother was beside him, caring about him, and filling him with love. Seeing her in that situation, left him depressed, rare talking or eating, and more crying and screaming.
When Mrs. Matsumoto came to the hospital, Sho was looking at her angrily, knowing that he was weak to even tell the police about her crime. She was rude to suggest him working in their home with a price twice higher than other places. He didn't let his dignity got on his way, because his mother was so important.
He started working there, with a happy family contained by five people. Father, Mother, and three sons. The older two were in their own world, but the youngest one was different. He was shining, nice to Sho, and handsome. He helped Sho many times to get rid of his mother. He was playing with him, chatting, teaching and even listening to him expressing his emotions about his mother.
He suffered from the bad attitudes from that rich lady, but he was patient for his mother's sake. She didn't hit him, but she was torturing him, and dealing with him as a beast.
A year had passed since his mother was in coma. Everyone lost the hope in her, but he didn't. In the previous year, Sho became as a slave. Jun hated that.
"Please dad, let him go! You are so cruel with him. I know that my mother is the one who caused Sho-chan's mother to be in this state! I saw everything, so you should take care of the payment of the hospital!"
"Jun, what are you saying? You don't understand anything." His mother claimed.
"Okay." His father agreed rapidly.
"What?" Jun's mother shouted.
"Really? Thank you dad!" Jun ran toward the kitchen to tell Sho about his father's decision.
The next day Sho left the house. With Jun's last words he swore to himself to be something.
"Erase every bad thing that happened in the previous years, and start a happy new page of your life."
However, it wasn't easy for non-educated boy to get a good job. He worked in every cheap work, he tried everything. He suffered as no teenagers had suffered, but he had a dream. He wanted to be the best. Finally, he reached a high point of famousness.
Now, after fourteen years Jun was looking at the magazine so proud of Sho. He felt happy that he found his own way. He didn't regret anything he had done for him, nor the sacrifice he had done for Sho.
"Hey, baby. What are you looking at?" Jun's boyfriend asked. Stretching on the bed. "Jun?"
"Yes?"
"Don't tell me. That is him?" Jun's hammed, understanding who’s he referred to be 'him'
"Jun?"
"Yes, Ma-chan?" Jun answered, not lifting his eyes from the magazine.
"I want to start dating you officially." Jun froze. "But, I won't dare to ask you until you confess your feelings to that man."
"Masaki." Jun looked hesitated. "It has been fourteen years. I don't think he remembers me, or even cares about me once."
"Just try. Only to get rid of that burden."
"You think so?"
"I am sure."
"I will try." He whispered.
"You know I love you, right?"
"Yes, I love you too." Aiba hugged his lover feeling pain in his chest for letting his boyfriend leave to another man.
In that same day on the other side of the town. Sho got a call.
"Hello, is it Sakurai Sho -san?"
"Yes, I am Sakurai Sho."
"Sakurai- san, sorry for telling you that your mother has passed away an-" Before the caller completed his sentence Sho was on his knees screaming and crying. Now he became hopeless. Maybe it was the appropriate time to leave this cheap life.
End of chapter one.
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** Hope I am not confusing you by jumping in years. So~ Jun was on his way to confess his love for Sho when the second found out his mother's death and tried killing himself. Also, Jun felt some guilt for what had happened to Sho's mother. How sad T_T ( Actually this chapter contains 80% of the main events XDD ) In the next chapters, details will be discovered >> hehe.
** I will be more than happy about your comments mina-san ^^
** JA~
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