The most important man in the world
The most important man in the world graced the public with his presence at a screening of "300" last week. Arriving incognito, he was nevertheless recognised by the easy grace with which he made it clear that his own telephone conversations were more important than the hundreds of other people in the theater.
"It's so thrilling to have been near someone so important!" gushed the girl lucky enough to be sitting beside the Important Gentleman. "I mean, to think I was so close to somebody who must have been talking to the Pentagon or UN Security Council or something, since it couldn't wait even the single minute it would have taken him to leave the theatre!" She later confessed she didn't know why the security council would want to know how much the magnificent man had to drink last night, but suspected that it was simply because he is so important that his social habits alone dictate international policy.
When alerted to the phone conversation, cinema staff hurriedly unfurled a red carpet for the fine fellow to exit over, rather than sully his feet with common muck. While this caused some disruption to the movie, by this point none in the audience were watching it any longer but instead focusing all their adoring attention on the veritable Adonis in their midst. Some were cracking knuckles or sharpening knives, no doubt in preparation to carrying him reverently on their shoulders to a place where they would cook him a fine meal.
TIME magazine is currently searching for a photo of this paragon, that they might use it as a permanent cover shot for the rest of their issues. Unfortunately he seems to have returned to whatever multi-million dollar secret retreat he may have, as no-one has seen him since the night of the movie.
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I saw the most important woman in the world yesterday, stepping directly into the path of oncoming traffic while talking on her mobile phone. She could not have looked more like a road safety ad example if she'd had the words "Look left. Look right. Live" floating in bold text over her head. Unfortunately the driver recognised her as a precious and unique individual flower (as opposed to the "Seriously, you won't even get in trouble for killing this one" I saw) and braked hard, robbing me of the chance to watch natural selection in action. It's a pity, as I wanted to see if you could feel it when the average human intelligence increased.
"It's so thrilling to have been near someone so important!" gushed the girl lucky enough to be sitting beside the Important Gentleman. "I mean, to think I was so close to somebody who must have been talking to the Pentagon or UN Security Council or something, since it couldn't wait even the single minute it would have taken him to leave the theatre!" She later confessed she didn't know why the security council would want to know how much the magnificent man had to drink last night, but suspected that it was simply because he is so important that his social habits alone dictate international policy.
When alerted to the phone conversation, cinema staff hurriedly unfurled a red carpet for the fine fellow to exit over, rather than sully his feet with common muck. While this caused some disruption to the movie, by this point none in the audience were watching it any longer but instead focusing all their adoring attention on the veritable Adonis in their midst. Some were cracking knuckles or sharpening knives, no doubt in preparation to carrying him reverently on their shoulders to a place where they would cook him a fine meal.
TIME magazine is currently searching for a photo of this paragon, that they might use it as a permanent cover shot for the rest of their issues. Unfortunately he seems to have returned to whatever multi-million dollar secret retreat he may have, as no-one has seen him since the night of the movie.
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I saw the most important woman in the world yesterday, stepping directly into the path of oncoming traffic while talking on her mobile phone. She could not have looked more like a road safety ad example if she'd had the words "Look left. Look right. Live" floating in bold text over her head. Unfortunately the driver recognised her as a precious and unique individual flower (as opposed to the "Seriously, you won't even get in trouble for killing this one" I saw) and braked hard, robbing me of the chance to watch natural selection in action. It's a pity, as I wanted to see if you could feel it when the average human intelligence increased.