[FANFIC] For the moment
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong; Yunho/OC
Rating: PG13
Genre: heavy!angst | au | romance |
Summary: Jaejoong’s the other woman to Yunho’s married life.
a/n not exactly everyone’s definition of a happy ending.
i
“Going back home?” Jaejoong asked, as he watched Yunho shimmy back into his pants. Yunho slipped his tie over his shirt and knotted it back carefully; it was nearly midnight and it was a weekday.
“Yeah…” Yunho nodded and yawned widely; it was a tiring day and Jaejoong was no less of a work out. “…I have work tomorrow, can’t afford to be late.”
“Sure…” Jaejoong smiled, reaching out for his shirt and slipping it on. “…am I seeing you tomorrow? Please say yes”
Jaejoong smiled innocently, chewing on his lip and Yunho chuckled softly and walked over to his lover; “Let’s see…” he said, fingers curling around Jaejoong’s jaw and pushing his head up for a soft kiss.
Jaejoong sighed; “There’s something so sexy about meeting you like this, you know that?” he whispered, nibbling on Yunho’s lips.
Yunho pulled away before Jaejoong had the chance to deepen the kiss or turn it more sensual then it already was; “Goodnight Jae…”Yunho smiled, picking up his bag from the floor. “…I’ll see you when I see you.”
Jaejoong laughed and ran a hand through his hair; “Good night you…give my regards to your wife.”
Yunho rolled his eyes and walked out of the bedroom and Jaejoong let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he heard Yunho leave the apartment.
ii
“Hey baby…” Yunho heard his wife mumble in her sleep when he walked into their bedroom. “…long day at work?”
“Hmm…” Yunho hummed, dropping his bag by the table and headed to the bathroom.
“Aren’t you going to sleep?” His wife stirred, peeking out from the blankets and squinting at Yunho. He flashed a tired smile and pointed to the towel he was carrying; “I will…after a quick shower, you wouldn’t want a stinky hubby sleeping next to you, would you?”
“No…I guess not.” She mumbled and slipped back into the blankets.
Yunho stood under the steaming hot water that gushed out of the shower; there were teeth marks and finger nails bruises all over his back and they burned as the hot water washed over them; Jaejoong was quite wild when he was excited - not that Yunho was complaining. But that did not stop him from feeling guilty, his wife did not deserve all this, she was an amazing woman - she really was. But Jaejoong, God, Jaejoong was irresistible.
With his capturing smile and cold eyes, he walked around with an aura of royalty. Yunho had first seen him at the gym where Yunho held membership, it all started with a small conversation they had when their lockers were next to each other, small conversations led to hour long talks which led to driving each other home which further led to lunch dates and movies in the evenings which were soon dinners and late night shows and finally, deep kisses and passionate love making sessions at Jaejoong’s apartment, in the back seat of Yunho’s car parked in a dark alley behind a shady club and if they felt daring enough, Yunho’s apartment when his wife was out working late.
Yunho had wanted to stop all this, he really did. He loved his wife (at least, he thought he did, but when it came to Jaejoong he was as weak as a kid standing in a candy store.) Jaejoong was a tease; he was funny, intelligent, a good conversationalist, a social butterfly. Yunho was in complete awe of him and as much as he tried he could not control himself around Jaejoong; he was a whole another person. Jaejoong made him discover a side he didn’t know he was capable of harboring.
Yunho slipped into his pajamas and towel dried his hair as he walked out of the bathroom, steam billowing behind him as he stepped out. Throwing the towel into the laundry basket, he slipped under the sheets. The mattress dipped under his weight and his wife immediately rolled over to Yunho and wrapped her arms around his back; “You smell so good…” She mumbled, nuzzling her nose into Yunho’s neck. “…I love it when you use my shampoo.” She giggled in her sleep.
“Go to sleep baby…” Yunho chuckled, pressing a kiss to her hand. “…you’re too tired.”
She mumbled something and pressing a kiss to her husband’s back she fell back to her slumber. Yunho sighed; she didn’t deserve any of this.
iii
Jaejoong was one of the best interior decorators in the country; he had helped design some of the best offices and restaurants and a few residential apartments. He was also one of the most wanted gay men in the country, with his cold yet alluring demeanor and the way he walked like he owned every road had every man wanting him, gay or otherwise. But he had fallen hopelessly in love with a married man; it didn’t make sense to him. He was the kind who laughed at the thought of marriage and commitment and having to settle down with one person but, Jung Yunho had all these thoughts reeling away and Jaejoong had now started day dreaming about having a family with him and waking up next to him every day for the rest of his life. He wanted to cook for Yunho, pamper him and take care of him, listen to him talk and spend hours cuddling in bed with him. Though Jaejoong didn’t want to admit it, he was desperately in love with Yunho and the mere thought that he didn’t have Yunho all to himself had him losing his mind.
He knew about Yunho’s wife, knew they had been happily married for six years and their world was picture perfect; till Jaejoong came along. He hadn’t meant to seduce Yunho and he was sure Yunho had no such intentions either but, there was mutual attraction and some rigid sexual tension that neither could overlook and one thing led to another and before they knew it, they were too involved with each other to pull out from whatever it was they shared.
iv
“Jaejoong…”
Jaejoong snapped from his thoughts and stared at his secretary, who stood at his doorway with a file; “Yeah, Kim?”
“The people from the Asian Builders are here….”
Jaejoong quirked a questioning eyebrow; “Who?”
Kim rolled her eyes and waved the file in her hand at her boss; “The people who contacted the company about building the new office for Regal Law Firm…”
“Oh right…” Jaejoong chuckled, pushing himself off the chair. “Are they in the conference room?”
“Yup, they’re waiting for you….”
“Great, thanks Kim.”
-
“Kim Jaejoong, glad to meet you…”
“Please, pleasure’s all mine…”
“I’m Jung Eun Mi, the architect working on the blue prints for this building and -“
“Are - Jung Eun Mi?”
“Yes? Is something wrong?”
“….no, I mistook you for someone else…I’m sorry please continue.”
But Jaejoong did not miss the platinum wedding band on her ring finger, the twin of which he had seen on Yunho’s finger.
v
“I must confess something…” Jaejoong sighed, drawing out patterns with his fingers on Yunho’s bare chest. Yunho hummed in response, he was half asleep and was in no mood to talk or do anything that involved not sleeping.
“What is it?” he asked, cracking an eye open and staring at Jaejoong.
“Your wife…her name’s Eun Mi, right?”
“Yes…” Yunho spelt it out slowly, looking at Jaejoong and supporting himself on his elbows. “What about her?”
Jaejoong bit his lip nervously; “I am working with her…for this new project….”
“Oh…” Yunho said quietly, fingers running through Jaejoong’s hair. “I see…”
“Awkward, huh?” Jaejoong chuckled, holding Yunho’s hand and squeezing it.
“You bet…never thought I would actually see this day…”
“So it’s okay, right?”
“Why wouldn’t it be? Unless you plan on telling my wife about us…”
“And have you taken away from me? Never.” Jaejoong smiled, leaning down and kissed Yunho softly.
“But working with her is going to be so awkward…” Jaejoong sighed, rolling on to his back. “...I just hope I don’t blurt things out, you know?”
Yunho hummed in response again, tightening his hold on Jaejoong’s hand; “You worry too much…” he said, his voice drowsy with sleep. “…don’t worry about it; everything’s going to be just fine.”
vi
“How’s the new project coming along?” Yunho asked, as he sat at the dining table with his wife.
She clicked her chopsticks in amusement and smiled at Yunho; “Aha, so you do listen to me when I talk about work.”
Yunho rolled his eyes; “Of course I listen to you…why would I not?”
“I don’ know…” she shrugged; “Why would you want to listen to me talking about work? I mean, I never listen to you…”
“Isn’t that nice?”
“Hey, I am being honest thank you very much.” She laughed.
“You didn’t answer my question…” Yunho said, trying his best to get her to talk about her new project, which included talking about Jaejoong.
“It’s good, so far…” she said, nodding her head. “…I am working with Kim Jaejoong, have you heard of him?”
Oh, had Yunho heard of him?
“The interior decorator?”
“Yeah….he’s helping us out for the Regal, he’s good.”
“Oh I see….” Yunho nodded, trying to sound as least interested as could.
“Nice guy…” His wife continued. “…you’d like him…”
“Why do you say that?” Yunho asked; he tried to keep a poker face but his heart was beating fast enough to break the rib cage.
“I don’t know, I just get a feeling you would like him…you should meet him. After our work’s done, maybe we should all go for drinks.”
Yunho shrugged carelessly and continued eating, trying to hide the red of his cheeks.
vii
“Are you married, Eun Mi-sshi?” Jaejoong asked, sitting across the table as he studied the lady in front of him concentrating on the blue prints of their project, when they were working over time one night.
“What?” She frowned, looking at Jaejoong.
“Sorry, I think I was crossing limits…”
“No, no Jaejoong-sshi…I didn’t hear you.”
“Oh…I asked if you were married.”
“Hm, yeah…” she smiled coyly, absent mindedly twisting and turning her wedding band on her finger. “….for six years now.”
“Oh…that’s nice.” Jaejoong smiled. “Is there a love story?”
“I guess…” She shrugged. “…we were best friends since senior year in high school and then college, one thing led to another and I was hitched.” She smiled.
Jaejoong smiled with her and felt some kind of pang in his heart when he saw the look in her eyes; it was love, it truly was.
“Do you love him?” Jaejoong asked, before he could stop himself.
Her lips tugged into an unconscious smile and Jaejoong thought she resembled a high school girl who was talking about her first crush (maybe she was); “I love him…” she laughed lightly; “…I love him more then life itself, I don’t care how cheesy that sounded.”
Jaejoong felt himself dying a bit on the inside as he saw her blush and turn red; she gave out a quiet laugh and went back to working. This was probably the first time Jaejoong regretted having met Yunho.
He watched her pack up her stuff, an hour later. Her husband was waiting for her and to take her back home and it had come of as a surprise to her because apparently, he was always too tied up with work and didn’t have time for little surprises like this.
Jaejoong watched from his office window; the way she ran into her husband’s arms and held him tightly. He saw her laugh and pat her husband’s shoulder and sat inside the car. The husband walked around the car and before getting in, looked up at Jaejoong; Jaejoong knew the windows were tinted and there was no one he could Jaejoong all the way to the fifth floor on the building but, he could still feel Yunho’s eyes on him and he shivered lightly.
viii
“She loves you; I hope you know that…” Jaejoong said lifelessly, as he sipped on his glass of orange juice. Yunho spared him a glance and went back to fixing himself a sandwich.
“Where did that come from?” He asked, taking a seat opposite Jaejoong.
“Yunho…what are we doing?” Jaejoong could not get rid of his guilty conscious, which was the size of a big mountain. Ever since he had realized that not only was he breaking someone’s marriage; he was also breaking a girl’s heart.
He had seen the look on her face that night; she was still a young girl that loved her high school crush. She had blushed and giggled and she loved Yunho more then Jaejoong could ever love him. She deserved Yunho; she deserved his love, his attention, his affection. She didn’t deserve being cheated on, being lied to and being played with.
“Yunho, she really loves you….” Jaejoong said, squeezing Yunho’s hands. “…when you go back home today, I want you to look at her - “
“Jaejoong, what the hell are you saying?”
“Shut up and listen to me for once, when you go back home today, I want you to look at your wife, I want you to look at her…you see her everyday - “
“Jaejoong - “
“Yunho…just this once, for me? I want you to treat your wife like a woman, she’s holds an important place in your life, I hope you know that….”
Yunho pursed his lips together and sighed; “Fine…” He shook his head; “I don’t know what you are trying to prove here.”
That you might just love her and not know it?
“That maybe, you should spend some more time with her too?” Jaejoong said, his eyes downcast.
“Hey…” Yunho walked up to him and softly pushed Jaejoong’s face up; “…I love her, I do.” he said.
“Then what are we…?”
“I love her but you….I can’t imagine my life without you. I don’t know what we are, I don’t know what you mean to me but I can live without her, I can survive…I can’t without you…”
Jaejoong stared at Yunho for a while and pulled the taller by his collar and kissed him; softly and gently. “Yunho…” He whispered, pulling back. “…your wife doesn’t deserve this.”
Yunho sighed, standing up straight; “I know…” he said, “…and I am sorry, I really am. But what should I do?”
“I don’t know…..just treat her right, please.”
ix
Yunho sat at on the couch, reading the newspaper and looked up when the main door clicked open. “Hey, you’re early…” she beamed, when she saw Yunho in the living room. “I got you your favorite ice cream for dessert…” she smiled pulling out the grocery items. “What do you want for dinner? Are you okay with some ramen? Or do you want something else - “
Yunho watched as his wife rambled on about dinner; he watched her move back and forth from the kitchen and the living room, he had never noticed how much weight she had lost, she looked fragile and weak, how her skin had paled and she had bags under her eyes, her hair was tied up in a messy bun, he used to like her hair being tied up in a messy bun. He got off from the couch and headed to the kitchen, she stood by the sink, rinsing vegetables and washing the rice. He quietly walked up to her and hugged her from the back.
She jerked back in shock, dropping the vegetables she held, into the basin; “You scared me…” she laughed quietly. He tightened his grip around her waist and pulled her close to his chest. “I’m sorry…” he whispered into her hair. “…I am really, really sorry.”
She turned around and stared at him, cupping his face; “What’s wrong?” She asked, her voice filled with concern. “Is something wrong?”
He leaned in and kissed her softly; what was he doing? Why was he doing this? This wasn’t right on many levels.
But she was kissing back; pressed between him and the kitchen counter, her frame felt so small against his; she sighed into the kiss and pulled him closer. Yunho noted that her kiss was nothing like Jaejoong’s kisses; she was more gentle and soft, Jaejoong had an animalistic sense when he kissed; thoughts on Jaejoong made Yunho press further into the kiss, he nibbled on her lips and growled from the back of his throat. She gasped, shivering slightly under his touch; she felt his hand under her shirt, fingers brushing her stomach carelessly and there were tingles down her spine.
They had sex, for the first time in a long time. Yunho on top of her, grunting and sweating, she had her legs wrapped around his waist, her toes curling into themselves as she cried out Yunho’s name. His thrusts were deep and unforgiving; he bit his lip and consciously made an effort not to call out Jaejoong’s name. He leaned down and kissed her again, ferociously at that; he imagined Jaejoong kissing back, had Jaejoong’s picture in his head, it was Jaejoong under Yunho, not his wife.
Jaejoong, Jaejoong, Jaejoong, Jaejoong.
Yunho came deep within her.
It was always Jaejoong.
x
Jaejoong jumped when the front door to his house slammed open and Yunho came barging in. “Don’t you fucking dare ask me to do that again…” he yelled, kicking his shoes off, throwing his bag to a corner and yanking his tie down.
“….because it is very unforgiving and I hate you for it.” He continued, pulling Jaejoong up from the couch and curling his fingers around Jaejoong’s nape, he caught Jaejoong’s lips in a bruising kiss.
“I can’t deal with it, Jaejoong…” Yunho said, his jaw clenched; “I love you, Goddammit!” Yunho growled, undoing Jaejoong’s belt and pulling the pants down. “I love you and I want to be with you….”
Jaejoong kissed Yunho, taking a sharp breath when he felt Yunho’s fingers touching him; “I love you…I love you...I love you….”
It was always Jaejoong for Yunho.
And Yunho for Jaejoong.
xi
Yunho had ironed his will to tell his wife everything, come clean, ask for forgiveness and move out if she wanted him to. He had practiced in front of the mirror, written down what he was going to say, role played with Jaejoong but, nothing helped.
And also, since the Regal Law firm’s new head office’s opening date was getting closer, he hardly saw her. She would leave before he even woke up, come home in the wee hours of the morning and pass out on the couch, too tired to change or eat or move to the bedroom.
He figured this really was not the right time to break in the bad news, he had heard from Jaejoong that she was under a lot of pressure and she was in bad shape. So, Yunho stepped back on the plan and decided to stay put for a while. He could always tell her later, when she was healthier and eating more stable food which was not a toast of bread and coffee.
He could wait, she didn’t deserve this.
xii
“Eun Mi - sshi., have you eaten your breakfast?” Jaejoong asked, looking at his colleague with worried eyes. She looked pathetic.
“I am fine, I am fine…” She mumbled, busy typing on her laptop. “Just need to send some e-mails and I am good.” She ran her hand over her face.
“I am going to get you something to eat….” Jaejoong said, walking to the door.
“Jaejoong-sshi…I am fine, really.” She said, getting up and walking towards the man. “You worry - “
And Jaejoong ran to her as she fainted to the floor.
xiii
Yunho stood outside the hospital, taking a few drags from his cigarette. He was a mess, his mind was a mess, his life was a mess. Everything was a mess.
He took another drag and slowly let the smoke take over his mind, he couldn’t think and he didn’t want to think. The wind was chilly and the weather was gloomy, it looked like it was going to rain. fucking perfect
“You should go in…” Jaejoong said, walking up from behind Yunho. “….she’s going to wake up any moment now.”
“I can’t….Jaejoong, I can’t.”
Yunho sighed and turned to the hospital doors and as he pushed the door open, he felt a wave of fear wash over him. He wasn’t ready for this, but for her, he was going to pretend that he was.
xiv
”Jung Yunho?”
“Yes?”
“Your wife’s in the ICU?”
“Yes? Is she going to be okay?”
“She’s being going through some sort of stress and she hasn’t been eating properly, this would have caused some serious damage….but, she’s going to be fine.”
“Oh thank you so much…”
“Make sure she eats well, she’s eating for two after all….”
“Wha-what?”
“Oh, Mr. Jung congratulations, you’re going to be a father.”
xv
“Hi you….” Yunho peeked into the ward and his wife was sipping on her soup and reading the newspaper.
“Hi…” She chirped up when she saw Yunho; it was adorable how she glowed and smiled at Yunho. “Did you hear?” she asked hesitantly; “…did they tell you?”
Yunho let out a heavy sigh and walked up to her and kissed her head; “Of course….” He said, tucking her head under his chin. “We’re going to be parents…” He felt her fingers grasping onto his shirt. “Wow, parents.” She sighed. “Are we ready for this?”
Yunho pulled back and cupped her cheeks; “I am…” he sighed “I really am….are you ready?”
“Of course I am…” she smiled, holding onto Yunho’s hands. “We’re going to have a beautiful baby…” she giggled and Yunho felt like dying.
“Oh hey…Jaejoong-sshi…” She looked over Yunho’s shoulder and saw her colleague peeking in through the small window. She waved to Jaejoong before he could step out of her view. “Call him in…” She urged Yunho; “He was the one who admitted me to this place…”
Yunho gave his wife a tight lipped smile and went to open the door; “Come in Jaejoong-sshi…” Yunho bowed a bit to the other man albeit rigidly; “My wife wants to talk to you…”
“Jaejoong-sshi….” Yunho’s wife called out in glee when she saw Jaejoong walking into the room; “Jaejoong-sshi, thank you so much…for bringing me to the hospital, really.”
“It was nothing….really….” Jaejoong insisted, glancing between Yunho’s face and Yunho’s wife. “You need to stop working your butt off…” Jaejoong laughed weakly.
“You need a vacation and good food….”
“Oh don’t worry….” She laughed; “After the Regal project, I am taking a long vacation….I am pregnant, Jaejoong-sshi….”
“Oh…” Jaejoong smiled uncertainly, glancing at Yunho. “Oh…congrats, that’s great news. It really is…” Jaejoong smiled at Yunho, who looked away pointedly.
“Thank you so much, Jaejoong-sshi…and oh, this is my husband, Yunho…this is Jaejoong-sshi, baby, remember I told you about him…”
“We’ve met…” Yunho nodded curtly at Jaejoong and the latter returned the nod.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll leave you two alone for the celebrations…” Jaejoong smiled and walked out.
xvi
“Jaejoong! Hey, wait up…! Jaejoong…”
Jaejoong spun around and stared at Yunho walking briskly towards him; “What?”
“I didn’t know…” Yunho mumbled; “…I don’t know what to do…”
“Stay with her…” Jaejoong said, walking up to Yunho and taking the other’s hand.
“Are you upset?”
“I would be if you leave her now…” Jaejoong smiled.
Yunho sighed and pulled his hand away; “I am sorry….I can’t, you know, not now…”
“I understand…” Jaejoong nodded, cupping Yunho’s face. “You need to stay strong…alright? For your wife, for your future kid, for me…stay strong.”
“What - what about you?” Yunho asked.
“I’ll be fine, I always am, right?” Jaejoong didn’t stop smiling, though a sad one.
“Jaejoong, I lo-“
“Don’t…it’s too late now…” Jaejoong mumbled, cutting Yunho’s sentence. “I am sorry too…”
Yunho bit his lip and fluttered his eyes close; “When will I see you again?”
“Maybe tomorrow? Maybe next week? Next month? Maybe never? Who knows?”
“Jaejoong, please don’t…”
“Take care of her now, she needs you more….”
And before Yunho could say anything, Jaejoong turned around and walked out; out of the unit, out of the hospital, out of his life.
And the next time he saw Jaejoong was not for another four years.
xvii
“Jiyool no, don’t do that baby…” Yunho frowned, as pulled out the balloon string his three year old daughter was chewing on.
“She’s just like you were when you were younger…” His wife laughed, walking beside Yunho and pulling her daughter’s cheeks. “Eating everything in sight.”
“Hey, I ate solid food…” Yunho protested and his daughter giggled. “But you’re my princess, you know that right?” He said, picking her up and cuddling her in his arms.
“Of course…” She said, matter of factly; “I am Appa’s only princess…”
Yunho laughed loudly and pinched her cheeks; his wife asked him to wait by the corner while she ran off to get some groceries for cooking. Yunho sat on a bench nearby, talking and playing with his daughter.
He looked around when Jiyool was busy playing with the balloon she had gotten herself; and there he was, across the road.
He was laughing, holding on to someone’s hand and looking happy. Yunho stared at him from where he sat, he wanted to look away or better yet, walk off. But he sat there and stared.
And maybe it was coincidence, maybe it wasn’t, but he turned too and they had eye contact.
For a moment, his eyes looked lost when they met Yunho’s, they looked lifeless and sad but the sparkle was back no sooner was it gone, he smiled softly at Yunho and Yunho tried to return the smile. His eyes went to Yunho’s little daughter and his smiled widened and Yunho felt something tug at his heart. Yunho wanted to carry Jiyool and cross the road so he could his Jaejoong again and let him play with Jiyool; but Yunho just sat there.
“Appa…” Jiyool called out to him and Yunho looked at her and she proudly showed off the knot she had made. Yunho smiled at her and pinched her nose and immediately turned to look back but he was gone.
Gone. Like he was never there to begin with; Yunho, from the corner of his eyes, saw his wife coming back and talking to Jiyool. He stood up to go back home with his family; he wondered what would have happened if he had told his wife about Jaejoong and their affair? He realized he would have never gotten Jiyool.
So he sighed, pulling out the keys to his car; life goes on, you can’t win everything.
-
a/n
Another one of my wips. Done.
Rating: PG13
Genre: heavy!angst | au | romance |
Summary: Jaejoong’s the other woman to Yunho’s married life.
a/n not exactly everyone’s definition of a happy ending.
i
“Going back home?” Jaejoong asked, as he watched Yunho shimmy back into his pants. Yunho slipped his tie over his shirt and knotted it back carefully; it was nearly midnight and it was a weekday.
“Yeah…” Yunho nodded and yawned widely; it was a tiring day and Jaejoong was no less of a work out. “…I have work tomorrow, can’t afford to be late.”
“Sure…” Jaejoong smiled, reaching out for his shirt and slipping it on. “…am I seeing you tomorrow? Please say yes”
Jaejoong smiled innocently, chewing on his lip and Yunho chuckled softly and walked over to his lover; “Let’s see…” he said, fingers curling around Jaejoong’s jaw and pushing his head up for a soft kiss.
Jaejoong sighed; “There’s something so sexy about meeting you like this, you know that?” he whispered, nibbling on Yunho’s lips.
Yunho pulled away before Jaejoong had the chance to deepen the kiss or turn it more sensual then it already was; “Goodnight Jae…”Yunho smiled, picking up his bag from the floor. “…I’ll see you when I see you.”
Jaejoong laughed and ran a hand through his hair; “Good night you…give my regards to your wife.”
Yunho rolled his eyes and walked out of the bedroom and Jaejoong let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he heard Yunho leave the apartment.
ii
“Hey baby…” Yunho heard his wife mumble in her sleep when he walked into their bedroom. “…long day at work?”
“Hmm…” Yunho hummed, dropping his bag by the table and headed to the bathroom.
“Aren’t you going to sleep?” His wife stirred, peeking out from the blankets and squinting at Yunho. He flashed a tired smile and pointed to the towel he was carrying; “I will…after a quick shower, you wouldn’t want a stinky hubby sleeping next to you, would you?”
“No…I guess not.” She mumbled and slipped back into the blankets.
Yunho stood under the steaming hot water that gushed out of the shower; there were teeth marks and finger nails bruises all over his back and they burned as the hot water washed over them; Jaejoong was quite wild when he was excited - not that Yunho was complaining. But that did not stop him from feeling guilty, his wife did not deserve all this, she was an amazing woman - she really was. But Jaejoong, God, Jaejoong was irresistible.
With his capturing smile and cold eyes, he walked around with an aura of royalty. Yunho had first seen him at the gym where Yunho held membership, it all started with a small conversation they had when their lockers were next to each other, small conversations led to hour long talks which led to driving each other home which further led to lunch dates and movies in the evenings which were soon dinners and late night shows and finally, deep kisses and passionate love making sessions at Jaejoong’s apartment, in the back seat of Yunho’s car parked in a dark alley behind a shady club and if they felt daring enough, Yunho’s apartment when his wife was out working late.
Yunho had wanted to stop all this, he really did. He loved his wife (at least, he thought he did, but when it came to Jaejoong he was as weak as a kid standing in a candy store.) Jaejoong was a tease; he was funny, intelligent, a good conversationalist, a social butterfly. Yunho was in complete awe of him and as much as he tried he could not control himself around Jaejoong; he was a whole another person. Jaejoong made him discover a side he didn’t know he was capable of harboring.
Yunho slipped into his pajamas and towel dried his hair as he walked out of the bathroom, steam billowing behind him as he stepped out. Throwing the towel into the laundry basket, he slipped under the sheets. The mattress dipped under his weight and his wife immediately rolled over to Yunho and wrapped her arms around his back; “You smell so good…” She mumbled, nuzzling her nose into Yunho’s neck. “…I love it when you use my shampoo.” She giggled in her sleep.
“Go to sleep baby…” Yunho chuckled, pressing a kiss to her hand. “…you’re too tired.”
She mumbled something and pressing a kiss to her husband’s back she fell back to her slumber. Yunho sighed; she didn’t deserve any of this.
iii
Jaejoong was one of the best interior decorators in the country; he had helped design some of the best offices and restaurants and a few residential apartments. He was also one of the most wanted gay men in the country, with his cold yet alluring demeanor and the way he walked like he owned every road had every man wanting him, gay or otherwise. But he had fallen hopelessly in love with a married man; it didn’t make sense to him. He was the kind who laughed at the thought of marriage and commitment and having to settle down with one person but, Jung Yunho had all these thoughts reeling away and Jaejoong had now started day dreaming about having a family with him and waking up next to him every day for the rest of his life. He wanted to cook for Yunho, pamper him and take care of him, listen to him talk and spend hours cuddling in bed with him. Though Jaejoong didn’t want to admit it, he was desperately in love with Yunho and the mere thought that he didn’t have Yunho all to himself had him losing his mind.
He knew about Yunho’s wife, knew they had been happily married for six years and their world was picture perfect; till Jaejoong came along. He hadn’t meant to seduce Yunho and he was sure Yunho had no such intentions either but, there was mutual attraction and some rigid sexual tension that neither could overlook and one thing led to another and before they knew it, they were too involved with each other to pull out from whatever it was they shared.
iv
“Jaejoong…”
Jaejoong snapped from his thoughts and stared at his secretary, who stood at his doorway with a file; “Yeah, Kim?”
“The people from the Asian Builders are here….”
Jaejoong quirked a questioning eyebrow; “Who?”
Kim rolled her eyes and waved the file in her hand at her boss; “The people who contacted the company about building the new office for Regal Law Firm…”
“Oh right…” Jaejoong chuckled, pushing himself off the chair. “Are they in the conference room?”
“Yup, they’re waiting for you….”
“Great, thanks Kim.”
-
“Kim Jaejoong, glad to meet you…”
“Please, pleasure’s all mine…”
“I’m Jung Eun Mi, the architect working on the blue prints for this building and -“
“Are - Jung Eun Mi?”
“Yes? Is something wrong?”
“….no, I mistook you for someone else…I’m sorry please continue.”
But Jaejoong did not miss the platinum wedding band on her ring finger, the twin of which he had seen on Yunho’s finger.
v
“I must confess something…” Jaejoong sighed, drawing out patterns with his fingers on Yunho’s bare chest. Yunho hummed in response, he was half asleep and was in no mood to talk or do anything that involved not sleeping.
“What is it?” he asked, cracking an eye open and staring at Jaejoong.
“Your wife…her name’s Eun Mi, right?”
“Yes…” Yunho spelt it out slowly, looking at Jaejoong and supporting himself on his elbows. “What about her?”
Jaejoong bit his lip nervously; “I am working with her…for this new project….”
“Oh…” Yunho said quietly, fingers running through Jaejoong’s hair. “I see…”
“Awkward, huh?” Jaejoong chuckled, holding Yunho’s hand and squeezing it.
“You bet…never thought I would actually see this day…”
“So it’s okay, right?”
“Why wouldn’t it be? Unless you plan on telling my wife about us…”
“And have you taken away from me? Never.” Jaejoong smiled, leaning down and kissed Yunho softly.
“But working with her is going to be so awkward…” Jaejoong sighed, rolling on to his back. “...I just hope I don’t blurt things out, you know?”
Yunho hummed in response again, tightening his hold on Jaejoong’s hand; “You worry too much…” he said, his voice drowsy with sleep. “…don’t worry about it; everything’s going to be just fine.”
vi
“How’s the new project coming along?” Yunho asked, as he sat at the dining table with his wife.
She clicked her chopsticks in amusement and smiled at Yunho; “Aha, so you do listen to me when I talk about work.”
Yunho rolled his eyes; “Of course I listen to you…why would I not?”
“I don’ know…” she shrugged; “Why would you want to listen to me talking about work? I mean, I never listen to you…”
“Isn’t that nice?”
“Hey, I am being honest thank you very much.” She laughed.
“You didn’t answer my question…” Yunho said, trying his best to get her to talk about her new project, which included talking about Jaejoong.
“It’s good, so far…” she said, nodding her head. “…I am working with Kim Jaejoong, have you heard of him?”
Oh, had Yunho heard of him?
“The interior decorator?”
“Yeah….he’s helping us out for the Regal, he’s good.”
“Oh I see….” Yunho nodded, trying to sound as least interested as could.
“Nice guy…” His wife continued. “…you’d like him…”
“Why do you say that?” Yunho asked; he tried to keep a poker face but his heart was beating fast enough to break the rib cage.
“I don’t know, I just get a feeling you would like him…you should meet him. After our work’s done, maybe we should all go for drinks.”
Yunho shrugged carelessly and continued eating, trying to hide the red of his cheeks.
vii
“Are you married, Eun Mi-sshi?” Jaejoong asked, sitting across the table as he studied the lady in front of him concentrating on the blue prints of their project, when they were working over time one night.
“What?” She frowned, looking at Jaejoong.
“Sorry, I think I was crossing limits…”
“No, no Jaejoong-sshi…I didn’t hear you.”
“Oh…I asked if you were married.”
“Hm, yeah…” she smiled coyly, absent mindedly twisting and turning her wedding band on her finger. “….for six years now.”
“Oh…that’s nice.” Jaejoong smiled. “Is there a love story?”
“I guess…” She shrugged. “…we were best friends since senior year in high school and then college, one thing led to another and I was hitched.” She smiled.
Jaejoong smiled with her and felt some kind of pang in his heart when he saw the look in her eyes; it was love, it truly was.
“Do you love him?” Jaejoong asked, before he could stop himself.
Her lips tugged into an unconscious smile and Jaejoong thought she resembled a high school girl who was talking about her first crush (maybe she was); “I love him…” she laughed lightly; “…I love him more then life itself, I don’t care how cheesy that sounded.”
Jaejoong felt himself dying a bit on the inside as he saw her blush and turn red; she gave out a quiet laugh and went back to working. This was probably the first time Jaejoong regretted having met Yunho.
He watched her pack up her stuff, an hour later. Her husband was waiting for her and to take her back home and it had come of as a surprise to her because apparently, he was always too tied up with work and didn’t have time for little surprises like this.
Jaejoong watched from his office window; the way she ran into her husband’s arms and held him tightly. He saw her laugh and pat her husband’s shoulder and sat inside the car. The husband walked around the car and before getting in, looked up at Jaejoong; Jaejoong knew the windows were tinted and there was no one he could Jaejoong all the way to the fifth floor on the building but, he could still feel Yunho’s eyes on him and he shivered lightly.
viii
“She loves you; I hope you know that…” Jaejoong said lifelessly, as he sipped on his glass of orange juice. Yunho spared him a glance and went back to fixing himself a sandwich.
“Where did that come from?” He asked, taking a seat opposite Jaejoong.
“Yunho…what are we doing?” Jaejoong could not get rid of his guilty conscious, which was the size of a big mountain. Ever since he had realized that not only was he breaking someone’s marriage; he was also breaking a girl’s heart.
He had seen the look on her face that night; she was still a young girl that loved her high school crush. She had blushed and giggled and she loved Yunho more then Jaejoong could ever love him. She deserved Yunho; she deserved his love, his attention, his affection. She didn’t deserve being cheated on, being lied to and being played with.
“Yunho, she really loves you….” Jaejoong said, squeezing Yunho’s hands. “…when you go back home today, I want you to look at her - “
“Jaejoong, what the hell are you saying?”
“Shut up and listen to me for once, when you go back home today, I want you to look at your wife, I want you to look at her…you see her everyday - “
“Jaejoong - “
“Yunho…just this once, for me? I want you to treat your wife like a woman, she’s holds an important place in your life, I hope you know that….”
Yunho pursed his lips together and sighed; “Fine…” He shook his head; “I don’t know what you are trying to prove here.”
That you might just love her and not know it?
“That maybe, you should spend some more time with her too?” Jaejoong said, his eyes downcast.
“Hey…” Yunho walked up to him and softly pushed Jaejoong’s face up; “…I love her, I do.” he said.
“Then what are we…?”
“I love her but you….I can’t imagine my life without you. I don’t know what we are, I don’t know what you mean to me but I can live without her, I can survive…I can’t without you…”
Jaejoong stared at Yunho for a while and pulled the taller by his collar and kissed him; softly and gently. “Yunho…” He whispered, pulling back. “…your wife doesn’t deserve this.”
Yunho sighed, standing up straight; “I know…” he said, “…and I am sorry, I really am. But what should I do?”
“I don’t know…..just treat her right, please.”
ix
Yunho sat at on the couch, reading the newspaper and looked up when the main door clicked open. “Hey, you’re early…” she beamed, when she saw Yunho in the living room. “I got you your favorite ice cream for dessert…” she smiled pulling out the grocery items. “What do you want for dinner? Are you okay with some ramen? Or do you want something else - “
Yunho watched as his wife rambled on about dinner; he watched her move back and forth from the kitchen and the living room, he had never noticed how much weight she had lost, she looked fragile and weak, how her skin had paled and she had bags under her eyes, her hair was tied up in a messy bun, he used to like her hair being tied up in a messy bun. He got off from the couch and headed to the kitchen, she stood by the sink, rinsing vegetables and washing the rice. He quietly walked up to her and hugged her from the back.
She jerked back in shock, dropping the vegetables she held, into the basin; “You scared me…” she laughed quietly. He tightened his grip around her waist and pulled her close to his chest. “I’m sorry…” he whispered into her hair. “…I am really, really sorry.”
She turned around and stared at him, cupping his face; “What’s wrong?” She asked, her voice filled with concern. “Is something wrong?”
He leaned in and kissed her softly; what was he doing? Why was he doing this? This wasn’t right on many levels.
But she was kissing back; pressed between him and the kitchen counter, her frame felt so small against his; she sighed into the kiss and pulled him closer. Yunho noted that her kiss was nothing like Jaejoong’s kisses; she was more gentle and soft, Jaejoong had an animalistic sense when he kissed; thoughts on Jaejoong made Yunho press further into the kiss, he nibbled on her lips and growled from the back of his throat. She gasped, shivering slightly under his touch; she felt his hand under her shirt, fingers brushing her stomach carelessly and there were tingles down her spine.
They had sex, for the first time in a long time. Yunho on top of her, grunting and sweating, she had her legs wrapped around his waist, her toes curling into themselves as she cried out Yunho’s name. His thrusts were deep and unforgiving; he bit his lip and consciously made an effort not to call out Jaejoong’s name. He leaned down and kissed her again, ferociously at that; he imagined Jaejoong kissing back, had Jaejoong’s picture in his head, it was Jaejoong under Yunho, not his wife.
Jaejoong, Jaejoong, Jaejoong, Jaejoong.
Yunho came deep within her.
It was always Jaejoong.
x
Jaejoong jumped when the front door to his house slammed open and Yunho came barging in. “Don’t you fucking dare ask me to do that again…” he yelled, kicking his shoes off, throwing his bag to a corner and yanking his tie down.
“….because it is very unforgiving and I hate you for it.” He continued, pulling Jaejoong up from the couch and curling his fingers around Jaejoong’s nape, he caught Jaejoong’s lips in a bruising kiss.
“I can’t deal with it, Jaejoong…” Yunho said, his jaw clenched; “I love you, Goddammit!” Yunho growled, undoing Jaejoong’s belt and pulling the pants down. “I love you and I want to be with you….”
Jaejoong kissed Yunho, taking a sharp breath when he felt Yunho’s fingers touching him; “I love you…I love you...I love you….”
It was always Jaejoong for Yunho.
And Yunho for Jaejoong.
xi
Yunho had ironed his will to tell his wife everything, come clean, ask for forgiveness and move out if she wanted him to. He had practiced in front of the mirror, written down what he was going to say, role played with Jaejoong but, nothing helped.
And also, since the Regal Law firm’s new head office’s opening date was getting closer, he hardly saw her. She would leave before he even woke up, come home in the wee hours of the morning and pass out on the couch, too tired to change or eat or move to the bedroom.
He figured this really was not the right time to break in the bad news, he had heard from Jaejoong that she was under a lot of pressure and she was in bad shape. So, Yunho stepped back on the plan and decided to stay put for a while. He could always tell her later, when she was healthier and eating more stable food which was not a toast of bread and coffee.
He could wait, she didn’t deserve this.
xii
“Eun Mi - sshi., have you eaten your breakfast?” Jaejoong asked, looking at his colleague with worried eyes. She looked pathetic.
“I am fine, I am fine…” She mumbled, busy typing on her laptop. “Just need to send some e-mails and I am good.” She ran her hand over her face.
“I am going to get you something to eat….” Jaejoong said, walking to the door.
“Jaejoong-sshi…I am fine, really.” She said, getting up and walking towards the man. “You worry - “
And Jaejoong ran to her as she fainted to the floor.
xiii
Yunho stood outside the hospital, taking a few drags from his cigarette. He was a mess, his mind was a mess, his life was a mess. Everything was a mess.
He took another drag and slowly let the smoke take over his mind, he couldn’t think and he didn’t want to think. The wind was chilly and the weather was gloomy, it looked like it was going to rain. fucking perfect
“You should go in…” Jaejoong said, walking up from behind Yunho. “….she’s going to wake up any moment now.”
“I can’t….Jaejoong, I can’t.”
Yunho sighed and turned to the hospital doors and as he pushed the door open, he felt a wave of fear wash over him. He wasn’t ready for this, but for her, he was going to pretend that he was.
xiv
”Jung Yunho?”
“Yes?”
“Your wife’s in the ICU?”
“Yes? Is she going to be okay?”
“She’s being going through some sort of stress and she hasn’t been eating properly, this would have caused some serious damage….but, she’s going to be fine.”
“Oh thank you so much…”
“Make sure she eats well, she’s eating for two after all….”
“Wha-what?”
“Oh, Mr. Jung congratulations, you’re going to be a father.”
xv
“Hi you….” Yunho peeked into the ward and his wife was sipping on her soup and reading the newspaper.
“Hi…” She chirped up when she saw Yunho; it was adorable how she glowed and smiled at Yunho. “Did you hear?” she asked hesitantly; “…did they tell you?”
Yunho let out a heavy sigh and walked up to her and kissed her head; “Of course….” He said, tucking her head under his chin. “We’re going to be parents…” He felt her fingers grasping onto his shirt. “Wow, parents.” She sighed. “Are we ready for this?”
Yunho pulled back and cupped her cheeks; “I am…” he sighed “I really am….are you ready?”
“Of course I am…” she smiled, holding onto Yunho’s hands. “We’re going to have a beautiful baby…” she giggled and Yunho felt like dying.
“Oh hey…Jaejoong-sshi…” She looked over Yunho’s shoulder and saw her colleague peeking in through the small window. She waved to Jaejoong before he could step out of her view. “Call him in…” She urged Yunho; “He was the one who admitted me to this place…”
Yunho gave his wife a tight lipped smile and went to open the door; “Come in Jaejoong-sshi…” Yunho bowed a bit to the other man albeit rigidly; “My wife wants to talk to you…”
“Jaejoong-sshi….” Yunho’s wife called out in glee when she saw Jaejoong walking into the room; “Jaejoong-sshi, thank you so much…for bringing me to the hospital, really.”
“It was nothing….really….” Jaejoong insisted, glancing between Yunho’s face and Yunho’s wife. “You need to stop working your butt off…” Jaejoong laughed weakly.
“You need a vacation and good food….”
“Oh don’t worry….” She laughed; “After the Regal project, I am taking a long vacation….I am pregnant, Jaejoong-sshi….”
“Oh…” Jaejoong smiled uncertainly, glancing at Yunho. “Oh…congrats, that’s great news. It really is…” Jaejoong smiled at Yunho, who looked away pointedly.
“Thank you so much, Jaejoong-sshi…and oh, this is my husband, Yunho…this is Jaejoong-sshi, baby, remember I told you about him…”
“We’ve met…” Yunho nodded curtly at Jaejoong and the latter returned the nod.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll leave you two alone for the celebrations…” Jaejoong smiled and walked out.
xvi
“Jaejoong! Hey, wait up…! Jaejoong…”
Jaejoong spun around and stared at Yunho walking briskly towards him; “What?”
“I didn’t know…” Yunho mumbled; “…I don’t know what to do…”
“Stay with her…” Jaejoong said, walking up to Yunho and taking the other’s hand.
“Are you upset?”
“I would be if you leave her now…” Jaejoong smiled.
Yunho sighed and pulled his hand away; “I am sorry….I can’t, you know, not now…”
“I understand…” Jaejoong nodded, cupping Yunho’s face. “You need to stay strong…alright? For your wife, for your future kid, for me…stay strong.”
“What - what about you?” Yunho asked.
“I’ll be fine, I always am, right?” Jaejoong didn’t stop smiling, though a sad one.
“Jaejoong, I lo-“
“Don’t…it’s too late now…” Jaejoong mumbled, cutting Yunho’s sentence. “I am sorry too…”
Yunho bit his lip and fluttered his eyes close; “When will I see you again?”
“Maybe tomorrow? Maybe next week? Next month? Maybe never? Who knows?”
“Jaejoong, please don’t…”
“Take care of her now, she needs you more….”
And before Yunho could say anything, Jaejoong turned around and walked out; out of the unit, out of the hospital, out of his life.
And the next time he saw Jaejoong was not for another four years.
xvii
“Jiyool no, don’t do that baby…” Yunho frowned, as pulled out the balloon string his three year old daughter was chewing on.
“She’s just like you were when you were younger…” His wife laughed, walking beside Yunho and pulling her daughter’s cheeks. “Eating everything in sight.”
“Hey, I ate solid food…” Yunho protested and his daughter giggled. “But you’re my princess, you know that right?” He said, picking her up and cuddling her in his arms.
“Of course…” She said, matter of factly; “I am Appa’s only princess…”
Yunho laughed loudly and pinched her cheeks; his wife asked him to wait by the corner while she ran off to get some groceries for cooking. Yunho sat on a bench nearby, talking and playing with his daughter.
He looked around when Jiyool was busy playing with the balloon she had gotten herself; and there he was, across the road.
He was laughing, holding on to someone’s hand and looking happy. Yunho stared at him from where he sat, he wanted to look away or better yet, walk off. But he sat there and stared.
And maybe it was coincidence, maybe it wasn’t, but he turned too and they had eye contact.
For a moment, his eyes looked lost when they met Yunho’s, they looked lifeless and sad but the sparkle was back no sooner was it gone, he smiled softly at Yunho and Yunho tried to return the smile. His eyes went to Yunho’s little daughter and his smiled widened and Yunho felt something tug at his heart. Yunho wanted to carry Jiyool and cross the road so he could his Jaejoong again and let him play with Jiyool; but Yunho just sat there.
“Appa…” Jiyool called out to him and Yunho looked at her and she proudly showed off the knot she had made. Yunho smiled at her and pinched her nose and immediately turned to look back but he was gone.
Gone. Like he was never there to begin with; Yunho, from the corner of his eyes, saw his wife coming back and talking to Jiyool. He stood up to go back home with his family; he wondered what would have happened if he had told his wife about Jaejoong and their affair? He realized he would have never gotten Jiyool.
So he sighed, pulling out the keys to his car; life goes on, you can’t win everything.
-
a/n
Another one of my wips. Done.