(no subject)
i feel really weird right now. i just feel so alone. i hate it when i sound all "depressed" on my lj, but this time i cant help it. i seriously feel terrible right now. and what makes it worse is when i get this feeling deep down inside, this horrible feeling along with a voice that says i will be feeling like this my entire life. i will never be known to the world. that i will always be an insignificant puny little POS ant to the rest of the world. and it kills me. nd every fucking time an opportunity rears its fat ass in my face, i never have enough guts to fuck it. and its killing me. and i know exactly what fuels these terrible feelings, but i cant stop. its going and seeing movies in the theater. ive seen more movies in the theater in the past 2 years or so than anyone i fucking know. and every fucking time i go and see on ei get this feeling. i watch the actors and i watch the moviestars and i watch them preform this spectacular film that causes people to pay a chunk of their salary to see again and again. and to talk about their favorites and all that shit. and it pisses me off that i cant be one of them. and it just makes me feel so suicidal. but then i just keep telling myself that i stil have a lot of life to live and i just need to hold it in there because i still have that chance, that thought against the voice telling me id be better off dead and that im never going to fuckign make it. and i dont know whos fucking right. AND I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO!!!!!!!!! and its PISSING ME OFF!!!!!!!!! and, i dont know. im so fucking lost. im lost in a sea of 7 billion citizens of the earth. all of them working to make this whole fucking sphere stay together. and it really is a spectacular place. we started with nothing. and now look at us. and i jsut think its terrible that now that there are so many of us, only a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of us will be remembered through the years. and i dont know what to do. so tell me, i know no will answer because you all expect the other to answer so you never do. but you shoudl try it. help me. what do i do?