I saw the knife was dull, so why the fuck do you think I'm crying.
Yesterday I had a period of time that I can not remember. During this time, I burned some things which were very dear to me, and was very cruel to some people. This is what I am learning, and I am learning more and more every moment about what I did.
I can only remember bits and pieces. It's like I was watching it though a window, or the bottom of a thick glass. It's all hazy, and blurred. There was a knife, and Toby was around. He let me use his paint ball gun. Then I burned something, and Steph was around. Then I found myself in the street, with Stephanie crying in front of me.
She says I wasn't acting like myself, that I didn't even answer to my name. I hate this feeling. I don't know what I did.
None of my friends will talk to me. I was told that I did something to offend Toby. I think it was because I burned my wall scrolls. The wall scrolls that he gave me. I loved those wall hangings. I loved them a lot. They were so beautiful. And I treasured them because Toby had given them to me out of the good of his heart. He was a good friend, but... now I don't know what he thinks. And I think that's why everyone is shunning me.
This is what I have always feared. I lost control of myself, and now everyone hates me. I don;t know what to do. I want to run, I want to hide, I want to run far away, but I can't. I don't know what's going on.
I want to go home. I want to talk to people. I want to know why every one hates me, I want to know what happened for that time period when I wasn't me. That's how Steph discribs it. I wasn't me, I was someone else.
Heh, the idea of MPD keeps running though my head. That's so bullshit. I don't even know the technical components of MPD, so I can't say for sure. Fucking pop-psychology. It's not even been proved that MPD is a real disorder.
I'm scared. I'm really scared.
I can only remember bits and pieces. It's like I was watching it though a window, or the bottom of a thick glass. It's all hazy, and blurred. There was a knife, and Toby was around. He let me use his paint ball gun. Then I burned something, and Steph was around. Then I found myself in the street, with Stephanie crying in front of me.
She says I wasn't acting like myself, that I didn't even answer to my name. I hate this feeling. I don't know what I did.
None of my friends will talk to me. I was told that I did something to offend Toby. I think it was because I burned my wall scrolls. The wall scrolls that he gave me. I loved those wall hangings. I loved them a lot. They were so beautiful. And I treasured them because Toby had given them to me out of the good of his heart. He was a good friend, but... now I don't know what he thinks. And I think that's why everyone is shunning me.
This is what I have always feared. I lost control of myself, and now everyone hates me. I don;t know what to do. I want to run, I want to hide, I want to run far away, but I can't. I don't know what's going on.
I want to go home. I want to talk to people. I want to know why every one hates me, I want to know what happened for that time period when I wasn't me. That's how Steph discribs it. I wasn't me, I was someone else.
Heh, the idea of MPD keeps running though my head. That's so bullshit. I don't even know the technical components of MPD, so I can't say for sure. Fucking pop-psychology. It's not even been proved that MPD is a real disorder.
I'm scared. I'm really scared.