Good Grief.
So.. Last night. Where to begin. I suppose, it starts, with my moms birthday. My sister bought some tickets to the self-proclaimed "Nanaimos Full Monty." We got excited. I mean, naked guys? Yesplz. My plan was to go, and afterwards go to Greg's party and get wasted. Sounds solid, doesn't it? Haaaa. Right, solid.
So we go.. and everyone there is gay. The host is a drag queen. The other host is a drag queen. The guy handing out raffles is dressed in army gear. I saw my old teacher there (this has significance later). I saw my best friends mom. There was also a bridal party there.
So the music was loud.. and the bartender was sooo cute.
The next thing we know, this extravagant drag queen, self-titled "Ivanna B. Flawless" is up at the front, clothed in a gorgeous pink dress, welcoming "Ladies, gentlemen, and flaaaamboyyyant gentlemen!" Then she goes, has a few more drinks, and welcomes Vikki Smudge, the drag queen who hosts the show. Out she comes, singing that song from Chicago that Queen Latifah sings, complete with horrible-yet-hilarious sexual innuendos, and then.. BRING ON THE NAKED MEN! Just like the Full Monty (I am severely disappointed in you if you've never seen it!), they weren't the Chippendales, no, not at all. They were just the only ones who would do it. *snickers* It was so fucking fun, though. There were five guys, and each had a theme, of sorts. At first, they each came out, danced around, and stripped to their underpants, and then went back in. The best were the two at the end, one was a cowboy, dancin' to Big and Rich (Yes, yes, that song. I love it, sue me.), and the other was a super hot black guy, dancing to.. fuck.. I can't remember. But it was awesome.
Did I mention that mum was supplying me with a neverending supply of drinks? I was only too happy to get them, the bartender was so damn cute. I would go to get a beer for mum, and he would grab me a smirnoff, and I go, "No, it's for me mum!", so he gets me a beer with a lime. Five seconds later I am back, getting a smirnoff. Mmmm, cute.
Anyways. Vikki is back, telling jokes about how stupid straight men are. "God, I love straight men. Once, I was at a urinal at [insert pub name that I forget. The Windward? .. no..hmm.] and this guy comes, does his business next to me. And he looks over, and says, "You're [insert guy name here], right?" "Yes, yes I am." "Oh. Well I just wanted to say that you're pretty cool. ..For a faggot." "Oh, thaaaanks, honey." "I had a homosexual experience once." "You? You had a homosexual experience once? What, you bought a pair of shoes and a belt? THAT MATCH!?"" and then, "We were in the windward, and some straight guy says, loudly, "He better not look at me. Fuckin' faggot." Honey, I am gay, not desperate." She came out in a different outfit every time, and at one point, came out in a BC Ferries outfit (emblazened on the back: BC Fairy), and said, "You're just jealous, because I make so much moneyyyy! I get paid $8.50 an hour to serve you food, I get $13.50 an hour to clean up after you, and I get $32.50 an hour to answer your stupid fucking questions! And there are a LOT of stupid fucking people." And then, "I saw a yellow [insert shitty SUV here] on the ferry, and there was a CLUB on it." *everyone roars with laughter* "I mean, just saying, just SAYING I wanted your piece of shit vehicle, really.. WHERE WOULD I GO?!"
Then, as a finale, all five guys came back out, fully dressed, and danced around to the YMCA song, and then, as a tribute.. did the Full Monty dance to "Leave Your Hat On." It was so fun. And hilarious. And definitely a Full Monty. I want to watch that movie now!
Anyways, afterward, the music was loud, and we all danced a ton. (Except my sister, she hates dancing and is really preggo.) I took a picture with Ivanna, the first drag queen. We were all wasted. I saw my fucking teacher, get so wasted that she was dancing with one of the strippers, to turn him around, bend him over, and beat his ass with her bare tits. I.. am scarred from that, to tell you the truth. So after that, more drinking was imparative, and I called Nicole, twice, and the second time around left her a [drunken] message on her voicemail (I really hope I didn't say anything stupid or embarrassing.. ) So I decided not to go to Gregs (Hell, I was wasted already, and it was like 12 by the time we were out of there), and we just went home.
I was drunk, and happy. I saw male strippers.
WOO!
So we go.. and everyone there is gay. The host is a drag queen. The other host is a drag queen. The guy handing out raffles is dressed in army gear. I saw my old teacher there (this has significance later). I saw my best friends mom. There was also a bridal party there.
So the music was loud.. and the bartender was sooo cute.
The next thing we know, this extravagant drag queen, self-titled "Ivanna B. Flawless" is up at the front, clothed in a gorgeous pink dress, welcoming "Ladies, gentlemen, and flaaaamboyyyant gentlemen!" Then she goes, has a few more drinks, and welcomes Vikki Smudge, the drag queen who hosts the show. Out she comes, singing that song from Chicago that Queen Latifah sings, complete with horrible-yet-hilarious sexual innuendos, and then.. BRING ON THE NAKED MEN! Just like the Full Monty (I am severely disappointed in you if you've never seen it!), they weren't the Chippendales, no, not at all. They were just the only ones who would do it. *snickers* It was so fucking fun, though. There were five guys, and each had a theme, of sorts. At first, they each came out, danced around, and stripped to their underpants, and then went back in. The best were the two at the end, one was a cowboy, dancin' to Big and Rich (Yes, yes, that song. I love it, sue me.), and the other was a super hot black guy, dancing to.. fuck.. I can't remember. But it was awesome.
Did I mention that mum was supplying me with a neverending supply of drinks? I was only too happy to get them, the bartender was so damn cute. I would go to get a beer for mum, and he would grab me a smirnoff, and I go, "No, it's for me mum!", so he gets me a beer with a lime. Five seconds later I am back, getting a smirnoff. Mmmm, cute.
Anyways. Vikki is back, telling jokes about how stupid straight men are. "God, I love straight men. Once, I was at a urinal at [insert pub name that I forget. The Windward? .. no..hmm.] and this guy comes, does his business next to me. And he looks over, and says, "You're [insert guy name here], right?" "Yes, yes I am." "Oh. Well I just wanted to say that you're pretty cool. ..For a faggot." "Oh, thaaaanks, honey." "I had a homosexual experience once." "You? You had a homosexual experience once? What, you bought a pair of shoes and a belt? THAT MATCH!?"" and then, "We were in the windward, and some straight guy says, loudly, "He better not look at me. Fuckin' faggot." Honey, I am gay, not desperate." She came out in a different outfit every time, and at one point, came out in a BC Ferries outfit (emblazened on the back: BC Fairy), and said, "You're just jealous, because I make so much moneyyyy! I get paid $8.50 an hour to serve you food, I get $13.50 an hour to clean up after you, and I get $32.50 an hour to answer your stupid fucking questions! And there are a LOT of stupid fucking people." And then, "I saw a yellow [insert shitty SUV here] on the ferry, and there was a CLUB on it." *everyone roars with laughter* "I mean, just saying, just SAYING I wanted your piece of shit vehicle, really.. WHERE WOULD I GO?!"
Then, as a finale, all five guys came back out, fully dressed, and danced around to the YMCA song, and then, as a tribute.. did the Full Monty dance to "Leave Your Hat On." It was so fun. And hilarious. And definitely a Full Monty. I want to watch that movie now!
Anyways, afterward, the music was loud, and we all danced a ton. (Except my sister, she hates dancing and is really preggo.) I took a picture with Ivanna, the first drag queen. We were all wasted. I saw my fucking teacher, get so wasted that she was dancing with one of the strippers, to turn him around, bend him over, and beat his ass with her bare tits. I.. am scarred from that, to tell you the truth. So after that, more drinking was imparative, and I called Nicole, twice, and the second time around left her a [drunken] message on her voicemail (I really hope I didn't say anything stupid or embarrassing.. ) So I decided not to go to Gregs (Hell, I was wasted already, and it was like 12 by the time we were out of there), and we just went home.
I was drunk, and happy. I saw male strippers.
WOO!