(no subject)
"... whenever I want a thing, and Mrs. McWilliams wants another thing, and we decide upon the thing that Mrs. McWilliams wants-as we always do-she calls that a compromise." (c) Mark Twain @ The McWilliamses And The Burglar Alarm
I always thought that compromises were meant to keep disagreeing parties happy. I was wrong. Compromises are meant to keep disagreeing parties not completely happy. Just think about it mathematically. Let's say that there are 5 apples, and coincidently both you and I want 5 apples each, it is obvious that in this situation it is impossible for both of us to get what we want. So we enter the area of approximation where both of us try to get as close as we can to what we want. Since we are both honest individuals we will end up with 2.5 apples each, which is only half of what we wanted. We will be half happy and half unhappy at this point. Which is definitely not fully happy. So here you have it, unless you are feeling not entirely happy about a deal, you are not really compromising. And if you are happy about a deal, it is you who is screwing your partner over, so wipe that grin off your face.
A compromise is one of many tools in conflict resolution, there are others. There is the old time tested self sacrifice where you give in just to accomodate the other and avoid the confrontation. And then there is its opposite the ultimate ultimatum where you go my way or hiway on your partner. In both of these situations you would create a serious disbalance where one party is completely unhappy. These are short term solutions with long term reprecussions. So go ahead and compromise. If you feel not completely happy, you are doing it right.
I always thought that compromises were meant to keep disagreeing parties happy. I was wrong. Compromises are meant to keep disagreeing parties not completely happy. Just think about it mathematically. Let's say that there are 5 apples, and coincidently both you and I want 5 apples each, it is obvious that in this situation it is impossible for both of us to get what we want. So we enter the area of approximation where both of us try to get as close as we can to what we want. Since we are both honest individuals we will end up with 2.5 apples each, which is only half of what we wanted. We will be half happy and half unhappy at this point. Which is definitely not fully happy. So here you have it, unless you are feeling not entirely happy about a deal, you are not really compromising. And if you are happy about a deal, it is you who is screwing your partner over, so wipe that grin off your face.
A compromise is one of many tools in conflict resolution, there are others. There is the old time tested self sacrifice where you give in just to accomodate the other and avoid the confrontation. And then there is its opposite the ultimate ultimatum where you go my way or hiway on your partner. In both of these situations you would create a serious disbalance where one party is completely unhappy. These are short term solutions with long term reprecussions. So go ahead and compromise. If you feel not completely happy, you are doing it right.