(no subject)
From the time i was a little tike growing up in maybe not the best of environments to now....ive grown quite a bit. My mothers and i realtionship was never the typical mother daughter relationship...is more of me as the parent or just the over protective loving friend. We moved a few times when i was a child and never had a "home". Atleast not in my eyes. My grandmother kidnapping me from my mom was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me. my grandparents taking me in saved my life. Under much stress still but free from danger i was on my way to becoming a better person. My father was never in my life until recently and is quickly removed for poor choices. my mother continued time and time again to tell me she would get me back and me being the typical kid fell for it....she lied constantly and never apologized or attempted to make it better. I delt and delt with whatever life was dealing me but was taking it not so well....while close to reaching the end....i met a guy who saved my life...josh.....for the next 3 years we continuted to have a love/hate relationship....being there for one another but being a jerk about it. we bother hurt each other quite a bit.....enough to leave scars for the rest of our lives im sure.I believe hes a good person and destine for so much in his life and i wish him all the best in the world.....because of this relationship with josh i met a wonderful friend....chuck...who more than likely pointed me in the right direction for my future. he was there for me time and time again....and i appreciate that more than he knows....and then he introduces me to someone who would make me feel better than anything else in the world.....Nick....and our relationship turned into the greatest 6 months of my life....thus far. Hes a wonderful kind hearted person and honestly i hope we do get back together.....but i know i do not need him in my life. More than ever i would love to have what we had before but i know that that may not happen and im ok with that. I love him more than words can express but its ok to love and lose. Its a part of live. i will not be there the day he gets back from norway....I guess i was informed it would be best im not there...that way he can come to me....I guess that i am ok with that. Over the past 4 months......tons of stuff has happened that has continually been making me feel like crap. I guess you could say it makes me feel like less of a person. Everyone in my family is unhappy...and theres nothing they can do to fix it. My mother is making my grandmas life hell....just like she always has. Im scared because my grandmother keeps talking about how she wants to end it....honestly i have no idea what i would do without my grandma....she is my base....she is my supporter and provider. I love her more than this world and would kill for her. She does not deserve any of this shit.....so god please...i am begging you....please send her some shred of happiness....some shred of hope.....she needs something to remind her to keep living. I know that after all of this is over i will be fine....im just afraid she wont. SHes lives most of her life and pretty much stuck wheres shes at...but me.....i have so much more of my life to live and have so many opportunities. I have many people that love me...and that will always be there for me....chuck....nick....there families....whether or not nick and i get back together i will always have his care and there care...and its such a relief to know i have these people in my life. I will sit here and thank god everyday for the good things hes give me....Sometimes i believe i dont deserve some of them but he wll only give you what he thinks you need. Im having these problems....these stressors in my life to prove a point....to relise i have much to live for and take on....I am a 17 year old senior and have so much to think of in the next year. So much stress and time and way way too much money. I know that things will somehow work themselves out. Everything happens for a reason and i truly believe that.
grandma....The one that saved my life. She took me in as her child and has continued to nurture me and always love me....even when shes down.....i still come first in her mind....and i love her....and wish her things better in her life.
Nick.....you for the past yearish(give or take a few months)....have been a wonderful inspiration in my life. You accepted the person i was and loved me as much as one person could. We never once took eachother for granted and shared so much with one another. We were both incredibly happy at this time in our life....and i only hope that you have that again...with me...or anyone else. We had the most amazing time ...and we both know that we might just end up as friends. We know and cherish all of what weve shared and i for one know that i will never forget a damn minute of it. Thank you...for opening my eyes to so much. You deserve and will get everything you need and life....just keep working for it.
Chuck....you have been such a good friend.....a brother as i would like to say. Youve been there for me through so much in the past even thought ive delt you a fit more than once. Sometimes i hate the way you handle things with me but i realise you are only trying to help. We will always have our differences but there are reason we have those differences.....I love you and you are my best friend....the one always with a shoulder to cry on....and i will tell you time and time again i will always do the same for you.
to everyone else that has had a remendous impact on my life...i love you...and thank you so much for being my friends.....my family. You are truly amazing people and you will always be in my prayers....thank you....
love your friend,
ashley
grandma....The one that saved my life. She took me in as her child and has continued to nurture me and always love me....even when shes down.....i still come first in her mind....and i love her....and wish her things better in her life.
Nick.....you for the past yearish(give or take a few months)....have been a wonderful inspiration in my life. You accepted the person i was and loved me as much as one person could. We never once took eachother for granted and shared so much with one another. We were both incredibly happy at this time in our life....and i only hope that you have that again...with me...or anyone else. We had the most amazing time ...and we both know that we might just end up as friends. We know and cherish all of what weve shared and i for one know that i will never forget a damn minute of it. Thank you...for opening my eyes to so much. You deserve and will get everything you need and life....just keep working for it.
Chuck....you have been such a good friend.....a brother as i would like to say. Youve been there for me through so much in the past even thought ive delt you a fit more than once. Sometimes i hate the way you handle things with me but i realise you are only trying to help. We will always have our differences but there are reason we have those differences.....I love you and you are my best friend....the one always with a shoulder to cry on....and i will tell you time and time again i will always do the same for you.
to everyone else that has had a remendous impact on my life...i love you...and thank you so much for being my friends.....my family. You are truly amazing people and you will always be in my prayers....thank you....
love your friend,
ashley