(no subject)
okay, first of all, Dan, PLEASE dont take offense to this whatsoever. in fact, if its going to offend you, dont read it.
and anyone else that might be offended, you too.
Okay....first of all....I have the worlds best friend, cliche I kjnow, but I really do, only there have been a few problems as of late.
as it is, Ive been having problems with dealing with things lately, Im not sure why, but I just cant handle things lately. so I might be totally off here and just ranting becasue Im going crazy not because of anyhting else.
Mrs Byrne, english 12 and drama teacher, asked me to do the poster for drama...originally I thought, Dani and I both, but when I talked to Mr Baker the art teacher(who Byrne had talked to about it)he said, basically, that it was I who was asked, partially bc Im good at that kind of thing , but so it Dani - but also becasue Im going into Business and Media Communications next year and this was, duh, advertising. anyways I took it into my own hands because I didnt know what to say to Dan because whenever Im honest Im brutally honest and I get people mad at me.
also.....I have writing on my locker and Dan and my locker, wtih you know, dyke and lesbo written on it - so I put up posters (with a poem by S. Bear Bergman about the Trans Day of Rememberence, phenomenal poem btw) and hate crime statistics - (more Transgender people are killed every year than other major targets combined including Blacks Jews Hispanics lesbians and gay men) anyways, someone wrote "DYKE" on the poem. I didnt take it down....I dont know. I took it as I normally do but later that day, when I got home, I totally freaked, and I dont even know why - Jesus, okay I do know WHY but I can usually, sort of deal...but I threw up and felt like.....I dont know...Im having a terrible time dealing with this
and then....this is hard for me, because I dont mean this to hurt anyone. Dani and my friedn Jen both got into National Honors Society, and I was really glad...a little sad because I wasnt in it, mostly confused because, you see....Dani and I have very very similar GPA's and identical PSAT scores Identical background things, you know, we both tutor, were both in 4h, drama, we both do community service - except of course I created the AxCo in our school. I just dont really understand....anyways, I went with Dan. and family out to eat and to get pants andwhatnot.....firstly, I was a little jealous, because Dan got to get these pinstriped pants I wasnted and immediatly made it like "her thing" Okay jealous isnt the word, I was just sort of,...maybe, wary? I dunno. anywyas WE went and had fun, but her family kept saying things like, how THEIR daighter got into NHS and stuff - great thta their proud of her, they SHOULD be - but it was also mentioned that I was just a "regular" and her mom kept mentioning how other parents cant say their kids are in NHS knowing bloody well that Im not in it. can I ALSO mentoin that I got a near perfect score (aside from one math part)on my PACT
The reason Im saying this isnt to put dan down. its just that.....it feels like people are trying to avoid all the good im trying to achive, like, I do ALL of this and then dani gets this great award basically for doing the same thing Im doing, and Im spat out and stepped on....again!
the worst part is, Im having a hard time being happy for her. I really make myself sick
I wish I would die.
and anyone else that might be offended, you too.
Okay....first of all....I have the worlds best friend, cliche I kjnow, but I really do, only there have been a few problems as of late.
as it is, Ive been having problems with dealing with things lately, Im not sure why, but I just cant handle things lately. so I might be totally off here and just ranting becasue Im going crazy not because of anyhting else.
Mrs Byrne, english 12 and drama teacher, asked me to do the poster for drama...originally I thought, Dani and I both, but when I talked to Mr Baker the art teacher(who Byrne had talked to about it)he said, basically, that it was I who was asked, partially bc Im good at that kind of thing , but so it Dani - but also becasue Im going into Business and Media Communications next year and this was, duh, advertising. anyways I took it into my own hands because I didnt know what to say to Dan because whenever Im honest Im brutally honest and I get people mad at me.
also.....I have writing on my locker and Dan and my locker, wtih you know, dyke and lesbo written on it - so I put up posters (with a poem by S. Bear Bergman about the Trans Day of Rememberence, phenomenal poem btw) and hate crime statistics - (more Transgender people are killed every year than other major targets combined including Blacks Jews Hispanics lesbians and gay men) anyways, someone wrote "DYKE" on the poem. I didnt take it down....I dont know. I took it as I normally do but later that day, when I got home, I totally freaked, and I dont even know why - Jesus, okay I do know WHY but I can usually, sort of deal...but I threw up and felt like.....I dont know...Im having a terrible time dealing with this
and then....this is hard for me, because I dont mean this to hurt anyone. Dani and my friedn Jen both got into National Honors Society, and I was really glad...a little sad because I wasnt in it, mostly confused because, you see....Dani and I have very very similar GPA's and identical PSAT scores Identical background things, you know, we both tutor, were both in 4h, drama, we both do community service - except of course I created the AxCo in our school. I just dont really understand....anyways, I went with Dan. and family out to eat and to get pants andwhatnot.....firstly, I was a little jealous, because Dan got to get these pinstriped pants I wasnted and immediatly made it like "her thing" Okay jealous isnt the word, I was just sort of,...maybe, wary? I dunno. anywyas WE went and had fun, but her family kept saying things like, how THEIR daighter got into NHS and stuff - great thta their proud of her, they SHOULD be - but it was also mentioned that I was just a "regular" and her mom kept mentioning how other parents cant say their kids are in NHS knowing bloody well that Im not in it. can I ALSO mentoin that I got a near perfect score (aside from one math part)on my PACT
The reason Im saying this isnt to put dan down. its just that.....it feels like people are trying to avoid all the good im trying to achive, like, I do ALL of this and then dani gets this great award basically for doing the same thing Im doing, and Im spat out and stepped on....again!
the worst part is, Im having a hard time being happy for her. I really make myself sick
I wish I would die.