Hello Darkness my old friend I've come to talk to you again
Well here I am. I sit on my laptop and want to say words but there are none really to be said except a thank you to God for letting me dwell in paradise at least for a short while. You brought my path to cross the most wonderous person I have ever met in my life and I've failed you and her in every way possible. Being far too much in some areas and far not enough in others seems to define me. I only tried to make her smile every day and bring her happiness, for in turn her being the secret to my smile and the joy of me. I realize this was an inequity and I had the greater benefit, but she was thrilled to do this for me. Though I've had voids in my life before, none have had the influence on me this has. Every night before I went to bed I would think about how it would be when I finally met her face to face. What would I be wearing, where would it be....a smoky place where I would silently approach her and just give her my hand and her knowing me without my saying a word and taking her to the dance floor and dancing a slow dance as she cried on me and stepped on my toes as I smiled so fulfilled smelling her scent and feeling her breasts pressed against me. Would I be there first and just wait for her to find me...........it was always the thought that took me into my dream.
So now what do I do? She came to me yesterday, it's just the person she is. She has enough stress in her life, and she certainly doesn't need to deal with my ramblings, yet there she was just listening. A couple friends checked in to say hi, and I do appreciate their love and support, I feel like I've let them down too. It's all the same thought....that they thought if any couple survived it would be me and her. Frankly I did too, I know I took her for granted so many times. When I was grumpy I wouldn't say much, telling myself that we had forever, that I could be more communicative on other nights. I've learned so many times in my life take nothing or no one for granted, but it was a lesson I had not yet learned well enough.
So now I've left chat, or at least the room I dwelled in. I know me and I know that I sooo want her to zoooom to me like she would to kiss me and sit on my lap and now just going in and sitting at a make believe bar and just watching the scroll wouldn't do anything for me. I've always told my girl, and yes she is my girl in my heart forever, that the only reason I come into chat is to be with her and that was as true a comment as I've ever made. I do love my friends, and support them fully, and have always tried to be there for them. At some time I may visit again, I'm just not sure if that time is going to be after three days...three months....or three years.
Should anyone stumble across this in their surfings I'm sorry for you even having to read this. I guess I just needed to get it out, even though I don't feel any better. May your days be filled with love and joy always.
So now what do I do? She came to me yesterday, it's just the person she is. She has enough stress in her life, and she certainly doesn't need to deal with my ramblings, yet there she was just listening. A couple friends checked in to say hi, and I do appreciate their love and support, I feel like I've let them down too. It's all the same thought....that they thought if any couple survived it would be me and her. Frankly I did too, I know I took her for granted so many times. When I was grumpy I wouldn't say much, telling myself that we had forever, that I could be more communicative on other nights. I've learned so many times in my life take nothing or no one for granted, but it was a lesson I had not yet learned well enough.
So now I've left chat, or at least the room I dwelled in. I know me and I know that I sooo want her to zoooom to me like she would to kiss me and sit on my lap and now just going in and sitting at a make believe bar and just watching the scroll wouldn't do anything for me. I've always told my girl, and yes she is my girl in my heart forever, that the only reason I come into chat is to be with her and that was as true a comment as I've ever made. I do love my friends, and support them fully, and have always tried to be there for them. At some time I may visit again, I'm just not sure if that time is going to be after three days...three months....or three years.
Should anyone stumble across this in their surfings I'm sorry for you even having to read this. I guess I just needed to get it out, even though I don't feel any better. May your days be filled with love and joy always.