(no subject)
home life has got me down. mom hasn't had a job in 12 years and she seems completely content in staying that way. It's just frustrating, I mean, I was able to get a job in a week, yet it's taken her apparently 12 years just to find someone who will give her an interview. I hate this life she's living, from welfare check to welfare check, my family paying for her rent in this apartment. I thought that maybe after I moved out she would've had the time to do things by herself and not have me to burden her down but nothing's changed. I feel ashamed but also just disgusted with her. She piddles around like a 6 year old and cries whenever we argue. But I tell her to get out of this way of life because I care about her, but soon she's going to be too old to really do anything. I should just give up I think, she's 56 after all, and not in that good of health. It just depresses me so much to see her waste away, with nothing but false starts from the beginning.
I was talking to my aunt Jean and she told me to just roll over and take it, because mom will never change but even after years of knowing this I can't just lie down and let her just rot away like this, it really breaks my heart because I love her so much and I want her to be happy and she isn't happy, she's just lazy, and I know exactly what it's like, because up until just a few months ago I felt the exact same way, yet at the same time I feel nothing when I think of her, I can't stand to be in the same room as her sometimes, I'm just so disgusted with how she is. And I just feel so alone in it really, I feel trapped in this tiny apartment, I just can't wait to get back to school.
I was talking to my aunt Jean and she told me to just roll over and take it, because mom will never change but even after years of knowing this I can't just lie down and let her just rot away like this, it really breaks my heart because I love her so much and I want her to be happy and she isn't happy, she's just lazy, and I know exactly what it's like, because up until just a few months ago I felt the exact same way, yet at the same time I feel nothing when I think of her, I can't stand to be in the same room as her sometimes, I'm just so disgusted with how she is. And I just feel so alone in it really, I feel trapped in this tiny apartment, I just can't wait to get back to school.