Man-Urchin
I got a call from Dr. Rome today. First of all, Dr. Rome is obscenely busy, so the call by itself surprised me. She was calling to tell me that I need to come back to the clinic for more tests, because I failed my endocrine panel. The following tests were performed. I've marked my pass/fail on them, based on whether or not I was above the acceptable range.
Total Testosterone (Fail)
Free Testosterone (Barely Pass)
Percent Free Testosterone (Fail)
DHEAS (Fail)
LH/FSH Ratio (UberFail)
17 Hydroxyprogesterone (Fail)
Thyroid (Pass)
Cholesterol (Pass)
Unfortunately, the fact that I failed so many different tests means that they can't identify what is wrong without STILL MORE tests. They want me back for a cortisol test, which entails being hooked up to an IV full of cortisol, then having a blood draw 60 minutes later. Not terrible, but the drive is irritating.
Dr. Rome says that the hormone issues are likely caused by either an adrenal gland problem with a couple different hormones, or polycystic ovary syndrome. PCOS is the more common of those problems. Once they figure that out, I'll no doubt have to go back to the clinic for whatever treatment they decide to give me. In the case of an adrenal gland problem, my internet research tells me I'll get hormone meds of some sort to fix it. In the case of PCOS, I'll probably get put on birth control, and possibly other supplements depending on the problems. The amusing thing is that, untreated, PCOS causes infertility. I'm kind of hoping it's just PCOS, because the treatment sounds easier, and infertility doesn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, I'd kind of prefer it. Then there is no chance of accidentally ending up with a screaming crotch dropping some years down the road. Also, PCOS can cause women to carry extra weight, particularly around their abdomens. I would not complain if my waistline miraculously shrunk by an inch or two and I dropped 10 pounds. I also want them to treat whatever it is so I can stop being a hairy beast and not have to shave/wax/pluck myself so damn frequently. It was that that originally made Dr. Rome order the endocrine panel. That and my acne, which apparently occurs only in the "you have high testosterone" areas of my face.
The only thing I'm worried about with this hormone-fixing business is that I'll turn into some passive-aggressive, let's-talk-about-our-feelings, romantic comedy-watching, ice cream-binging hag who can't do math. Seriously. What if they lower my testosterone and I lose my ability to do math? That's a really frightening thought. I'll refuse the treatment if that turns out to be the case.
I still want to have an Infertility Party if it is PCOS. Is it bad that my reaction to "You may never be able to have a child" is "Whoohoo!"?
Total Testosterone (Fail)
Free Testosterone (Barely Pass)
Percent Free Testosterone (Fail)
DHEAS (Fail)
LH/FSH Ratio (UberFail)
17 Hydroxyprogesterone (Fail)
Thyroid (Pass)
Cholesterol (Pass)
Unfortunately, the fact that I failed so many different tests means that they can't identify what is wrong without STILL MORE tests. They want me back for a cortisol test, which entails being hooked up to an IV full of cortisol, then having a blood draw 60 minutes later. Not terrible, but the drive is irritating.
Dr. Rome says that the hormone issues are likely caused by either an adrenal gland problem with a couple different hormones, or polycystic ovary syndrome. PCOS is the more common of those problems. Once they figure that out, I'll no doubt have to go back to the clinic for whatever treatment they decide to give me. In the case of an adrenal gland problem, my internet research tells me I'll get hormone meds of some sort to fix it. In the case of PCOS, I'll probably get put on birth control, and possibly other supplements depending on the problems. The amusing thing is that, untreated, PCOS causes infertility. I'm kind of hoping it's just PCOS, because the treatment sounds easier, and infertility doesn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, I'd kind of prefer it. Then there is no chance of accidentally ending up with a screaming crotch dropping some years down the road. Also, PCOS can cause women to carry extra weight, particularly around their abdomens. I would not complain if my waistline miraculously shrunk by an inch or two and I dropped 10 pounds. I also want them to treat whatever it is so I can stop being a hairy beast and not have to shave/wax/pluck myself so damn frequently. It was that that originally made Dr. Rome order the endocrine panel. That and my acne, which apparently occurs only in the "you have high testosterone" areas of my face.
The only thing I'm worried about with this hormone-fixing business is that I'll turn into some passive-aggressive, let's-talk-about-our-feelings, romantic comedy-watching, ice cream-binging hag who can't do math. Seriously. What if they lower my testosterone and I lose my ability to do math? That's a really frightening thought. I'll refuse the treatment if that turns out to be the case.
I still want to have an Infertility Party if it is PCOS. Is it bad that my reaction to "You may never be able to have a child" is "Whoohoo!"?