(no subject)
CUT to inside. SHEL is standing in front of the refreshments stand, staring down at the candies. AUSTIN, a blankly staring teenager is the cashier. An older, heavyset Italian man, MIKEY, and a young black man, DEL, walk up and stand next to SHEL. They are wearing matching black suits. MIKEY takes a gun out of his suit and points it at AUSTIN.
DEL
You know the Stockholm Syndrome? Where hostages who are taken against their will eventually become attached to their kidnappers and side with them?
MIKEY (to DEL)
Yeah, sure. [to AUSTIN] JESUS CHRIST, THIS IS A FUCKING ROBBERY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?!
AUSTIN (mumbling almost incoherently, nervously)
FRANK shakes his head in confusion/condescension, and reemphasizes the gun, pointed at AUSTIN’s head.
DEL (cont.)
But isn’t that how most relationships work? You are presented with a new potential lover, and at first she is too ironic, too selfish, too hairy around the nipples, whatever.
MIKEY (to AUSTIN)
IF YOU’RE GOING TO TAKE SO FUCKING LONG GET ME SOME GODDAMNED JU-JU-BEES AND SOME POPCORN.
AUSTIN
Small, Medium, or Large?
MIKEY
A FUCKING LARGE! Christ Sakes, I have a gun! Can you believe this?
AUSTIN rushes to get the jujubes and the popcorn. Shel is staring in wonder.
DEL (cont.)
Then, all of a sudden, you are taken away… kidnapped… held hostage- in some place called “commitment” and your first impulse is to run. But then you realize, YOU were taken hostage. For a reason. Maybe Bobby was too ethnic, or Paul talked to much, but you… YOU were the perfect candidate.
AUSTIN hands MIKEY his jujubes, and turns around to get him popcorn. MIKEY nods at DEL as he eats the candy.
DEL (cont.)
You’ve been taken away. Away you’re your cigarettes and your porn and your reading the New York Times cover to cover, not out of some compassion for the world, but because you’re so bored you’ve been catching yourself wondering what suicide is really all about. Not now though. Now you’ve got someone else’s worries, bullshit to distract you. “DO I look fat in that? How much money do you figure we can get for you?” They NEED you. They’ll kill you if you ever leave them, they swear. You can finally satisfy that morbid curiousity: the one where you wonder who would really care if you were “taken”.
Austin hands MIKEY his popcorn.
AUSTIN
Would you like a drink with that sir?
MIKEY (politely)
Yeah, Mr. Pibb, please.
AUSTIN
Is Dr. Pepper ok?
MIKEY
Fuckin A!! [more calm]. Yeah, yeah I guess that’s fine.
DEL (cont.)
So you fall in love. With your girlfriend, kidnapper, whatever. It seems like a nice thing to do: you get a physical representation of your worth, whether it’s your girlfriend’s tits or the ransom demand. AND, you’re helping someone else out.
MIKEY (to Austin)
Alright, now the money.
DEL (cont.)
That’s not what I want! I fall in love just because someone lets me fill a role? What’s genuine about that?
Nothing is genuine about that. But I do know that there has got to be something special there, between kidnapper and the kidnapped, the lover and the loved. Does the Stockholm syndrome make the kidnappers any less criminal? Does love make your girlfriend’s nipples any less hairy? Does it matter? Nah. Still, everyone loves dating gossip and hostage situation news stories.
MIKEY (counting the money)
You know? I like that. [To Austin] You like that?
AUSTIN
It’s pretty nice I guess.
MIKEY (nodding vigorously)
Yeah. Yeah. I like that. You know what, I like that a lot.
MIKEY grabs Austin’s shirt and pulls him over the counter, puts the gun to his neck.
MIKEY
MAKE ONE FUCKING MOVE BUDDY. ONE FUCKING MOVE AND YOU’LL GET IT!
MIKEY, Austin, and Del run out of the theater.
DEL
You know the Stockholm Syndrome? Where hostages who are taken against their will eventually become attached to their kidnappers and side with them?
MIKEY (to DEL)
Yeah, sure. [to AUSTIN] JESUS CHRIST, THIS IS A FUCKING ROBBERY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?!
AUSTIN (mumbling almost incoherently, nervously)
FRANK shakes his head in confusion/condescension, and reemphasizes the gun, pointed at AUSTIN’s head.
DEL (cont.)
But isn’t that how most relationships work? You are presented with a new potential lover, and at first she is too ironic, too selfish, too hairy around the nipples, whatever.
MIKEY (to AUSTIN)
IF YOU’RE GOING TO TAKE SO FUCKING LONG GET ME SOME GODDAMNED JU-JU-BEES AND SOME POPCORN.
AUSTIN
Small, Medium, or Large?
MIKEY
A FUCKING LARGE! Christ Sakes, I have a gun! Can you believe this?
AUSTIN rushes to get the jujubes and the popcorn. Shel is staring in wonder.
DEL (cont.)
Then, all of a sudden, you are taken away… kidnapped… held hostage- in some place called “commitment” and your first impulse is to run. But then you realize, YOU were taken hostage. For a reason. Maybe Bobby was too ethnic, or Paul talked to much, but you… YOU were the perfect candidate.
AUSTIN hands MIKEY his jujubes, and turns around to get him popcorn. MIKEY nods at DEL as he eats the candy.
DEL (cont.)
You’ve been taken away. Away you’re your cigarettes and your porn and your reading the New York Times cover to cover, not out of some compassion for the world, but because you’re so bored you’ve been catching yourself wondering what suicide is really all about. Not now though. Now you’ve got someone else’s worries, bullshit to distract you. “DO I look fat in that? How much money do you figure we can get for you?” They NEED you. They’ll kill you if you ever leave them, they swear. You can finally satisfy that morbid curiousity: the one where you wonder who would really care if you were “taken”.
Austin hands MIKEY his popcorn.
AUSTIN
Would you like a drink with that sir?
MIKEY (politely)
Yeah, Mr. Pibb, please.
AUSTIN
Is Dr. Pepper ok?
MIKEY
Fuckin A!! [more calm]. Yeah, yeah I guess that’s fine.
DEL (cont.)
So you fall in love. With your girlfriend, kidnapper, whatever. It seems like a nice thing to do: you get a physical representation of your worth, whether it’s your girlfriend’s tits or the ransom demand. AND, you’re helping someone else out.
MIKEY (to Austin)
Alright, now the money.
DEL (cont.)
That’s not what I want! I fall in love just because someone lets me fill a role? What’s genuine about that?
Nothing is genuine about that. But I do know that there has got to be something special there, between kidnapper and the kidnapped, the lover and the loved. Does the Stockholm syndrome make the kidnappers any less criminal? Does love make your girlfriend’s nipples any less hairy? Does it matter? Nah. Still, everyone loves dating gossip and hostage situation news stories.
MIKEY (counting the money)
You know? I like that. [To Austin] You like that?
AUSTIN
It’s pretty nice I guess.
MIKEY (nodding vigorously)
Yeah. Yeah. I like that. You know what, I like that a lot.
MIKEY grabs Austin’s shirt and pulls him over the counter, puts the gun to his neck.
MIKEY
MAKE ONE FUCKING MOVE BUDDY. ONE FUCKING MOVE AND YOU’LL GET IT!
MIKEY, Austin, and Del run out of the theater.