Reasons why dogs are better than women.
-All of the snuggles, none of the PMSing.
-Pleasing them in bed involves letting them flop across your legs as you sleep.
-Nobody complains if you have two or more.
-They make great doorbells.
-Getting a sane woman to wander around the house without a stitch of clothing is a pain in the butt.
-If you have two of them, they don't fight when you invite them both to bed at the same time, nor give you funny looks.
-Should you decide to, it's easy to pick up women with a beautiful dog. Contrariwise, it's very difficult to pick up dogs with a beautiful woman.
-To keep them happy, you run them around the block a couple of times or let them sniff a phone pole. And running around the block doesn't have to be done at some ungodly hour of the morning or specifically for 'health purposes'.
-They don't care what movie you watch, as long as they get the bigger half of the couch.
-They wonder what the hell you're doing on the elliptical almost as much as you do, but don't complain that it makes squeaky noises while they're trying to take a nap on the couch.
-Whether you've been gone for hours or gone for ten seconds, they're always thrilled to see you walk in the door.
-You never, ever have to worry about marrying the wrong dog.
-They don't care where you decide to move, as long as they can go along, so you can make up your mind later.
-They don't flush the toilet, but then, they never use the toilet anyway. This also eliminates bitching about leaving the seat in some specific position. And having to remind them to jiggle the handle on an unfamiliar toilet.
-Dogs don't want you to do the dishes. They want you to give the dirty dishes to them to clean up. But if you do the dishes, they're thrilled, 'cause that means there are more for you to get messy and give to them again.
-No having to explain to the dogs where I'm going, whom I'm going with, or when I'll be back.
-Buying a bag of dog food that'll last a fortnight or more costs the same as going to a relatively cheap nice restaurant.
-Not only do they not care that you eat rice every night, they want it.
-There's nothing quite like cute puppies for cheering you up on a gloomy day.
-When they want attention, they ask for it, instead of moping around because, even though you're busy with something else, you should just inherently -know- that they want a hug or something.
-A licorice jellybean makes their day, all by itself.
-A licorice jellybean doesn't earn you a lecture about how you should know that they don't like licorice.
-You don't have to worry about remembering their birthday, your anniversary, or any other obscure date. (Ursula's been the only one that I've managed this with.)
-If you talk constantly about your ex, they're fine with it.
-If you do stupid dances in the living room with your music cranked up loud, they don't roll their eyes at you, they join in.
-They come to check on you in the bathtub.
-They stay in the kitchen with you so you have some company (and, hopefully, will reward company with whatever you're cooking).
-If you mess up with a cooking experiment, even if you won't eat it, they will.
-They always feel like eating whatever you're in the mood for.
-Puppy kisses always involve lots of tongue.
Sure, there's no sex. But, really, the dogs win out in the comparison.
-Pleasing them in bed involves letting them flop across your legs as you sleep.
-Nobody complains if you have two or more.
-They make great doorbells.
-Getting a sane woman to wander around the house without a stitch of clothing is a pain in the butt.
-If you have two of them, they don't fight when you invite them both to bed at the same time, nor give you funny looks.
-Should you decide to, it's easy to pick up women with a beautiful dog. Contrariwise, it's very difficult to pick up dogs with a beautiful woman.
-To keep them happy, you run them around the block a couple of times or let them sniff a phone pole. And running around the block doesn't have to be done at some ungodly hour of the morning or specifically for 'health purposes'.
-They don't care what movie you watch, as long as they get the bigger half of the couch.
-They wonder what the hell you're doing on the elliptical almost as much as you do, but don't complain that it makes squeaky noises while they're trying to take a nap on the couch.
-Whether you've been gone for hours or gone for ten seconds, they're always thrilled to see you walk in the door.
-You never, ever have to worry about marrying the wrong dog.
-They don't care where you decide to move, as long as they can go along, so you can make up your mind later.
-They don't flush the toilet, but then, they never use the toilet anyway. This also eliminates bitching about leaving the seat in some specific position. And having to remind them to jiggle the handle on an unfamiliar toilet.
-Dogs don't want you to do the dishes. They want you to give the dirty dishes to them to clean up. But if you do the dishes, they're thrilled, 'cause that means there are more for you to get messy and give to them again.
-No having to explain to the dogs where I'm going, whom I'm going with, or when I'll be back.
-Buying a bag of dog food that'll last a fortnight or more costs the same as going to a relatively cheap nice restaurant.
-Not only do they not care that you eat rice every night, they want it.
-There's nothing quite like cute puppies for cheering you up on a gloomy day.
-When they want attention, they ask for it, instead of moping around because, even though you're busy with something else, you should just inherently -know- that they want a hug or something.
-A licorice jellybean makes their day, all by itself.
-A licorice jellybean doesn't earn you a lecture about how you should know that they don't like licorice.
-You don't have to worry about remembering their birthday, your anniversary, or any other obscure date. (Ursula's been the only one that I've managed this with.)
-If you talk constantly about your ex, they're fine with it.
-If you do stupid dances in the living room with your music cranked up loud, they don't roll their eyes at you, they join in.
-They come to check on you in the bathtub.
-They stay in the kitchen with you so you have some company (and, hopefully, will reward company with whatever you're cooking).
-If you mess up with a cooking experiment, even if you won't eat it, they will.
-They always feel like eating whatever you're in the mood for.
-Puppy kisses always involve lots of tongue.
Sure, there's no sex. But, really, the dogs win out in the comparison.