rattle
Last night I found her bones. He hid them in his scarves, buried in the ground beneath our bed. Ana was playing with the marbles I brought her from Christmas Island, and when they rolled out from her grasp, I crawled over to the shadows that they landed in and stretched out my arm to retrieve them for her. And then I found the bones.
The scarves were dirty, but that was their purpose; inside the bones were clean, dry, and gray. They were smooth between my fingers, worn like the bones of a woman who was held every night. And they were cool, like the bones of a woman who'd pet her child's feverish head and was always patient. The bones smelled like lavender.
I don't know why I cried when I found her bones. Maybe I cried at their smoothness, at how many times they ran through tender hands. Maybe I cried at how they smelled like home. Maybe I cried because I knew why I dreamt the dreams I confused with reality or lived the days that I believed to be dreamt; because Ana liked them more than my marbles; because I felt empty with them in my palms; because I wished I was the woman who these bones once carried; I wished I was the woman who was loved so well; or because I wished I was the man who loved her.
The scarves were dirty, but that was their purpose; inside the bones were clean, dry, and gray. They were smooth between my fingers, worn like the bones of a woman who was held every night. And they were cool, like the bones of a woman who'd pet her child's feverish head and was always patient. The bones smelled like lavender.
I don't know why I cried when I found her bones. Maybe I cried at their smoothness, at how many times they ran through tender hands. Maybe I cried at how they smelled like home. Maybe I cried because I knew why I dreamt the dreams I confused with reality or lived the days that I believed to be dreamt; because Ana liked them more than my marbles; because I felt empty with them in my palms; because I wished I was the woman who these bones once carried; I wished I was the woman who was loved so well; or because I wished I was the man who loved her.