In lieu of ~my~ Christmas story...
...may I present an excerpt from the following, glommed from textureslut:
"The best (and by "best," I don't mean anything positive) thing about Christmas was the following conversation I had with Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2:
My Mom: So, Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2, how was the Christmas service last night?
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: Oh, it was wonderful. The priest brought out a baby, and he said it was the baby Jesus, and everybody got out of their seats and lined up to greet and kiss Jesus, just like when he was born.
Me: Wait a second, back up. They brought out a real baby and said it was Jesus?
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: No, it wasn't a real baby.
Me: So they brought out a doll?
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: No, it wasn't a doll.
Me: I don't understand. If it wasn't a real baby, and it wasn't a doll, what was it?
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: It was JESUS!
Me: Whoa! The real actual Jesus baby was at Christmas Mass?
[This is the part where Cara started kicking me under the table.]
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: No, it was the Jesus from the nativity scene.
Me: Okay, so it was a doll that represented Jesus. And adults lined up to play with this doll?
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2 (getting very upset): NO! It was JESUS! The priest blessed him! It is part of our faith!
Me: No, Communion is part of your faith. Priests can't turn dolls into Jesus.
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: It wasn't a doll! It was JESUS!"
* * * * * * * * * * * *
By contrast, and pleasantly unlike my previously-expressed apprehensions, our Fambly Christmas actually went very well. But I'll probably write about it after New Year's; I'm just in an odd, procrastinating mood about documenting the event right now.
"The best (and by "best," I don't mean anything positive) thing about Christmas was the following conversation I had with Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2:
My Mom: So, Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2, how was the Christmas service last night?
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: Oh, it was wonderful. The priest brought out a baby, and he said it was the baby Jesus, and everybody got out of their seats and lined up to greet and kiss Jesus, just like when he was born.
Me: Wait a second, back up. They brought out a real baby and said it was Jesus?
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: No, it wasn't a real baby.
Me: So they brought out a doll?
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: No, it wasn't a doll.
Me: I don't understand. If it wasn't a real baby, and it wasn't a doll, what was it?
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: It was JESUS!
Me: Whoa! The real actual Jesus baby was at Christmas Mass?
[This is the part where Cara started kicking me under the table.]
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: No, it was the Jesus from the nativity scene.
Me: Okay, so it was a doll that represented Jesus. And adults lined up to play with this doll?
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2 (getting very upset): NO! It was JESUS! The priest blessed him! It is part of our faith!
Me: No, Communion is part of your faith. Priests can't turn dolls into Jesus.
Annoying Ultra-Christian Aunt #1 Of #2: It wasn't a doll! It was JESUS!"
* * * * * * * * * * * *
By contrast, and pleasantly unlike my previously-expressed apprehensions, our Fambly Christmas actually went very well. But I'll probably write about it after New Year's; I'm just in an odd, procrastinating mood about documenting the event right now.