jambalya of stuff.
i'm waiting for the stew i started earlier to finish slow cooking in the crockpot. unfortunately i didn't think that starting it at 5pm and letting it cook for 10 hrs like the recipie says means it will be done at 3am. and i have to get up early tomorrow, so i took a nap in order to be up the last few hours of it's cooking.
thursday night was club rapture. i had one rum and coke and was way tipsy. had fun dancing like a fool with all the other fools at the goth club. i realized there's two main types of dancing at goth clubs. one is 'soft dancing' like you are waving fog away and stepping lightly, ball or toe of the foot first to not make a sound. the other is 'angry dancing' where you flail your arms around and stomp with huge waffle boots like you're trying to kill cockroaches skittering across the floor. ...despite my observing and analyzing, my dancing still has the flavor of the hip-hop lovin' ghetto high school i went to. so'k. i like feeling different in a sea of self-made outcasts.
it seems like lots of peole i know or know of are getting sick and/or dying. my brother would be one. he got real sick recently, had a short hospital stay, and is now out and able to continue abusing the privilage that is life. the mothers of two of my internet friends have been sick. one is having strokes and isn't expected to live long. my friend, her son, seems almost relieved about it. he's taken care of her for years now because she's lost the willingness to live. and what's interesting about it is that he's been in a wheelchair his whole life, but he's still thinking of others. another internet friend's mother had cancer... and recently passed away. i tracked down his phone number and left him a message. somehow it just doesn't seem like enough... but he isn't one to enjoy a ton of people giving him sympathy, so i've given him distance. i know there's others piling it on him. there's also a group of my friends, headed by capitan jack... two of their friends have died recently and it still affects the whole group. one of 'em was a guy i never met. he was sitting in his living room and a small airplane came out of the sky to kiss the ground. the house was gone, with him inside it. freaky wierd. another of capitan jack's friends commited suicide. again, someone i don't believe i ever met. he had attempted and contimplated the thought many times before, and stayed thanks to the love and support of his friends. this time, though, he didn't call for help and went through with it. capitan jack and the whole crew have been really affected by this one, thinking they hadn't done enough. i think that isn't true. i think he still loved his friends... but needed peace and quiet from the demons in his head more.
after club i went home with hyper-sweet while shadao took angel-wings home. i love hyper-sweet to tears, but every time i'm with him, i think i move closer and closer to really hurting him bad. this time he pressed on me the fact that he knows the exact day we met over four years ago. and what it means to him. i think he's seeing shadao as a bad guy and me as someone who needs rescuing. i keep trying to talk to him about it, he avoids the subject and won't see that shad doesn't force anything on me, i make the choices to stay with him.
i figured out my finances for what i need to make at the bar. if 1/3 of what you make goes to rent, i need to be making about $280 each week. if i only work 2 days a week, that means $140 a day. that's only 7 dances or 1 dance an hour. plus i'll be making tips as well. if i reach my goal, i'll be left with $700 a month for food, fun and savings. if i exceed my goal, i'll be a very happy camper indeed.
when i got home from staying the night with hyper-sweet, angel-wings and shadao were still sleeping. i started the stew that is finishing in the crockpot now, taking a few trips to the store to get needed ingredients. the stew meat had been sitting in the fridge, thawing for a day or two and had bled all over the bottom and even out the fridge. ickiness i had to clean up after the cooking. angel-wings and shad woke up and came to talk to me a couple times. then went back to finish bedroom time. this is the first time in a while we've had a woman in our house. i don't know how to describe how it makes me feel. but it's not good yet not bad either. i'd have to go with confused, although it's not quite right. around 4 they got dressed and shad left to take angel-wings home. i continued preping the crockpot in peace.
i think the only thing i'm miffed about is they used up all the condoms.