"Guardians Of The Galaxy" (Blu-Ray) Review (Spoilers)
Also reviews for the latest episodes of Teen Titans Go! The Flash, Arrow, Gotham, Constantine, Marvel's Agent Carter, Marvel's Hulk And The Agents Of S.M.A.S.H., Marvel's Avengers Assemble, Star Wars Rebels, Girl Meets World, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the premiere of Power Rangers Dino Charge, and the latest episodes of The Simpsons, Grimm, Sleepy Hollow, Bob's Burgers, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Parks And Recreation, Family Guy, 12 Monkeys, Stalker, Newsreaders, and The Blacklist.
Upcoming reviews include The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Blu-Ray), The Spectacular Spider-Man: The Complete Series, Phineas And Ferb: Star Wars, Big Hero 6 (Blu-Ray), Tangled, Muppets Most Wanted: Extended Edition, Lego DC Super Heroes: Justice League vs. Bizarro League, Justice League: Throne Of Atlantis, Revolution: Season 2, Almost Human: The Complete Series, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 1, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug (Blu-Ray), The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Extended Edition, Airplane! / Airplane II: The Sequel: Double Feature, Police Squad: The Complete Series, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 2, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Turbo: Volume 2, Power Rangers In Space Volume 1, Power Rangers In Space: Volume 2, Power Rangers Samurai: The Complete Season, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Showdown In Dimension X, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Mr. Peabody & Sherman, Under The Dome: Season 2, Samurai Jack: Season 4, Challenge Of The Gobots: The Original Miniseries, The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones, Yogi's First Christmas, Legends Of The SuperHeroes, Hey Good Lookin', The Wonder Years: Season 2, The Simpsons: Season 17, Family Guy: Volume 7, Family Guy: Volume 8, and Family Guy: Volume 9.
Teen Titans Go! "Crazy Day"
Starfire as the Sphinx was classic as was Raven's expression upon seeing Beast Boy and Cyborg "move". And I think for the first time in the franchise's history they devised a punishment horrible enough for Trigon. Nobody says "Boo-yah" anymore.
Still, the episode was dumb, loud, and obnoxious. I have never sympathized with Raven more. ***.
Teen Titans Go! "Smile Bones"
That was disgusting and pointless. This show in a nutshell.
I liked two gags: Raven making her six-packs talk and the revelation that Robin eats nothing but fish (gross).
But otherwise this was a Regular Show episode. You know the drill. 0.
The Flash "The Sound And The Fury"
Wells has superspeed? His chances of actually being Professor Zoom just went up to 50/50. I'd actually prefer it was him instead of Eddie. Because it would hurt more.
I laughed at Joe's "Aww!" at the end. Why? Because I said the exact same thing a second before he did.
Do you know what I found REALLY interesting about Iris' terrible first day? Her colleagues are not wrong in their dismissal of her credentials and how she got the job. It would be SO much easier for me to think Iris was getting a raw deal if they weren't right.
Cisco kind of got a raw deal from Hartley on his first day though, but to be absolutely fair, even if a young genius wearing a "Han Shot first" T-shirt on the first day of a job at a billion dollar company is rebellious, and makes a statement about independence, it is STILL incredibly tacky. It was all of the horrible stuff Hartley said after that crossed the line.
I really liked this one. ****.
The Flash "Crazy For You"
So Grodd is definitely a thing. This show is nuts.
I love that Caitlin wasn't mad at Sisco at all. That was refreshing. Her moments with Barry were great too especially when she said she wouldn't begrudge him for taking a peek. Loved her singing Kareoke. I think he actress is a genuinely bad singer and wasn't just putting us on. That's kind of fearless.
Barry's scene at the end of his father figuring out he was the Flash was very moving. It seems to reflect very poorly on Iris that she cannot see the same thing. It was different with Laurel and Ollie on Arrow. Ollie was a completely different person when he returned from the island. If Iris knows Barry as well as she thinks, she would have figured it out.
Can't wait to see what happens with Grodd! ****.
Arrow "Midnight City"
How stupid is Laurel? It doesn't for a second occur to her that by pretending to be her sister it would completely screw up her relationship with her father (who she is already lying to) even more?
I think the thing that angers me most about it is precisely because that guy in the teaser bragged that the Canary wasn't as hot as she was cracked up to be. She's ruining Sara's rep! And it's not her rep to ruin.
Loved Thea shaming Malcolm but I have to say he's just as nuts as Laurel if he thinks he can keep the fact that he hung her and her brother out to dry to save himself from her. The only reason Roy hasn't blabbed is because it would compromise Oliver's secret. When she DOES find out (and I'm betting it's coming sooner than we think) she won't forgive him. People don't take to being brainwashed to kill their friends so well.
Felicity's characterization this season has been VERY spotty but that stuff with the helicopter keys was pretty dang adorable. The problem with Felicity is that she is a character you must write perfectly 100% of time. There are no shortcuts or instances of plot-related stupidity that the audience would accept. I imagine she is about as tough a character to write for as Marge Simpson. But even though the writers have been struggling this season, they haven't ruined her. Not yet. Stuff like the keys scene is the reason why.
I love Katana's actress. I remember her from The Wolverine. She has a very unique look to her that films well (but also makes it that she takes a terrible picture).
I have no complaints this week. ****.
Arrow "Uprising"
That stuff at the end with Felicity killed me. It was bad enough that she was right. The kick was that OLIVER knew that and couldn't argue the point. What could he POSSIBLY say to that that wouldn't be complete b.s.?
I like that Dig voted with Felicity but I don't understand why Laurel even gets a vote. I have a hard enough time accepting Roy does, but at least Oliver revealed his secret to him and trained him himself. Laurel learned Oliver's secret second-hand and put on the Canary costume against his wishes. Why is she now in the club?
Pretty sick street fight at the end. I approve.
I have been wondering what happened to Sin all season. It has been the thing that has been driving me nuts the most. See, if the group had kept her in the loop all along, maybe she wouldn't have completely messed up their secret with Quentin. Which is still a dumb secret. Laurel is a coward for not telling him and making her friends into liars because she doesn't have the courage to be an adult. I hate her. Unreservedly.
I loved learning how Merlyn got the name "The Magician". You'd figure cheap tricks wouldn't impress a worldly kid like Nyssa, but I'm betting that was the first time she was ever treated LIKE a kid.
Great episode. *****.
Gotham "The Fearsome Dr. Crane"
Penguin made a mistake. He should have handed Moroni the gun and stated that he would never betray him. Moroni already likes him! He was obviously looking for an excuse to not have to kill him. And instead of Penguin feeding into that need of Moroni's, (likeability is a VERY big weakness with him) he offers up his guilt on a silver platter. Now, Moroni may NOT have spared him after all. But he might have. And Penguin should have risked it. The reward for staying in Moroni's good graces for even a while longer was too great to chance. Not to mention he had a better shot of making it out of there alive.
Moroni's "I can't believe I fell for that" pretty much sums up my opinion on how lousy Penguin betraying him is. I loved Moroni saying that even when Penguin offers up great financial incentives to keep him alive, Moroni just points out that it wasn't business, it was personal. That is why Moroni is my favorite gangster on the show. He actually cares about the people who work for him. And that is probably going to wind up getting him killed someday.
Weird cliffhanger. For real.
I love the way Harvey Bullock romances a woman. Workmanlike. No pretense. Off-putting. And totally adorable. It is not surprising a guy who looks like him gets laid as often as he does. When he started talking about weak and timid men in response to the woman claiming true courage is admitting your fear I laughed. Because what she said is the general consensus on the subject. But has anyone actually proved that? Maybe Crane had the right idea all along.
I think Bruce just threw Gordon for a loop. The cool thing is that there is no anger in Bruce at all, which is pretty much the thing that was freaking out Jim the most. The kid said he would take over the murder investigation of his own parents with such sincerity, that Gordon was scared because he believed him. Great stuff.
Gotham is a 50/50 show. Good one week, bad the next. This was a good week. ****.
Gotham "The Scarecrow"
Somehow I think Leslie Thompkins is Morena Baccarin's sexiest role I've seen. I would not object to kissing her under any circumstances.
I loved the annoyed look on Bruce's face upon realizing Alfred was at the top of the hill the entire time. Those two are starting to be good together.
I'm starting to think Falcone kept Penguin alive because he knew Moroni would keep him in line. If something happens to Falcone, Moroni kills Penguin. Now Penguin has extra incentive to keep Falcone alive. Smart.
That Scarecrow nightmare at the end was terrifying. Great CGI effects. It gave me the willies.
Riddler's first scene with Penguin was great too. Instant dislike. Good move.
I liked this one. ****.
Constantine "A Whole New World Out There"
That was dark, twisted, scary, violent, and disturbing. Why did I have so much fun watching it? How is it this show is able to make me enjoy something like that? I'll admit the last five minutes suck (nifty specials effects notwithstanding) but I was pretty much grinning ear to ear before then.
This was a Lostie's dream. Michael, Daniel Faraday, AND Ethan? Did I just win the lottery? I hope not because the numbers are bad.
Jeremy Davies, potentially handsome leading man, AGAIN exclusively playing creeps and weirdoes. And this is because he CHOOSES to. He thinks he's Johnny Depp. He's really Crispin Glover. He could have written his own ticket after Lost. I'd be more inclined to let his troubling career choices slide if he didn't always seem to be stuck in guest shots on lesser known genre shows. The dude could have had a movie career at this point but would rather play the mentally disabled guy on Hannibal. I do not get him.
This was SO much fun. ****.
Constantine "Angels And Ministers Of Grace"
Manny is John's betrayer. I am 99% certain of it now. Before it was my top theory, but it could have gone another way. After tonight there is no-one else it can be.
Manny's hilariously struggling with his new-found sexuality, being humbled by computers, and comforting Zed in the hospital: These are the actions of a man I do not WANT to be the traitor. He is lovable in a way that Zed and Chas are not. Therefore is HAS to be him. Because it will kill us.
Another big clue was when Zed asked if her powers came from God or somewhere else, and Manny declared "I'm here, aren't I?" My stomach actually lurched a bit at that. The worst thing is that this line hints that Manny will NOT be going to the dark side. He's probably been on it all along and playing John from the beginning.
If the betrayer is revealed next week I am positive it will be him. ****1/2.
Marvel's Agent Carter "The Blitzkrieg Button"
This show is so much fun. Say what you will about it and Agents of SHIELD, but they are both excellent ways to kill an hour. I never feel as drained watching them as I do Arrow or Gotham. Constantine is the only DC show as fun as this.
That scene with Sousa trying desperately to relate to the bum was SO great because Thompson just went in there and dangled some booze and a cheeseburger in front of him and they got the information without anybody's feelings getting further hurt. Although Sousa's pride probably took a hit. He was totally overthinking the situation. What did we learn?
I cheered when Peggy decked Howard. He seriously crossed a line by not telling her that. Everything she said about him was true and I was squeeing in delight during her Crowning Moment Of Awesome. The reason it felt so good is because Peggy had been putting up with a LOT of Howard's shenanigans this episode and it was all for nothing. She could have been kicked out of her home if Howard had been discovered, and he was treating her floor like the Playboy Mansion for her troubles. You kind of knew how deep Stark stepped into it when even Jarvis clucked his disapproval at the end. And look! Stan the Man!
Peggy's neighbor is a Doll! (/Mutant Enemy reference). Loved that twist.
The stuff with the camera pen was funny too.
The hard-boiled dialogue is something I adored. I loved the scene with the unhelpful Nazi. It was like talking to a stone. He should have offered him a cheeseburger.
Great episode, great show. *****.
Marvel's Agent Carter "The Iron Ceiling"
Hearing those guy's arguments at the beginning as to why Peggy couldn't go, I was like "These guys do not GET it!". It was the same problem as the military getting rid of one of its top interpreters during the Iraq War because he was gay. The episode showed that the military will often underuse assets simply because they are afraid the message the gender dynamic would send. It's stupid. And the message is still timely.
Sousa, man. He's in for a world of hurt. Anyone who falls for Peggy is. I am almost a little bit miffed that the "Next Time" promo gave away as much as it did. But on the other hand, that's what the episode is gonna be about. Are they supposed to lie?
Good to see the Howling Commandos again, even if we didn't get all of 'em. At least we got Dum-Dum Dugan. That was enough.
They should just cast John Glover in everything.
Dottie is straight up, well, DOTTIE. Her pretending to be Peggy in the mirror was almost as disturbing as her handcuffing herself to her bed so she would be able to get to sleep.
I'm really looking forward to next week. ****1/2.
Marvel's Hulk And The Agents Of S.M.A.S.H. "Spidey, I Blew Up The Dinosaur"
"Bring it on down to Weinerville" is pretty much a perfect joke. It is funny enough on its own if you don't understand the reference, but if you do, it's hilarious. But wasn't that era of Timbalake on SNL a little bit before a high school kid like Peter Parker's time? Don't care. Still funny.
The ep gets a positive score just for that. ***1/2.
Marvel's Hulk And The Agents Of S.M.A.S.H. "The Strongest One There Is"
Totally not terrible. It was big and loud and dumb, which describes this show to a T, and yet it still held my interest. It was fun. I didn't have to spend my time nitpicking at plot holes. Which is pretty rare for this show. ***.
Marvel's Avengers Assemble "Head To Head"
Ever since Farscape, genre shows have NOT been afraid to go big and complicated with their body switching episodes. This wasn't a Futurama level of brainhurt but it was STILL really cool and complicated.
Only way this would have been better is if Black Widow as Hulk had actually hit Hawkeye in his real body. I forget who Hawkeye became this episode but I'm pretty sure they didn't deserve to wind up with sore muscles after the adventure was over. Still, I'll take Hawkeye pain any way I can get it, even if it's only temporary.
Good stuff. ****1/2.
Marvel's Avengers Assemble "Dark Avengers"
One of the things I hate most about superhero comics is that they will concoct completely ridiculously unlikely scenarios to try to shock the audience into believing the hero has gone bad. I don't even know why they still do it. I mean, I'm betting the writers are smart enough to realize they aren't actually fooling anyone, but since the trope is well-worn, every superhero comic doesn't see anything wrong with being badly written for the sake of a "twist" that is fooling no-one
To be absolutely fair, it is NOT just this show. It's all superhero cartoons. All of 'em. Even JLU. Granted, "A Better World" was better than it had any right to be, but it's teaser and first act were still awful.
I just don't get the idea of doing the trope for the sake of doing the trope. Comic book writers and cartoon producers seem to think in interviews that doing this kind of thing is what the fans what to see. Me? Show me something new. Something I wouldn't expect. Something where you don't have to rewrite the entire laws of the known universe to make a character's weird behavior remotely plausible. I really resent that fans do NOT object to these overdone tropes. For an industry that seem to being trying to exclusively cater to mature readers, comic book and superhero cartoons have a lot of growing up to do. And their readers and fans should be demanding more from them. I certainly am. *.
Star Wars Rebels "Vision Of Hope"
Oh, for crying out loud. Are you kidding me? Weisman has totally lost it. I grumbled during The Spectacular Spider-Man and Young Justice a bit about this, but Weisman has spent his career coasting on that admittedly excellent twist from Gargoyles' "The Gathering", and has never come anywhere NEAR matching it, much less topping it. Did he REALLY expect us to believe there was a chance in frell that that Rebel sympathizer wasn't secretly working for the Empire? Because they might have done better than to telegraph there is no other thing he could be than a Rebel traitor. There was absolutely no misdirection. Weisman actually thought was enough. But, seriously, even the ANIMATORS drew the character as if he had just knocked over a convenience store. There is no excuse for this. None.
The last time I saw something this predictable was during Batman: The Brave And The Bold. But see, that was a SATIRE and was SUPPOSED to be badly written in tribute to the old Batman comics. This was as sucky as it was all on its own. 0.
Girl Meets World "Girl Meets Farkle's Choice"
Remind me again why everyone thinks Jane Lynch is so great? Because I just do NOT get the appeal. At all.
The episode is asking me to believe Farkle is some poor romantic kid whose night was ruined by the two girls he loves, but seriously? That doesn't fly with me. At all. He was the one who set Riley and Maya against each other in the first place, by making each of them want it so bad. It was manipulative and obnoxious. I'm sure the show is asking all the pre-teen girls in the audience to think Farkle is adorable, but I just think he's the kind of guy who creates his own messes.
Liked hearing a verbose and literally talking bully again. Those were a Boy Meets World specialty.
Ava LIKES being thrown out by Topanga. Those are some lousy child actors but this isn't Game of Thrones. I'll get over it.
Cory with the juice box was a good gag.
"She bit his head off!" Probably the funniest line in this show's history.
The show is asking us to believe Farkle is deeper than he is. That's sort of how Boy Meets World always tried to present itself, but that was never a positive quality in the original shiw. **1/2.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "Serpunt Hunt"
Like Brent Spiner, J.B. Smoove is one of those actors with a voice that is GREAT for voice-over, and deserves a career in the field as big as previous non-voice actors Mark Hamill and Clancy Brown. Unlike Spiner though, I expect he'll get it. As talented as Spiner is, his ship sailed long ago. And his voice ISN'T as great as George Takei's (who totally earned his second career). Smoove is gonna big in cartoon voices. Mark my words. He's the next Phil Lamarr, if not in talent, (he can't vary his voice the way Lamarr does) then in how often he will be used for black characters. He's that good.
I kind of hate that the end scene was as horrific as it was. I think turning the Mutations into something that horrible hurts the show. Part of Turtles' appeal is that the Mutation premise is a little bit funny. By completely making it dark and scary the show is messing with a very successful part of the franchise's formula. At least, unlike the movie, the Turtles are still cartoon-cute. But I think making the Mutations as horrible as they are is a mistake. A big one.
Good and bad. ***.
Power Rangers: Dino Charge "Powers From The Past"
I almost didn't check this out. Almost. Unlike both Samurai and Megaforce there was NO incentive for me to watch. But I'm SO glad I did. Because this is awful. Adult fans of this show? Let me just take this moment to mock you and say how pathetic you are. Jebus. I'm watching every week and plan to MST3K the heck out of it.
Keeper is one of the worst animatronic puppets I have ever seen. His mouth doesn't actually open, but merely wiggles. It is beyond cheesy looking. How is it that Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation had better puppets twenty years ago? It boggles the mind.
Speaking of, the special effects are awful, especially compared to Samurai and Megaforce. Both of those shows never had to worry about making CGI dinosaurs but it is what it is. This sucked.
I laughed when I saw Poisandra's design. Is that what passes for a scary creature in Japan? It is beyond ludicrous. I expected her to be raped by an octopus tentacle at any moment.
This show is going to be awful. Adult Power Rangers fans are morons. 0.
The Simpsons "Walking Big & Tall"
Springfield: embrace the suck.
Spry Mayor Moleman? Yes. Yes. Dear God, a thousand times yes.
Props to the episode for poking holes in the most overrated Simpsons episode of all time (Stark Raving Dad). Also good was the Whacking Day reference.
Agnes is even hateful with laryngitis.
I love the commentary that self-help groups just teach people to trade one vice for another. Although believe it or not diet soda actually DOES help. The joke was funny but non-diet soda does a LOT of damage with no reward.
Homer's prolonged fat burn list was quite excellent. Poppa's Got A Brand New Badge had similarly funny extended gag of Homer listing all of his previous jobs.
If ANY voice actor deserves to extoll the virtues of being big and beautiful it is Kevin Michael Richardson.
"I was distinctly promised there would be no math!"
I was angered at the show calling Charles Schulz a one-hit wonder but by any reasonable metric he actually was.
The funeral vase jokes were mean.
Good to see Comic Book Guy still has his girlfriend.
That Moleman "Whoa!" capper was absolutely perfect.
Don't ever do another movie, Simpsons. The show sucked for years because the producers were busy with that. Now that it has their full attention it is good again. ****1/2.
Grimm "Death Do Us"
This has been a VERY weird season and I mean that as the highest compliment. The entire tone of this episode was strange, and even off-putting at points, but I couldn't look away. What a great design for a Wesen. And the crazy guy thinking that woman was his wife was both scary AND sad. I didn't even mind the Ghost Hunters bit at the beginning.
If I had any complaints, it's that the cliffhanger could have been better. All of the stuff with Renard setting Juliet up with a very strange and possibly dangerous woman would probably have ended better had we gotten a little past her walking into the scene. And out of context the stuff with Renard and the bullets didn't resonate as much as they were hoping it would. Because I was so curious about Juliet.
Do you know what I've noticed about Wu? He's a fun character again. Now that he knows he isn't crazy he is perfectly content to wisecrack and even seems game for the bizarre stuff. This is good. Having Wu know but NOT really know was bad for the character. They never should have put him in a position where he was between the truth for so long. Even Hank only thought he was nuts for three or four episodes.
Now we get to it: NBC does this show NO favors with it's promos. Any potential interested viewers last week's advert may have gained them will NOT return with the revelation that it was merely a dream sequence in the beginning. I honestly think it is a miracle this show has lasted four seasons. NBC's decisions regarding the airing and promotion of it would have killed a lesser show dead in under a season. The fact that it is still a success is due to the interesting premise and NOT because it is tuning in casual viewers. NBC has to stop designing it's promos for people who don't watch the show. They are killing the long-term health of it by doing that.
Still, it was a really funky episode. ****1/2.
Grimm "Marechaussee"
Wow, that episode title got away from them a bit.
The Wesen Council was idiotic to put out a hit on Nick. He could be a seriously important asset and they just blew it. I'd be more forgiving if Nick's alliance with them wasn't a once in a lifetime opportunity. That is NOT a scenario you just burn because of a slight inconvenience.
We've never seen the smooth side of Victor before. I'm betting it will be more successful. Which scares me.
I loved Rosalee and Monroe's reactions to that phone call. That was scary.
I like that in most episodes Nick's duty as a cop interfere with his duties as a Grimm, but in this episode his duties as a Grimm interfered with his duties as a cop.
Is the blood of a Grimm still out of the question for Juliet? Hmmm.
Decent. ***.
Sleepy Hollow "Spellcasters"
Of course, Frank is evil. Good for the show for not dragging it out for seasons on end and then revealing it when he kills a major character (say Jenny). They could still do that but I always thought that was a b.s. mode of storytelling ever since Michael on Lost.
I am tickled that Crane admires Edward R. Murrow. That is SO great. I also liked him noting he wasn't trying to prove his commitment to Abbie, but to Kent.
If Katrina doesn't turn out to be the Big Bad of an upcoming season, I'll be shocked. This episode did change ONE thing though. I no longer think she has been evil all along. She may be going there (and I'm betting she does) but I don't think she's always been that anymore because of this episode. The shocked pleasure of someone experimenting with evil for the first time was of someone who had never done it before. So, there is still hope for her.
Not bad. ***1/2.
Sleepy Hollow "What Lies Beneath"
I love Abbie's response to Calvin's insightful recognition of "propaganda face": "Quit looking at my face."
I'm glad Jenny saw straight though Irving. This show has ALWAYS blown through their mythology lightning fast. That is one of the best things about it.
Crane curtseying twice for Jefferson was inane.
Do you know what I noticed? Abbie was respectful towards Jefferson, but her attitude towards him was decidedly chilly. I wonder why that was.
It looks like my predictions about Katrina and Irving are coming true. Katia Winter looks incredibly sexy in the floor length shawl.
Decent. ***.
Bob's Burgers "Can't Buy Me Math"
I really liked the ending, but I think that outside of the last two minutes the last act got away from them a bit. Even if the final bit with Bob and Linda in the window was funny, nothing leading up to it was. Tina and Darryl were better mostly because the show was smart enough to turn it into an 80's teen comedy by the end. So, again, the last two minutes were great. It's just that I was losing patience with the episode before then.
I loved Tina NOT being able to take Louise's hint and the idea that Louise and Gene use the tub as a "second bathroom". Little kids are so gross. And Tina's greatetst fear is her grandchildren learning she was bad at math. Tina logic is not like our Earth logic.
I'm glad Darryl got to keep his new girlfriend. That was cute. But the episode sort of went off the rails in the middle. ***.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "Hostages"
Cartoons aren't on Saturdays anymore, Scully.
I like Amy's sex tape titles.
Terry is a waste of muscles. Still, I loved him sticking up for the squad at the end. What that guy did wasn't cool.
Jake getting McClaned was embarrassing. Poor guy.
Pretty good. ***1/2.
Parks And Recreation "Gryzzlbox"
Did you see the look on Ron Swanson's face at the end of the episode? It was like something out of the scariest horror film ever made. I leaned back a little. Seriously.
I'm SO glad we are allowed to love Ron again. Les Vegetables. Is Star Wars the one with the boy wizard? Good stuff.
How Tom got Andy his contract was hilarious. I'm betting that works in real life (much like Senor Chang's pick-up line on Community) just because it is so pathetic you want it to stop.
I really regret that Craig was only introduced last year. He is a phenomenal character and I wish we had gotten him in season two or three instead of the second to last. He REALLY could have a MUCH bigger character than he'll wind up being by necessity. Still, it's nice that his actor is a series regular.
I loved April wanting to adopt that girl and telling her to quit, and then Craig calling her out on her b.s. about it. Craig is right. Without Leslie Knope (who he calls the greatest person who ever lived) she'd be working at a gas station. Craig is insightful in a way Donna is not. I REALLY wish he had come aboard earlier. Eagleton gets a LOT of guff thrown at it and much of it is deserved. But they gave the world Craig. As far as I'm concerned that's tips them on the "good" scale of the universe.
That robot with the box at the beginning confirmed something: Parks and Recreation is now a science-fiction program. It's kind of been that since "2017", but now it totally is.
I loved this. ****1/2.
Parks And Recreation "Save J.J.'s"
Donna and Tom are pretty much insufferable. They are pretty much exactly the kind of people I hate. I don't know how such a down-to-earth person as Lucy could ever put up with Tom. He is the worst.
I love that Craig just randomly fired a bunch of people. He's good. For real.
I never thought Parks could create a character more loathsome than Jamm. They didn't. But the cologne guy tied him. That's huge.
Not great, but not bad either. ***.
Parks And Recreation "Donna And Joe"
How awesome was it that Donna tricked everybody into calling Garry by his real name? I smiled at that. Also that Donna was delighted that thing with her brother just happened. Drama!
Ben in Congress: I can see it. It was a nice twist. The drunk phones calls were great too especially Leslie singing in the background. I like that Ben is no longer a disastrous public speaker.
When Lucy said she only dated Tom for the free dresses, even though she was kidding, I remembered that Ann thought the luxuries were the biggest perk of dating Tom. It's is ridiculous that a man is so obsessed with that stuff, but if you are a woman dating him? That's gotta Heaven on some level.
Best Ron Swanson moment? The idea that the thing he admires most about Churches is that they are always so well built. That is SO Ron Swanson. And do you know the wild thing? It's absolutely true. Churches are the one type of building that is always sturdily constructed, no matter what. I also laughed at the look on Rob's face when Tom cut him off food until he fixed the mess with Lucy. Nick Offerman did a great double-take.
Christie Brinkley! Swoon! I'd consider Garry lucky to have her until we realize that it was revealed a few seasons ago that Garry possesses the largest penis a person can ever see. Maybe she IS her type after all.
Great episode. ****.
Family Guy
Dirty Harry vs. the Leprechaun was classic.
Have you EVER met a person name Justin who wasn't a complete ahole? It is one of those names like Derek that seems to gravitate towards d-bags exclusively.
The Go upstairs Meg joke was cruel.
"Forever Young" is the worst song to enter in on.
The Wild Things' horns make good boner pills.
C'mon Ronnie, she bought the dress.
Peter on the witness stand was a riot and so was Cleveland. I cannot believe Fox let them describe what a Frosty Jim is (is that even a real thing?). When Joe exclaims after explaining it "He's a good guy!" I nearly lost it.
Quagmire being rebirthed nine times would have been disturbing in any case, but hearing the reason his mother did it was bone-chilling. It is no wonder that man is a sociopath.
Is the show seriously expecting us to believe that Quagmire isn't on the sex offenders' registry already and that this was a new low for him? Because he's bragged about raping 12 year old crossing guards before. Not buying it.
The show is expecting me to think Brian is terrible for rubbing it in and being a bad "friend" but seriously? I'm supposed to hate him for that? Quagmire has ALWAYS treated Brian horribly and he's a freaking rapist. Why SHOULD Brian be supportive? They are asking me to think Brian is a douche when in fact I think he is being quite awesome. Trust me, where Brian Griffin is concerned, that is a rare feeling. He's right. Quagmire's a grown man. He can't blame his mother for him making his own bad choices. The fact that she's a fundie nut is just an extra perk to annoy Quagmire with. I'm on Brian's side. Totally. Besides, the Dairy Queen will be closed in ten minutes.
"Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing." Sums up this show in a nutshell. ***.
12 Monkeys "Cassandra Complex"
I'll confess. I absolutely hated the opening scene with Cole training Cassie and the two of them joking about Chinese food. Why? Because it turned the show into television which is not something it was not in its first two weeks. I don't like the idea that there will be times where Cole and Cassie can just chill and take it easy. That is not what the concept promised us.
After that the episode shaped up. I was shocked Cole killed Henri at the end but I shouldn't have been. I am really looking forward to seeing where they are going with the creepy jasmine guy (Heh. Jasmine Guy). He's great.
Not as good as the first two weeks. ***1/2.
12 Monkeys "Atari"
Confusing episode. Which is good. They spent the first few weeks exploring the premise of the plague and the death cult. It was a good idea to fully explore what they can do with time travel, even if it confuses the viewer.
I was miffed they killed off Ramsay (Kirk Acevedo has the worst luck!) they I remembered "Oh, It's a time travel show. Problem solved."
Good to hear the game Go getting mentioned. You don't hear that in pop culture much.
Todd Stashwick only plays sociopaths and monsters. And the weird thing is he is not an ugly man. I don't think he necessarily always HAS to play the bad guy with his looks. But he is SO good at playing creeps I understand why he got typecast as them in the first place.
Better than last week. ****.
Stalker "My Hero"
God, I hate television. This show actually forced Ashley Johnson to pretend that she was the not-pretty girl and the also-ran. By any reasonable metric Johnson is a "10" in the beauty department. I'd criticize this show for doing this specifically but ALL TV does it. ALL the time. Even the good stuff. ESPECIALLY the good stuff. It is so freaking infuriating. I don't mind at all that TV uses attractive actors and actresses as their leads and guest roles. I enjoy looking at an attractive person as much as anybody else. What I object is people trying to pretend for a second they don't look like catalogue models and are "average" and on some sort of bizarre scale.
And in the case where you get an actress who IS average looking, you can only cast her in certain roles. Nicholle Tom proved on JLU that she was a fantastic actress, only by using her voice. And yet, because she has never really grown out of her awkward appearance (that probably was the reason she was cast on The Nanny in the first place) she will always only play psychos and dowdy neighbors in live-action. In this episode she was both. It is a tragedy.
I think "Girls" an incredibly trashy and low quality show. But it gets credit from me for casting someone who looks like Lena Dunham as the female lead. She's not exactly someone I enjoy seeing naked. But if Girls were NOT an X-rated show, I might have been able to enjoy it, just because the premise of the lead being a pretty, but perfectly normal looking woman, is so interesting. There is NO reason Nicholle Tom can't be cast as a lead on a TV show, except that she isn't classically beautiful. And yet in real life, she would STILL be considered very attractive. And that is infuriating. She's frickin' Supergirl for Pete's sake! She deserves better than this.
Do you know what I liked? The lifeguard choosing to try to talk her ex-friend down off the pier. See, if it was me in that situation I probably would have let her jump. That was unexpected.
But still, like I said, I hate television. *1/2.
Stalker "Lost And Found"
Do you know what I loved about this admittedly sucky episode? It basically said that all teenagers are horrible, and frankly, dirt-stupid. Why did I love that? Because this show is from Kevin Williamson who spent the entire early part of his career trying to convince audiences that Dawson, Joey, Pacey, and Jen weren't all horrible and stupid, despite all evidence to the contrary. I like that Williamson has moved onto the "All teenagers suck" bandwagon in this phase of his life. It is an opinion I share. What took him so long? It's a good place to be.
The only reason somebody should go under gym bleachers is if they want to get murdered. Because that is literally the only thing they are good for. I have no clue why schools are still allowed to have those. They are bonafide deathtraps. They might as well have a gun range in the kindergarten.
I found the "happy ending" of the mother and daughter asking to visit the stalker in the mental hospital to beggar belief. Last week it was a little hard to believe that the lifeguard would not want to see the person who killed her fiance dead. But I can STILL sort of buy it because there ARE people out there who are genuinely that good. There is no scenario where either the mother or daughter should have forgiven that girl for what she did. I get that they're related to her, but people cut ties with abusive family members all the time. They shouldn't have shown them making plans to keep in her their lives while the daughter was still on the ambulance stretcher.
Speaking of stupid teenagers, what I especially hate about Perry is that he is dumb enough to free a serial killer from an insane asylum and think that he could control the situation. Even dumber, he expects the killer to be cool with that. TV tends to have incredibly stupid villains to make the heroes look good, but I kind of think they don't need to make Perry as dumb as he is for him to work. It helps Joffrey's character on Game Of Thrones that he is a dimwit. It adds nothing to Perry here except the make the audience take him less seriously. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we shouldn't be taking him seriously to begin with. But the show has been spending the first half of the season saying this kid is a serious threat to Beth and if they really want us to believe that, they'd make him more competent at his job of being a sociopath. Fictional sociopaths suck but as least they are usually smart, so you are interested to see what they'll do next. Perry is not that at all and I think making him so stupid was as bad a fundamental premise to the show as it was to make Jack a stalker in the first place.
Honestly, this show makes some unnecessarily bad decisions that is truly does NOT need to make. It doesn't need to be as bad it is. It's a shame, actually. **.
Newsreaders "Jellyfish Sting Clinic"
That was friggin' hilarious. I know something else that smells like pee: Skip Reming! Hasslehoff's "And that all I remember about my time on Knight Rider," was perfect. I want a cat bag too.
Jellyfish Sting Clinic: You knew the ending was coming but getting there was the hysterical part. This built magnificently and got progressively more and more ridiculous as it went on. That guy was a monster. *****.
Episode Overall: *****.
Newsreaders "The FMK Killer / Newsreaders: Behind The Scenes"
I wish the Lesbians Until Graduation story was actually a thing. That would have been funny. And Skip Reming is deranged.
The FMK Killer: Jenna Fischer is right. You have to want to F the M. She's totally the M. *****.
Newsreaders: Behind The Scenes: This wasn't particularly funny, mostly because I couldn't tell what they were trying to say with the joke. **.
Episode Overall: ****.
The Blacklist "Luther Braxton"
Fantastic. But I gotta say, I'm betting the Superbowl samplers are gonna be ticked by that ending. Wrong ending for that particular episode. But what an ending!
I think I love how Braxton thinks so little of Red. Red uses his fine wines, and love of art and philosophers to play head games with people. And Braxton pretty just straight up said that that stuff made him soft. After seeing Braxton in action (Ron Perlman makes everything better) it is not unreasonable he thinks this.
I love that Red has enough contacts in any given prison to be able to immediately summon a team. And invite one guy along just so he can shoot him.
Still, didn't you just love the story of the guy who died in the museum ducts clutching that priceless vase? Red may not be as scary as he thinks, he is but he sure is entertaining.
Perfect episode but I doubt it won the show any fans. *****.
The Blacklist "Luther Braxton: Conclusion"
Best version of "I told you so" ever!
The scene at the end between Red and Keene as she was getting her memories back was riveting. And now she has the Fulcrum! Wow!
Red's meeting at the end with the mysterious dude was SO much fun because you didn't know if he would try to call the bluff. He didn't, and I didn't expect that.
Really good episode. ****1/2.
Guardians Of The Galaxy
Fun. But I thought it would be funner.
I think they should have made this more of a comedy like Men In Black. They had some of that but there was some of that Marvel Comics pathos that made the tone very uneven. Seriously, that opening scene with young Peter Quill was terrible. An opening scene should sort of tell you what you are in for. There is nothing in the movie as depressing as that (although there ARE things that are more depressing than they should be).
Am I the only one who thinks it's weird The Collector's appearance isn't all that much longer than his showing up in the tag for Thor: The Dark World? It seemed like they were kinda teasing he would be a bigger character, weren't they?
Bradley Cooper was good as Rocket Raccoon. Why? Because you couldn't tell it was him. He used a totally different voice than his speaking voice. The last voice actor I've heard who could hide that deeply inside a character was Scott Grimes as Steve Smith on American Dad. Now Cooper's not as good as Grimes. But it was one movie and Grimes had YEARS to get as good as he did. I'll cut Cooper some slack.
Best line goes to Peter: "Let me guess... the answer is 'I am Groot.'"
And yes, I'm aware the Black-light / Jackson Pollack painting line exists. But as funny as it is, it bugs me. How would Peter Quill even know who Jackson Pollack was? And for that matter, how would he know what a black-light was and how they were used in scary news reports about hotel rooms from the 1990's? It is SO funny but it kind of drives me nuts at the same time.
Starlord threatening a dance-off with Ronan was great. I don't know why, but there is something incredibly moving about him doing that to Ronan after Groot's death. Ronan was NOT going to bring the group down, and he was letting him know even if he killed a beloved friend, he was no hot s***. He deserved to be mocked. And as funny as it is, I also tear up a bit too. It is a REALLY cool scene.
Drax is REALLY lovable, especially seeing the movie for a second time. When Groot bashes all of those bad guys at the end, the winning smile on his face was shared by me. I loved his "I wasn't really paying attention." What a great character.
I kind of hated Yondu at first, but I liked him more and more as the movie went on. You can tell he is looking for any reason not to have to kill Peter Quill. Him being happy the Infinity Gem turned out to be a troll doll (they already set up he collects cute toys) sort of told me that he knew that Quill handed him a fake the entire time. And seeing this again, that is precisely how Rooker plays it. He ain't so bad.
Dancing Baby Groot to "I Want You Back" is just the best! What a great ending! Gamora even danced a little too!
Speaking of which, this is a cinema first: a movie Howard the Duck appears in that doesn't suck. 100 years from now there will be film classes discussing this game-changing moment in movie history in hushed tones.
No raccoons or tree creatures were harmed in the making of this film.
I did really enjoy the movie. Not up to either Captain America 1 or 2, Iron Man 3's, or The Avengers' standards, but about as good as the first Thor and the first Iron Man. I liked it. ****.
Deleted & Extended Scenes:
Some good stuff was deleted from the movie. A couple of these scenes involve Rocket and Groot and show them in earlier stages of computer animation. Overall: ****1/2.
The Kyln Will Have To Do: Kind of funny. ***.
No, I'm The Stupid One: This is Groot getting distracted by a bug, to Rocket's annoyance. They got through a lot of visuals effects here so this was probably a late deletion. ****1/2.
Sisterly Love: This is a great scene between Zoe Saldana and Karen Gillan but I'm glad it's cut (for whatever the reason). Why? Because there is genuine sexual tension between the two and that's icky. I know they aren't biological siblings but that they are STILL sisters and they should NOT be that flirtatious with each other. ****1/2.
Dancing Guard: That guard and the headphones was SO great I am unsurprised they tried to put more of him in there. ****1/2.
Fake Laugh: This joke is hilarious but even I know why they cut it. It took an already meandering conversation and made it completely about something else. It was already REALLY random but this actually strayed TOO far off-topic. Still funny though. *****.
Gag Reel:
Good things: Ronan accepting the dance-off. Bring it! They completed a CGI scene to do an "outtake" with Rocket and Groot. Bad things: Nitpicker alert: The Top Gun joke bothers the heck out of me and I'm glad it's not in the movie. Top Gun came out in 1986. Peter would have been 4-6 then and there would have been no way he'd have seen it. The Footloose thing (like the Jackson Pollack joke) bugs me too but at least you can rationalize that one. His mom is a rock fan and that movie is a classic for 80's music lovers. It makes sense she'd share it with her son. I'm overthinking it, I know, but Peter Quill should NOT know what Top Gun and Jackson Pollack are. ****.
Guide To The Galaxy With James Gunn:
Gunn talks about how he tried to give all of the alien races different backstories and values and he talked on the commentary about this too. He mentioned there that humans invent things for two reasons: to make life easier and to have fun. Well, the Zandarians prefer the sensation of touch and that is why all of the ships and computer screens have such a tactile sense to them. That is fascinating to me. I like too that this movie decided to go back to the colorful nature of earlier science fiction films. Modern sci-fi films are almost all universally gritty and drab and depressing. Outside of the rare times we get a Star Trek or Star Wars movie, there aren't really a ton of franchises with colorful planets or aliens. I liked Chris Pratt admitting that hearing the Pina Colada Song over and over again got old quick. Vin Diesel notes that he think Groot will connect with audiences emotionally unlike any other character he's played before. My jaw dropped when he said that. Did he forget he was The Iron Giant? Iron Giant was the ORIGINAL Groot, and Diesel really should NOT be underestimating how much his performance in that movie affected people. I also loved the original 8-bit videogame graphics they used for the featurette. They were hilarious. ****.
The Intergalactic Visual Effects For Guardians Of The Galaxy:
This talks about designing Rocket and Groot. I think they did a good job of reasonably explaining why Rocket has a chest when real raccoons don't. I was a bit creeped out by the fact that James Gunn used to pal around with a real raccoon named Oreo on the set. Oh well. I liked seeing the animation tests. ***1/2.
Exclusive Look At Marvel's Avengers: Age Of Ultron:
Looks good. ****.
Trailers:
Ultimate Spider-Man: Web-Warriors: Seeing this just makes me wish Disney would release their Marvel cartoons on Blu-Ray. High Def CGI Spidey rocks! *****.
Marvel On Disney XD: This makes Marvel Universe seem better than it is, which is the mark of a good trailer. *****.
Guardians Of The Galaxy: The Universal Weapon: This looks cute. ***1/2.
Marvel Super Heroes / Disney Infinity: This looks fun. ***1/2.
Marvel Cinematic Universe On Disney Movies Anywhere: It would be cool if you could get Agents Of SHIELD on this thing. But it looks like it's only for movies. Cool trailer though. ****.
Blu-Ray Menu: Refreshingly simple. I'm hooked on a feeling. ****1/2.
Upcoming reviews include The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Blu-Ray), The Spectacular Spider-Man: The Complete Series, Phineas And Ferb: Star Wars, Big Hero 6 (Blu-Ray), Tangled, Muppets Most Wanted: Extended Edition, Lego DC Super Heroes: Justice League vs. Bizarro League, Justice League: Throne Of Atlantis, Revolution: Season 2, Almost Human: The Complete Series, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 1, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug (Blu-Ray), The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Extended Edition, Airplane! / Airplane II: The Sequel: Double Feature, Police Squad: The Complete Series, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 2, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Turbo: Volume 2, Power Rangers In Space Volume 1, Power Rangers In Space: Volume 2, Power Rangers Samurai: The Complete Season, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Showdown In Dimension X, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Mr. Peabody & Sherman, Under The Dome: Season 2, Samurai Jack: Season 4, Challenge Of The Gobots: The Original Miniseries, The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones, Yogi's First Christmas, Legends Of The SuperHeroes, Hey Good Lookin', The Wonder Years: Season 2, The Simpsons: Season 17, Family Guy: Volume 7, Family Guy: Volume 8, and Family Guy: Volume 9.
Teen Titans Go! "Crazy Day"
Starfire as the Sphinx was classic as was Raven's expression upon seeing Beast Boy and Cyborg "move". And I think for the first time in the franchise's history they devised a punishment horrible enough for Trigon. Nobody says "Boo-yah" anymore.
Still, the episode was dumb, loud, and obnoxious. I have never sympathized with Raven more. ***.
Teen Titans Go! "Smile Bones"
That was disgusting and pointless. This show in a nutshell.
I liked two gags: Raven making her six-packs talk and the revelation that Robin eats nothing but fish (gross).
But otherwise this was a Regular Show episode. You know the drill. 0.
The Flash "The Sound And The Fury"
Wells has superspeed? His chances of actually being Professor Zoom just went up to 50/50. I'd actually prefer it was him instead of Eddie. Because it would hurt more.
I laughed at Joe's "Aww!" at the end. Why? Because I said the exact same thing a second before he did.
Do you know what I found REALLY interesting about Iris' terrible first day? Her colleagues are not wrong in their dismissal of her credentials and how she got the job. It would be SO much easier for me to think Iris was getting a raw deal if they weren't right.
Cisco kind of got a raw deal from Hartley on his first day though, but to be absolutely fair, even if a young genius wearing a "Han Shot first" T-shirt on the first day of a job at a billion dollar company is rebellious, and makes a statement about independence, it is STILL incredibly tacky. It was all of the horrible stuff Hartley said after that crossed the line.
I really liked this one. ****.
The Flash "Crazy For You"
So Grodd is definitely a thing. This show is nuts.
I love that Caitlin wasn't mad at Sisco at all. That was refreshing. Her moments with Barry were great too especially when she said she wouldn't begrudge him for taking a peek. Loved her singing Kareoke. I think he actress is a genuinely bad singer and wasn't just putting us on. That's kind of fearless.
Barry's scene at the end of his father figuring out he was the Flash was very moving. It seems to reflect very poorly on Iris that she cannot see the same thing. It was different with Laurel and Ollie on Arrow. Ollie was a completely different person when he returned from the island. If Iris knows Barry as well as she thinks, she would have figured it out.
Can't wait to see what happens with Grodd! ****.
Arrow "Midnight City"
How stupid is Laurel? It doesn't for a second occur to her that by pretending to be her sister it would completely screw up her relationship with her father (who she is already lying to) even more?
I think the thing that angers me most about it is precisely because that guy in the teaser bragged that the Canary wasn't as hot as she was cracked up to be. She's ruining Sara's rep! And it's not her rep to ruin.
Loved Thea shaming Malcolm but I have to say he's just as nuts as Laurel if he thinks he can keep the fact that he hung her and her brother out to dry to save himself from her. The only reason Roy hasn't blabbed is because it would compromise Oliver's secret. When she DOES find out (and I'm betting it's coming sooner than we think) she won't forgive him. People don't take to being brainwashed to kill their friends so well.
Felicity's characterization this season has been VERY spotty but that stuff with the helicopter keys was pretty dang adorable. The problem with Felicity is that she is a character you must write perfectly 100% of time. There are no shortcuts or instances of plot-related stupidity that the audience would accept. I imagine she is about as tough a character to write for as Marge Simpson. But even though the writers have been struggling this season, they haven't ruined her. Not yet. Stuff like the keys scene is the reason why.
I love Katana's actress. I remember her from The Wolverine. She has a very unique look to her that films well (but also makes it that she takes a terrible picture).
I have no complaints this week. ****.
Arrow "Uprising"
That stuff at the end with Felicity killed me. It was bad enough that she was right. The kick was that OLIVER knew that and couldn't argue the point. What could he POSSIBLY say to that that wouldn't be complete b.s.?
I like that Dig voted with Felicity but I don't understand why Laurel even gets a vote. I have a hard enough time accepting Roy does, but at least Oliver revealed his secret to him and trained him himself. Laurel learned Oliver's secret second-hand and put on the Canary costume against his wishes. Why is she now in the club?
Pretty sick street fight at the end. I approve.
I have been wondering what happened to Sin all season. It has been the thing that has been driving me nuts the most. See, if the group had kept her in the loop all along, maybe she wouldn't have completely messed up their secret with Quentin. Which is still a dumb secret. Laurel is a coward for not telling him and making her friends into liars because she doesn't have the courage to be an adult. I hate her. Unreservedly.
I loved learning how Merlyn got the name "The Magician". You'd figure cheap tricks wouldn't impress a worldly kid like Nyssa, but I'm betting that was the first time she was ever treated LIKE a kid.
Great episode. *****.
Gotham "The Fearsome Dr. Crane"
Penguin made a mistake. He should have handed Moroni the gun and stated that he would never betray him. Moroni already likes him! He was obviously looking for an excuse to not have to kill him. And instead of Penguin feeding into that need of Moroni's, (likeability is a VERY big weakness with him) he offers up his guilt on a silver platter. Now, Moroni may NOT have spared him after all. But he might have. And Penguin should have risked it. The reward for staying in Moroni's good graces for even a while longer was too great to chance. Not to mention he had a better shot of making it out of there alive.
Moroni's "I can't believe I fell for that" pretty much sums up my opinion on how lousy Penguin betraying him is. I loved Moroni saying that even when Penguin offers up great financial incentives to keep him alive, Moroni just points out that it wasn't business, it was personal. That is why Moroni is my favorite gangster on the show. He actually cares about the people who work for him. And that is probably going to wind up getting him killed someday.
Weird cliffhanger. For real.
I love the way Harvey Bullock romances a woman. Workmanlike. No pretense. Off-putting. And totally adorable. It is not surprising a guy who looks like him gets laid as often as he does. When he started talking about weak and timid men in response to the woman claiming true courage is admitting your fear I laughed. Because what she said is the general consensus on the subject. But has anyone actually proved that? Maybe Crane had the right idea all along.
I think Bruce just threw Gordon for a loop. The cool thing is that there is no anger in Bruce at all, which is pretty much the thing that was freaking out Jim the most. The kid said he would take over the murder investigation of his own parents with such sincerity, that Gordon was scared because he believed him. Great stuff.
Gotham is a 50/50 show. Good one week, bad the next. This was a good week. ****.
Gotham "The Scarecrow"
Somehow I think Leslie Thompkins is Morena Baccarin's sexiest role I've seen. I would not object to kissing her under any circumstances.
I loved the annoyed look on Bruce's face upon realizing Alfred was at the top of the hill the entire time. Those two are starting to be good together.
I'm starting to think Falcone kept Penguin alive because he knew Moroni would keep him in line. If something happens to Falcone, Moroni kills Penguin. Now Penguin has extra incentive to keep Falcone alive. Smart.
That Scarecrow nightmare at the end was terrifying. Great CGI effects. It gave me the willies.
Riddler's first scene with Penguin was great too. Instant dislike. Good move.
I liked this one. ****.
Constantine "A Whole New World Out There"
That was dark, twisted, scary, violent, and disturbing. Why did I have so much fun watching it? How is it this show is able to make me enjoy something like that? I'll admit the last five minutes suck (nifty specials effects notwithstanding) but I was pretty much grinning ear to ear before then.
This was a Lostie's dream. Michael, Daniel Faraday, AND Ethan? Did I just win the lottery? I hope not because the numbers are bad.
Jeremy Davies, potentially handsome leading man, AGAIN exclusively playing creeps and weirdoes. And this is because he CHOOSES to. He thinks he's Johnny Depp. He's really Crispin Glover. He could have written his own ticket after Lost. I'd be more inclined to let his troubling career choices slide if he didn't always seem to be stuck in guest shots on lesser known genre shows. The dude could have had a movie career at this point but would rather play the mentally disabled guy on Hannibal. I do not get him.
This was SO much fun. ****.
Constantine "Angels And Ministers Of Grace"
Manny is John's betrayer. I am 99% certain of it now. Before it was my top theory, but it could have gone another way. After tonight there is no-one else it can be.
Manny's hilariously struggling with his new-found sexuality, being humbled by computers, and comforting Zed in the hospital: These are the actions of a man I do not WANT to be the traitor. He is lovable in a way that Zed and Chas are not. Therefore is HAS to be him. Because it will kill us.
Another big clue was when Zed asked if her powers came from God or somewhere else, and Manny declared "I'm here, aren't I?" My stomach actually lurched a bit at that. The worst thing is that this line hints that Manny will NOT be going to the dark side. He's probably been on it all along and playing John from the beginning.
If the betrayer is revealed next week I am positive it will be him. ****1/2.
Marvel's Agent Carter "The Blitzkrieg Button"
This show is so much fun. Say what you will about it and Agents of SHIELD, but they are both excellent ways to kill an hour. I never feel as drained watching them as I do Arrow or Gotham. Constantine is the only DC show as fun as this.
That scene with Sousa trying desperately to relate to the bum was SO great because Thompson just went in there and dangled some booze and a cheeseburger in front of him and they got the information without anybody's feelings getting further hurt. Although Sousa's pride probably took a hit. He was totally overthinking the situation. What did we learn?
I cheered when Peggy decked Howard. He seriously crossed a line by not telling her that. Everything she said about him was true and I was squeeing in delight during her Crowning Moment Of Awesome. The reason it felt so good is because Peggy had been putting up with a LOT of Howard's shenanigans this episode and it was all for nothing. She could have been kicked out of her home if Howard had been discovered, and he was treating her floor like the Playboy Mansion for her troubles. You kind of knew how deep Stark stepped into it when even Jarvis clucked his disapproval at the end. And look! Stan the Man!
Peggy's neighbor is a Doll! (/Mutant Enemy reference). Loved that twist.
The stuff with the camera pen was funny too.
The hard-boiled dialogue is something I adored. I loved the scene with the unhelpful Nazi. It was like talking to a stone. He should have offered him a cheeseburger.
Great episode, great show. *****.
Marvel's Agent Carter "The Iron Ceiling"
Hearing those guy's arguments at the beginning as to why Peggy couldn't go, I was like "These guys do not GET it!". It was the same problem as the military getting rid of one of its top interpreters during the Iraq War because he was gay. The episode showed that the military will often underuse assets simply because they are afraid the message the gender dynamic would send. It's stupid. And the message is still timely.
Sousa, man. He's in for a world of hurt. Anyone who falls for Peggy is. I am almost a little bit miffed that the "Next Time" promo gave away as much as it did. But on the other hand, that's what the episode is gonna be about. Are they supposed to lie?
Good to see the Howling Commandos again, even if we didn't get all of 'em. At least we got Dum-Dum Dugan. That was enough.
They should just cast John Glover in everything.
Dottie is straight up, well, DOTTIE. Her pretending to be Peggy in the mirror was almost as disturbing as her handcuffing herself to her bed so she would be able to get to sleep.
I'm really looking forward to next week. ****1/2.
Marvel's Hulk And The Agents Of S.M.A.S.H. "Spidey, I Blew Up The Dinosaur"
"Bring it on down to Weinerville" is pretty much a perfect joke. It is funny enough on its own if you don't understand the reference, but if you do, it's hilarious. But wasn't that era of Timbalake on SNL a little bit before a high school kid like Peter Parker's time? Don't care. Still funny.
The ep gets a positive score just for that. ***1/2.
Marvel's Hulk And The Agents Of S.M.A.S.H. "The Strongest One There Is"
Totally not terrible. It was big and loud and dumb, which describes this show to a T, and yet it still held my interest. It was fun. I didn't have to spend my time nitpicking at plot holes. Which is pretty rare for this show. ***.
Marvel's Avengers Assemble "Head To Head"
Ever since Farscape, genre shows have NOT been afraid to go big and complicated with their body switching episodes. This wasn't a Futurama level of brainhurt but it was STILL really cool and complicated.
Only way this would have been better is if Black Widow as Hulk had actually hit Hawkeye in his real body. I forget who Hawkeye became this episode but I'm pretty sure they didn't deserve to wind up with sore muscles after the adventure was over. Still, I'll take Hawkeye pain any way I can get it, even if it's only temporary.
Good stuff. ****1/2.
Marvel's Avengers Assemble "Dark Avengers"
One of the things I hate most about superhero comics is that they will concoct completely ridiculously unlikely scenarios to try to shock the audience into believing the hero has gone bad. I don't even know why they still do it. I mean, I'm betting the writers are smart enough to realize they aren't actually fooling anyone, but since the trope is well-worn, every superhero comic doesn't see anything wrong with being badly written for the sake of a "twist" that is fooling no-one
To be absolutely fair, it is NOT just this show. It's all superhero cartoons. All of 'em. Even JLU. Granted, "A Better World" was better than it had any right to be, but it's teaser and first act were still awful.
I just don't get the idea of doing the trope for the sake of doing the trope. Comic book writers and cartoon producers seem to think in interviews that doing this kind of thing is what the fans what to see. Me? Show me something new. Something I wouldn't expect. Something where you don't have to rewrite the entire laws of the known universe to make a character's weird behavior remotely plausible. I really resent that fans do NOT object to these overdone tropes. For an industry that seem to being trying to exclusively cater to mature readers, comic book and superhero cartoons have a lot of growing up to do. And their readers and fans should be demanding more from them. I certainly am. *.
Star Wars Rebels "Vision Of Hope"
Oh, for crying out loud. Are you kidding me? Weisman has totally lost it. I grumbled during The Spectacular Spider-Man and Young Justice a bit about this, but Weisman has spent his career coasting on that admittedly excellent twist from Gargoyles' "The Gathering", and has never come anywhere NEAR matching it, much less topping it. Did he REALLY expect us to believe there was a chance in frell that that Rebel sympathizer wasn't secretly working for the Empire? Because they might have done better than to telegraph there is no other thing he could be than a Rebel traitor. There was absolutely no misdirection. Weisman actually thought was enough. But, seriously, even the ANIMATORS drew the character as if he had just knocked over a convenience store. There is no excuse for this. None.
The last time I saw something this predictable was during Batman: The Brave And The Bold. But see, that was a SATIRE and was SUPPOSED to be badly written in tribute to the old Batman comics. This was as sucky as it was all on its own. 0.
Girl Meets World "Girl Meets Farkle's Choice"
Remind me again why everyone thinks Jane Lynch is so great? Because I just do NOT get the appeal. At all.
The episode is asking me to believe Farkle is some poor romantic kid whose night was ruined by the two girls he loves, but seriously? That doesn't fly with me. At all. He was the one who set Riley and Maya against each other in the first place, by making each of them want it so bad. It was manipulative and obnoxious. I'm sure the show is asking all the pre-teen girls in the audience to think Farkle is adorable, but I just think he's the kind of guy who creates his own messes.
Liked hearing a verbose and literally talking bully again. Those were a Boy Meets World specialty.
Ava LIKES being thrown out by Topanga. Those are some lousy child actors but this isn't Game of Thrones. I'll get over it.
Cory with the juice box was a good gag.
"She bit his head off!" Probably the funniest line in this show's history.
The show is asking us to believe Farkle is deeper than he is. That's sort of how Boy Meets World always tried to present itself, but that was never a positive quality in the original shiw. **1/2.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "Serpunt Hunt"
Like Brent Spiner, J.B. Smoove is one of those actors with a voice that is GREAT for voice-over, and deserves a career in the field as big as previous non-voice actors Mark Hamill and Clancy Brown. Unlike Spiner though, I expect he'll get it. As talented as Spiner is, his ship sailed long ago. And his voice ISN'T as great as George Takei's (who totally earned his second career). Smoove is gonna big in cartoon voices. Mark my words. He's the next Phil Lamarr, if not in talent, (he can't vary his voice the way Lamarr does) then in how often he will be used for black characters. He's that good.
I kind of hate that the end scene was as horrific as it was. I think turning the Mutations into something that horrible hurts the show. Part of Turtles' appeal is that the Mutation premise is a little bit funny. By completely making it dark and scary the show is messing with a very successful part of the franchise's formula. At least, unlike the movie, the Turtles are still cartoon-cute. But I think making the Mutations as horrible as they are is a mistake. A big one.
Good and bad. ***.
Power Rangers: Dino Charge "Powers From The Past"
I almost didn't check this out. Almost. Unlike both Samurai and Megaforce there was NO incentive for me to watch. But I'm SO glad I did. Because this is awful. Adult fans of this show? Let me just take this moment to mock you and say how pathetic you are. Jebus. I'm watching every week and plan to MST3K the heck out of it.
Keeper is one of the worst animatronic puppets I have ever seen. His mouth doesn't actually open, but merely wiggles. It is beyond cheesy looking. How is it that Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation had better puppets twenty years ago? It boggles the mind.
Speaking of, the special effects are awful, especially compared to Samurai and Megaforce. Both of those shows never had to worry about making CGI dinosaurs but it is what it is. This sucked.
I laughed when I saw Poisandra's design. Is that what passes for a scary creature in Japan? It is beyond ludicrous. I expected her to be raped by an octopus tentacle at any moment.
This show is going to be awful. Adult Power Rangers fans are morons. 0.
The Simpsons "Walking Big & Tall"
Springfield: embrace the suck.
Spry Mayor Moleman? Yes. Yes. Dear God, a thousand times yes.
Props to the episode for poking holes in the most overrated Simpsons episode of all time (Stark Raving Dad). Also good was the Whacking Day reference.
Agnes is even hateful with laryngitis.
I love the commentary that self-help groups just teach people to trade one vice for another. Although believe it or not diet soda actually DOES help. The joke was funny but non-diet soda does a LOT of damage with no reward.
Homer's prolonged fat burn list was quite excellent. Poppa's Got A Brand New Badge had similarly funny extended gag of Homer listing all of his previous jobs.
If ANY voice actor deserves to extoll the virtues of being big and beautiful it is Kevin Michael Richardson.
"I was distinctly promised there would be no math!"
I was angered at the show calling Charles Schulz a one-hit wonder but by any reasonable metric he actually was.
The funeral vase jokes were mean.
Good to see Comic Book Guy still has his girlfriend.
That Moleman "Whoa!" capper was absolutely perfect.
Don't ever do another movie, Simpsons. The show sucked for years because the producers were busy with that. Now that it has their full attention it is good again. ****1/2.
Grimm "Death Do Us"
This has been a VERY weird season and I mean that as the highest compliment. The entire tone of this episode was strange, and even off-putting at points, but I couldn't look away. What a great design for a Wesen. And the crazy guy thinking that woman was his wife was both scary AND sad. I didn't even mind the Ghost Hunters bit at the beginning.
If I had any complaints, it's that the cliffhanger could have been better. All of the stuff with Renard setting Juliet up with a very strange and possibly dangerous woman would probably have ended better had we gotten a little past her walking into the scene. And out of context the stuff with Renard and the bullets didn't resonate as much as they were hoping it would. Because I was so curious about Juliet.
Do you know what I've noticed about Wu? He's a fun character again. Now that he knows he isn't crazy he is perfectly content to wisecrack and even seems game for the bizarre stuff. This is good. Having Wu know but NOT really know was bad for the character. They never should have put him in a position where he was between the truth for so long. Even Hank only thought he was nuts for three or four episodes.
Now we get to it: NBC does this show NO favors with it's promos. Any potential interested viewers last week's advert may have gained them will NOT return with the revelation that it was merely a dream sequence in the beginning. I honestly think it is a miracle this show has lasted four seasons. NBC's decisions regarding the airing and promotion of it would have killed a lesser show dead in under a season. The fact that it is still a success is due to the interesting premise and NOT because it is tuning in casual viewers. NBC has to stop designing it's promos for people who don't watch the show. They are killing the long-term health of it by doing that.
Still, it was a really funky episode. ****1/2.
Grimm "Marechaussee"
Wow, that episode title got away from them a bit.
The Wesen Council was idiotic to put out a hit on Nick. He could be a seriously important asset and they just blew it. I'd be more forgiving if Nick's alliance with them wasn't a once in a lifetime opportunity. That is NOT a scenario you just burn because of a slight inconvenience.
We've never seen the smooth side of Victor before. I'm betting it will be more successful. Which scares me.
I loved Rosalee and Monroe's reactions to that phone call. That was scary.
I like that in most episodes Nick's duty as a cop interfere with his duties as a Grimm, but in this episode his duties as a Grimm interfered with his duties as a cop.
Is the blood of a Grimm still out of the question for Juliet? Hmmm.
Decent. ***.
Sleepy Hollow "Spellcasters"
Of course, Frank is evil. Good for the show for not dragging it out for seasons on end and then revealing it when he kills a major character (say Jenny). They could still do that but I always thought that was a b.s. mode of storytelling ever since Michael on Lost.
I am tickled that Crane admires Edward R. Murrow. That is SO great. I also liked him noting he wasn't trying to prove his commitment to Abbie, but to Kent.
If Katrina doesn't turn out to be the Big Bad of an upcoming season, I'll be shocked. This episode did change ONE thing though. I no longer think she has been evil all along. She may be going there (and I'm betting she does) but I don't think she's always been that anymore because of this episode. The shocked pleasure of someone experimenting with evil for the first time was of someone who had never done it before. So, there is still hope for her.
Not bad. ***1/2.
Sleepy Hollow "What Lies Beneath"
I love Abbie's response to Calvin's insightful recognition of "propaganda face": "Quit looking at my face."
I'm glad Jenny saw straight though Irving. This show has ALWAYS blown through their mythology lightning fast. That is one of the best things about it.
Crane curtseying twice for Jefferson was inane.
Do you know what I noticed? Abbie was respectful towards Jefferson, but her attitude towards him was decidedly chilly. I wonder why that was.
It looks like my predictions about Katrina and Irving are coming true. Katia Winter looks incredibly sexy in the floor length shawl.
Decent. ***.
Bob's Burgers "Can't Buy Me Math"
I really liked the ending, but I think that outside of the last two minutes the last act got away from them a bit. Even if the final bit with Bob and Linda in the window was funny, nothing leading up to it was. Tina and Darryl were better mostly because the show was smart enough to turn it into an 80's teen comedy by the end. So, again, the last two minutes were great. It's just that I was losing patience with the episode before then.
I loved Tina NOT being able to take Louise's hint and the idea that Louise and Gene use the tub as a "second bathroom". Little kids are so gross. And Tina's greatetst fear is her grandchildren learning she was bad at math. Tina logic is not like our Earth logic.
I'm glad Darryl got to keep his new girlfriend. That was cute. But the episode sort of went off the rails in the middle. ***.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "Hostages"
Cartoons aren't on Saturdays anymore, Scully.
I like Amy's sex tape titles.
Terry is a waste of muscles. Still, I loved him sticking up for the squad at the end. What that guy did wasn't cool.
Jake getting McClaned was embarrassing. Poor guy.
Pretty good. ***1/2.
Parks And Recreation "Gryzzlbox"
Did you see the look on Ron Swanson's face at the end of the episode? It was like something out of the scariest horror film ever made. I leaned back a little. Seriously.
I'm SO glad we are allowed to love Ron again. Les Vegetables. Is Star Wars the one with the boy wizard? Good stuff.
How Tom got Andy his contract was hilarious. I'm betting that works in real life (much like Senor Chang's pick-up line on Community) just because it is so pathetic you want it to stop.
I really regret that Craig was only introduced last year. He is a phenomenal character and I wish we had gotten him in season two or three instead of the second to last. He REALLY could have a MUCH bigger character than he'll wind up being by necessity. Still, it's nice that his actor is a series regular.
I loved April wanting to adopt that girl and telling her to quit, and then Craig calling her out on her b.s. about it. Craig is right. Without Leslie Knope (who he calls the greatest person who ever lived) she'd be working at a gas station. Craig is insightful in a way Donna is not. I REALLY wish he had come aboard earlier. Eagleton gets a LOT of guff thrown at it and much of it is deserved. But they gave the world Craig. As far as I'm concerned that's tips them on the "good" scale of the universe.
That robot with the box at the beginning confirmed something: Parks and Recreation is now a science-fiction program. It's kind of been that since "2017", but now it totally is.
I loved this. ****1/2.
Parks And Recreation "Save J.J.'s"
Donna and Tom are pretty much insufferable. They are pretty much exactly the kind of people I hate. I don't know how such a down-to-earth person as Lucy could ever put up with Tom. He is the worst.
I love that Craig just randomly fired a bunch of people. He's good. For real.
I never thought Parks could create a character more loathsome than Jamm. They didn't. But the cologne guy tied him. That's huge.
Not great, but not bad either. ***.
Parks And Recreation "Donna And Joe"
How awesome was it that Donna tricked everybody into calling Garry by his real name? I smiled at that. Also that Donna was delighted that thing with her brother just happened. Drama!
Ben in Congress: I can see it. It was a nice twist. The drunk phones calls were great too especially Leslie singing in the background. I like that Ben is no longer a disastrous public speaker.
When Lucy said she only dated Tom for the free dresses, even though she was kidding, I remembered that Ann thought the luxuries were the biggest perk of dating Tom. It's is ridiculous that a man is so obsessed with that stuff, but if you are a woman dating him? That's gotta Heaven on some level.
Best Ron Swanson moment? The idea that the thing he admires most about Churches is that they are always so well built. That is SO Ron Swanson. And do you know the wild thing? It's absolutely true. Churches are the one type of building that is always sturdily constructed, no matter what. I also laughed at the look on Rob's face when Tom cut him off food until he fixed the mess with Lucy. Nick Offerman did a great double-take.
Christie Brinkley! Swoon! I'd consider Garry lucky to have her until we realize that it was revealed a few seasons ago that Garry possesses the largest penis a person can ever see. Maybe she IS her type after all.
Great episode. ****.
Family Guy
Dirty Harry vs. the Leprechaun was classic.
Have you EVER met a person name Justin who wasn't a complete ahole? It is one of those names like Derek that seems to gravitate towards d-bags exclusively.
The Go upstairs Meg joke was cruel.
"Forever Young" is the worst song to enter in on.
The Wild Things' horns make good boner pills.
C'mon Ronnie, she bought the dress.
Peter on the witness stand was a riot and so was Cleveland. I cannot believe Fox let them describe what a Frosty Jim is (is that even a real thing?). When Joe exclaims after explaining it "He's a good guy!" I nearly lost it.
Quagmire being rebirthed nine times would have been disturbing in any case, but hearing the reason his mother did it was bone-chilling. It is no wonder that man is a sociopath.
Is the show seriously expecting us to believe that Quagmire isn't on the sex offenders' registry already and that this was a new low for him? Because he's bragged about raping 12 year old crossing guards before. Not buying it.
The show is expecting me to think Brian is terrible for rubbing it in and being a bad "friend" but seriously? I'm supposed to hate him for that? Quagmire has ALWAYS treated Brian horribly and he's a freaking rapist. Why SHOULD Brian be supportive? They are asking me to think Brian is a douche when in fact I think he is being quite awesome. Trust me, where Brian Griffin is concerned, that is a rare feeling. He's right. Quagmire's a grown man. He can't blame his mother for him making his own bad choices. The fact that she's a fundie nut is just an extra perk to annoy Quagmire with. I'm on Brian's side. Totally. Besides, the Dairy Queen will be closed in ten minutes.
"Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing." Sums up this show in a nutshell. ***.
12 Monkeys "Cassandra Complex"
I'll confess. I absolutely hated the opening scene with Cole training Cassie and the two of them joking about Chinese food. Why? Because it turned the show into television which is not something it was not in its first two weeks. I don't like the idea that there will be times where Cole and Cassie can just chill and take it easy. That is not what the concept promised us.
After that the episode shaped up. I was shocked Cole killed Henri at the end but I shouldn't have been. I am really looking forward to seeing where they are going with the creepy jasmine guy (Heh. Jasmine Guy). He's great.
Not as good as the first two weeks. ***1/2.
12 Monkeys "Atari"
Confusing episode. Which is good. They spent the first few weeks exploring the premise of the plague and the death cult. It was a good idea to fully explore what they can do with time travel, even if it confuses the viewer.
I was miffed they killed off Ramsay (Kirk Acevedo has the worst luck!) they I remembered "Oh, It's a time travel show. Problem solved."
Good to hear the game Go getting mentioned. You don't hear that in pop culture much.
Todd Stashwick only plays sociopaths and monsters. And the weird thing is he is not an ugly man. I don't think he necessarily always HAS to play the bad guy with his looks. But he is SO good at playing creeps I understand why he got typecast as them in the first place.
Better than last week. ****.
Stalker "My Hero"
God, I hate television. This show actually forced Ashley Johnson to pretend that she was the not-pretty girl and the also-ran. By any reasonable metric Johnson is a "10" in the beauty department. I'd criticize this show for doing this specifically but ALL TV does it. ALL the time. Even the good stuff. ESPECIALLY the good stuff. It is so freaking infuriating. I don't mind at all that TV uses attractive actors and actresses as their leads and guest roles. I enjoy looking at an attractive person as much as anybody else. What I object is people trying to pretend for a second they don't look like catalogue models and are "average" and on some sort of bizarre scale.
And in the case where you get an actress who IS average looking, you can only cast her in certain roles. Nicholle Tom proved on JLU that she was a fantastic actress, only by using her voice. And yet, because she has never really grown out of her awkward appearance (that probably was the reason she was cast on The Nanny in the first place) she will always only play psychos and dowdy neighbors in live-action. In this episode she was both. It is a tragedy.
I think "Girls" an incredibly trashy and low quality show. But it gets credit from me for casting someone who looks like Lena Dunham as the female lead. She's not exactly someone I enjoy seeing naked. But if Girls were NOT an X-rated show, I might have been able to enjoy it, just because the premise of the lead being a pretty, but perfectly normal looking woman, is so interesting. There is NO reason Nicholle Tom can't be cast as a lead on a TV show, except that she isn't classically beautiful. And yet in real life, she would STILL be considered very attractive. And that is infuriating. She's frickin' Supergirl for Pete's sake! She deserves better than this.
Do you know what I liked? The lifeguard choosing to try to talk her ex-friend down off the pier. See, if it was me in that situation I probably would have let her jump. That was unexpected.
But still, like I said, I hate television. *1/2.
Stalker "Lost And Found"
Do you know what I loved about this admittedly sucky episode? It basically said that all teenagers are horrible, and frankly, dirt-stupid. Why did I love that? Because this show is from Kevin Williamson who spent the entire early part of his career trying to convince audiences that Dawson, Joey, Pacey, and Jen weren't all horrible and stupid, despite all evidence to the contrary. I like that Williamson has moved onto the "All teenagers suck" bandwagon in this phase of his life. It is an opinion I share. What took him so long? It's a good place to be.
The only reason somebody should go under gym bleachers is if they want to get murdered. Because that is literally the only thing they are good for. I have no clue why schools are still allowed to have those. They are bonafide deathtraps. They might as well have a gun range in the kindergarten.
I found the "happy ending" of the mother and daughter asking to visit the stalker in the mental hospital to beggar belief. Last week it was a little hard to believe that the lifeguard would not want to see the person who killed her fiance dead. But I can STILL sort of buy it because there ARE people out there who are genuinely that good. There is no scenario where either the mother or daughter should have forgiven that girl for what she did. I get that they're related to her, but people cut ties with abusive family members all the time. They shouldn't have shown them making plans to keep in her their lives while the daughter was still on the ambulance stretcher.
Speaking of stupid teenagers, what I especially hate about Perry is that he is dumb enough to free a serial killer from an insane asylum and think that he could control the situation. Even dumber, he expects the killer to be cool with that. TV tends to have incredibly stupid villains to make the heroes look good, but I kind of think they don't need to make Perry as dumb as he is for him to work. It helps Joffrey's character on Game Of Thrones that he is a dimwit. It adds nothing to Perry here except the make the audience take him less seriously. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we shouldn't be taking him seriously to begin with. But the show has been spending the first half of the season saying this kid is a serious threat to Beth and if they really want us to believe that, they'd make him more competent at his job of being a sociopath. Fictional sociopaths suck but as least they are usually smart, so you are interested to see what they'll do next. Perry is not that at all and I think making him so stupid was as bad a fundamental premise to the show as it was to make Jack a stalker in the first place.
Honestly, this show makes some unnecessarily bad decisions that is truly does NOT need to make. It doesn't need to be as bad it is. It's a shame, actually. **.
Newsreaders "Jellyfish Sting Clinic"
That was friggin' hilarious. I know something else that smells like pee: Skip Reming! Hasslehoff's "And that all I remember about my time on Knight Rider," was perfect. I want a cat bag too.
Jellyfish Sting Clinic: You knew the ending was coming but getting there was the hysterical part. This built magnificently and got progressively more and more ridiculous as it went on. That guy was a monster. *****.
Episode Overall: *****.
Newsreaders "The FMK Killer / Newsreaders: Behind The Scenes"
I wish the Lesbians Until Graduation story was actually a thing. That would have been funny. And Skip Reming is deranged.
The FMK Killer: Jenna Fischer is right. You have to want to F the M. She's totally the M. *****.
Newsreaders: Behind The Scenes: This wasn't particularly funny, mostly because I couldn't tell what they were trying to say with the joke. **.
Episode Overall: ****.
The Blacklist "Luther Braxton"
Fantastic. But I gotta say, I'm betting the Superbowl samplers are gonna be ticked by that ending. Wrong ending for that particular episode. But what an ending!
I think I love how Braxton thinks so little of Red. Red uses his fine wines, and love of art and philosophers to play head games with people. And Braxton pretty just straight up said that that stuff made him soft. After seeing Braxton in action (Ron Perlman makes everything better) it is not unreasonable he thinks this.
I love that Red has enough contacts in any given prison to be able to immediately summon a team. And invite one guy along just so he can shoot him.
Still, didn't you just love the story of the guy who died in the museum ducts clutching that priceless vase? Red may not be as scary as he thinks, he is but he sure is entertaining.
Perfect episode but I doubt it won the show any fans. *****.
The Blacklist "Luther Braxton: Conclusion"
Best version of "I told you so" ever!
The scene at the end between Red and Keene as she was getting her memories back was riveting. And now she has the Fulcrum! Wow!
Red's meeting at the end with the mysterious dude was SO much fun because you didn't know if he would try to call the bluff. He didn't, and I didn't expect that.
Really good episode. ****1/2.
Guardians Of The Galaxy
Fun. But I thought it would be funner.
I think they should have made this more of a comedy like Men In Black. They had some of that but there was some of that Marvel Comics pathos that made the tone very uneven. Seriously, that opening scene with young Peter Quill was terrible. An opening scene should sort of tell you what you are in for. There is nothing in the movie as depressing as that (although there ARE things that are more depressing than they should be).
Am I the only one who thinks it's weird The Collector's appearance isn't all that much longer than his showing up in the tag for Thor: The Dark World? It seemed like they were kinda teasing he would be a bigger character, weren't they?
Bradley Cooper was good as Rocket Raccoon. Why? Because you couldn't tell it was him. He used a totally different voice than his speaking voice. The last voice actor I've heard who could hide that deeply inside a character was Scott Grimes as Steve Smith on American Dad. Now Cooper's not as good as Grimes. But it was one movie and Grimes had YEARS to get as good as he did. I'll cut Cooper some slack.
Best line goes to Peter: "Let me guess... the answer is 'I am Groot.'"
And yes, I'm aware the Black-light / Jackson Pollack painting line exists. But as funny as it is, it bugs me. How would Peter Quill even know who Jackson Pollack was? And for that matter, how would he know what a black-light was and how they were used in scary news reports about hotel rooms from the 1990's? It is SO funny but it kind of drives me nuts at the same time.
Starlord threatening a dance-off with Ronan was great. I don't know why, but there is something incredibly moving about him doing that to Ronan after Groot's death. Ronan was NOT going to bring the group down, and he was letting him know even if he killed a beloved friend, he was no hot s***. He deserved to be mocked. And as funny as it is, I also tear up a bit too. It is a REALLY cool scene.
Drax is REALLY lovable, especially seeing the movie for a second time. When Groot bashes all of those bad guys at the end, the winning smile on his face was shared by me. I loved his "I wasn't really paying attention." What a great character.
I kind of hated Yondu at first, but I liked him more and more as the movie went on. You can tell he is looking for any reason not to have to kill Peter Quill. Him being happy the Infinity Gem turned out to be a troll doll (they already set up he collects cute toys) sort of told me that he knew that Quill handed him a fake the entire time. And seeing this again, that is precisely how Rooker plays it. He ain't so bad.
Dancing Baby Groot to "I Want You Back" is just the best! What a great ending! Gamora even danced a little too!
Speaking of which, this is a cinema first: a movie Howard the Duck appears in that doesn't suck. 100 years from now there will be film classes discussing this game-changing moment in movie history in hushed tones.
No raccoons or tree creatures were harmed in the making of this film.
I did really enjoy the movie. Not up to either Captain America 1 or 2, Iron Man 3's, or The Avengers' standards, but about as good as the first Thor and the first Iron Man. I liked it. ****.
Deleted & Extended Scenes:
Some good stuff was deleted from the movie. A couple of these scenes involve Rocket and Groot and show them in earlier stages of computer animation. Overall: ****1/2.
The Kyln Will Have To Do: Kind of funny. ***.
No, I'm The Stupid One: This is Groot getting distracted by a bug, to Rocket's annoyance. They got through a lot of visuals effects here so this was probably a late deletion. ****1/2.
Sisterly Love: This is a great scene between Zoe Saldana and Karen Gillan but I'm glad it's cut (for whatever the reason). Why? Because there is genuine sexual tension between the two and that's icky. I know they aren't biological siblings but that they are STILL sisters and they should NOT be that flirtatious with each other. ****1/2.
Dancing Guard: That guard and the headphones was SO great I am unsurprised they tried to put more of him in there. ****1/2.
Fake Laugh: This joke is hilarious but even I know why they cut it. It took an already meandering conversation and made it completely about something else. It was already REALLY random but this actually strayed TOO far off-topic. Still funny though. *****.
Gag Reel:
Good things: Ronan accepting the dance-off. Bring it! They completed a CGI scene to do an "outtake" with Rocket and Groot. Bad things: Nitpicker alert: The Top Gun joke bothers the heck out of me and I'm glad it's not in the movie. Top Gun came out in 1986. Peter would have been 4-6 then and there would have been no way he'd have seen it. The Footloose thing (like the Jackson Pollack joke) bugs me too but at least you can rationalize that one. His mom is a rock fan and that movie is a classic for 80's music lovers. It makes sense she'd share it with her son. I'm overthinking it, I know, but Peter Quill should NOT know what Top Gun and Jackson Pollack are. ****.
Guide To The Galaxy With James Gunn:
Gunn talks about how he tried to give all of the alien races different backstories and values and he talked on the commentary about this too. He mentioned there that humans invent things for two reasons: to make life easier and to have fun. Well, the Zandarians prefer the sensation of touch and that is why all of the ships and computer screens have such a tactile sense to them. That is fascinating to me. I like too that this movie decided to go back to the colorful nature of earlier science fiction films. Modern sci-fi films are almost all universally gritty and drab and depressing. Outside of the rare times we get a Star Trek or Star Wars movie, there aren't really a ton of franchises with colorful planets or aliens. I liked Chris Pratt admitting that hearing the Pina Colada Song over and over again got old quick. Vin Diesel notes that he think Groot will connect with audiences emotionally unlike any other character he's played before. My jaw dropped when he said that. Did he forget he was The Iron Giant? Iron Giant was the ORIGINAL Groot, and Diesel really should NOT be underestimating how much his performance in that movie affected people. I also loved the original 8-bit videogame graphics they used for the featurette. They were hilarious. ****.
The Intergalactic Visual Effects For Guardians Of The Galaxy:
This talks about designing Rocket and Groot. I think they did a good job of reasonably explaining why Rocket has a chest when real raccoons don't. I was a bit creeped out by the fact that James Gunn used to pal around with a real raccoon named Oreo on the set. Oh well. I liked seeing the animation tests. ***1/2.
Exclusive Look At Marvel's Avengers: Age Of Ultron:
Looks good. ****.
Trailers:
Ultimate Spider-Man: Web-Warriors: Seeing this just makes me wish Disney would release their Marvel cartoons on Blu-Ray. High Def CGI Spidey rocks! *****.
Marvel On Disney XD: This makes Marvel Universe seem better than it is, which is the mark of a good trailer. *****.
Guardians Of The Galaxy: The Universal Weapon: This looks cute. ***1/2.
Marvel Super Heroes / Disney Infinity: This looks fun. ***1/2.
Marvel Cinematic Universe On Disney Movies Anywhere: It would be cool if you could get Agents Of SHIELD on this thing. But it looks like it's only for movies. Cool trailer though. ****.
Blu-Ray Menu: Refreshingly simple. I'm hooked on a feeling. ****1/2.