Haven: The Complete Third Season Review (Major Spoilers)
Also reviews for the latest episodes of Haven, The Simpsons, Bob's Burgers, Family Guy, American Dad, Dads, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Parks And Recreation, and the premiere of American Horror Story: Coven.
Upcoming reviews on this journal include Revolution: Season 1, Doctor Who: The Doctors Revisited 5-8, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Ultimate Showdown, Mighty Morphin Alien Rangers, Star Trek Into Darkness (Blu-Ray), Arrow: Season 1, Iron Man 3 (Blu-Ray), Phineas And Ferb: Mission Marvel, Monster University (Blu-Ray), Much Ado About Nothing, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, Rocko's Modern Life: Season 4, and Transformers Prime: Beast Hunters: Season 3.
Haven "Lost And Found"
Another great episode. I have to say those demon kids were REALLY disturbing to me and something right out of Stephen King (which is appropriate). I think it was their boarding school outfits that freaked me out so much.
Duke Troublewhispering Jennifer was so excellent because he also was doing a great job handling Nathan with it too (who seemed to be equally problematic to the scenario). I loved the terms Duke described to Nathan what he was trying to do and how Nathan had to realize it was a really good idea. And that he HAD to stay away because he was so bad at stuff like that.
The end: Predictable? Yes. But I think that was the point. The series telegraphed that ending a mile away and every choice the writers and directors made completely told you yes, it was happening. Which sort of made the dread you were feeling that much worse. Which almost makes you scream at the TV for Nathan to stop misinterpreting Lexie's ambiguous statements and outright ask her if she remembered him. The predictability of the situation was what made it work and so dreadful.
I also predict that this will be the series' last predictable episode for awhile. But if they do another one that completely plays on our fears like this one does (Don't answer the phone! Get out of the house!) I'll be fine with it. ****1/2.
Haven "The New Girl"
That ending is precisely the reason this is currently one of the best genre shows on television right now. I had thought that what Lexie had done to Duke was a pretty neat trick and probably left over from some memory of Audrey that she didn't even realize. I didn't even stop to consider because it actually WAS Audrey.
I think this means she not only has her Audrey memories but her Lacey and Sarah ones too. Which puts Vince or James being the one she has to kill back into play. It might not be Nathan after all although that fear is surely why she hid her identity.
She WAS very convincing, wasn't she? She said ALL of the completely wrong things to push Nathan away and it would have seemed kind of brutal had I not realized she was protecting him.
I have to say that Duke's plan to keep Nathan alive was a VERY stupid one. But I was SO impressed with the show for straight up acknowledging that and saying Duke was merely playing for time. Because that's all the plan was: a stay of execution.
Vince was fierce this episode. I'm thinking before all is said and done they may turn him into a villain. I hope not, but he displayed a ruthlessness this episode that even though they've hinted at it before I never really thought he actually possessed it.
Jordan is asking the right questions but I think she is coming to the wrong conclusions. Audrey herself is almost certainly not personally responsible for the Troubles and Duke killing her wouldn't change anything (even though it's now clear that's what his father thought). What I think Jordan's plan for Duke's brother is that she plans to torture him to trigger his Trouble and get HIM to kill Audrey. We've seen enough of the Barn and Howard and stuff to realize it Audrey almost certainly isn't Troubled herself but since Jordan isn't privy to all that I'm guessing that's why she believes what she does. I also think that was why Dwight pulled her into the Secret Club. He knows she's wrong and is trying to prove it to her.
I did NOT expect that tense stand-off at the beginning of the episode. I thought Audrey revealing herself as Lexie would weaken resolves but instead it ramped everything up to 11. Duke is trying REALLY hard to keep everything together. He's doing good so far but I don't think he can keep it up if Jordan has his brother in her crosshairs.
Fantastic episode. I cannot say enough good things about this show. *****.
The Simpsons "Homerland"
Best Animation Domination ep of the night but that's not saying much. Still, there was much to enjoy here.
For the record, I knew Homer had been brainwashed by eco-terrorists the second I saw the white guy in the van with the afro. Still was fun getting there and the climax was pretty much perfect. Loved Chief Wiggum's gunfail (which was bad even by his standards) and that crazy lady trying to make out with a barely conscious Homer. Her crawling into bed with Homer and Marge was a scream.
"I'm Bart Simpson. Who The h*** are you?" That will never get old and is the catchphrase I most miss from the early years.
I think the episode floundered when it realized it needed a fourth act. They should have ended the show on the crazy lady punching Ralph although it was funny to see the entire Animation Domination crew get in on the return of the Couch Gag especially because of what they did with the cast of the doomed Cleveland Show. The ep still felt a bit overlong.
It was good though. I enjoyed it. ****.
The Simpsons "Treehouse Of Horror XIV"
Great Halloween outing which hasn't happened in a couple of years.
Opening:
Best Halloween opening since the Fox Censor one on Treehouse of Horror VIII. For reals. *****.
Oh, The Places You'll D'oh!
Sort of running out of Halloween ideas, mmmm? No matter. The segment was still cute. ***1/2.
Dead And Shoulders:
Futurama did it better. **1/2.
Freaks No Geeks
I love it whenever this show does parodies of extremely obscure movies like Season 20's "Lisa The Drama Queen" which was a spoof of Heavenly Creatures, and this segment did it again with a truly funny take on Todd Browning's Freaks. And yes, The Strongman's evil plot made no sense. And Maya's cameo at the dinner table did not go unnoticed by me. They ought to bring her back for real on the mother show and hook her back up with Moe. The writers obviously liked the character enough to bring her back for this. The How I Met Your Mother ending was icing on the cake. Perfect. *****.
Episode Overall: ****.
Bob's Burgers "A River Runs Through Bob"
Badly written. Bob is NEVER supposed to be portrayed as this stupid. Ever. When a bug and worm eating Linda is the voice of reason, you know your Bob's Burgers episode has gone off the rails. A dud. *.
Bob's Burgers "Fort Night"
I can't decide between my favorite line: either Gene's "Oh my God! My last meal was cardboard!" or Bob's "The Chinese would be very upset by this dragon." Tie, maybe?
A keeper of an episode although it is not lost on me how many creepy/stalker kids the Belchers have at their school. They make Andy and Ollie seem completely normal. Which is a feat. ****.
Family Guy "Finders Keepers"
I didn't really see the point of this. The Simpsons already did a FAR better Mad Mad World parody during its Golden Years and it wasn't something Family Guy really needed to revisit.
Only joke I laughed at was Chris' about Meg's math still not adding up. Gross.
Not too good. *1/2.
Family Guy "Vestigial Peter"
Chip's "Wow! Wow! Wow!" was SO amusing. I've glad they didn't kill him off (it must've been because of negative feedback to killing off B*tch Stewie and B*tch Brian). That joke with Angela was gross and VERY funny. I loved everything about this episode. ****1/2.
American Dad "Steve And Snot's Test-Tubalar Adventure"
Dear American Dad,
This is an intervention. You need help. And you need it badly.
You seem to be under the distressing delusion that you can turn Snot, one of the most disgusting and obnoxious characters currently on television, into a break-out character the way you did Avery Bullock, Principal Lewis, or Jeff Fischer. It is NOT going to happen. Nobody likes Snot and nobody ever will. These past two seasons giving him more screentime and actual episodes revolving around him are killing your show.
Snot (and to a lesser extent Barry and Toshi) was a problematic character at the outset of the series. Like most Seth MacFarlane character designs you never thought through about what would happen if you actually decided to use Steve's friends a lot. All of their character designs are repulsive especially Snot's. I cannot watch American Dad while I'm eating if it's a Snot episode. Barry is pretty repulsive too to be honest, but Barry is also sometimes funny. I strongly dislike him, but he makes me laugh. Snot has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
It is bad enough when a series takes a character we like and overuse them to the point where we start to hate them (see Kenneth on 30 Rock). I want to know the writers' thought processes about why they are constantly taking a character NOBODY likes and shoving him down our throats.
And before you say anything else, yes, I know Snot is SUPPOSED to be repulsive. But he is SO repulsive that even when you try to do an episode to try and make him seem a bit less repulsive he sqiucks you out even further (see him trying to deflower Steve's daughter). You screwed the pooch when you created Snot. The answer isn't to use him more to get people used to him, or to "fix" him. The answer is to use him less, if at all. Frankly, I think Snot needs to move away or be killed off or whatever. Because every episode with him in a major role sucks.
Bad night for Animation Domination. *.
American Dad "Poltergasm"
Do you know what I've noticed about the Sethverse cartoons? Sex is always an ugly, disgusting thing in them. It is never either an expression of love or even something to simply have fun with. It is never beatiful and the people who do it generally only enjoy it when they can use it to humiliate the other person. It is always dark and sickening. Much like this excruciatingly unpleasant episode.
I cannot stress enough how much I hated this. And another thing, why has Hayley given up on Jeff so easily? Everything about this episode disgusted me and I needed a shower after watching it. The last Sethverse eps to do that were the early episodes of Family Guy and this was even worse. Absolutely terrible. 0.
Dads "Clean On Me"
I have a shameful confession to make.
I LOVE seeing Seth MacFarlane fail. He is a total douchenugget in real life so seeing him fail so publicly and so spectacularly is quite a treat. Popcorn?
I didn't see most of his disastrous Oscar telecast but from what I DID see and what I read about later, unlike David Letterman, the negative reviews were all earned. He was singing and dancing about seeing women in the audience's breasts in R-rated movies often occuring during violent rape scenes. And he's absolutely shocked, SHOCKED that everybody hated it.
Seth MacFarlane hates women. This show proves it as do the early episodes of Family Guy. When I first saw a picture of MacFarlane I thought he looked like every bullying jag-off I remembered from high school.
My favorite Seth anecdote was actually told by Seth himself in an interview and his lack of self-awareness over the incident is almost pitiful. Supposedly him and Adrien Brody were at the same party (this was recently after "And Then There Were Fewer" aired, which took a totally unwarranted and gratuitous slam at Brody) and Seth walks up to him half apologetically-half mischieviously, shrugging off the joke and saying "No hard feelings, okay?" And Brody in what I consider a true moment of awesomeness told him to eff off. And the way Seth told the story he didn't seem to possibly comprehend WHY Brody would do that. MacFarlane spends his time making racist, sexist jokes and taking cheap shots at celebrities who don't even deserve it. Yes, The Simpsons was well known for making fun of celebrities before Family Guy was on the air, but the difference there is The Simpsons' wrath was almost exclusively aimed at those celebrities and TV shows / movies that deserved it. The Simpsons would never brutally mock the creators of either Dharma and Greg or Scrubs and question their talent. Home Improvement? Married..With Children? Early Family Guy? Yes. But each of those shows were terrible and their popularity was a big part of the reason they were so distasteful. Seth makes fun of EVERYONE. He's the biggest bully on television under the guise of critic Peter Griffin and attacks GREAT actors and TV shows/movies with harder insults than he reserves for the awful 80's cartoons and sitcoms he reveres. MacFarlane is that annoying guy at a party who hates EVERYTHING and you want to get away from him as soon as possible.
To be fair, many of these same criticisms could be leveled at Trey Parker and Matt Stone from South Park. The difference there is that Parker and Stone wear their controversy like a badge of honor and are unapologetic for it. They're buttholes but they aren't buttholes who are asking you to love them. Their disdain for their fans is infamous and part of the reason I don't like them but at least they're consistant and don't care that people dislike them. MacFarlane wants to be invited to all of the Hollywood parties and be a regular at the Playboy Mansion and host Saturday Night Live. And he can't for the life of him see why everyone in the animation industry and Hollywood hates his guts.
So, I suppose I should outright review the episode now. Before it started I promised myself I would count the times I laughed: twice. Better than last week but I can't for the life of me remember the jokes I laughed at so they obviously weren't funny enough to actually leave an impression on me. The show is horrible.
I am shocked this made it to its third episode. If it makes it to six there is something seriously wrong with television. 0.
Dads "Funny Girl"
And the results for my patented laugh counter for this episode was: once. At Martin Mull filling up the recording booth with cigar smoke. At least I remembered the gag this time.
Peter Riegert is definitely improving but the show itself is not. That Joan Rivers run was unbelievably cruel even for a Seth MacFarlane show. What kind of reprehensible person could EVER make a joke that Rivers drove her husband to suicide? And MacFarlane wonders why everyone in Hollywood hates him. Frankly, I'm mad at each member of the cast who participated in that run. There used to be a time in television that if a writer wrote something completely awful and/or out of character an actor would refuse to do the line. I'm not surprised they got Seth Green to do it (he is almost as mean-spirited as MacFarlane) but everyone else should be ashamed of themselves.
But hey, at least that crazy girl from That 70's Show is getting work again. She seemed to disappear off the face of the Earth after that show did. Something tells me Dads will NOT be her big comeback. 1/2.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "The Slump"
I am as annoyed as Santiago that Holt praised Gina in this episode. He should really be focusing his wrath on her and not Peralta.
The episode was pretty good. Not as good as the pilot but better than the second episode. Terry Crews trying to assemble the dollhouse was the most memorable thing about it.
Cool. ****.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "The Vulture"
Santiago is trying WAY too hard with Holt. It's really funny that she does and her friction with him may be even funnier than his with Peralta's just because Peralta doesn't really give a cr*p what he thinks.
I'm really starting to like Scully too. That flashback with him and Holt was priceless.
Terry being an artist is another great facet to the character. He REALLY got easily offended about it too and that was really funny.
Only downside to this episode is NOT minor because it kept happening: the amount of fat-shaming in this episode was appalling. I realize it's a comedy but I would REALLY hate to think that someday when I die cops will be making jokes about my bloated corpse. It wasn't funny, it was mean. It's weird because on shows like The Office whenever one of the characters like Micheal Scott made that type of joke it was done by the writers to show how cruel and unfunny Micheal actually is. I think this episode was actually asking us to laugh along WITH Peralta. Which I find really terrible.
The episode was probably the best since the Pilot but the fat jokes will make me downgrade it a bit. ***1/2.
Parks And Recreation "The Pawnee-Eagleton Tip Off Classic"
Leslie's idea to reabsorb Eagleton SUCKED. It would be one thing if the town went bankrupt for conventional reasons, but every single person in that town is a huge spendthrift on ridiculously expensive and luxurious nonsense that now Pawnee will be on the hook for. It's especially bad because none of the Eagletonians seemed to understand that it was their lifestyle that killed them and seem to be about ready to spend all of Pawnee's money now. It's like bailing out Tom Haverford. Sure, it's a nice gesture, but he wouldn't learn anything, and you'd wind up not only destitute, but him asking you to do it all over again in 3 months. Maybe I'm not as nice as Leslie but I'm the kind of person who believes that wealthy people who treat poor people hideously do not deserve a government bail-out. Let them actually go broke so they can see how well they like it and shut their traps complaining about the poor. Ben was no help to Leslie. Her first instinct was to throw Eagleton an anchor and she should have stuck to that.
Ron's story would have been funny had it not had the exact same moral EVERY Ron story has had over the past couple of years: he can no longer be a Libertarian nutjob because he now has a family to support. Yeah, it was a really funny story especially because of Tom and Donna's reactions. But Diane is SUCH a buzzkill.
April was funny this episode but she got on my nerves as much as she did Ann's. Are they ever going to let her character grow up like they did Andy? It's starting to become sad instead of funny although I did chuckle a few times at her pretending Ann was her grandmother.
I didn't much like this episode. **.
Parks And Recreation "Dopplegangers"
Oh my God, I may just love Craig as much as Donna does. I loved her asking him about his medication because she was completely serious. Their relationship is going to be a lot of fun.
Finally got a character who DESERVED April completely messing with them. It's way funnier when it's a stranger we take an instant dislike to especially when we see exactly why April hates her.
You know, at first Ron Swanson was annoying me about Ron Done by simply judging him based on his political beliefs but the more we learned about him, the less I liked him too. Seriously. Freegans should be shunned and possibly pelted with garbage. Even furries are a higher form of life. I love that our Ron didn't know what they were. It made the explanation and his reaction even funnier.
I loved how the episode juxtiposed the reactions of both Ben and Leslie to Chris and Ann's news. I won't say Ben is a better friend than Leslie but Leslie is definitely a crazier one. I also love that Ben is a Peaks Freak.
I REALLY hope they don't change Jerry's name to Larry permanently. It was funny for an episode but it would REALLY depress me to see it continue beyond this.
Chris finding a gumball in his salad was hilarious. Pawnee is the worst.
Funny episode. ****.
American Horror Story: Coven "Bitchcraft"
Actress Micheal Rodriguez did a VERY interesting interview with Entertainment Weekly recently about the status of women in revenge films. She noted that The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was a cr*ppy movie because it wasn't enough that the woman in it wanted revenge. She had to be brutally raped and tortured first on-screen in an explicit manner. Rodriguez correctly pointed out that you'd never see that happening to Al Pacino in a movie as an impetus for revenge. She was dead-on and I think her statement also applies to American Horror Story: Seasons One, Asylum, and now Coven. Ryan Murphy may think he is being a feminist hero by creating a series with a kick-butt group of female protaganists not going to take men's crap anymore, but honestly, he is a part of the problem. Why do these male creators of female heroes always feel the need to put them through the sexual violence ringer in order to get the audience to sympathize with them? I was already on-board the premise of the series when I heard about it. I didn't need that extra degrading push.
The torture of black slaves in this episode was equally problematic for similar reasons. It wasn't QUITE as bad because the people tortured and killed weren't main cast members and obviously won't be returning but I have real problems with the violence there too,. I realize this is a horror show (literally) but I'm usually sqeamish about the horror genre because of torture. I LOVED the Scream movies for example as well as Stephen King's stuff, and I can't WAIT to see The Cabin In The Woods. But simply showing torture to get a negative reaction from people isn't good horror. It's lazy and cheap. Even King admits that he only "goes for the gross-out" when nothing else works. I think horror writers need to feel the same way about rape and torture except use it even MORE sparingly.
All that said, the premise of the show is MUCH better than Asylum which was NOT a place where I wanted to spend any time. I only watched that season because of the good will I felt for the show due to season one's amazing finale. I was sort of right as Asylum's finale was pretty great too but if I knew exactly what was coming I would never have watched the season to get to it. Ryan Murphy states in interviews that this season WILL be less dark than Asylum but I'm thinking that if this is a good idea of what we're in for I made a mistake in dipping into this season and still watching the series.
But again, good premise. It helps that not all of the young witches in the coven are teenage cover models. Gabore Sidobe and the girl who played Maddie in season one are refreshing casting choices. I wasn't happy they killed off Evan Peters in the first episode but according to the previews it looks like they are turning him into a Frankenstein monster so he isn't off the show.
I really did NOT enjoy watching this. The best horror is actually kind of fun. You get scared but the thrills are a part of the experience. This (like Asylum) was just plain unpleasant. *.
Haven: The Complete Third Season
The third season of Haven, as action packed and revelatory as it is, seems mostly to be a set-up for season four as it is literally counting down the days until The Hunter meteor storm and when Audrey will have to go back to "The Barn". That particular cliffhanger to me seemed to turn the series into a totally new and improved show. I haven't seen all of season four yet but the show is a million times better than the first three seasons but it wouldn't have gotten as awesome as it currently is WITHOUT those three seasons which were essential. Season three especially is what made the transition into the "New" Haven show what it is. This is a show that really understands story arcs and that sometimes you have to wait to get really great pay-off. Even though I personally LOVED the series finale of "Lost" I don't see this show frustrating its fans the way that one did. It seems they really DO have answers to all of the questions they are setting up and seem to be intent on giving them to the audience eventually. I think Lost's ambiguity was one of the best things about it but Haven seems to be taking the opposite tack. Which is kind of crazy because the mystery in Stephen King's "The Colorado Kid" remained unsolved and the point of that book is that some mysteries don't actually HAVE answers. I have no idea why the show violating the entire book's reason for being annoys me so much less than the Under The Dome TV series doing the exact same thing with its source material. Probably because the stakes for The Colorado Kid were much lower and the moral much less important.
I have to admit that the reveal of who The Bolt Gun Killer is is a bit of a disappointment, but since I knew that rewatching the episodes, and that the killer was a "skinwalker", it made seeing it again a better experience. For the record, simply introducing Claire and Tommy as "cannon fodder" was predictable but there was really nothing else they could be.
Best episodes of the year were the unique and original concept of "human dogs" (Stay), the first part of the two-parter (sort of) revealing the identity of the Bolt Gun Killer (Magic Hour: Part 1), Duke and Nathan's excellent time travel adventure (Sarah), and the last three episodes of the season leading to the mindblowing cliffhanger (Last Goodbyes / Reunion / Thanks For The Memories). No episodes I outright disliked but "Double Jeopardy" is the weakest (even though I still gave it two and a half stars). Season Overall: ****.
1. 301
It is a credit to this show that they can make aliens fit into the universe of this series without ever violating the rules the series set up. But the real meat of the episode to me was Audrey's abduction and grilling by the Bolt Gun Killer. I found the Killer's identity that was revealed at the end of the season a bit of a disappointment but I cannot deny that it WAS a fun season long guessing game. ****.
2. Stay
This was the first time I had ever seen this particular high-concept before so I think if a bunch of sci-fi shows decide to ape it it will be the standard by which all other versions are judged. And let me just say how absolutely rare a new sci-fi concept is on television. Once Star Trek: The Next Generation went off the air and The X-Files went downhill we have RARELY seen new story ideas in genre shows. It is true that better series than The X-Files and TNG have come along since then (Buffy, Lost, Fringe, and Firefly spring immediately to mind) but each of those shows used existing tropes even for episodes with jaw-dropping surprise twists. Any new sci-fi twists have ironically been saved for feature films. Good old fashion unpredictable sci-fi is very rare on television indeed. ****1/2.
3. The Farmer
I was super P.O.'ed at Audrey by the end of the episode but the really interesting thing was is that what she convinced Duke to do, while despicable, was the only real option. There was nothing else left but for Duke to kill the guy and stop the problem permanently. That's a VERY interesting idea to me. I hate her for it, but I understand completely why she did it. Tommy is a very nice addition to the show too. ****.
4. Over My Head
This episode is all right but it never really wowed me. The one thing I really liked about it though was Duke being as difficult as possible with Audrey and Nathan. They have both been treating him horribly this season that I really like that he decided it was time for a little payback. My two favorite scenes were Tommy menacing Vince and Dave and them completely laughing it off (SO funny) and then Tommy ACTUALLY turning the tables on them at the end of the episode. Very nice. ***.
5. Double Jeopardy
Kind of predictable episode, to be honest. That often happens on this show but I don't have to like or accept it. The lady becoming a part of the painting was kind of cool though I do have to wonder what happens to her (and the guy who became a house in the next episode) once the Troubles go away. I also liked the Nathan / Jordan stuff too. **1/2.
6. Real Estate
I didn't care much for this when I first saw it but it's grown on me upon a rewatch. Best part has to be the B story with Dwight, Vince, and Dave trying to figure out how to blow up the house. Those three work SO well together. It also gave us some good insight on Lucy who has been largely absent this season in favor of Sarah. That was appreciated by me. ****.
7. Magic Hour: Part 1
I did NOT see Tommy being the Bolt Gun Killer coming until the very second it was revealed but upon reseeing the episode it is pretty well telegraphed in the last fifteen minutes and I wonder how I could have missed it. Particularly clever Trouble too. I especially liked the cliffhanger, because while it was dire you could still see the way out of the situation, so you were inclined to want to really see the next episode. And that is the most messed up way to use a Trouble EVER. ****1/2.
8. Magic Hour: Part 2
I've never really pictured Claudia Black as a nerd, but now? Yeah, I can see it. Didn't much like the ending (way too predictable) but it was a fun ride before it happened. ***1/2. Two Part Average: ****.
9. Sarah
Nathan: despicable or not? I'm leaning towards human. He probably shouldn't have done what he did but if I was cursed with the inability to feel anything and the only person in the world I could actually touch extended that invitation I'd be hard pressed to pass it up even if it was a bit immoral. Especially since Sarah looks like Emily Rose. Also, you have to keep in mind that Nathan IS in love with Audrey so it's not THAT horrible. Still, poor Jordan. I'm starting to wonder if Duke's fate actually IS set in stone but I'm guessing at this point in the series the writers want me to think that. It has not gone unnoticed by me that every single time the series takes on a destiny or fate angle it has so far never been prevented, at least not that I can remember. Great to see Nicholas Campbell again too. He is probably my most missed former cast member. *****.
10. Burned
The Bolt Gun Killer actually not being the REAL Tommy Bowen makes a LOT more sense to me now even though I felt intitially ripped off by the revelation. Because Tommy being him in the first place didn't make a whole lot of sense. And I love that for once the kid who has the power to make grownups do what she says didn't actually turn out to be evil. That is SO in the spirit of this show. She didn't ask for this power and I love how Audrey got her to use it to help her interrogate Jordan. That was kind of refreshing. It is also one of the few Troubles this year that is a callback to "The Monkey's Paw". I'll discuss this more in my review of "Reunion". ****.
11. Last Goodbyes:
Nolan North is AWESOME. Simply put, he is brilliant in this episode and I'm sad it's his only one. I'm also sad Claire is dead, but c'mon, who else was it gonna be? ****1/2.
12. Reunion:
No clue why this was pulled in light of Sandy Hook. Sure, some murders took place in a school but it was after hours and it involved adults (until it didn't). I was REALLY shaken by Sandy Hook and this episode didn't offend me at all the way Buffy The Vampire Slayer's "Earshot" would have right after Columbine. Its good that Syfy erred on the side of caution but I also think it was quite unnecessary. I also really loved Dave punching out Vince to get access to information from Arla that he didn't want Vince to hear. It was so unexpected because it's usually Vince who does stuff like that and Dave is usually a puppy dog. Vince didn't see it coming either. I also REALLY loved that Cake Lady's Trouble. It was the perfect example of "The Monkey's Paw". Its a superpower than sounds like it would be nice to have but it would also slowly destroy your life. The show seemed to downplay The Monkey's Paw aspects of The Troubles as it went on (Chris Brody was the last person whose Trouble reminded me of this) and seemed to simply focus on straight up Curses with no redeeming value (Jordan's is a perfect example of this as is Dwight's). Its nice to know that they didn't TOTALLY forget that aspect of the Afflicted. And how about that ending, huh? Wild. *****.
13. Thanks For The Memories:
Watershed and mindblowing finale. This is the first time Haven really embraced the fact that it was a science fiction show (they previously tried to have "scientific" explanations for The Troubles) and just went for broke. It helps that so far season four is knocking it out of the park and it is because of this episode. I'm gonna say it: they shouldn't have killed off Howard. And I REALLY hope this isn't the last we see of James or Arla either. Bad things? After Smallville, this meteor storm seemed kind of pathetic. I realize Haven doesn't have Smallville's budget but they should at LEAST have tried even if it wound up looking a bit fake. Best scene was Dwight discovering Vince had Dave tied up in his car. The look on Adam Copeland's face was priceless. And Vince leads the Guard? What's his Trouble? Does he even HAVE one? Does Dave? Can't wait to find out next season. *****.
The Haunting Truth About Haven: A Documentary:
Parts of this were interesting and parts were awful. I REALLY cringed during the Ghost Hunteresque segments. That is the worst and fakest TV show since John Edward. There is still much to enjoy. Director Jason Priestly's borderline disgusted reactions to the paranormal "expert" seemed to me to be totally justified. I also found it really cool that Kate Kelton is an artist. She LOOKS like an artist so I was unsurprised. However it's hard to believe Adam Copeland used to beat up people for a living. He is so soft-spoken and mild mannered that you realize that wrestling almost certainly IS a total act. I also found the kittens and doggie cute. And yes, Emily Rose has a beautiful singing voice. It's a shame it isn't utilized on the series more. ***1/2.
Haven Panel From New York Comic Con:
The best questions were posed to Adam Copeland. The second half of the panel was better than the first which focused mainly on shipping. I'm a huge shipper so you know if I'M getting sick of it they are going overboard. ***1/2.
Cast Interviews:
Interviews with Emily Rose, Lucas Bryant, Eric Balfour, Iain Glen and Nolan North(!). Overall: ****.
Emily Rose, Lucas Bryant, & Eric Balfour: Not really much interesting stuff is talked about here. ***.
Iain Glen: I need to see Game Of Thrones. ****.
Nolan North & Emily Rose: These two are just adorable together. Forget Nathan and Duke, now I ship Audrey and Will Brady! ****1/2.
"Escape To Haven" Webisodes:
8 Webisodes hosted by Jordan and Dwight. The Dwight ones are better because they don't ALL use clips. I think it was a mistake for these "training videos" to use actual clips from the series. It makes no sense from a story standpoint and it makes the webisodes' narrative fall apart. Overall: ***1/2.
Are You Troubled?: Jordan welcomes the viewer to Haven. ***1/2.
Don't Worry: Jordan explains the Troubles. ***1/2.
Escape To Haven: Jordan describes the main characters in Haven: who to trust and who to avoid. ***1/2.
We Are The Guard: We learn here that the tattoo used to actually be used to identify the Troubled, chillingly in much the same way as a Nazi Prison Camp tattoo. Dwight then interrupts Jordan's feed to say that you can't trust the Guard. ****1/2.
The Cleaner: Dwight describes what he does in Haven. ****.
The Soldier: These last three videos are the best because they are composed of entirely new footage. It still doesn't make much sense in the context of secret videos but it works way better than the clips do. I believe this is the first time we learn definitively that not only is Dwight not FROM Haven, but that Troubles afflict people all across the country (and the world). Apparently the Guard's job is to get them safely to Haven. How this connects to the mythology of the show remains a mystery. ****.
The Recruit: I wonder if there was ever a thing between Dwight and Jordan. ***1/2.
The Father: We finally learn how Dwight lost his daughter. A bit anti-climatic to be honest. Still, we learn for the first time that if a Troubled person leaves Haven during the 27 years Audrey/Sarah/Lucy is in the Barn their Trouble comes back until they return to it, making the town's name make a LOT more sense. ****.
Deleted / Alternate Scenes:
These are deleted scenes. I wish that they had been included full screen. Still, a deleted scenes reel is a first for Haven DVD's.. Overall: ****.
Episode 2: Stay: Three scenes. The first where Nathan tells Audrey she needs to see a psychiatrist is delightfully and funnily awkward but it's the last scene between Dwight and Jordan (here introduced a couple of episodes early) that really got my attention. Apparently, Dwight thinks Duke is nothing like his father and CAN be trusted. I wish we had learned that in an episode itself this year! That's huge! ****1/2.
Episode 3: The Farmer: A short scene involving the creepy Troubled father. ***.
Episode 5: Double Jeopardy: Unneeded. **.
Episode 8: Magic Hour - Part 2: Glad to see an extra Tommy scene. ***1/2.
Episode 9: Sarah: The scene at the beginning with Duke and his dad's diary would have been nice and made the episode easier for newbies to understand. But the episode was already pretty dang awesome and overstuffed already. ****1/2.
Episode 10: Burned: A juicy scene. I can't tell if they cut it because it was too grisly or because it potentially could have given too much of the game away. Possibly both. *****.
Episode 11: Last Goodbyes: This was a good scene. ****.
Behind-The-Scenes Reel:
Home movies from the cast and crew montage. ***.
Blooper Reel:
Nothing to write home about. **1/2.
Season 3 Trailers:
International Promo: They made the DVD Menus out of this. Awesome. *****.
New Season Trailer: Great trailer. *****.
Coming Soon To DVD: Another awesome trailer. *****.
Season 4 Teaser:
This actually contains a good amount of footage from season four at the end. Next season trailers on DVD box sets NEVER do that. *****.
Blu-Ray Menus: I will bet you anything that these menus, based upon the International Promos, were inspired by Twin Peaks / David Lynch. The dreamlike imagery, the cool Angelo Badalentimi-type jazz score and a gorgeous woman with multiple identities. Did I mention how much I love these things? *****.
Upcoming reviews on this journal include Revolution: Season 1, Doctor Who: The Doctors Revisited 5-8, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Ultimate Showdown, Mighty Morphin Alien Rangers, Star Trek Into Darkness (Blu-Ray), Arrow: Season 1, Iron Man 3 (Blu-Ray), Phineas And Ferb: Mission Marvel, Monster University (Blu-Ray), Much Ado About Nothing, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, Rocko's Modern Life: Season 4, and Transformers Prime: Beast Hunters: Season 3.
Haven "Lost And Found"
Another great episode. I have to say those demon kids were REALLY disturbing to me and something right out of Stephen King (which is appropriate). I think it was their boarding school outfits that freaked me out so much.
Duke Troublewhispering Jennifer was so excellent because he also was doing a great job handling Nathan with it too (who seemed to be equally problematic to the scenario). I loved the terms Duke described to Nathan what he was trying to do and how Nathan had to realize it was a really good idea. And that he HAD to stay away because he was so bad at stuff like that.
The end: Predictable? Yes. But I think that was the point. The series telegraphed that ending a mile away and every choice the writers and directors made completely told you yes, it was happening. Which sort of made the dread you were feeling that much worse. Which almost makes you scream at the TV for Nathan to stop misinterpreting Lexie's ambiguous statements and outright ask her if she remembered him. The predictability of the situation was what made it work and so dreadful.
I also predict that this will be the series' last predictable episode for awhile. But if they do another one that completely plays on our fears like this one does (Don't answer the phone! Get out of the house!) I'll be fine with it. ****1/2.
Haven "The New Girl"
That ending is precisely the reason this is currently one of the best genre shows on television right now. I had thought that what Lexie had done to Duke was a pretty neat trick and probably left over from some memory of Audrey that she didn't even realize. I didn't even stop to consider because it actually WAS Audrey.
I think this means she not only has her Audrey memories but her Lacey and Sarah ones too. Which puts Vince or James being the one she has to kill back into play. It might not be Nathan after all although that fear is surely why she hid her identity.
She WAS very convincing, wasn't she? She said ALL of the completely wrong things to push Nathan away and it would have seemed kind of brutal had I not realized she was protecting him.
I have to say that Duke's plan to keep Nathan alive was a VERY stupid one. But I was SO impressed with the show for straight up acknowledging that and saying Duke was merely playing for time. Because that's all the plan was: a stay of execution.
Vince was fierce this episode. I'm thinking before all is said and done they may turn him into a villain. I hope not, but he displayed a ruthlessness this episode that even though they've hinted at it before I never really thought he actually possessed it.
Jordan is asking the right questions but I think she is coming to the wrong conclusions. Audrey herself is almost certainly not personally responsible for the Troubles and Duke killing her wouldn't change anything (even though it's now clear that's what his father thought). What I think Jordan's plan for Duke's brother is that she plans to torture him to trigger his Trouble and get HIM to kill Audrey. We've seen enough of the Barn and Howard and stuff to realize it Audrey almost certainly isn't Troubled herself but since Jordan isn't privy to all that I'm guessing that's why she believes what she does. I also think that was why Dwight pulled her into the Secret Club. He knows she's wrong and is trying to prove it to her.
I did NOT expect that tense stand-off at the beginning of the episode. I thought Audrey revealing herself as Lexie would weaken resolves but instead it ramped everything up to 11. Duke is trying REALLY hard to keep everything together. He's doing good so far but I don't think he can keep it up if Jordan has his brother in her crosshairs.
Fantastic episode. I cannot say enough good things about this show. *****.
The Simpsons "Homerland"
Best Animation Domination ep of the night but that's not saying much. Still, there was much to enjoy here.
For the record, I knew Homer had been brainwashed by eco-terrorists the second I saw the white guy in the van with the afro. Still was fun getting there and the climax was pretty much perfect. Loved Chief Wiggum's gunfail (which was bad even by his standards) and that crazy lady trying to make out with a barely conscious Homer. Her crawling into bed with Homer and Marge was a scream.
"I'm Bart Simpson. Who The h*** are you?" That will never get old and is the catchphrase I most miss from the early years.
I think the episode floundered when it realized it needed a fourth act. They should have ended the show on the crazy lady punching Ralph although it was funny to see the entire Animation Domination crew get in on the return of the Couch Gag especially because of what they did with the cast of the doomed Cleveland Show. The ep still felt a bit overlong.
It was good though. I enjoyed it. ****.
The Simpsons "Treehouse Of Horror XIV"
Great Halloween outing which hasn't happened in a couple of years.
Opening:
Best Halloween opening since the Fox Censor one on Treehouse of Horror VIII. For reals. *****.
Oh, The Places You'll D'oh!
Sort of running out of Halloween ideas, mmmm? No matter. The segment was still cute. ***1/2.
Dead And Shoulders:
Futurama did it better. **1/2.
Freaks No Geeks
I love it whenever this show does parodies of extremely obscure movies like Season 20's "Lisa The Drama Queen" which was a spoof of Heavenly Creatures, and this segment did it again with a truly funny take on Todd Browning's Freaks. And yes, The Strongman's evil plot made no sense. And Maya's cameo at the dinner table did not go unnoticed by me. They ought to bring her back for real on the mother show and hook her back up with Moe. The writers obviously liked the character enough to bring her back for this. The How I Met Your Mother ending was icing on the cake. Perfect. *****.
Episode Overall: ****.
Bob's Burgers "A River Runs Through Bob"
Badly written. Bob is NEVER supposed to be portrayed as this stupid. Ever. When a bug and worm eating Linda is the voice of reason, you know your Bob's Burgers episode has gone off the rails. A dud. *.
Bob's Burgers "Fort Night"
I can't decide between my favorite line: either Gene's "Oh my God! My last meal was cardboard!" or Bob's "The Chinese would be very upset by this dragon." Tie, maybe?
A keeper of an episode although it is not lost on me how many creepy/stalker kids the Belchers have at their school. They make Andy and Ollie seem completely normal. Which is a feat. ****.
Family Guy "Finders Keepers"
I didn't really see the point of this. The Simpsons already did a FAR better Mad Mad World parody during its Golden Years and it wasn't something Family Guy really needed to revisit.
Only joke I laughed at was Chris' about Meg's math still not adding up. Gross.
Not too good. *1/2.
Family Guy "Vestigial Peter"
Chip's "Wow! Wow! Wow!" was SO amusing. I've glad they didn't kill him off (it must've been because of negative feedback to killing off B*tch Stewie and B*tch Brian). That joke with Angela was gross and VERY funny. I loved everything about this episode. ****1/2.
American Dad "Steve And Snot's Test-Tubalar Adventure"
Dear American Dad,
This is an intervention. You need help. And you need it badly.
You seem to be under the distressing delusion that you can turn Snot, one of the most disgusting and obnoxious characters currently on television, into a break-out character the way you did Avery Bullock, Principal Lewis, or Jeff Fischer. It is NOT going to happen. Nobody likes Snot and nobody ever will. These past two seasons giving him more screentime and actual episodes revolving around him are killing your show.
Snot (and to a lesser extent Barry and Toshi) was a problematic character at the outset of the series. Like most Seth MacFarlane character designs you never thought through about what would happen if you actually decided to use Steve's friends a lot. All of their character designs are repulsive especially Snot's. I cannot watch American Dad while I'm eating if it's a Snot episode. Barry is pretty repulsive too to be honest, but Barry is also sometimes funny. I strongly dislike him, but he makes me laugh. Snot has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
It is bad enough when a series takes a character we like and overuse them to the point where we start to hate them (see Kenneth on 30 Rock). I want to know the writers' thought processes about why they are constantly taking a character NOBODY likes and shoving him down our throats.
And before you say anything else, yes, I know Snot is SUPPOSED to be repulsive. But he is SO repulsive that even when you try to do an episode to try and make him seem a bit less repulsive he sqiucks you out even further (see him trying to deflower Steve's daughter). You screwed the pooch when you created Snot. The answer isn't to use him more to get people used to him, or to "fix" him. The answer is to use him less, if at all. Frankly, I think Snot needs to move away or be killed off or whatever. Because every episode with him in a major role sucks.
Bad night for Animation Domination. *.
American Dad "Poltergasm"
Do you know what I've noticed about the Sethverse cartoons? Sex is always an ugly, disgusting thing in them. It is never either an expression of love or even something to simply have fun with. It is never beatiful and the people who do it generally only enjoy it when they can use it to humiliate the other person. It is always dark and sickening. Much like this excruciatingly unpleasant episode.
I cannot stress enough how much I hated this. And another thing, why has Hayley given up on Jeff so easily? Everything about this episode disgusted me and I needed a shower after watching it. The last Sethverse eps to do that were the early episodes of Family Guy and this was even worse. Absolutely terrible. 0.
Dads "Clean On Me"
I have a shameful confession to make.
I LOVE seeing Seth MacFarlane fail. He is a total douchenugget in real life so seeing him fail so publicly and so spectacularly is quite a treat. Popcorn?
I didn't see most of his disastrous Oscar telecast but from what I DID see and what I read about later, unlike David Letterman, the negative reviews were all earned. He was singing and dancing about seeing women in the audience's breasts in R-rated movies often occuring during violent rape scenes. And he's absolutely shocked, SHOCKED that everybody hated it.
Seth MacFarlane hates women. This show proves it as do the early episodes of Family Guy. When I first saw a picture of MacFarlane I thought he looked like every bullying jag-off I remembered from high school.
My favorite Seth anecdote was actually told by Seth himself in an interview and his lack of self-awareness over the incident is almost pitiful. Supposedly him and Adrien Brody were at the same party (this was recently after "And Then There Were Fewer" aired, which took a totally unwarranted and gratuitous slam at Brody) and Seth walks up to him half apologetically-half mischieviously, shrugging off the joke and saying "No hard feelings, okay?" And Brody in what I consider a true moment of awesomeness told him to eff off. And the way Seth told the story he didn't seem to possibly comprehend WHY Brody would do that. MacFarlane spends his time making racist, sexist jokes and taking cheap shots at celebrities who don't even deserve it. Yes, The Simpsons was well known for making fun of celebrities before Family Guy was on the air, but the difference there is The Simpsons' wrath was almost exclusively aimed at those celebrities and TV shows / movies that deserved it. The Simpsons would never brutally mock the creators of either Dharma and Greg or Scrubs and question their talent. Home Improvement? Married..With Children? Early Family Guy? Yes. But each of those shows were terrible and their popularity was a big part of the reason they were so distasteful. Seth makes fun of EVERYONE. He's the biggest bully on television under the guise of critic Peter Griffin and attacks GREAT actors and TV shows/movies with harder insults than he reserves for the awful 80's cartoons and sitcoms he reveres. MacFarlane is that annoying guy at a party who hates EVERYTHING and you want to get away from him as soon as possible.
To be fair, many of these same criticisms could be leveled at Trey Parker and Matt Stone from South Park. The difference there is that Parker and Stone wear their controversy like a badge of honor and are unapologetic for it. They're buttholes but they aren't buttholes who are asking you to love them. Their disdain for their fans is infamous and part of the reason I don't like them but at least they're consistant and don't care that people dislike them. MacFarlane wants to be invited to all of the Hollywood parties and be a regular at the Playboy Mansion and host Saturday Night Live. And he can't for the life of him see why everyone in the animation industry and Hollywood hates his guts.
So, I suppose I should outright review the episode now. Before it started I promised myself I would count the times I laughed: twice. Better than last week but I can't for the life of me remember the jokes I laughed at so they obviously weren't funny enough to actually leave an impression on me. The show is horrible.
I am shocked this made it to its third episode. If it makes it to six there is something seriously wrong with television. 0.
Dads "Funny Girl"
And the results for my patented laugh counter for this episode was: once. At Martin Mull filling up the recording booth with cigar smoke. At least I remembered the gag this time.
Peter Riegert is definitely improving but the show itself is not. That Joan Rivers run was unbelievably cruel even for a Seth MacFarlane show. What kind of reprehensible person could EVER make a joke that Rivers drove her husband to suicide? And MacFarlane wonders why everyone in Hollywood hates him. Frankly, I'm mad at each member of the cast who participated in that run. There used to be a time in television that if a writer wrote something completely awful and/or out of character an actor would refuse to do the line. I'm not surprised they got Seth Green to do it (he is almost as mean-spirited as MacFarlane) but everyone else should be ashamed of themselves.
But hey, at least that crazy girl from That 70's Show is getting work again. She seemed to disappear off the face of the Earth after that show did. Something tells me Dads will NOT be her big comeback. 1/2.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "The Slump"
I am as annoyed as Santiago that Holt praised Gina in this episode. He should really be focusing his wrath on her and not Peralta.
The episode was pretty good. Not as good as the pilot but better than the second episode. Terry Crews trying to assemble the dollhouse was the most memorable thing about it.
Cool. ****.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "The Vulture"
Santiago is trying WAY too hard with Holt. It's really funny that she does and her friction with him may be even funnier than his with Peralta's just because Peralta doesn't really give a cr*p what he thinks.
I'm really starting to like Scully too. That flashback with him and Holt was priceless.
Terry being an artist is another great facet to the character. He REALLY got easily offended about it too and that was really funny.
Only downside to this episode is NOT minor because it kept happening: the amount of fat-shaming in this episode was appalling. I realize it's a comedy but I would REALLY hate to think that someday when I die cops will be making jokes about my bloated corpse. It wasn't funny, it was mean. It's weird because on shows like The Office whenever one of the characters like Micheal Scott made that type of joke it was done by the writers to show how cruel and unfunny Micheal actually is. I think this episode was actually asking us to laugh along WITH Peralta. Which I find really terrible.
The episode was probably the best since the Pilot but the fat jokes will make me downgrade it a bit. ***1/2.
Parks And Recreation "The Pawnee-Eagleton Tip Off Classic"
Leslie's idea to reabsorb Eagleton SUCKED. It would be one thing if the town went bankrupt for conventional reasons, but every single person in that town is a huge spendthrift on ridiculously expensive and luxurious nonsense that now Pawnee will be on the hook for. It's especially bad because none of the Eagletonians seemed to understand that it was their lifestyle that killed them and seem to be about ready to spend all of Pawnee's money now. It's like bailing out Tom Haverford. Sure, it's a nice gesture, but he wouldn't learn anything, and you'd wind up not only destitute, but him asking you to do it all over again in 3 months. Maybe I'm not as nice as Leslie but I'm the kind of person who believes that wealthy people who treat poor people hideously do not deserve a government bail-out. Let them actually go broke so they can see how well they like it and shut their traps complaining about the poor. Ben was no help to Leslie. Her first instinct was to throw Eagleton an anchor and she should have stuck to that.
Ron's story would have been funny had it not had the exact same moral EVERY Ron story has had over the past couple of years: he can no longer be a Libertarian nutjob because he now has a family to support. Yeah, it was a really funny story especially because of Tom and Donna's reactions. But Diane is SUCH a buzzkill.
April was funny this episode but she got on my nerves as much as she did Ann's. Are they ever going to let her character grow up like they did Andy? It's starting to become sad instead of funny although I did chuckle a few times at her pretending Ann was her grandmother.
I didn't much like this episode. **.
Parks And Recreation "Dopplegangers"
Oh my God, I may just love Craig as much as Donna does. I loved her asking him about his medication because she was completely serious. Their relationship is going to be a lot of fun.
Finally got a character who DESERVED April completely messing with them. It's way funnier when it's a stranger we take an instant dislike to especially when we see exactly why April hates her.
You know, at first Ron Swanson was annoying me about Ron Done by simply judging him based on his political beliefs but the more we learned about him, the less I liked him too. Seriously. Freegans should be shunned and possibly pelted with garbage. Even furries are a higher form of life. I love that our Ron didn't know what they were. It made the explanation and his reaction even funnier.
I loved how the episode juxtiposed the reactions of both Ben and Leslie to Chris and Ann's news. I won't say Ben is a better friend than Leslie but Leslie is definitely a crazier one. I also love that Ben is a Peaks Freak.
I REALLY hope they don't change Jerry's name to Larry permanently. It was funny for an episode but it would REALLY depress me to see it continue beyond this.
Chris finding a gumball in his salad was hilarious. Pawnee is the worst.
Funny episode. ****.
American Horror Story: Coven "Bitchcraft"
Actress Micheal Rodriguez did a VERY interesting interview with Entertainment Weekly recently about the status of women in revenge films. She noted that The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was a cr*ppy movie because it wasn't enough that the woman in it wanted revenge. She had to be brutally raped and tortured first on-screen in an explicit manner. Rodriguez correctly pointed out that you'd never see that happening to Al Pacino in a movie as an impetus for revenge. She was dead-on and I think her statement also applies to American Horror Story: Seasons One, Asylum, and now Coven. Ryan Murphy may think he is being a feminist hero by creating a series with a kick-butt group of female protaganists not going to take men's crap anymore, but honestly, he is a part of the problem. Why do these male creators of female heroes always feel the need to put them through the sexual violence ringer in order to get the audience to sympathize with them? I was already on-board the premise of the series when I heard about it. I didn't need that extra degrading push.
The torture of black slaves in this episode was equally problematic for similar reasons. It wasn't QUITE as bad because the people tortured and killed weren't main cast members and obviously won't be returning but I have real problems with the violence there too,. I realize this is a horror show (literally) but I'm usually sqeamish about the horror genre because of torture. I LOVED the Scream movies for example as well as Stephen King's stuff, and I can't WAIT to see The Cabin In The Woods. But simply showing torture to get a negative reaction from people isn't good horror. It's lazy and cheap. Even King admits that he only "goes for the gross-out" when nothing else works. I think horror writers need to feel the same way about rape and torture except use it even MORE sparingly.
All that said, the premise of the show is MUCH better than Asylum which was NOT a place where I wanted to spend any time. I only watched that season because of the good will I felt for the show due to season one's amazing finale. I was sort of right as Asylum's finale was pretty great too but if I knew exactly what was coming I would never have watched the season to get to it. Ryan Murphy states in interviews that this season WILL be less dark than Asylum but I'm thinking that if this is a good idea of what we're in for I made a mistake in dipping into this season and still watching the series.
But again, good premise. It helps that not all of the young witches in the coven are teenage cover models. Gabore Sidobe and the girl who played Maddie in season one are refreshing casting choices. I wasn't happy they killed off Evan Peters in the first episode but according to the previews it looks like they are turning him into a Frankenstein monster so he isn't off the show.
I really did NOT enjoy watching this. The best horror is actually kind of fun. You get scared but the thrills are a part of the experience. This (like Asylum) was just plain unpleasant. *.
Haven: The Complete Third Season
The third season of Haven, as action packed and revelatory as it is, seems mostly to be a set-up for season four as it is literally counting down the days until The Hunter meteor storm and when Audrey will have to go back to "The Barn". That particular cliffhanger to me seemed to turn the series into a totally new and improved show. I haven't seen all of season four yet but the show is a million times better than the first three seasons but it wouldn't have gotten as awesome as it currently is WITHOUT those three seasons which were essential. Season three especially is what made the transition into the "New" Haven show what it is. This is a show that really understands story arcs and that sometimes you have to wait to get really great pay-off. Even though I personally LOVED the series finale of "Lost" I don't see this show frustrating its fans the way that one did. It seems they really DO have answers to all of the questions they are setting up and seem to be intent on giving them to the audience eventually. I think Lost's ambiguity was one of the best things about it but Haven seems to be taking the opposite tack. Which is kind of crazy because the mystery in Stephen King's "The Colorado Kid" remained unsolved and the point of that book is that some mysteries don't actually HAVE answers. I have no idea why the show violating the entire book's reason for being annoys me so much less than the Under The Dome TV series doing the exact same thing with its source material. Probably because the stakes for The Colorado Kid were much lower and the moral much less important.
I have to admit that the reveal of who The Bolt Gun Killer is is a bit of a disappointment, but since I knew that rewatching the episodes, and that the killer was a "skinwalker", it made seeing it again a better experience. For the record, simply introducing Claire and Tommy as "cannon fodder" was predictable but there was really nothing else they could be.
Best episodes of the year were the unique and original concept of "human dogs" (Stay), the first part of the two-parter (sort of) revealing the identity of the Bolt Gun Killer (Magic Hour: Part 1), Duke and Nathan's excellent time travel adventure (Sarah), and the last three episodes of the season leading to the mindblowing cliffhanger (Last Goodbyes / Reunion / Thanks For The Memories). No episodes I outright disliked but "Double Jeopardy" is the weakest (even though I still gave it two and a half stars). Season Overall: ****.
1. 301
It is a credit to this show that they can make aliens fit into the universe of this series without ever violating the rules the series set up. But the real meat of the episode to me was Audrey's abduction and grilling by the Bolt Gun Killer. I found the Killer's identity that was revealed at the end of the season a bit of a disappointment but I cannot deny that it WAS a fun season long guessing game. ****.
2. Stay
This was the first time I had ever seen this particular high-concept before so I think if a bunch of sci-fi shows decide to ape it it will be the standard by which all other versions are judged. And let me just say how absolutely rare a new sci-fi concept is on television. Once Star Trek: The Next Generation went off the air and The X-Files went downhill we have RARELY seen new story ideas in genre shows. It is true that better series than The X-Files and TNG have come along since then (Buffy, Lost, Fringe, and Firefly spring immediately to mind) but each of those shows used existing tropes even for episodes with jaw-dropping surprise twists. Any new sci-fi twists have ironically been saved for feature films. Good old fashion unpredictable sci-fi is very rare on television indeed. ****1/2.
3. The Farmer
I was super P.O.'ed at Audrey by the end of the episode but the really interesting thing was is that what she convinced Duke to do, while despicable, was the only real option. There was nothing else left but for Duke to kill the guy and stop the problem permanently. That's a VERY interesting idea to me. I hate her for it, but I understand completely why she did it. Tommy is a very nice addition to the show too. ****.
4. Over My Head
This episode is all right but it never really wowed me. The one thing I really liked about it though was Duke being as difficult as possible with Audrey and Nathan. They have both been treating him horribly this season that I really like that he decided it was time for a little payback. My two favorite scenes were Tommy menacing Vince and Dave and them completely laughing it off (SO funny) and then Tommy ACTUALLY turning the tables on them at the end of the episode. Very nice. ***.
5. Double Jeopardy
Kind of predictable episode, to be honest. That often happens on this show but I don't have to like or accept it. The lady becoming a part of the painting was kind of cool though I do have to wonder what happens to her (and the guy who became a house in the next episode) once the Troubles go away. I also liked the Nathan / Jordan stuff too. **1/2.
6. Real Estate
I didn't care much for this when I first saw it but it's grown on me upon a rewatch. Best part has to be the B story with Dwight, Vince, and Dave trying to figure out how to blow up the house. Those three work SO well together. It also gave us some good insight on Lucy who has been largely absent this season in favor of Sarah. That was appreciated by me. ****.
7. Magic Hour: Part 1
I did NOT see Tommy being the Bolt Gun Killer coming until the very second it was revealed but upon reseeing the episode it is pretty well telegraphed in the last fifteen minutes and I wonder how I could have missed it. Particularly clever Trouble too. I especially liked the cliffhanger, because while it was dire you could still see the way out of the situation, so you were inclined to want to really see the next episode. And that is the most messed up way to use a Trouble EVER. ****1/2.
8. Magic Hour: Part 2
I've never really pictured Claudia Black as a nerd, but now? Yeah, I can see it. Didn't much like the ending (way too predictable) but it was a fun ride before it happened. ***1/2. Two Part Average: ****.
9. Sarah
Nathan: despicable or not? I'm leaning towards human. He probably shouldn't have done what he did but if I was cursed with the inability to feel anything and the only person in the world I could actually touch extended that invitation I'd be hard pressed to pass it up even if it was a bit immoral. Especially since Sarah looks like Emily Rose. Also, you have to keep in mind that Nathan IS in love with Audrey so it's not THAT horrible. Still, poor Jordan. I'm starting to wonder if Duke's fate actually IS set in stone but I'm guessing at this point in the series the writers want me to think that. It has not gone unnoticed by me that every single time the series takes on a destiny or fate angle it has so far never been prevented, at least not that I can remember. Great to see Nicholas Campbell again too. He is probably my most missed former cast member. *****.
10. Burned
The Bolt Gun Killer actually not being the REAL Tommy Bowen makes a LOT more sense to me now even though I felt intitially ripped off by the revelation. Because Tommy being him in the first place didn't make a whole lot of sense. And I love that for once the kid who has the power to make grownups do what she says didn't actually turn out to be evil. That is SO in the spirit of this show. She didn't ask for this power and I love how Audrey got her to use it to help her interrogate Jordan. That was kind of refreshing. It is also one of the few Troubles this year that is a callback to "The Monkey's Paw". I'll discuss this more in my review of "Reunion". ****.
11. Last Goodbyes:
Nolan North is AWESOME. Simply put, he is brilliant in this episode and I'm sad it's his only one. I'm also sad Claire is dead, but c'mon, who else was it gonna be? ****1/2.
12. Reunion:
No clue why this was pulled in light of Sandy Hook. Sure, some murders took place in a school but it was after hours and it involved adults (until it didn't). I was REALLY shaken by Sandy Hook and this episode didn't offend me at all the way Buffy The Vampire Slayer's "Earshot" would have right after Columbine. Its good that Syfy erred on the side of caution but I also think it was quite unnecessary. I also really loved Dave punching out Vince to get access to information from Arla that he didn't want Vince to hear. It was so unexpected because it's usually Vince who does stuff like that and Dave is usually a puppy dog. Vince didn't see it coming either. I also REALLY loved that Cake Lady's Trouble. It was the perfect example of "The Monkey's Paw". Its a superpower than sounds like it would be nice to have but it would also slowly destroy your life. The show seemed to downplay The Monkey's Paw aspects of The Troubles as it went on (Chris Brody was the last person whose Trouble reminded me of this) and seemed to simply focus on straight up Curses with no redeeming value (Jordan's is a perfect example of this as is Dwight's). Its nice to know that they didn't TOTALLY forget that aspect of the Afflicted. And how about that ending, huh? Wild. *****.
13. Thanks For The Memories:
Watershed and mindblowing finale. This is the first time Haven really embraced the fact that it was a science fiction show (they previously tried to have "scientific" explanations for The Troubles) and just went for broke. It helps that so far season four is knocking it out of the park and it is because of this episode. I'm gonna say it: they shouldn't have killed off Howard. And I REALLY hope this isn't the last we see of James or Arla either. Bad things? After Smallville, this meteor storm seemed kind of pathetic. I realize Haven doesn't have Smallville's budget but they should at LEAST have tried even if it wound up looking a bit fake. Best scene was Dwight discovering Vince had Dave tied up in his car. The look on Adam Copeland's face was priceless. And Vince leads the Guard? What's his Trouble? Does he even HAVE one? Does Dave? Can't wait to find out next season. *****.
The Haunting Truth About Haven: A Documentary:
Parts of this were interesting and parts were awful. I REALLY cringed during the Ghost Hunteresque segments. That is the worst and fakest TV show since John Edward. There is still much to enjoy. Director Jason Priestly's borderline disgusted reactions to the paranormal "expert" seemed to me to be totally justified. I also found it really cool that Kate Kelton is an artist. She LOOKS like an artist so I was unsurprised. However it's hard to believe Adam Copeland used to beat up people for a living. He is so soft-spoken and mild mannered that you realize that wrestling almost certainly IS a total act. I also found the kittens and doggie cute. And yes, Emily Rose has a beautiful singing voice. It's a shame it isn't utilized on the series more. ***1/2.
Haven Panel From New York Comic Con:
The best questions were posed to Adam Copeland. The second half of the panel was better than the first which focused mainly on shipping. I'm a huge shipper so you know if I'M getting sick of it they are going overboard. ***1/2.
Cast Interviews:
Interviews with Emily Rose, Lucas Bryant, Eric Balfour, Iain Glen and Nolan North(!). Overall: ****.
Emily Rose, Lucas Bryant, & Eric Balfour: Not really much interesting stuff is talked about here. ***.
Iain Glen: I need to see Game Of Thrones. ****.
Nolan North & Emily Rose: These two are just adorable together. Forget Nathan and Duke, now I ship Audrey and Will Brady! ****1/2.
"Escape To Haven" Webisodes:
8 Webisodes hosted by Jordan and Dwight. The Dwight ones are better because they don't ALL use clips. I think it was a mistake for these "training videos" to use actual clips from the series. It makes no sense from a story standpoint and it makes the webisodes' narrative fall apart. Overall: ***1/2.
Are You Troubled?: Jordan welcomes the viewer to Haven. ***1/2.
Don't Worry: Jordan explains the Troubles. ***1/2.
Escape To Haven: Jordan describes the main characters in Haven: who to trust and who to avoid. ***1/2.
We Are The Guard: We learn here that the tattoo used to actually be used to identify the Troubled, chillingly in much the same way as a Nazi Prison Camp tattoo. Dwight then interrupts Jordan's feed to say that you can't trust the Guard. ****1/2.
The Cleaner: Dwight describes what he does in Haven. ****.
The Soldier: These last three videos are the best because they are composed of entirely new footage. It still doesn't make much sense in the context of secret videos but it works way better than the clips do. I believe this is the first time we learn definitively that not only is Dwight not FROM Haven, but that Troubles afflict people all across the country (and the world). Apparently the Guard's job is to get them safely to Haven. How this connects to the mythology of the show remains a mystery. ****.
The Recruit: I wonder if there was ever a thing between Dwight and Jordan. ***1/2.
The Father: We finally learn how Dwight lost his daughter. A bit anti-climatic to be honest. Still, we learn for the first time that if a Troubled person leaves Haven during the 27 years Audrey/Sarah/Lucy is in the Barn their Trouble comes back until they return to it, making the town's name make a LOT more sense. ****.
Deleted / Alternate Scenes:
These are deleted scenes. I wish that they had been included full screen. Still, a deleted scenes reel is a first for Haven DVD's.. Overall: ****.
Episode 2: Stay: Three scenes. The first where Nathan tells Audrey she needs to see a psychiatrist is delightfully and funnily awkward but it's the last scene between Dwight and Jordan (here introduced a couple of episodes early) that really got my attention. Apparently, Dwight thinks Duke is nothing like his father and CAN be trusted. I wish we had learned that in an episode itself this year! That's huge! ****1/2.
Episode 3: The Farmer: A short scene involving the creepy Troubled father. ***.
Episode 5: Double Jeopardy: Unneeded. **.
Episode 8: Magic Hour - Part 2: Glad to see an extra Tommy scene. ***1/2.
Episode 9: Sarah: The scene at the beginning with Duke and his dad's diary would have been nice and made the episode easier for newbies to understand. But the episode was already pretty dang awesome and overstuffed already. ****1/2.
Episode 10: Burned: A juicy scene. I can't tell if they cut it because it was too grisly or because it potentially could have given too much of the game away. Possibly both. *****.
Episode 11: Last Goodbyes: This was a good scene. ****.
Behind-The-Scenes Reel:
Home movies from the cast and crew montage. ***.
Blooper Reel:
Nothing to write home about. **1/2.
Season 3 Trailers:
International Promo: They made the DVD Menus out of this. Awesome. *****.
New Season Trailer: Great trailer. *****.
Coming Soon To DVD: Another awesome trailer. *****.
Season 4 Teaser:
This actually contains a good amount of footage from season four at the end. Next season trailers on DVD box sets NEVER do that. *****.
Blu-Ray Menus: I will bet you anything that these menus, based upon the International Promos, were inspired by Twin Peaks / David Lynch. The dreamlike imagery, the cool Angelo Badalentimi-type jazz score and a gorgeous woman with multiple identities. Did I mention how much I love these things? *****.