"The Bourne Ultimatum" Review (Spoilers)
Also reviews for the series premiere of Star Trek: Prodigy, the latest episodes of Teen Titans Go!, and Young Justice: Phantoms, the series finale of Aquaman: King Of Atlantis, and the latest episodes of Stargirl, Supergirl, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow, Batwoman, and Doom Patrol, the special Scooby Doo Where Are You Now!, and the latest episode of The Blacklist.
The Bourne Ultimatum
Wow, they really went all out for that one. I would have given it five stars, but I wasn't entirely satisfied with the ending. I was hoping I could say that was the right ending, and that they should have stopped here. But I don't feel it was. I realize the next two movies are disliked, but I think their existence would be easier to dismiss if the last scenes in this movie were more definitive.
Nicky has always intrigued and confused me. Mostly because she is even more laconic than Bourne is. Why is she helping him? It's suggested, but not made explicit, that she is his long-lost love. Her dyeing and cutting her hair in the scene mirroring Bourne's falling in love with Marie in the first picture cinches that fact.
I like that both she and Pam help Bourne. But Pam tries her damnedest to do it within the confines of the law.
I like the assassin at the end asking Bourne why he didn't take the shot. And he didn't just so the guy would ask himself that. It's the right question.
I also appreciated Bourne refusing to kill the villain in revenge for the canny reason that's he'd get a star on the wall, and be buried with full honors if he was killed before this all got out. I like that reason. It's not that Bourne is too good to kill him. It's that the death is too good for him. Hope he enjoys prison instead.
So yeah, that was the best of the three original movies. It flew by the quickest, and I wish I could say it was perfect. But I felt like we were left with plenty of unfinished business. When you end a major trilogy to a franchise, you need to end it. Not look towards sequels and spin-offs that might never happen. People seem to hate the spin-off and the sequel. I suspect I won't hate them simply because the franchise set them up instead of closing things off here. We'll see. ****1/2.
Star Trek: Prodigy: "Lost & Found, Parts 1 & 2"
I'm going to do some compliments, I'm gonna do some criticisms. What it ultimately boils down to is that I'm not sold yet. And that's okay. It would be weird if I was.
Because what I just saw was the most singularly unique Star Trek project in television (and movie) history. There is literally nothing else in the canon like it. It's totally a Star Wars cartoon rather than a Star Trek one, which is where the bulk of my resistance lies. When the series settles down and gets into a more Star Trek groove (as the Janeway Hologram suggests it will) I'm sure I'll grow to like it. Right now I'm iffy on the Pilot.
The choices of aliens for the crew members are interesting. Of them I have only heard of Tellarites and Medusans. Tellarites are a definitely Alpha Quadrant species, so what one is doing in the Delta Quadrant will make an interesting origin story. We've only seen the Medusans once on The Original Series. Let me amend that: We've only seen them once on a wholly crappy episode of The Original Series. Their origins as I recall were not deeply delved into. It's believable that either they originated in the Delta Quadrant or have migrated there when this series takes place.
When the series takes place is an intriguing open question that will probably be answered next week. But there are really no clue WHEN in the canon this show exists. Probably not in the Discovery era due to the Burn being present there. But this could easily take place in the 28th or 29th Century and not break canon. For some reason I'm hoping it's the same time period as Lower Decks, or even Picard. Wouldn't the kids meeting Janeway in real life make a good series finale? I digress.
I personally have a hard time imagining a successful Star Trek project on a TV-Y7 rating. And this episode did a good job alleviating my fears a little there. And I will say this: While I don't think TV-Y7 is a good rating for Star Trek, it's a much more recognizably Star Trek rating than TV-MA is. I'm sure any dialogue or concepts the shows softens will hits my ear less wrong than the F-Bombs and gore from Star Trek: Picard. I have concerns about a Y7 Star Trek. But Y7 is closer to what Star Trek should be than TV-MA. Arguably many of the episodes of The Original Series (and some of Next Gen) could get G-ratings if the ratings system wasn't inherently corrupt. I recognize the tone as far more Star Trek than Romulans dropping the f-bomb. And that's not's even a question.
A lot of people are comfortable giving a snap judgment of a Pilot. I'm not doing that for this show. Because I get a sneaking suspicion that this show's Pilot is going to be the episode most unlike the other episodes. And while I think that, I'm totally reserving judgment instead of declaring the Trekkie sky falling. ***.
Teen Titans Go! "Pepo The Pumpkinman"
Okay, I can wrangle a decent review out of that. We have things to talk about.
The ending was a combo of twisted and revolting. The ending of killing the actual Frosty to bring Pepo back to life is this horrible show in a nutshell.
Robin is surprisingly popular with the other Titans this episode. They liked his Jack O'Lantern, and chose his name for the Pumpkinman.
Pepo's rampage shows why he's the right Frosty for the Titans. For a well-mannered kid like (the now-unfortunately-named) Karen, Frosty is the best friend ever. To loutish bullies like the Teen Titans, Pepo the Pumpkinman is all they ever wanted in a magical friend. Quick! Let's go beat up some little kids and steal their candy!
The opening of the Titans enjoying the few aspects of Halloween that actually suck is also a very good demonstration of how much these characters are simply awful people.
Terrible. It was supposed to be, so points for that, but the show is still sour as hell. **1/2.
Young Justice: Phantoms "Involuntary"
I cannot say enough bad things about that episode. I did not like Invasion as much as other fans did, and I thought Outsiders sucked for I'd guess about 2/3rds of its run. But I never once suspected the show was this bad deep down. The warning signs were there. I'm not going to say I ignored them. But I certainly treated the series with relative kid gloves because I was a little bit fearful of the rabidness of the fandom.
They got nothing. The show has nothing. There's no need to pretend otherwise anymore.
There was so much wrong with that I'll start at the ending and work my way backwards. But Conner's death? Bit. Even worse than Kid Flash's. If they buy it back next episode, this episode's "powerful" ending is pointless. If they don't, I'll believe the death itself is pointless. Like Kid Flash's totally botched death, this wasn't an operatic and narratively satisfying sacrifice that hurts you in the best way. It's done for shock value and cheap sentiment, and more than likely isn't even real. And if it is, it was the wrong place in the saga for it. Nothing says Weisman knows nothing about endings more than the fact that he can't structure things like this better. He's aware the show is fictional, right? And that good fiction and bad fiction actually exists? You can't write the crappiest ending possible and say "It's realistic and realistically unpredictable". If the ending is crappy that doesn't matter a jot. And I'm tired of pretending it's possibly good. It's a ridiculous expectation to expect me to keep my mouth shut when it sucks that bad.
Last week, I thought I was asking for trouble when comparing the Mars arc with the Gargoyles World Tour. Unfortunately, it turns out I was actually being too kind. Like this arc, The World Tour dealt with characters and places we didn't actually care about. But they still went a different place every episode. Here we're still on Mars doing nothing but having overwrought conversations. Whatever else The World Tour was, it was never this stagnant.
I also want and need to address the everlasting shame that the main character drama of the episode is between two characters who did not exist on this show before this season. I think exploring how bad and fruitless racism is is quite a relevant topic in 2021. But they couldn't figure out a way to explore that issue using characters we already know and care about? What is the point of Rocket and Aqualad if we're talking about Martian caste systems as if that means anything? Caste systems suck, but as far as racism in 2021 goes, they have nothing to do with it. And they're using two characters' doomed romance that we have zero investment in to explore it. The irony is if we had spent 20 episodes on Mars and gotten to know those characters inside and out, it would be refreshing to center that specific plotline around them. Episode 4? That's nuts! That's terrible writing! And I will get crap from the fans of this show for that. I would kindly ask them to point me in the direction of ANY good writing on this show. ANY. At all. I'm not talking overexplained plot twists that were so clever and well-hidden they were set up during The Spectacular Spider-Man. I'm talking actual good writing. Not flashy writing, not bad writing disguised as realistic writing, actual GOOD writing. Because I have liked and positively reviewed several episodes of the show, and even during the episodes I liked I'd be hard pressed to give the show that specific compliment. You say "realistic"? I say the show is fiction, always was, and badly written fiction to boot. Also for the record, real bad people do no behave as intelligently as the bad characters on this show. There is way too much self-awareness in the Martian dude's defense of the caste system to be remotely credible. Trump has said his share of stupid stuff (to put it mildly) but the show imagining a racist that cunning and charismatic to intelligently get ahead of that anti-caste narrative in the name of populism immediately? That allegory doesn't fly in 2021. Not even a little. It's not realistic for the sole reason that real life is stupider and worse. Therefore as an allegory it fails and it sucks.
I toyed with the idea that I should give this episode a zero. And I think that would be me giving the show a due it didn't actually earn. I feel like something this incompetently put together and written should somehow be even worse than it is. But it's the fact that it just sucks instead of megasucks that pisses me off so much. Because it tells me in a better Universe than this one, with fans who didn't always tell the creators what they wanted to hear, it's possible the show could have wound up all right. Not definitely. But possibly. There is a certain level of respect I feel for Titans for making me its archnemesis every week by doing nothing right. I feel this show would be a lot easier for me to dismiss and hate if it WERE as bad as that. Since it's not, it offends me instead.
I watched every episode of Gargoyles. I KNOW for a fact Greg Weisman can do better. Yes, The Spectacular Spider-Man was even worse than this, but this level of suck is not necessary. It's not realistic, it's not unpredictable. It's just bad. And annoying. And I can't say anything worse about it than that. *.
Aquaman: King Of Atlantis "Chapter Three: Tidal Shift"
Well, that was pointless. I should also mention that it wasn't funny. Which is the biggest reason it was pointless.
I went out of my way to be fair to the first two weeks and that was a mistake. It's not technically the worst modern era DC kiddie cartoon (that would be Shea Fontana's version of DC Super Hero Girls) but it's way down there. I am a bit shocked at how little I ultimately liked it. *.
Stargirl "Summer School: Chapter Twelve"
That delightful "I'm Too Sexy" teaser with the staff and the dog? If you ask me, that's what the show should be all the time.
I like Mike basically giving up the Thunderbolt for Jakeem on the condition that he helps save the world with it. But he's gonna need Mike to do the dishes with him first.
I think I'm a little tired of Yolanda at this point. Her attitude has gone from understandable to unreasonable. I found the moment Cindy admitted she sent the text interesting. That was always the biggest chip on Yolanda's shoulder.
For the record, I think Cindy is wrong that you have to fight evil with evil. Eclipso is specifically weakened by light. And I wish when Cindy said that you have to fight fire with fire, Courtney would have been wise enough to say that you actually fight fire with water. And I think that's the correct metaphor for defeating Eclipso.
I'm with Pat in thinking Rick's uncle is a bad guy. But I still don't like the idea of Pat roughing him up in his hospital bed to get him to drop the charges against Rick.
Courtney's scene with her mom was very sweet, as was Beth geeking out over meeting Dr. Midniter. Frankly, I'm glad she likes him because he creeps me out a little.
Wondering who the others that Cindy calls back to town are.
I liked it more than most weeks this season. ****.
Supergirl "I Believe In A Thing Called Love"
This is interesting, and you might be shocked by this: That was not as bad as I feared it would be. In fact, it was not bad at all. I am going to reserve judgment as to whether or not the series can actually pull off a decent finale, but things aren't quite as hopeless as I thought they were last week.
Couple of things to note:
1. The love spiel of the Superfriends at the end is insufferable.
2. The Lex Luthor stuff is interesting for the first time ever. I don't like this version of the character. But he's not as useless as Cryer and the writers previously made him. We'll see what happens.
I can't give that a super high grade because it was sappy, but I will surprisingly give it a passing one. ***1/2.
DC's Legends Of Tomorrow "WVRDR_ERROR_100 notFound"
That episode tried to give us everything, but as a fan (greedy son of a rat that I am) I wanted more!
I think the two things I wanted were outside of the producers' control. I wanted a final on-screen encore for Matt Ryan's John Constantine but the damn DC embargo screwed us. AGAIN.
Also, it is beyond a missed opportunity to bring back Wentworth Miller and not Dominic Purcell. Obviously, they contacted Purcell and he declined to return. I wish he had changed his mind.
Also, it should go without saying I am super unhappy Bishop is still a thing. I had hoped we had seen the last of his annoying manbunned ass last season.
I wanted to give that episode a rave. But I can't. I'm somehow weirdly disappointed! And they even got back Victor Garber and Brandon Routh! And I'm still underwhelmed! ***1/2.
Batwoman "Freeze"
I really liked MOST of it a LOT, but there was one part I just hated and I couldn't fully enjoy the episode. We'll talk about it last.
The bridge freeze gun stunt was awesome. Luke calling that flirting felt quite a bit forced, just because you don't have to be attracted to Batwoman to think that is awesome.
Gotham Girls IS DC Animated Universe canon, but I still didn't picture another DC thing ever taking that specific project as source material. That's exactly where Dora Smithy comes from. Timmverse or not, that is a SUPER deep cut for the DC Universe.
I adore Nora. I adore that she doesn't care if Alice kills her and just wants to live her life as best as possible. She strikes me as the most emotionally healthy person ever on the show. The fact that someone this down to Earth and rational was placed in Arkham Asylum says the mental health system of Gotham is unfathomably corrupt. How many perfectly lovely people have been misdiagnosed and forced to hear the Joker laugh himself to sleep every night? I have to say, the more I think about it, the more it pisses me off.
But I love Nora. She has clearly been around the block a few times, specifically "Go To Hell Avenue" and "I Don't Give A Crap Boulevard". And I love her for it.
The Dr. / Mr. Freeze joke is kind of funny. But I believe Mr. Freeze was just a regular criminal in the comics at first, and that him being a doctor was a later addition. Also while Captain Cold is NOT a Captain, Dr. Freeze IS technically still a Mr. Every guy is.
But truly the thing in the episode I hated, and the reason I couldn't fully enjoy it was because of how it treated Ryan's adoption situation. I am adopted. I am very aware fiction is extremely insensitive to the wants and needs of adopted kids. Fictions writers get it in their heads it should be considered messy and painful and it automatically is, even if it isn't for many real-world people. Ryan was very courteous to Jett about understanding whatever reason she had, and the series still felt the need to make the mother who gave up the kid into the bad guy. The show HAS to say there is something emotionally wrong with Jett for doing that. That bothers the hell out of me. I'm offended on behalf of my birth mother, who I know nothing about, but assume her situation does not deserve to be painted in such broad and devious strokes. And it's not just this show. But for the first couple of weeks it was hinted perhaps the show would take a nuanced view of the subject, but it's just as distorted and biased against the mother as the rest of fiction is. It pisses me off.
I would have outright loved the episode if not for that. Instead, my praise is measured. ***.
Doom Patrol "Subconscious Patrol"
I didn't respond to that. It was too dark and I wound up loathing Cliff even more than I already do. I think the show is crazy for making me do that.
It will be interesting to see where they go with Vic with the implants removed.
I also have to say Madame Rouge was far more deliberately evil than I expected. She's not the misguided victim of Niles Caulder she's been portraying herself as.
Didn't dig it. *.
Scooby Doo, Where Are You Now!
They seemed to be channeling Space Ghost: Coast To Coast a bit here. It was pretty fun, if not quite as insane.
Producers, producers, producers. If you are going to have Scooby and Shaggy dress up in live-action Banana Splits costumes, you gotta pony up the money to show us the visual of the cartoon characters with the live-action heads off. It's weird that you think you don't and can get away with it.
Cheri Oteri is one of the celebrities you never see anymore, and one I have never missed in the meantime. She sucks. Even Tracy Morgan thinks so.
Scrappy is pretty gratuitously (and unfairly I might add) dragged here. For no good reason in my mind.
Somebody needs to put Jonny Quest on a milk carton.
Was that a 69 joke on Scooby Doo? Yes, I believe so. Ugh.
Never call Velma on "Jinkies". She'll just bail.
I like the voice coach teaching Scooby to unlearn English.
Frank Welker's story of how he got the job as the monsters shows exactly why that guy is such an irreplaceable asset. When he dies, half of Hollywood will come to a screeching halt. There is literally no other voice actor alive who can do the things he can do. Him aging ever up there is BAD for the film industry.
Daphne likes 'em hairy. TMI, Daphne.
That was fun. If a little inappropriate in places. ****.
The Blacklist "The Skinner, Conclusion"
Red as the new Skinner? Good plan.
The kiss was both hysterical and surprisingly hot.
SO glad Liz is gone. Maybe the show will stop sucking. ***1/2.
The Bourne Ultimatum
Wow, they really went all out for that one. I would have given it five stars, but I wasn't entirely satisfied with the ending. I was hoping I could say that was the right ending, and that they should have stopped here. But I don't feel it was. I realize the next two movies are disliked, but I think their existence would be easier to dismiss if the last scenes in this movie were more definitive.
Nicky has always intrigued and confused me. Mostly because she is even more laconic than Bourne is. Why is she helping him? It's suggested, but not made explicit, that she is his long-lost love. Her dyeing and cutting her hair in the scene mirroring Bourne's falling in love with Marie in the first picture cinches that fact.
I like that both she and Pam help Bourne. But Pam tries her damnedest to do it within the confines of the law.
I like the assassin at the end asking Bourne why he didn't take the shot. And he didn't just so the guy would ask himself that. It's the right question.
I also appreciated Bourne refusing to kill the villain in revenge for the canny reason that's he'd get a star on the wall, and be buried with full honors if he was killed before this all got out. I like that reason. It's not that Bourne is too good to kill him. It's that the death is too good for him. Hope he enjoys prison instead.
So yeah, that was the best of the three original movies. It flew by the quickest, and I wish I could say it was perfect. But I felt like we were left with plenty of unfinished business. When you end a major trilogy to a franchise, you need to end it. Not look towards sequels and spin-offs that might never happen. People seem to hate the spin-off and the sequel. I suspect I won't hate them simply because the franchise set them up instead of closing things off here. We'll see. ****1/2.
Star Trek: Prodigy: "Lost & Found, Parts 1 & 2"
I'm going to do some compliments, I'm gonna do some criticisms. What it ultimately boils down to is that I'm not sold yet. And that's okay. It would be weird if I was.
Because what I just saw was the most singularly unique Star Trek project in television (and movie) history. There is literally nothing else in the canon like it. It's totally a Star Wars cartoon rather than a Star Trek one, which is where the bulk of my resistance lies. When the series settles down and gets into a more Star Trek groove (as the Janeway Hologram suggests it will) I'm sure I'll grow to like it. Right now I'm iffy on the Pilot.
The choices of aliens for the crew members are interesting. Of them I have only heard of Tellarites and Medusans. Tellarites are a definitely Alpha Quadrant species, so what one is doing in the Delta Quadrant will make an interesting origin story. We've only seen the Medusans once on The Original Series. Let me amend that: We've only seen them once on a wholly crappy episode of The Original Series. Their origins as I recall were not deeply delved into. It's believable that either they originated in the Delta Quadrant or have migrated there when this series takes place.
When the series takes place is an intriguing open question that will probably be answered next week. But there are really no clue WHEN in the canon this show exists. Probably not in the Discovery era due to the Burn being present there. But this could easily take place in the 28th or 29th Century and not break canon. For some reason I'm hoping it's the same time period as Lower Decks, or even Picard. Wouldn't the kids meeting Janeway in real life make a good series finale? I digress.
I personally have a hard time imagining a successful Star Trek project on a TV-Y7 rating. And this episode did a good job alleviating my fears a little there. And I will say this: While I don't think TV-Y7 is a good rating for Star Trek, it's a much more recognizably Star Trek rating than TV-MA is. I'm sure any dialogue or concepts the shows softens will hits my ear less wrong than the F-Bombs and gore from Star Trek: Picard. I have concerns about a Y7 Star Trek. But Y7 is closer to what Star Trek should be than TV-MA. Arguably many of the episodes of The Original Series (and some of Next Gen) could get G-ratings if the ratings system wasn't inherently corrupt. I recognize the tone as far more Star Trek than Romulans dropping the f-bomb. And that's not's even a question.
A lot of people are comfortable giving a snap judgment of a Pilot. I'm not doing that for this show. Because I get a sneaking suspicion that this show's Pilot is going to be the episode most unlike the other episodes. And while I think that, I'm totally reserving judgment instead of declaring the Trekkie sky falling. ***.
Teen Titans Go! "Pepo The Pumpkinman"
Okay, I can wrangle a decent review out of that. We have things to talk about.
The ending was a combo of twisted and revolting. The ending of killing the actual Frosty to bring Pepo back to life is this horrible show in a nutshell.
Robin is surprisingly popular with the other Titans this episode. They liked his Jack O'Lantern, and chose his name for the Pumpkinman.
Pepo's rampage shows why he's the right Frosty for the Titans. For a well-mannered kid like (the now-unfortunately-named) Karen, Frosty is the best friend ever. To loutish bullies like the Teen Titans, Pepo the Pumpkinman is all they ever wanted in a magical friend. Quick! Let's go beat up some little kids and steal their candy!
The opening of the Titans enjoying the few aspects of Halloween that actually suck is also a very good demonstration of how much these characters are simply awful people.
Terrible. It was supposed to be, so points for that, but the show is still sour as hell. **1/2.
Young Justice: Phantoms "Involuntary"
I cannot say enough bad things about that episode. I did not like Invasion as much as other fans did, and I thought Outsiders sucked for I'd guess about 2/3rds of its run. But I never once suspected the show was this bad deep down. The warning signs were there. I'm not going to say I ignored them. But I certainly treated the series with relative kid gloves because I was a little bit fearful of the rabidness of the fandom.
They got nothing. The show has nothing. There's no need to pretend otherwise anymore.
There was so much wrong with that I'll start at the ending and work my way backwards. But Conner's death? Bit. Even worse than Kid Flash's. If they buy it back next episode, this episode's "powerful" ending is pointless. If they don't, I'll believe the death itself is pointless. Like Kid Flash's totally botched death, this wasn't an operatic and narratively satisfying sacrifice that hurts you in the best way. It's done for shock value and cheap sentiment, and more than likely isn't even real. And if it is, it was the wrong place in the saga for it. Nothing says Weisman knows nothing about endings more than the fact that he can't structure things like this better. He's aware the show is fictional, right? And that good fiction and bad fiction actually exists? You can't write the crappiest ending possible and say "It's realistic and realistically unpredictable". If the ending is crappy that doesn't matter a jot. And I'm tired of pretending it's possibly good. It's a ridiculous expectation to expect me to keep my mouth shut when it sucks that bad.
Last week, I thought I was asking for trouble when comparing the Mars arc with the Gargoyles World Tour. Unfortunately, it turns out I was actually being too kind. Like this arc, The World Tour dealt with characters and places we didn't actually care about. But they still went a different place every episode. Here we're still on Mars doing nothing but having overwrought conversations. Whatever else The World Tour was, it was never this stagnant.
I also want and need to address the everlasting shame that the main character drama of the episode is between two characters who did not exist on this show before this season. I think exploring how bad and fruitless racism is is quite a relevant topic in 2021. But they couldn't figure out a way to explore that issue using characters we already know and care about? What is the point of Rocket and Aqualad if we're talking about Martian caste systems as if that means anything? Caste systems suck, but as far as racism in 2021 goes, they have nothing to do with it. And they're using two characters' doomed romance that we have zero investment in to explore it. The irony is if we had spent 20 episodes on Mars and gotten to know those characters inside and out, it would be refreshing to center that specific plotline around them. Episode 4? That's nuts! That's terrible writing! And I will get crap from the fans of this show for that. I would kindly ask them to point me in the direction of ANY good writing on this show. ANY. At all. I'm not talking overexplained plot twists that were so clever and well-hidden they were set up during The Spectacular Spider-Man. I'm talking actual good writing. Not flashy writing, not bad writing disguised as realistic writing, actual GOOD writing. Because I have liked and positively reviewed several episodes of the show, and even during the episodes I liked I'd be hard pressed to give the show that specific compliment. You say "realistic"? I say the show is fiction, always was, and badly written fiction to boot. Also for the record, real bad people do no behave as intelligently as the bad characters on this show. There is way too much self-awareness in the Martian dude's defense of the caste system to be remotely credible. Trump has said his share of stupid stuff (to put it mildly) but the show imagining a racist that cunning and charismatic to intelligently get ahead of that anti-caste narrative in the name of populism immediately? That allegory doesn't fly in 2021. Not even a little. It's not realistic for the sole reason that real life is stupider and worse. Therefore as an allegory it fails and it sucks.
I toyed with the idea that I should give this episode a zero. And I think that would be me giving the show a due it didn't actually earn. I feel like something this incompetently put together and written should somehow be even worse than it is. But it's the fact that it just sucks instead of megasucks that pisses me off so much. Because it tells me in a better Universe than this one, with fans who didn't always tell the creators what they wanted to hear, it's possible the show could have wound up all right. Not definitely. But possibly. There is a certain level of respect I feel for Titans for making me its archnemesis every week by doing nothing right. I feel this show would be a lot easier for me to dismiss and hate if it WERE as bad as that. Since it's not, it offends me instead.
I watched every episode of Gargoyles. I KNOW for a fact Greg Weisman can do better. Yes, The Spectacular Spider-Man was even worse than this, but this level of suck is not necessary. It's not realistic, it's not unpredictable. It's just bad. And annoying. And I can't say anything worse about it than that. *.
Aquaman: King Of Atlantis "Chapter Three: Tidal Shift"
Well, that was pointless. I should also mention that it wasn't funny. Which is the biggest reason it was pointless.
I went out of my way to be fair to the first two weeks and that was a mistake. It's not technically the worst modern era DC kiddie cartoon (that would be Shea Fontana's version of DC Super Hero Girls) but it's way down there. I am a bit shocked at how little I ultimately liked it. *.
Stargirl "Summer School: Chapter Twelve"
That delightful "I'm Too Sexy" teaser with the staff and the dog? If you ask me, that's what the show should be all the time.
I like Mike basically giving up the Thunderbolt for Jakeem on the condition that he helps save the world with it. But he's gonna need Mike to do the dishes with him first.
I think I'm a little tired of Yolanda at this point. Her attitude has gone from understandable to unreasonable. I found the moment Cindy admitted she sent the text interesting. That was always the biggest chip on Yolanda's shoulder.
For the record, I think Cindy is wrong that you have to fight evil with evil. Eclipso is specifically weakened by light. And I wish when Cindy said that you have to fight fire with fire, Courtney would have been wise enough to say that you actually fight fire with water. And I think that's the correct metaphor for defeating Eclipso.
I'm with Pat in thinking Rick's uncle is a bad guy. But I still don't like the idea of Pat roughing him up in his hospital bed to get him to drop the charges against Rick.
Courtney's scene with her mom was very sweet, as was Beth geeking out over meeting Dr. Midniter. Frankly, I'm glad she likes him because he creeps me out a little.
Wondering who the others that Cindy calls back to town are.
I liked it more than most weeks this season. ****.
Supergirl "I Believe In A Thing Called Love"
This is interesting, and you might be shocked by this: That was not as bad as I feared it would be. In fact, it was not bad at all. I am going to reserve judgment as to whether or not the series can actually pull off a decent finale, but things aren't quite as hopeless as I thought they were last week.
Couple of things to note:
1. The love spiel of the Superfriends at the end is insufferable.
2. The Lex Luthor stuff is interesting for the first time ever. I don't like this version of the character. But he's not as useless as Cryer and the writers previously made him. We'll see what happens.
I can't give that a super high grade because it was sappy, but I will surprisingly give it a passing one. ***1/2.
DC's Legends Of Tomorrow "WVRDR_ERROR_100 notFound"
That episode tried to give us everything, but as a fan (greedy son of a rat that I am) I wanted more!
I think the two things I wanted were outside of the producers' control. I wanted a final on-screen encore for Matt Ryan's John Constantine but the damn DC embargo screwed us. AGAIN.
Also, it is beyond a missed opportunity to bring back Wentworth Miller and not Dominic Purcell. Obviously, they contacted Purcell and he declined to return. I wish he had changed his mind.
Also, it should go without saying I am super unhappy Bishop is still a thing. I had hoped we had seen the last of his annoying manbunned ass last season.
I wanted to give that episode a rave. But I can't. I'm somehow weirdly disappointed! And they even got back Victor Garber and Brandon Routh! And I'm still underwhelmed! ***1/2.
Batwoman "Freeze"
I really liked MOST of it a LOT, but there was one part I just hated and I couldn't fully enjoy the episode. We'll talk about it last.
The bridge freeze gun stunt was awesome. Luke calling that flirting felt quite a bit forced, just because you don't have to be attracted to Batwoman to think that is awesome.
Gotham Girls IS DC Animated Universe canon, but I still didn't picture another DC thing ever taking that specific project as source material. That's exactly where Dora Smithy comes from. Timmverse or not, that is a SUPER deep cut for the DC Universe.
I adore Nora. I adore that she doesn't care if Alice kills her and just wants to live her life as best as possible. She strikes me as the most emotionally healthy person ever on the show. The fact that someone this down to Earth and rational was placed in Arkham Asylum says the mental health system of Gotham is unfathomably corrupt. How many perfectly lovely people have been misdiagnosed and forced to hear the Joker laugh himself to sleep every night? I have to say, the more I think about it, the more it pisses me off.
But I love Nora. She has clearly been around the block a few times, specifically "Go To Hell Avenue" and "I Don't Give A Crap Boulevard". And I love her for it.
The Dr. / Mr. Freeze joke is kind of funny. But I believe Mr. Freeze was just a regular criminal in the comics at first, and that him being a doctor was a later addition. Also while Captain Cold is NOT a Captain, Dr. Freeze IS technically still a Mr. Every guy is.
But truly the thing in the episode I hated, and the reason I couldn't fully enjoy it was because of how it treated Ryan's adoption situation. I am adopted. I am very aware fiction is extremely insensitive to the wants and needs of adopted kids. Fictions writers get it in their heads it should be considered messy and painful and it automatically is, even if it isn't for many real-world people. Ryan was very courteous to Jett about understanding whatever reason she had, and the series still felt the need to make the mother who gave up the kid into the bad guy. The show HAS to say there is something emotionally wrong with Jett for doing that. That bothers the hell out of me. I'm offended on behalf of my birth mother, who I know nothing about, but assume her situation does not deserve to be painted in such broad and devious strokes. And it's not just this show. But for the first couple of weeks it was hinted perhaps the show would take a nuanced view of the subject, but it's just as distorted and biased against the mother as the rest of fiction is. It pisses me off.
I would have outright loved the episode if not for that. Instead, my praise is measured. ***.
Doom Patrol "Subconscious Patrol"
I didn't respond to that. It was too dark and I wound up loathing Cliff even more than I already do. I think the show is crazy for making me do that.
It will be interesting to see where they go with Vic with the implants removed.
I also have to say Madame Rouge was far more deliberately evil than I expected. She's not the misguided victim of Niles Caulder she's been portraying herself as.
Didn't dig it. *.
Scooby Doo, Where Are You Now!
They seemed to be channeling Space Ghost: Coast To Coast a bit here. It was pretty fun, if not quite as insane.
Producers, producers, producers. If you are going to have Scooby and Shaggy dress up in live-action Banana Splits costumes, you gotta pony up the money to show us the visual of the cartoon characters with the live-action heads off. It's weird that you think you don't and can get away with it.
Cheri Oteri is one of the celebrities you never see anymore, and one I have never missed in the meantime. She sucks. Even Tracy Morgan thinks so.
Scrappy is pretty gratuitously (and unfairly I might add) dragged here. For no good reason in my mind.
Somebody needs to put Jonny Quest on a milk carton.
Was that a 69 joke on Scooby Doo? Yes, I believe so. Ugh.
Never call Velma on "Jinkies". She'll just bail.
I like the voice coach teaching Scooby to unlearn English.
Frank Welker's story of how he got the job as the monsters shows exactly why that guy is such an irreplaceable asset. When he dies, half of Hollywood will come to a screeching halt. There is literally no other voice actor alive who can do the things he can do. Him aging ever up there is BAD for the film industry.
Daphne likes 'em hairy. TMI, Daphne.
That was fun. If a little inappropriate in places. ****.
The Blacklist "The Skinner, Conclusion"
Red as the new Skinner? Good plan.
The kiss was both hysterical and surprisingly hot.
SO glad Liz is gone. Maybe the show will stop sucking. ***1/2.