Arrow "Starling City" Season Premiere Review (Spoilers)
Also reviews for the latest episodes of Black Lightning, The Flash, Teen Titans Go!, Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, Elena Of Avalor, and Riverdale.
Arrow "Starling City"
Arrow hasn't had that promising of a season premiere since the very first episode.
I like that they don't actually have to explain why Felicity isn't appearing. It's just that the season isn't about her.
We finally got to see what would happen if Tommy were the evil Merlyn. I love that Oliver reaches him in the end, which I did not expect, and which made the episode much better.
It is not lost on me that the only person who is truly better for Oliver being gone is Chase.
The Bruce Wayne reference raised my eyebrows, especially because the Batman mask replaced the Deathstroke one on Lian Yu. I love it when a franchise raises questions I'll probably have to decide for myself.
Good move to keep our John Diggle a constant presence. You know it's our John Diggle because he doesn't fall for the trick with the car locks twice.
I love Chase being derisive of the fact that Oliver has a bodyguard. Wasn't that just the most ridiculous part of season one?
Nothing occurring in the future interests me. The one weak link of the episode. Hopefully the series is going somewhere interesting with it, but they didn't last year, so I have my doubts.
But that was a dynamite premiere otherwise. I'll still give it five stars. *****.
Black Lightning "The Book Of Occupation: Chapter Two: Maryam's Tasbih"
Odell is pure evil for making Kahlil kill his own mother. Even Tobias would never do that.
I am on Jefferson's side of the argument between him and Lynn. If only because I actually know how evil Odell really is. She wouldn't be working with him for any reason if she had known he did that.
I am running out of sympathy for Anissa. She is very hard to root for. I'm still with Jennifer though.
I thought the way Henderson helped Gambi was great. He was just the distraction. Which means it can't be traced back to him. That's genius.
I found the scene where the dealer shot Lala, he rose from the dead, and everyone there gave his the respect sign incredibly powerful. It might have been one of the most powerful moments on the show.
There's actually food rationing going on? What is going on in that town and why has nobody put a stop to it?
This is a dark season. It's great as far as the quality goes, but I sure don't actually enjoy it. ****.
The Flash "A Flash Of Lightning"
I always though Cecile sucked as a prosecutor and have said so before this. A defense attorney makes a LOT more sense. In fact, it's long overdue. But I have a feeling the next D.A. won't be as sympathetic.
Good to see Jay Garrick. I miss John Wesley Shipp as Henry very much. He and Barry used to be the best thing about this show and they stupidly got rid of it for no reason. I'm still mad about that.
Frost exploring art was interesting. It was also kind of cute.
I dislike the implication that Barry has to die because this is a trap The Arrowverse falls into a lot, in making a character fated to die. Whether or not the death occurs, all it does is make the audience miserable. And that's a bad idea. I would probably enjoy the season a lot more of Barry's fate were more up in the air. Even if Barry finds a way out, it doesn't stop this portion of the season from not being any fun as long as the characters are being put through the emotional wringer.
But that was still a pretty good episode. ***1/2.
Teen Titans Go! "TV Knight 5"
It's gotten so that I love the Batman and Gordon wraparounds way more than the parody segments. I love Batman faking being sick to get out of answering the Batsignal so he and Gordon can watch TV. The bit of the disguise in the restaurant of the two of them wearing a fancy suit was hysterical too, and I love the idea that Alfred uses the Batmobile for groceries.
The Lassie and He-Man stuff was forgettable but passable, but I don't think the Nixon thing worked. It struck me as a commentary on our current political situation, but the things were kept so vague to give the show plausible deniability over accusations of liberal partisanship, that it ultimately stands for nothing at all. And honestly, after the Trump Kingsman video, seeing cartoon Presidents fight, both dead or not, makes me a bit queasy. Bad timing, which is something this show often suffers from.
I like the episode more for the bits with Batman and Gordon. I would watch the h*ll out of an entire series of them goofing off to pantomime. ***1/2.
Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure "Beginnings"
Wow, Cass and Rapunzel's origin story makes me dislike Cass even more than I already did. The ending didn't endear me to her either.
I will say this: I appreciate that this season's tone is so far less dark than the last's. I hope it stays that way because the last season was a mess because of that.
That was all right. ***1/2.
Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure "The King And Queen Of Hearts"
I'll tell to why Frederick is a catch and what Arianna sees in him: He's the whole package. In that if she chooses him, he comes with Rapunzel. Who doesn't want that?
I am a little bit alarmed to realize Frederick and Arianna have been wandering around in a fog for the past few episodes, and I'm glad it's finally being addressed.
Arianna not only digs Shorty-tossin' bar fights. She's good at 'em. I love that Shorty-tossin's occur at a designated time.
Love Frederick calling Eugene Roomie. I think this is not only a good restart for him and Arianna. It's good for him and Eugene too. He seems far fonder of Eugene without having the whole backstory to weigh the guy down. And I like that.
They did some great expressions with Trevor as he's caterwauling over Frederick's case of "The Sniffles". I capitalize both words because that's how big a deal Trevor is making it out to be.
Rapunzel and Eugene sadly don't kiss much on this series. I like the ending very much for that reason.
I love like that Trevor gets the frying pan, King or not. That's Rapunzel's version of diplomacy.
No, Lance, you ain't gettin' no big tips this evening. Try again.
This season has been a return to form. Last season was by turns too meandering and too dark. This is the way the series is supposed to be. ****1/2.
Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure "Day Of The Animals"
Interesting concept. Showing the animals making plans and disagreeing with each other without dialogue. Honestly? It only half-worked. I understood what was going on between the animals about half of the time, although considering they don't speak, that's still rather impressive. But still, I am well aware I get ALL of Gromit. And that's without even a mouth. But this was something.
How does Rapunzel defeat the highwayman Dwayne? A sternly worded lecture. "We talked about this." Totally gave me pleasant flashbacks to the Trickster and Flash on JLU. "Caught me again, Flash!"
I'm calling b.s. on the fact that 200 years or so in the past Rapunzel knows about the concepts of the subsconcious and reverse psychology. Nuh uh. I'll accept a sentient horse on this show. But not that.
That bird is the Shorty of the animals. And he still doesn't have a name. Where did they pick him up anyways?
Skully? Isn't the pirate parrot on Jake And The Neverland Pirates named Skully? Is that what they were referencing?
Half-successful, which is better than can be expected. ***.
Elena Of Avalor "Flower Of Light"
That was very like Coco without the Pixar baggage.
I love the show exploring the idea that a friend Elena had as a kid is now an old woman. You sometimes forget that Elena was gone for 40 years, (especially because Estaban still looks pretty spry) but she'd be a 56 years old if not for that spell.
That was really enjoyable. ****.
Elena Of Avalor "Captain Mateo"
Loved it. I was watching Estaban very closely and studied his every word, body movement, and facial expression. And I think the heroes believe they are in a MUCH worse position than they are. They believe Estaban has dark motivations, and is a traitor, and against them. And I wanted to figure out if that was true.
I don't see evidence of that, at least not in this episode. Estaban commits not a single act of violence, and chides Ash when she tries to harm Elena. I described their alliance as a marriage of convenience, and the reason I think heroes are going to win and don't know it yet, is that it's actually REALLY inconvenient for Estaban. New magic powers or not (which was an admittedly interesting wrinkle) he is not equipped for this type of life.
The thing I took about Estaban's actions was two major things: They were entirely self-involved. He was looking out primarily for his own interests, besides the one point he insists Elena not be hurt. Otherwise, everything is about him. The significant part of that is that even if that is true, no malice guides him, at least not at this point. We'll see what Dark Magic does to him, but I think Ash is a fool to keep Estaban around, and she needs to cut him loose and think of a different plan. Because Estaban may be foolish, but since he is selfish, he might see the obvious later that I did immediately.
Estaban wants what he wants, and that's what's most important to him. He isn't selfish enough to ruthlessly do anything to get his way, but he likes his way gotten nonetheless. Ask yourself what it is Estaban wants most. What amazes me is the heroes don't quite grasp this yet, and don't quite understand the amazing hand they have just been dealt.
More than anything, Estaban wants to be forgiven by his family. He's not endearing himself to them in any way, but if a Genie granted Estaban one wish it would be to take things back with Shureki. And Ash is essentially teaching him how to be more powerful than she is while that's true? That's crazy on her end! There is absolutely nothing to stop Estaban realizing that he's more powerful than her at some point, and that his best interests lie in cutting a deal for a pardon in exchange for taking down the Kingdom's last true thorn. I was looking for signs Estaban was sinister. There were none, at least not so far. As such, the heroes are so close to winning they can't stand it, and just don't know it.
Honestly, the more and more Ash trains Estaban, the worse and worse things will wind up looking for her. Not because Estaban is virtuous. But because Estaban wants what he wants, and he wants his family more than anything. It's sort of shocking none of his family besides perhaps Grandpapi think this, but they are in the home stretch of winning once they figure it out. I predict Estaban is going to save Elena's life at personal risk to himself for no reward at one point, and will make off with Ash, and Elena will be all "What the h*ll was that?" It's the fact that the heroes think Estaban is worse than he is which is why they are in such bad shape. When they stop thinking of his as a traitorous criminal mastermind and more as a self-involved doof, they'll understand the precise way to win. And Ash is going to be building him up in dark magic week after week? Oh, lord, that woman is headed for a fall. And it's so stupid and unnecessary if she had had the common sense to cut Estaban loose and let him fend for himself. Instead she's building up the very thing that will help Elena take her down.
Estaban, you are a narcissistic twit. But there is also nothing sinister in your soul. I'd normally say, the sooner the good guys realize that, the better, but the truth is the longer it takes them, the more Ash will train him, so I'm not looking forward to Elena forgiving him anytime soon. It will be better for everyone if she waits a little.
I liked the first two seasons. But I love this one, and I think it's the first time I feel like this is actually a great show. *****.
Elena Of Avalor: Discovering The Magic Within "When The Royal Family's Away"
Flo is SO cute. I want a plushie of her. Now. ****1/2.
Elena Of Avalor: Discovering The Magic Within "Spring Cleaning"
I like that the sunbird guy is trying to make them help clean his nest. ****.
Elena Of Avalor: Discovering The Magic Within "Not So Basic Training"
That was nice I guess, but it was also kinda boring. **1/2.
Elena Of Avalor: Discovering The Magic Within "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"
That was dumb, but it's interesting that the main cast is in this batch of shorts. They usually aren't, and it's usually Elena and sometimes Mateo with the new gimmicky characters of the season. **1/2.
Elena Of Avalor: Discovering The Magic Within "Modern Royal Family"
Question: Who is interviewing everybody and where in Avalor did they get a camera? Just checking. ***.
Riverdale "Chapter Fifty-Nine: Fast Times At Riverdale High"
I made mistake. It's an understandable mistake, I think, but a real one nonetheless. I mistakenly assumed that once the Gargoyle King stuff and the cult taking over the whole town thing arc was concluded, the show would go back to being watchable the way it was in season one, and to a much lesser extent season two. What I didn't quite grasp, (although maybe I should have) is that the show is so terrible in every way that even a standard arc cannot be done without the writers effing every last inch of it up. The fundamentals of the season are not strong, but they aren't weak, at least not compared to last season. But the show is equally unwatchable. I should have guessed it would be this bad after they whiffed the can't miss Luke Perry tribute. That would be an impossible thing for another show to mess up, and somehow I found it quite lacking, if not as terrible as this. But lord, it should have counted as an omen.
I threatened to give up the show last year. I'm not there yet simply because my TV dance card was overloaded last year, and so far enough stuff that I watch has been canceled or moved to a streaming service that I don't actually feel like I'm wasting valuable TV time. I watch my share of cr*ppy stuff, some of it bad enough to not review. But if there are all of a sudden a lot of new network or cable shows that come on at once, this show will be the first I drop. I can afford to watch a TV show this bad every week. I really enjoy reviewing it to be honest, not because I love trolling or hate-watching or anything like that. But the show is pretty much a master class in what not to do, and as a writer and as a reviewer, that sort of fascinates me. It's not like Ben 10 where the characters are insufferable. I don't need to tune out keep my sanity. It's just a badly written mess. It reminds me greatly of Power Rangers. I probably won't stop watch that horrible show either simply because I love reviewing it.
There was so much wrong here, I'll try to be brief and get to the bullet points.
Where do I start? I'm having a hard time, so bear with me.
I want to bring up Kevin, and in a sane show he would be my first topic, but this is not a sane show. Instead I think it would be better to first address the idea that there are paparazzi in the school.
No.
Simply. No.
They would never get past school security guards, and it makes no sense to me that after a few mass murders in the school, Riverdale doesn't have them yet.
Which brings me to Principle Honey. Are they actually sticking with that name? For real? All right. I have a lot of bad things to say about this character, but half of them have to do with how the other characters respond to him. First off him suggesting to Veronica to take a sabbatical because she was disrupting the school because of the reporters made me very upset that Veronica didn't state the obvious. That she comes to school under the expectation to be safe, and it's his freaking job to protect her from people like reporters dogging her. That is not her fault or something she needs to be disciplined for. If anything, he should be apologizing to her. The only reason I get why he doesn't is because of the tabloid rumors that she's a criminal. But as long as nothing has been proven, he's failing her, she's not failing the school.
Next I want to get to Cheryl, and I cannot overstate how terrible the show is for how they are portraying this character. She says she's the queen bee. Why is she? Both of her parents were murderers and her mother was responsible for a murder spree with a serial killer. She should be a pariah. She should be the one hounded by the press. Everyone should hate her. And let's say I believe the idea that she isn't tainted by all that for a minute. She's keeping a corpse in her room. She should be wanting to keep a low profile. She is drawing far too much attention to herself where anybody else in her position would want to fade into the background. She says the principle has no power over her. Actually, he does. He could expel her. Which begs the question why he doesn't after she rubs his nose in the fact that she was responsible for the beehive. No kid could get away with that, much less threatening to "behead him" in a school that is already overrun with murder and violence. I don't mind that Cheryl is as terrible a person as she is. What I mind is that nobody else minds. Everybody else acts like this is normal high school drama. And in 2019, reality has asked us to normalize a lot of crazy stuff. But I refuse to do that and I refuse to accept that Cheryl has the clout she does.
Kevin next: I don't much care if Betty can forgive Kevin, or if he can change and turn over a new leaf. I will never forgive him for the crazy and violent things he was a part of last year. In my reviews last year I noted that turning Kevin and the other characters homicidal was bad writing simply because that isn't the kind of behavior a responsible show would be asking the audience to forgive. And since I knew Kevin's "madness", as it were, would be temporary, that is the precise reason he should not have been involved in lynchmobs and torturing poor Betty. I am angry at the show for trying to come up with way for Betty to forgive him. I know that's unreasonable because I will never forgive him, and she's the person he actually hurt. Shows like this believe horrible behavior exists in a vacuum and anything can be forgiven. That is the worst facet of Joss Whedon's writing. But I don't think any of the characters Joss Whedon slated for redemption ever did something that the audience would be unable to forgiven under the right circumstance (Spike being the obvious exception). But at least a newly ensouled Spike had a story reason for supposedly being forgiven when he shouldn't have been. This is just bad writing.
Betty's FBI brother was right to be mad at her outing her mother to Kevin. I predict that will backfire next week.
I hate that Reggie makes a rape joke with Mad Dog. Speaking of normalizing horrible things.
The sex scenes on the show make me cringe. They are so explicit, and even if the actors are probably in their twenties, they are playing characters who are not. It's weird the ages of people the show is asking the audience to get titillated by. And I know the defense will be, "Well, the show is made for teenagers and they aren't too old to get wigged out by seeing those situations for characters that young." Except, does anyone truly believe only teenagers watch the show? It's a nice fantasy, but the show is feeding creepy people's lusts as well as teenagers. And it's not like teenagers can't get their lusts filled elsewhere. It's super creepy.
Speaking of which, the "All That Jazz" musical number was deplorable, not just because it was badly written and acted, but because Veronica supposedly does that degrading bumping and grinding before a press conference, and one she wants to use for people to take her seriously. It's like when standing up to an 11 hour House grilling for the email controversy, Hillary Clinton decided to go on the MTV Movie Awards, and did some on-stage twerking while masturbating with a foam finger immediately beforehand. And I sorry to put out that comparison, and I mean no disrespect to Secretary Clinton, but that's the right comparison. That is how important this specific press conference could wind up for Veronica's entire life and future, and that is what she invited the press to witness her doing before she made it. I am disinclined to stop watching the show because somebody needs to point out these things and call foul. Otherwise the show is getting away with narrative murder.
There was something I liked. What I liked about it is that the show's writers are stupid and probably never read Moby Dick. The thing that says that is that no actual details of the book are discussed, which is something that would happen if the writer of the episode read the book. Except the illiterate writers did something quite clever. They must have read in an interview somewhere that Menville hated allegory and that his biggest fear was that Moby Dick would be interpreted as that, and they could believably have Jughead say the whale represented nothing without ever having to read the book themselves. If you are a bad and stupid writer, there are actual tricks you can use to mask that, which is something the show needs to learn to do all the time.
For the record, any debater worth his salt should be able to shoot back at Jughead's argument. He should not have shut everyone up. But the truth is Melville does not get to say how people should interpret his work, especially now that he's long dead. And face it, all fiction on some level is an allegory. It's using an imaginary situation to get the reader to believe in it and relate it to their own experiences. That's allegory, no mater what Melville and Tolkien claim to want. That is the very nature of fiction. They can scream at the top of their lungs that nobody should be making comparisons with it, but just the fact that they made the story up means it's absolutely necessary to do that. How else is a person supposed to receive or review fiction otherwise? I think writers who hate allegory don't actually appreciate what exactly writing is.
I don't enjoy bashing this show. But I enjoy figuring out why it failed. So you're stuck with my reviews a bit longer, or at least until my TV schedule is fuller. *.
Arrow "Starling City"
Arrow hasn't had that promising of a season premiere since the very first episode.
I like that they don't actually have to explain why Felicity isn't appearing. It's just that the season isn't about her.
We finally got to see what would happen if Tommy were the evil Merlyn. I love that Oliver reaches him in the end, which I did not expect, and which made the episode much better.
It is not lost on me that the only person who is truly better for Oliver being gone is Chase.
The Bruce Wayne reference raised my eyebrows, especially because the Batman mask replaced the Deathstroke one on Lian Yu. I love it when a franchise raises questions I'll probably have to decide for myself.
Good move to keep our John Diggle a constant presence. You know it's our John Diggle because he doesn't fall for the trick with the car locks twice.
I love Chase being derisive of the fact that Oliver has a bodyguard. Wasn't that just the most ridiculous part of season one?
Nothing occurring in the future interests me. The one weak link of the episode. Hopefully the series is going somewhere interesting with it, but they didn't last year, so I have my doubts.
But that was a dynamite premiere otherwise. I'll still give it five stars. *****.
Black Lightning "The Book Of Occupation: Chapter Two: Maryam's Tasbih"
Odell is pure evil for making Kahlil kill his own mother. Even Tobias would never do that.
I am on Jefferson's side of the argument between him and Lynn. If only because I actually know how evil Odell really is. She wouldn't be working with him for any reason if she had known he did that.
I am running out of sympathy for Anissa. She is very hard to root for. I'm still with Jennifer though.
I thought the way Henderson helped Gambi was great. He was just the distraction. Which means it can't be traced back to him. That's genius.
I found the scene where the dealer shot Lala, he rose from the dead, and everyone there gave his the respect sign incredibly powerful. It might have been one of the most powerful moments on the show.
There's actually food rationing going on? What is going on in that town and why has nobody put a stop to it?
This is a dark season. It's great as far as the quality goes, but I sure don't actually enjoy it. ****.
The Flash "A Flash Of Lightning"
I always though Cecile sucked as a prosecutor and have said so before this. A defense attorney makes a LOT more sense. In fact, it's long overdue. But I have a feeling the next D.A. won't be as sympathetic.
Good to see Jay Garrick. I miss John Wesley Shipp as Henry very much. He and Barry used to be the best thing about this show and they stupidly got rid of it for no reason. I'm still mad about that.
Frost exploring art was interesting. It was also kind of cute.
I dislike the implication that Barry has to die because this is a trap The Arrowverse falls into a lot, in making a character fated to die. Whether or not the death occurs, all it does is make the audience miserable. And that's a bad idea. I would probably enjoy the season a lot more of Barry's fate were more up in the air. Even if Barry finds a way out, it doesn't stop this portion of the season from not being any fun as long as the characters are being put through the emotional wringer.
But that was still a pretty good episode. ***1/2.
Teen Titans Go! "TV Knight 5"
It's gotten so that I love the Batman and Gordon wraparounds way more than the parody segments. I love Batman faking being sick to get out of answering the Batsignal so he and Gordon can watch TV. The bit of the disguise in the restaurant of the two of them wearing a fancy suit was hysterical too, and I love the idea that Alfred uses the Batmobile for groceries.
The Lassie and He-Man stuff was forgettable but passable, but I don't think the Nixon thing worked. It struck me as a commentary on our current political situation, but the things were kept so vague to give the show plausible deniability over accusations of liberal partisanship, that it ultimately stands for nothing at all. And honestly, after the Trump Kingsman video, seeing cartoon Presidents fight, both dead or not, makes me a bit queasy. Bad timing, which is something this show often suffers from.
I like the episode more for the bits with Batman and Gordon. I would watch the h*ll out of an entire series of them goofing off to pantomime. ***1/2.
Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure "Beginnings"
Wow, Cass and Rapunzel's origin story makes me dislike Cass even more than I already did. The ending didn't endear me to her either.
I will say this: I appreciate that this season's tone is so far less dark than the last's. I hope it stays that way because the last season was a mess because of that.
That was all right. ***1/2.
Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure "The King And Queen Of Hearts"
I'll tell to why Frederick is a catch and what Arianna sees in him: He's the whole package. In that if she chooses him, he comes with Rapunzel. Who doesn't want that?
I am a little bit alarmed to realize Frederick and Arianna have been wandering around in a fog for the past few episodes, and I'm glad it's finally being addressed.
Arianna not only digs Shorty-tossin' bar fights. She's good at 'em. I love that Shorty-tossin's occur at a designated time.
Love Frederick calling Eugene Roomie. I think this is not only a good restart for him and Arianna. It's good for him and Eugene too. He seems far fonder of Eugene without having the whole backstory to weigh the guy down. And I like that.
They did some great expressions with Trevor as he's caterwauling over Frederick's case of "The Sniffles". I capitalize both words because that's how big a deal Trevor is making it out to be.
Rapunzel and Eugene sadly don't kiss much on this series. I like the ending very much for that reason.
I love like that Trevor gets the frying pan, King or not. That's Rapunzel's version of diplomacy.
No, Lance, you ain't gettin' no big tips this evening. Try again.
This season has been a return to form. Last season was by turns too meandering and too dark. This is the way the series is supposed to be. ****1/2.
Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure "Day Of The Animals"
Interesting concept. Showing the animals making plans and disagreeing with each other without dialogue. Honestly? It only half-worked. I understood what was going on between the animals about half of the time, although considering they don't speak, that's still rather impressive. But still, I am well aware I get ALL of Gromit. And that's without even a mouth. But this was something.
How does Rapunzel defeat the highwayman Dwayne? A sternly worded lecture. "We talked about this." Totally gave me pleasant flashbacks to the Trickster and Flash on JLU. "Caught me again, Flash!"
I'm calling b.s. on the fact that 200 years or so in the past Rapunzel knows about the concepts of the subsconcious and reverse psychology. Nuh uh. I'll accept a sentient horse on this show. But not that.
That bird is the Shorty of the animals. And he still doesn't have a name. Where did they pick him up anyways?
Skully? Isn't the pirate parrot on Jake And The Neverland Pirates named Skully? Is that what they were referencing?
Half-successful, which is better than can be expected. ***.
Elena Of Avalor "Flower Of Light"
That was very like Coco without the Pixar baggage.
I love the show exploring the idea that a friend Elena had as a kid is now an old woman. You sometimes forget that Elena was gone for 40 years, (especially because Estaban still looks pretty spry) but she'd be a 56 years old if not for that spell.
That was really enjoyable. ****.
Elena Of Avalor "Captain Mateo"
Loved it. I was watching Estaban very closely and studied his every word, body movement, and facial expression. And I think the heroes believe they are in a MUCH worse position than they are. They believe Estaban has dark motivations, and is a traitor, and against them. And I wanted to figure out if that was true.
I don't see evidence of that, at least not in this episode. Estaban commits not a single act of violence, and chides Ash when she tries to harm Elena. I described their alliance as a marriage of convenience, and the reason I think heroes are going to win and don't know it yet, is that it's actually REALLY inconvenient for Estaban. New magic powers or not (which was an admittedly interesting wrinkle) he is not equipped for this type of life.
The thing I took about Estaban's actions was two major things: They were entirely self-involved. He was looking out primarily for his own interests, besides the one point he insists Elena not be hurt. Otherwise, everything is about him. The significant part of that is that even if that is true, no malice guides him, at least not at this point. We'll see what Dark Magic does to him, but I think Ash is a fool to keep Estaban around, and she needs to cut him loose and think of a different plan. Because Estaban may be foolish, but since he is selfish, he might see the obvious later that I did immediately.
Estaban wants what he wants, and that's what's most important to him. He isn't selfish enough to ruthlessly do anything to get his way, but he likes his way gotten nonetheless. Ask yourself what it is Estaban wants most. What amazes me is the heroes don't quite grasp this yet, and don't quite understand the amazing hand they have just been dealt.
More than anything, Estaban wants to be forgiven by his family. He's not endearing himself to them in any way, but if a Genie granted Estaban one wish it would be to take things back with Shureki. And Ash is essentially teaching him how to be more powerful than she is while that's true? That's crazy on her end! There is absolutely nothing to stop Estaban realizing that he's more powerful than her at some point, and that his best interests lie in cutting a deal for a pardon in exchange for taking down the Kingdom's last true thorn. I was looking for signs Estaban was sinister. There were none, at least not so far. As such, the heroes are so close to winning they can't stand it, and just don't know it.
Honestly, the more and more Ash trains Estaban, the worse and worse things will wind up looking for her. Not because Estaban is virtuous. But because Estaban wants what he wants, and he wants his family more than anything. It's sort of shocking none of his family besides perhaps Grandpapi think this, but they are in the home stretch of winning once they figure it out. I predict Estaban is going to save Elena's life at personal risk to himself for no reward at one point, and will make off with Ash, and Elena will be all "What the h*ll was that?" It's the fact that the heroes think Estaban is worse than he is which is why they are in such bad shape. When they stop thinking of his as a traitorous criminal mastermind and more as a self-involved doof, they'll understand the precise way to win. And Ash is going to be building him up in dark magic week after week? Oh, lord, that woman is headed for a fall. And it's so stupid and unnecessary if she had had the common sense to cut Estaban loose and let him fend for himself. Instead she's building up the very thing that will help Elena take her down.
Estaban, you are a narcissistic twit. But there is also nothing sinister in your soul. I'd normally say, the sooner the good guys realize that, the better, but the truth is the longer it takes them, the more Ash will train him, so I'm not looking forward to Elena forgiving him anytime soon. It will be better for everyone if she waits a little.
I liked the first two seasons. But I love this one, and I think it's the first time I feel like this is actually a great show. *****.
Elena Of Avalor: Discovering The Magic Within "When The Royal Family's Away"
Flo is SO cute. I want a plushie of her. Now. ****1/2.
Elena Of Avalor: Discovering The Magic Within "Spring Cleaning"
I like that the sunbird guy is trying to make them help clean his nest. ****.
Elena Of Avalor: Discovering The Magic Within "Not So Basic Training"
That was nice I guess, but it was also kinda boring. **1/2.
Elena Of Avalor: Discovering The Magic Within "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"
That was dumb, but it's interesting that the main cast is in this batch of shorts. They usually aren't, and it's usually Elena and sometimes Mateo with the new gimmicky characters of the season. **1/2.
Elena Of Avalor: Discovering The Magic Within "Modern Royal Family"
Question: Who is interviewing everybody and where in Avalor did they get a camera? Just checking. ***.
Riverdale "Chapter Fifty-Nine: Fast Times At Riverdale High"
I made mistake. It's an understandable mistake, I think, but a real one nonetheless. I mistakenly assumed that once the Gargoyle King stuff and the cult taking over the whole town thing arc was concluded, the show would go back to being watchable the way it was in season one, and to a much lesser extent season two. What I didn't quite grasp, (although maybe I should have) is that the show is so terrible in every way that even a standard arc cannot be done without the writers effing every last inch of it up. The fundamentals of the season are not strong, but they aren't weak, at least not compared to last season. But the show is equally unwatchable. I should have guessed it would be this bad after they whiffed the can't miss Luke Perry tribute. That would be an impossible thing for another show to mess up, and somehow I found it quite lacking, if not as terrible as this. But lord, it should have counted as an omen.
I threatened to give up the show last year. I'm not there yet simply because my TV dance card was overloaded last year, and so far enough stuff that I watch has been canceled or moved to a streaming service that I don't actually feel like I'm wasting valuable TV time. I watch my share of cr*ppy stuff, some of it bad enough to not review. But if there are all of a sudden a lot of new network or cable shows that come on at once, this show will be the first I drop. I can afford to watch a TV show this bad every week. I really enjoy reviewing it to be honest, not because I love trolling or hate-watching or anything like that. But the show is pretty much a master class in what not to do, and as a writer and as a reviewer, that sort of fascinates me. It's not like Ben 10 where the characters are insufferable. I don't need to tune out keep my sanity. It's just a badly written mess. It reminds me greatly of Power Rangers. I probably won't stop watch that horrible show either simply because I love reviewing it.
There was so much wrong here, I'll try to be brief and get to the bullet points.
Where do I start? I'm having a hard time, so bear with me.
I want to bring up Kevin, and in a sane show he would be my first topic, but this is not a sane show. Instead I think it would be better to first address the idea that there are paparazzi in the school.
No.
Simply. No.
They would never get past school security guards, and it makes no sense to me that after a few mass murders in the school, Riverdale doesn't have them yet.
Which brings me to Principle Honey. Are they actually sticking with that name? For real? All right. I have a lot of bad things to say about this character, but half of them have to do with how the other characters respond to him. First off him suggesting to Veronica to take a sabbatical because she was disrupting the school because of the reporters made me very upset that Veronica didn't state the obvious. That she comes to school under the expectation to be safe, and it's his freaking job to protect her from people like reporters dogging her. That is not her fault or something she needs to be disciplined for. If anything, he should be apologizing to her. The only reason I get why he doesn't is because of the tabloid rumors that she's a criminal. But as long as nothing has been proven, he's failing her, she's not failing the school.
Next I want to get to Cheryl, and I cannot overstate how terrible the show is for how they are portraying this character. She says she's the queen bee. Why is she? Both of her parents were murderers and her mother was responsible for a murder spree with a serial killer. She should be a pariah. She should be the one hounded by the press. Everyone should hate her. And let's say I believe the idea that she isn't tainted by all that for a minute. She's keeping a corpse in her room. She should be wanting to keep a low profile. She is drawing far too much attention to herself where anybody else in her position would want to fade into the background. She says the principle has no power over her. Actually, he does. He could expel her. Which begs the question why he doesn't after she rubs his nose in the fact that she was responsible for the beehive. No kid could get away with that, much less threatening to "behead him" in a school that is already overrun with murder and violence. I don't mind that Cheryl is as terrible a person as she is. What I mind is that nobody else minds. Everybody else acts like this is normal high school drama. And in 2019, reality has asked us to normalize a lot of crazy stuff. But I refuse to do that and I refuse to accept that Cheryl has the clout she does.
Kevin next: I don't much care if Betty can forgive Kevin, or if he can change and turn over a new leaf. I will never forgive him for the crazy and violent things he was a part of last year. In my reviews last year I noted that turning Kevin and the other characters homicidal was bad writing simply because that isn't the kind of behavior a responsible show would be asking the audience to forgive. And since I knew Kevin's "madness", as it were, would be temporary, that is the precise reason he should not have been involved in lynchmobs and torturing poor Betty. I am angry at the show for trying to come up with way for Betty to forgive him. I know that's unreasonable because I will never forgive him, and she's the person he actually hurt. Shows like this believe horrible behavior exists in a vacuum and anything can be forgiven. That is the worst facet of Joss Whedon's writing. But I don't think any of the characters Joss Whedon slated for redemption ever did something that the audience would be unable to forgiven under the right circumstance (Spike being the obvious exception). But at least a newly ensouled Spike had a story reason for supposedly being forgiven when he shouldn't have been. This is just bad writing.
Betty's FBI brother was right to be mad at her outing her mother to Kevin. I predict that will backfire next week.
I hate that Reggie makes a rape joke with Mad Dog. Speaking of normalizing horrible things.
The sex scenes on the show make me cringe. They are so explicit, and even if the actors are probably in their twenties, they are playing characters who are not. It's weird the ages of people the show is asking the audience to get titillated by. And I know the defense will be, "Well, the show is made for teenagers and they aren't too old to get wigged out by seeing those situations for characters that young." Except, does anyone truly believe only teenagers watch the show? It's a nice fantasy, but the show is feeding creepy people's lusts as well as teenagers. And it's not like teenagers can't get their lusts filled elsewhere. It's super creepy.
Speaking of which, the "All That Jazz" musical number was deplorable, not just because it was badly written and acted, but because Veronica supposedly does that degrading bumping and grinding before a press conference, and one she wants to use for people to take her seriously. It's like when standing up to an 11 hour House grilling for the email controversy, Hillary Clinton decided to go on the MTV Movie Awards, and did some on-stage twerking while masturbating with a foam finger immediately beforehand. And I sorry to put out that comparison, and I mean no disrespect to Secretary Clinton, but that's the right comparison. That is how important this specific press conference could wind up for Veronica's entire life and future, and that is what she invited the press to witness her doing before she made it. I am disinclined to stop watching the show because somebody needs to point out these things and call foul. Otherwise the show is getting away with narrative murder.
There was something I liked. What I liked about it is that the show's writers are stupid and probably never read Moby Dick. The thing that says that is that no actual details of the book are discussed, which is something that would happen if the writer of the episode read the book. Except the illiterate writers did something quite clever. They must have read in an interview somewhere that Menville hated allegory and that his biggest fear was that Moby Dick would be interpreted as that, and they could believably have Jughead say the whale represented nothing without ever having to read the book themselves. If you are a bad and stupid writer, there are actual tricks you can use to mask that, which is something the show needs to learn to do all the time.
For the record, any debater worth his salt should be able to shoot back at Jughead's argument. He should not have shut everyone up. But the truth is Melville does not get to say how people should interpret his work, especially now that he's long dead. And face it, all fiction on some level is an allegory. It's using an imaginary situation to get the reader to believe in it and relate it to their own experiences. That's allegory, no mater what Melville and Tolkien claim to want. That is the very nature of fiction. They can scream at the top of their lungs that nobody should be making comparisons with it, but just the fact that they made the story up means it's absolutely necessary to do that. How else is a person supposed to receive or review fiction otherwise? I think writers who hate allegory don't actually appreciate what exactly writing is.
I don't enjoy bashing this show. But I enjoy figuring out why it failed. So you're stuck with my reviews a bit longer, or at least until my TV schedule is fuller. *.