Transformers: Rescue Bots Academy Series Premiere Review (Spoilers)
Also reviews for the latest episodes of Transformers: Cyberverse, DC Super Hero Girls, Mickey Mouse, and Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures, the series finale of Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel, and the latest episodes of Riverdale, The Good Place, Blindspot, and Van Helsing.
Transformers: Rescue Bots Academy “Episode 1”
Hello, Mr. Punchbowl. My name is The Turd. I’ll be floating around you this evening.
Never saw the original Rescue Bots so I can’t tell if this is a sequel or a reboot. In truth, it doesn’t matter if it’s Aligned Continuity or not. It sucks. Specifically because of Hot Shot.
First off, I have to say I am well aware every single Transformers cartoons that ever existed is made primarily just to sell toys. That was even true of the adult oriented ones in Prime Wars Trilogy. I get that’s Job 1. But Prime Wars, and Transformers Prime never had as many “Mommy! Mommy! I want that!” moments as this did. Transformers Cyberverse is also pretty clumsily handled as far as the vehicle integration goes, but it tries its best not to be too crass. The last Transformers show I saw with “beauty shots” of the transformations like that was Robots In Disguise. And I predict I will dislike this show for the exact same reasons. We’ll talk a little more about that in the review of the second part, but I’ll tell you the biggest problem the show has right now: Hot Shot. There’s no reason for him to be there, much less for Optimus Freaking Prime to believe in him. He’s a bit thick, and clumsy, and totally selfish and doing this for all the wrong reasons. This is not a person I am rooting for, much less ever believe Optimus Prime would be. I pictured after the credits rolled at the end of every Robots In Disguise episode, that whenever Sideswipe and Stromgarm went bickering down the corridor to their separate quarters at the end of the day, Optimus would raise his face-mask to cover a well-earned sneer of disgust. It struck me that as amazing as Optimus was on Transformers Prime, and despite the fact that he made every Bot on that show better, and believe in themselves, and the cause they were fighting for, I got the sense of deep ambivalence about Strongarm, and ESPECIALLY Sideswipe from him. And if that was NOT the intention of the writers of that show, in hindsight, it really should have been.
I dislike Hot Shot immensely. I don’t like the idea of his personal hang-ups being used as a springboard for moments of growth during his identity crises which pop up when people in trouble can least afford it. To this show’s credit, this is a Rescue Bots ACADEMY. But if Hot Shot doesn’t wash out by the end of the first season, the show isn’t telling itself properly.
I noticed they did the same thing they did with Cyberverse and cheaped out on the voices. I am unhappy about that.
The lesson about water not putting out grease fires is an important one for the sprogs in the audience, and especially important on a show about rescues and safety. Why was that the only fact of its kind in the first two episodes? Most kids shows dealing with stuff like that are borderline public service announcements in informing kids about safety tips. And people used to talk smack about the cartoons in the 80’s that did that. Except, it’s built into the entire premise of this show, and it’s not really doing it. Only two eleven minute episodes, and I expect and hope for a course correction about this, but it was my understanding that Rescue Bots is the educational Transformers project. So far, the only lesson this show seems to be imparting is that you can be as selfish and lazy a jerk as you want because Optimus Prime is going to bail your worthless butt out with unearned favors. If the educational aspect of the show will involve Hot Shot learning to work with his team, the show is going to suck, at least for me. Why?
Stay tuned for the review of Part two. I’ll just be floating here all night. *.
Transformers: Rescue Bots Academy “Episode 2”
The reason the show will not work as an example of team-building and learning to work together is the same reason Robots In Disguise failed at that so miserably. And it’s only episode 2, so maybe it’s too early to make that snap of a judgment. But I am comfortable in saying that I recognize this exact same dynamic from the early episodes of Robots In Disguise. Bumblebee’s team would blow up due to some bit of unprofessionalism by Sideswipe or Strongarm, and everybody would learn a valuable lesson about team work and trusting each other. And completely forget it the next week and put everyone back on square one as far as annoying personalities go. And I guarantee you that will be this show. Every single week. It is not well written enough to do the actual character development that Prime, Prime Wars Trilogy, or Cyberverse did and do. How do I know? Because Hotshot sprays some water to magically clear rocks (which BTW is NOT an actual real-world rescue method for the E/I watchers at home) and everyone cheers him as if he’s finally doing things right. There is no nuance in that particular rescue method or personal affirmation. The writers needed something for the other bots to cheer Hotshot for, and simply decided that it didn’t actually require an effort to tell that part of the story. Which means that they don’t need the message to actually be strong, even in the first two episodes. Because they are just going to ignore it next week. This is NOT my first kids show (to put it mildly).
I am also amused and a bit mortified that Optimus made Hotshot’s triple-changing T-Cog essentially Gummiberry Juice. It somehow works for humans only once a day. And that, as well as the feeding rules for Mogwais in Gremlins, are random and not based on a real world clock. How is the day decided? For 24 hours? From Sun-up to sundown? And why would Optimus give a rescue worker this specific glaring weakness, except to dig Hotshot into story holes? None of it makes story sense, or passes any rational muster. And I resent it for that.
There was a line in the episode I liked that I’m annoyed I liked. Because it had nothing to do with Transformers. But when the bot asks the question about string cheese she does, I was like “Wow! I LOVE eating that cr*p. I never questioned the philosophical nature of its existence until just now”. It’s like the show did a perfectly smart and funny joke and probably didn’t even realize it. They probably think they are just doing a riff on Coffee Talk with Linda Richman, and didn’t think of it beyond that. But truthfully that’s an observation that might keep me up tonight. And the show is too dumb to appreciate that it just did that.
Yeah, so, this show is gonna suck. *.
Transformers: Cyberverse “King Of The Dinosaurs”
“Congratulations! Your new friend is a dinosaur!”
Understatement. Heh.
Enjoyable episode on every level, except one gripe I’ll get to later. But I found myself enjoying this in a way I never did Transformers: Robots In Disguise. This show will never be as great as Transformers Prime. The 11 minute runtime means that by necessity. But it’s already more fun than Robots In Disguise. And they gave a good reason for Grimlock’s dinosaur form to boot. It’s interesting they put in that (appreciated) effort when they have been playing it fast and loose with the car and plane modes on Cybertron. It’s nice to know where the plausibility line lies.
Grimlock is super cute. I love him swinging his legs like a kid while he’s listening to the song, and I felt genuine sympathy over the idea that the dinosaurs millions or years ago became his actual friends in the way the human sidekicks did the rest of the Bots on all of the previous series. And I feel like we missed out on a cool potential series.
Unfortunately, that brings me to my gripe. We didn’t miss out on enough. I’ll just say it. There shouldn’t have been a flashback in this episode, or at least one related to the bots visually by Teletraan-X. You have my permission to tell your current story, Cyberverse, without setting up a bunch of context for everything. Having the audience question things like Grimlock’s motives, or how he got there would be an equally valid story choice, and probably MORE interesting. This show is so invested in world-building and mythology, it can’t even tell an interesting story we have been dying for in a straightforward manner. And it’s not like an 11 minute cartoon actually NEEDS that kind of filler and padding. And I appreciate the set-up most weeks. But there should definitely also be our fair share of weeks where we just get down to freaking business, and sort everything out later. I am willing to be patient and not spoonfed everything immediately. I suspect I’d enjoy the show even more if I had a bunch of unanswered questions to obsess over and debate online every week. The show would be a much richer experience if they didn’t need to show their hand on every single detail. Believe in your premise, and your audience, Cyberverse. Your show will be better for it.
But it’s not like I wasn’t wearing a big dopey grin on my face at the end of that anyways. You can’t kid a kidder about stuff like that. ****1/2.
DC Super Hero Girls “Missing Martian”
Anyone else disturbed that the girls mask a surprise party by faking a terrorist attack? And if Miss Martian REALLY wanted to know what they were up to, she could just read their minds.
The animation was choppy too.
Par for the course. So absolutely terrible. 1/2.
Mickey Mouse “Hats Enough”
“It’s the same hat!”
That moment right there is Donald Fauntleroy Duck being the last rational man in a world gone insane.
Good to point out that Mickey is the only main character without head gear. Him being satisfied with the ears at the end underwhelmed, just because Minnie has the SAME ears and still wears a hat. Or as Donald would put it, “They’re the same ears!”
Steamboat Willie and Sorcerer’s Apprentice homages were an absolute must for this specific episode.
I fully expected the construction workers to refer to Mickey’s hard hat as a “lid”, and was sorely disappointed that did not actually happen. The episode feels personally unfinished to me because it didn’t.
Other than that, It’s the same hat! ****.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Fun Facts: Princess Leia”
Interesting meld of animation, live action, and CGI. ****.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Fun Facts: The Falcon”
Only Luke Skywalker actually thinks the Falcon looks like a hunk of junk. Mostly because Luke is both rude and stupid in the first movie. ***.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Princess Leia Vs. Darth Vader: A Fearless Leader”
Good thing they didn’t show Tarkin blowing up Alderaan. After her crack about him smelling bad, I half-think she had it coming. Worst diplomat ever. ***1/2.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Luke Vs. The Death Star: X-Wing Assault”
For the record, the special effects in this quickie cartoon are better than the ones in the actual movie. ****1/2.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Han Solo: Galaxy’s Best Smuggler”
Isn’t a parsec a unit of distance, not speed? Isn’t that what the controversy has been about this entire time? ***1/2.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Chewie Vs. Holochess: Let The Wookiee Win”
For the record, a hero throwing a fit over losing a board game is not actually an endearing quality. I don’t know why everyone else thinks it is. **1/2.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Luke Vs. Emperor Palpatine: Rise To Evil”
Is it just me, or does Palpatine have like, NO redeeming qualities? It’s like the worst, sociopathic personality type to ever exist was put in charge of the entire galaxy. There’s a real-world parallel here. I know it. ****1/2.
Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel “The Poisy Show”
A lot of that did NOT sit right with me.
Poissandra is SO freaking harmless. And the Rangers mailed her a bomb by tricking her into thinking it was a Christmas present? Where did the Rangers even GET a bomb? Are these the Power Rangers or Al Qaeda? Not on board.
Similarly, how do cavemen even have Christmas? They were before Christ. Grrr.
And Santa saving the day rankles me as well. Did not love that idea.
On the plus side it’s cool the Rangers got their powers again, and it was nice seeing Koda again. But a great deal of the episode left a bad taste in my mouth.
Underwhelming season finale. **1/2.
Riverdale “Chapter Forty-Two: The Man In Black”
That was some hardcore ridiculousness. But I’m not feeling charitable enough to do an in-depth review. I’m afraid I’ll blow a gasket.
Any other show I watched that delivered that specific episode would get a 0 for a grade. Except Riverdale has been HORRID this season, and I always grade on a curve. Compared to everything else, it’s worth a star and half. *1/2.
The Good Place “Janets(s)”
Tour De Force for D’Arcy Carden. She nailed everyone, especially Jason. You could actually tell which person she was being. She’s amazing and I wouldn’t have guessed that a couple of seasons ago.
Two things I love about the ending: Michael is going to fix things. I suspect that the season ends with him doing so, and if there IS a season 4, I expect it to take place in the actual Good Place for the first time ever. But Michael’s on this and that’s all that needs to be said.
Secondly, that specific cliffhanger was literally three seasons in the making. And I cannot wait for the next episode.
Honestly, this is the show I know and grew to love over the first two seasons, that most of this season hasn’t been. I think this entire episode should go on D’Arcy Carden’s Emmy reel. ****1/2.
Blindspot “Screech, Thwack Pow”
That was a mess. Usually when I use that descriptor for a show I watch, I’m slamming it. “Mess” usually means a bunch of plot complications that make no sense, and you have to suspend your disbelief or you can’t enjoy anything without nitpicking it to death. Or the drama and plot somehow work but the acting or dialogue sucks. But the specific kind of mess this was is the kind of mess all messy television should aspire to be. The relationships in the episode were frayed. They were fraught. Things are such a razor’s edge you aren’t even sure Boston is going to survive until you see his body, and immediately correctly guess he’s faking it. I have never felt sympathy for Shepherd before. But this woman is absolutely broken, and not the mother or savior Remy needs. The clearest sign Remy should go with Weller after the winter break is that she doesn’t actually have a better option at this point. She is running on fumes, and exhausted, and insane, and cruel, and hanging on by a thread. Like I said messy.
Speaking of which, I love the specific ways the episode got Rich and Boston to admit they loved each other. Rich’s confession was filled with legit drama and pathos. And even if Boston’s SOUNDS just as deep, it’s immediately undercut with the notion that Rich is just screwing with him. I found what Rich did fascinating both for the reasons he did it, and the response it elicited, including reactions Rich did not see. I kind of agree with Rich that after what he put him through, Boston had that coming. It’s just that Boston could have made a MUCH bigger fuss than he did. Swore up and down he’ll out Jane in revenge, and their conspiracy would never actually work. Instead he accepts what Rich tells him, and makes the sacrifice as the sacrificial lamb and just tells Rich how much he means to him. I’d feel a lot better about Rich’s trick if Boston wasn’t willing to go to prison to keep Jane’s secret. And once Rich has left the room, Boston privately smiles in spite of himself. Today’s secret word? Messy.
All of the stuff with Weiss, and Reed and Zapata was just set-up. We are going to have to wait until Janurary for ANY measure of pay-off to this, ahem, mess.
For the record, it is very significant to me that Weller ONLY trusted Patterson and Rich with Jane’s secret. Those are the first two people he went to, and he didn’t have a single second thought. Patterson is a no brainer because she isn’t just useful, she doesn’t ask questions, and is famous for her discretion. Rich being the other confidant is rather significant to me. True, Rich can be trusted to keep a criminal secret. But the truth is it is in Rich’s best interest to betray Jane. If things go sideways and Remy winds up killing a bunch of people, Weller and Patterson might well lose their jobs. Rich will go back to prison. It is significant that Weller probably knows all this, and knows the specific risk he is putting Rich in, and that Rich is a potential liability because he has much more to lose. But even knowing all that, he trusts him that much anyways. Whether Rich (rightly in my mind) blabs or not, it is meaningful to me that Weller went to him at all.
This is how a television show should navigate messy relationships, and the perils that come with protecting people against themselves. And it’s weird this show is Berlanti, and usually suffers from all of those shows’ faults in making the messes TOO messy, and no fun to watch. But this episode did everything perfectly. And to be blunt, most other television, Berlantiverse or not, doesn’t usually navigate those sorts of things as well as this episode did either. ****1/2.
Van Helsing “Outside World”
I had to push myself to watch tonight. I’m glad I did, but before the show I told myself, this is the last season I am watching over the air. For better or worse, just try to enjoy this episode. And then I remember I have never enjoyed a single episode of Van Helsing before, even the good ones, and I realize the impossible ask I made of myself.
And here’s the thing that told me ducking out next year was the right call. I asked myself “Wait, we aren’t REALLY going to spend the entire episode on the meathook, are we?” And of course, we ARE! Which is the precise reason I’m calling it quits.
There was some good drama in the meantime. About time Mohammed was saved. I would not have the aversion to traveling with Mohammed that Vanessa did with Scarlet. Scarlet was left behind because Vanessa was trying to outfox a prophecy. Which is a baller move. Mohammed has NO such dire straits attached to his potential companionship, and if he’s like all of the rest of the ex-vampires on the show, he still has an amazing healing factor which makes him nearly unkillable, and he also can never be turned again. That’s useful to have as a sidekick. I think Vanessa is fooling herself with her plan for Scarlet. In reality, Scarlet is going to escape, and probably have to kill Vanessa at some point. That’s what the show is building towards. But Mohammed can tag along with no drama, and very little actual risk to himself. One of the fascinating things to about this show is that the more of our heroes that are ex-vampires grow, the less actual danger they are in. Episodes with Doc, and Axel, and Flesh, and Julius all involve them saving the people around them. They themselves are never in real danger, or at least in more danger than any of the Daywalkers who seem nigh unkillable. The worst part of Sam becoming a vampire is that if Vanessa turns him back, he’ll still be crazy, just less overtly so, and unkillable to boot. She probably should have just killed him instead of leaving him to be turned. Everybody would have been better off.
I like the angels and devils on her shoulders. John, the rapist from season 1 was a no-brainer of a pick to come back, simply because even though he was Vanessa’s first human “kill”, and in hindsight it was a mistake, there is no way she ever regretted it. And his temptation to her involves admitting that. He’s got nothing. It would be super easy to admit. I would have admitted the same thing. I wouldn’t think I would have ENJOYED killing him and admitted that, but he had SUCH a killable face, I can’t say that with 100% certainty.
Julius as the angel and devil worked and didn’t work. His vampire self didn’t work just because as far as vampires on the show goes, Julius was always average. He is no Scab or Sam, or even Dmitri. But I liked him as the angel better because he is the first person Vanessa saved who was actually grateful for that fact. All things considered, Flesh probably would have been better off if someone had just killed him instead. He was THAT emotionally damaged by not only the experience, but what the experience revealed about himself. Similarly Doc was a coward, and didn’t really appreciate the gift it was because she didn’t have to suffer being a vampire under the worst of conditions. Julius was the first person who thanked her and meant it. And she’s spot-on as to why here: He’s a genuinely good person. He is probably the best person on the entire show. And I feel if anyone should be giving her the “You can save us all” speech it’s him. Which makes it puzzling why the show brought him back in his vampire form to finish the scene. It was less than it could have been because they did that.
Back to seeing deaf Sam, human, and in the wool cap. I think Vanessa’s justifications about what Sam’s motives used to be are probably a wee bit more complicated than she’s making him out to be. I don’t think Sam killed people because they were weak, and he was making them stronger or anything megalomaniac as that. It’s because he was crazy, and that was his outlet for it. He is not a grand, psychologically complex, Hannibal Lecter-type serial killer. He just loses control and kills people who hang around him for too long. Vanessa is attributing grand operatic notions to a guy who probably only kills people when he’s either frustrated, or horny, or both.
I like that the show is smart enough to bring back Dylan in vision form, because they can deal with the actress growing up by making it what Vanessa’s greatest wish was. I love when cr*p like that lines up. Walt on Lost never did.
It’s about time Mohammed was fixed. Now when he gets revenge on Sam, it will actually be righteous. Which is incredibly needed at this point in the series. Or maybe a season in the future that I’ll someday binge when I’m feeling up to it. As of now, it felt long overdue.
Good episode. But I won’t be back next year. ****.
Transformers: Rescue Bots Academy “Episode 1”
Hello, Mr. Punchbowl. My name is The Turd. I’ll be floating around you this evening.
Never saw the original Rescue Bots so I can’t tell if this is a sequel or a reboot. In truth, it doesn’t matter if it’s Aligned Continuity or not. It sucks. Specifically because of Hot Shot.
First off, I have to say I am well aware every single Transformers cartoons that ever existed is made primarily just to sell toys. That was even true of the adult oriented ones in Prime Wars Trilogy. I get that’s Job 1. But Prime Wars, and Transformers Prime never had as many “Mommy! Mommy! I want that!” moments as this did. Transformers Cyberverse is also pretty clumsily handled as far as the vehicle integration goes, but it tries its best not to be too crass. The last Transformers show I saw with “beauty shots” of the transformations like that was Robots In Disguise. And I predict I will dislike this show for the exact same reasons. We’ll talk a little more about that in the review of the second part, but I’ll tell you the biggest problem the show has right now: Hot Shot. There’s no reason for him to be there, much less for Optimus Freaking Prime to believe in him. He’s a bit thick, and clumsy, and totally selfish and doing this for all the wrong reasons. This is not a person I am rooting for, much less ever believe Optimus Prime would be. I pictured after the credits rolled at the end of every Robots In Disguise episode, that whenever Sideswipe and Stromgarm went bickering down the corridor to their separate quarters at the end of the day, Optimus would raise his face-mask to cover a well-earned sneer of disgust. It struck me that as amazing as Optimus was on Transformers Prime, and despite the fact that he made every Bot on that show better, and believe in themselves, and the cause they were fighting for, I got the sense of deep ambivalence about Strongarm, and ESPECIALLY Sideswipe from him. And if that was NOT the intention of the writers of that show, in hindsight, it really should have been.
I dislike Hot Shot immensely. I don’t like the idea of his personal hang-ups being used as a springboard for moments of growth during his identity crises which pop up when people in trouble can least afford it. To this show’s credit, this is a Rescue Bots ACADEMY. But if Hot Shot doesn’t wash out by the end of the first season, the show isn’t telling itself properly.
I noticed they did the same thing they did with Cyberverse and cheaped out on the voices. I am unhappy about that.
The lesson about water not putting out grease fires is an important one for the sprogs in the audience, and especially important on a show about rescues and safety. Why was that the only fact of its kind in the first two episodes? Most kids shows dealing with stuff like that are borderline public service announcements in informing kids about safety tips. And people used to talk smack about the cartoons in the 80’s that did that. Except, it’s built into the entire premise of this show, and it’s not really doing it. Only two eleven minute episodes, and I expect and hope for a course correction about this, but it was my understanding that Rescue Bots is the educational Transformers project. So far, the only lesson this show seems to be imparting is that you can be as selfish and lazy a jerk as you want because Optimus Prime is going to bail your worthless butt out with unearned favors. If the educational aspect of the show will involve Hot Shot learning to work with his team, the show is going to suck, at least for me. Why?
Stay tuned for the review of Part two. I’ll just be floating here all night. *.
Transformers: Rescue Bots Academy “Episode 2”
The reason the show will not work as an example of team-building and learning to work together is the same reason Robots In Disguise failed at that so miserably. And it’s only episode 2, so maybe it’s too early to make that snap of a judgment. But I am comfortable in saying that I recognize this exact same dynamic from the early episodes of Robots In Disguise. Bumblebee’s team would blow up due to some bit of unprofessionalism by Sideswipe or Strongarm, and everybody would learn a valuable lesson about team work and trusting each other. And completely forget it the next week and put everyone back on square one as far as annoying personalities go. And I guarantee you that will be this show. Every single week. It is not well written enough to do the actual character development that Prime, Prime Wars Trilogy, or Cyberverse did and do. How do I know? Because Hotshot sprays some water to magically clear rocks (which BTW is NOT an actual real-world rescue method for the E/I watchers at home) and everyone cheers him as if he’s finally doing things right. There is no nuance in that particular rescue method or personal affirmation. The writers needed something for the other bots to cheer Hotshot for, and simply decided that it didn’t actually require an effort to tell that part of the story. Which means that they don’t need the message to actually be strong, even in the first two episodes. Because they are just going to ignore it next week. This is NOT my first kids show (to put it mildly).
I am also amused and a bit mortified that Optimus made Hotshot’s triple-changing T-Cog essentially Gummiberry Juice. It somehow works for humans only once a day. And that, as well as the feeding rules for Mogwais in Gremlins, are random and not based on a real world clock. How is the day decided? For 24 hours? From Sun-up to sundown? And why would Optimus give a rescue worker this specific glaring weakness, except to dig Hotshot into story holes? None of it makes story sense, or passes any rational muster. And I resent it for that.
There was a line in the episode I liked that I’m annoyed I liked. Because it had nothing to do with Transformers. But when the bot asks the question about string cheese she does, I was like “Wow! I LOVE eating that cr*p. I never questioned the philosophical nature of its existence until just now”. It’s like the show did a perfectly smart and funny joke and probably didn’t even realize it. They probably think they are just doing a riff on Coffee Talk with Linda Richman, and didn’t think of it beyond that. But truthfully that’s an observation that might keep me up tonight. And the show is too dumb to appreciate that it just did that.
Yeah, so, this show is gonna suck. *.
Transformers: Cyberverse “King Of The Dinosaurs”
“Congratulations! Your new friend is a dinosaur!”
Understatement. Heh.
Enjoyable episode on every level, except one gripe I’ll get to later. But I found myself enjoying this in a way I never did Transformers: Robots In Disguise. This show will never be as great as Transformers Prime. The 11 minute runtime means that by necessity. But it’s already more fun than Robots In Disguise. And they gave a good reason for Grimlock’s dinosaur form to boot. It’s interesting they put in that (appreciated) effort when they have been playing it fast and loose with the car and plane modes on Cybertron. It’s nice to know where the plausibility line lies.
Grimlock is super cute. I love him swinging his legs like a kid while he’s listening to the song, and I felt genuine sympathy over the idea that the dinosaurs millions or years ago became his actual friends in the way the human sidekicks did the rest of the Bots on all of the previous series. And I feel like we missed out on a cool potential series.
Unfortunately, that brings me to my gripe. We didn’t miss out on enough. I’ll just say it. There shouldn’t have been a flashback in this episode, or at least one related to the bots visually by Teletraan-X. You have my permission to tell your current story, Cyberverse, without setting up a bunch of context for everything. Having the audience question things like Grimlock’s motives, or how he got there would be an equally valid story choice, and probably MORE interesting. This show is so invested in world-building and mythology, it can’t even tell an interesting story we have been dying for in a straightforward manner. And it’s not like an 11 minute cartoon actually NEEDS that kind of filler and padding. And I appreciate the set-up most weeks. But there should definitely also be our fair share of weeks where we just get down to freaking business, and sort everything out later. I am willing to be patient and not spoonfed everything immediately. I suspect I’d enjoy the show even more if I had a bunch of unanswered questions to obsess over and debate online every week. The show would be a much richer experience if they didn’t need to show their hand on every single detail. Believe in your premise, and your audience, Cyberverse. Your show will be better for it.
But it’s not like I wasn’t wearing a big dopey grin on my face at the end of that anyways. You can’t kid a kidder about stuff like that. ****1/2.
DC Super Hero Girls “Missing Martian”
Anyone else disturbed that the girls mask a surprise party by faking a terrorist attack? And if Miss Martian REALLY wanted to know what they were up to, she could just read their minds.
The animation was choppy too.
Par for the course. So absolutely terrible. 1/2.
Mickey Mouse “Hats Enough”
“It’s the same hat!”
That moment right there is Donald Fauntleroy Duck being the last rational man in a world gone insane.
Good to point out that Mickey is the only main character without head gear. Him being satisfied with the ears at the end underwhelmed, just because Minnie has the SAME ears and still wears a hat. Or as Donald would put it, “They’re the same ears!”
Steamboat Willie and Sorcerer’s Apprentice homages were an absolute must for this specific episode.
I fully expected the construction workers to refer to Mickey’s hard hat as a “lid”, and was sorely disappointed that did not actually happen. The episode feels personally unfinished to me because it didn’t.
Other than that, It’s the same hat! ****.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Fun Facts: Princess Leia”
Interesting meld of animation, live action, and CGI. ****.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Fun Facts: The Falcon”
Only Luke Skywalker actually thinks the Falcon looks like a hunk of junk. Mostly because Luke is both rude and stupid in the first movie. ***.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Princess Leia Vs. Darth Vader: A Fearless Leader”
Good thing they didn’t show Tarkin blowing up Alderaan. After her crack about him smelling bad, I half-think she had it coming. Worst diplomat ever. ***1/2.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Luke Vs. The Death Star: X-Wing Assault”
For the record, the special effects in this quickie cartoon are better than the ones in the actual movie. ****1/2.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Han Solo: Galaxy’s Best Smuggler”
Isn’t a parsec a unit of distance, not speed? Isn’t that what the controversy has been about this entire time? ***1/2.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Chewie Vs. Holochess: Let The Wookiee Win”
For the record, a hero throwing a fit over losing a board game is not actually an endearing quality. I don’t know why everyone else thinks it is. **1/2.
Star Wars: Galaxy Of Adventures “Luke Vs. Emperor Palpatine: Rise To Evil”
Is it just me, or does Palpatine have like, NO redeeming qualities? It’s like the worst, sociopathic personality type to ever exist was put in charge of the entire galaxy. There’s a real-world parallel here. I know it. ****1/2.
Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel “The Poisy Show”
A lot of that did NOT sit right with me.
Poissandra is SO freaking harmless. And the Rangers mailed her a bomb by tricking her into thinking it was a Christmas present? Where did the Rangers even GET a bomb? Are these the Power Rangers or Al Qaeda? Not on board.
Similarly, how do cavemen even have Christmas? They were before Christ. Grrr.
And Santa saving the day rankles me as well. Did not love that idea.
On the plus side it’s cool the Rangers got their powers again, and it was nice seeing Koda again. But a great deal of the episode left a bad taste in my mouth.
Underwhelming season finale. **1/2.
Riverdale “Chapter Forty-Two: The Man In Black”
That was some hardcore ridiculousness. But I’m not feeling charitable enough to do an in-depth review. I’m afraid I’ll blow a gasket.
Any other show I watched that delivered that specific episode would get a 0 for a grade. Except Riverdale has been HORRID this season, and I always grade on a curve. Compared to everything else, it’s worth a star and half. *1/2.
The Good Place “Janets(s)”
Tour De Force for D’Arcy Carden. She nailed everyone, especially Jason. You could actually tell which person she was being. She’s amazing and I wouldn’t have guessed that a couple of seasons ago.
Two things I love about the ending: Michael is going to fix things. I suspect that the season ends with him doing so, and if there IS a season 4, I expect it to take place in the actual Good Place for the first time ever. But Michael’s on this and that’s all that needs to be said.
Secondly, that specific cliffhanger was literally three seasons in the making. And I cannot wait for the next episode.
Honestly, this is the show I know and grew to love over the first two seasons, that most of this season hasn’t been. I think this entire episode should go on D’Arcy Carden’s Emmy reel. ****1/2.
Blindspot “Screech, Thwack Pow”
That was a mess. Usually when I use that descriptor for a show I watch, I’m slamming it. “Mess” usually means a bunch of plot complications that make no sense, and you have to suspend your disbelief or you can’t enjoy anything without nitpicking it to death. Or the drama and plot somehow work but the acting or dialogue sucks. But the specific kind of mess this was is the kind of mess all messy television should aspire to be. The relationships in the episode were frayed. They were fraught. Things are such a razor’s edge you aren’t even sure Boston is going to survive until you see his body, and immediately correctly guess he’s faking it. I have never felt sympathy for Shepherd before. But this woman is absolutely broken, and not the mother or savior Remy needs. The clearest sign Remy should go with Weller after the winter break is that she doesn’t actually have a better option at this point. She is running on fumes, and exhausted, and insane, and cruel, and hanging on by a thread. Like I said messy.
Speaking of which, I love the specific ways the episode got Rich and Boston to admit they loved each other. Rich’s confession was filled with legit drama and pathos. And even if Boston’s SOUNDS just as deep, it’s immediately undercut with the notion that Rich is just screwing with him. I found what Rich did fascinating both for the reasons he did it, and the response it elicited, including reactions Rich did not see. I kind of agree with Rich that after what he put him through, Boston had that coming. It’s just that Boston could have made a MUCH bigger fuss than he did. Swore up and down he’ll out Jane in revenge, and their conspiracy would never actually work. Instead he accepts what Rich tells him, and makes the sacrifice as the sacrificial lamb and just tells Rich how much he means to him. I’d feel a lot better about Rich’s trick if Boston wasn’t willing to go to prison to keep Jane’s secret. And once Rich has left the room, Boston privately smiles in spite of himself. Today’s secret word? Messy.
All of the stuff with Weiss, and Reed and Zapata was just set-up. We are going to have to wait until Janurary for ANY measure of pay-off to this, ahem, mess.
For the record, it is very significant to me that Weller ONLY trusted Patterson and Rich with Jane’s secret. Those are the first two people he went to, and he didn’t have a single second thought. Patterson is a no brainer because she isn’t just useful, she doesn’t ask questions, and is famous for her discretion. Rich being the other confidant is rather significant to me. True, Rich can be trusted to keep a criminal secret. But the truth is it is in Rich’s best interest to betray Jane. If things go sideways and Remy winds up killing a bunch of people, Weller and Patterson might well lose their jobs. Rich will go back to prison. It is significant that Weller probably knows all this, and knows the specific risk he is putting Rich in, and that Rich is a potential liability because he has much more to lose. But even knowing all that, he trusts him that much anyways. Whether Rich (rightly in my mind) blabs or not, it is meaningful to me that Weller went to him at all.
This is how a television show should navigate messy relationships, and the perils that come with protecting people against themselves. And it’s weird this show is Berlanti, and usually suffers from all of those shows’ faults in making the messes TOO messy, and no fun to watch. But this episode did everything perfectly. And to be blunt, most other television, Berlantiverse or not, doesn’t usually navigate those sorts of things as well as this episode did either. ****1/2.
Van Helsing “Outside World”
I had to push myself to watch tonight. I’m glad I did, but before the show I told myself, this is the last season I am watching over the air. For better or worse, just try to enjoy this episode. And then I remember I have never enjoyed a single episode of Van Helsing before, even the good ones, and I realize the impossible ask I made of myself.
And here’s the thing that told me ducking out next year was the right call. I asked myself “Wait, we aren’t REALLY going to spend the entire episode on the meathook, are we?” And of course, we ARE! Which is the precise reason I’m calling it quits.
There was some good drama in the meantime. About time Mohammed was saved. I would not have the aversion to traveling with Mohammed that Vanessa did with Scarlet. Scarlet was left behind because Vanessa was trying to outfox a prophecy. Which is a baller move. Mohammed has NO such dire straits attached to his potential companionship, and if he’s like all of the rest of the ex-vampires on the show, he still has an amazing healing factor which makes him nearly unkillable, and he also can never be turned again. That’s useful to have as a sidekick. I think Vanessa is fooling herself with her plan for Scarlet. In reality, Scarlet is going to escape, and probably have to kill Vanessa at some point. That’s what the show is building towards. But Mohammed can tag along with no drama, and very little actual risk to himself. One of the fascinating things to about this show is that the more of our heroes that are ex-vampires grow, the less actual danger they are in. Episodes with Doc, and Axel, and Flesh, and Julius all involve them saving the people around them. They themselves are never in real danger, or at least in more danger than any of the Daywalkers who seem nigh unkillable. The worst part of Sam becoming a vampire is that if Vanessa turns him back, he’ll still be crazy, just less overtly so, and unkillable to boot. She probably should have just killed him instead of leaving him to be turned. Everybody would have been better off.
I like the angels and devils on her shoulders. John, the rapist from season 1 was a no-brainer of a pick to come back, simply because even though he was Vanessa’s first human “kill”, and in hindsight it was a mistake, there is no way she ever regretted it. And his temptation to her involves admitting that. He’s got nothing. It would be super easy to admit. I would have admitted the same thing. I wouldn’t think I would have ENJOYED killing him and admitted that, but he had SUCH a killable face, I can’t say that with 100% certainty.
Julius as the angel and devil worked and didn’t work. His vampire self didn’t work just because as far as vampires on the show goes, Julius was always average. He is no Scab or Sam, or even Dmitri. But I liked him as the angel better because he is the first person Vanessa saved who was actually grateful for that fact. All things considered, Flesh probably would have been better off if someone had just killed him instead. He was THAT emotionally damaged by not only the experience, but what the experience revealed about himself. Similarly Doc was a coward, and didn’t really appreciate the gift it was because she didn’t have to suffer being a vampire under the worst of conditions. Julius was the first person who thanked her and meant it. And she’s spot-on as to why here: He’s a genuinely good person. He is probably the best person on the entire show. And I feel if anyone should be giving her the “You can save us all” speech it’s him. Which makes it puzzling why the show brought him back in his vampire form to finish the scene. It was less than it could have been because they did that.
Back to seeing deaf Sam, human, and in the wool cap. I think Vanessa’s justifications about what Sam’s motives used to be are probably a wee bit more complicated than she’s making him out to be. I don’t think Sam killed people because they were weak, and he was making them stronger or anything megalomaniac as that. It’s because he was crazy, and that was his outlet for it. He is not a grand, psychologically complex, Hannibal Lecter-type serial killer. He just loses control and kills people who hang around him for too long. Vanessa is attributing grand operatic notions to a guy who probably only kills people when he’s either frustrated, or horny, or both.
I like that the show is smart enough to bring back Dylan in vision form, because they can deal with the actress growing up by making it what Vanessa’s greatest wish was. I love when cr*p like that lines up. Walt on Lost never did.
It’s about time Mohammed was fixed. Now when he gets revenge on Sam, it will actually be righteous. Which is incredibly needed at this point in the series. Or maybe a season in the future that I’ll someday binge when I’m feeling up to it. As of now, it felt long overdue.
Good episode. But I won’t be back next year. ****.