"Mulholland Dr." Review (Major Spoilers)
Also reviews for the latest episodes of DC's Legends Of Tomorrow, Supergirl, Gotham, and Lucifer, the season finale of Marvel's Agent Carter, the latest episodes of Ultimate Spider-Man Vs. The Sinister 6, Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy, Star Wars Rebels, and The Lion Guard, the season finale of The Muppets, the latest episode of Sleepy Hollow, Grimm, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, the season (series?) finale of The Shannara Chronicles, and the latest episodes of Colony, You Me And The Apocalypse, and Blindspot.
Upcoming reviews include Avengers: Age Of Ultron (Blu-Ray), Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Season 2, Marvel's Agent Carter: Season 1, Ant-Man (Blu-Ray), The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Blu-Ray), X-Men: Days Of Future Past: The Rogue Cut, The Lion Guard: Revenge Of The Roar (DVD), Inside Out (Blu-Ray), The Good Dinosaur (Blu-Ray), Lego Star Wars: Droid Tales, Lego DC Comics Super Heroes: Justice League: Attack Of The Legion Of Doom, Lego DC Comics Super Heroes: Justice League: Cosmic Clash, Batman Unlimited: Monster Mayhem, Teen Titans Go!: House Pests, Batman: Bad Blood, Arrow: Season 3, The Flash: Season 1, Gotham: Season 1, iZombie: Season 1, Be Cool Scooby Doo!: Spooky Kooky Fun!, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies: Extended Edition, Airplane! / Airplane II: The Sequel: Double Feature, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Half-Shell Heroes: Blast To The Past, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 2, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Turbo: Volume 2, Power Rangers In Space Volume 1, Power Rangers In Space: Volume 2, Power Rangers Samurai: The Complete Season, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 1: Water, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 2: Earth, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 3: Fire, Haven: Season 5 - Vol. 1, Under The Dome: Season 3, Sleepy Hollow: Season 2, Doctor Who: Dark Water / Death In Heaven, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 2, The Jurassic Park Trilogy, Jurassic World, Back To The Future: The Complete Animated Series, Tremor 5: Bloodlines, Shaun The Sheep Movie (Blu-Ray), 12 Monkeys: Season 1, Grimm: Season 4, The Wonder Years: Season 4, The Peanuts Movie, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay: Part 2, Community: Season 6, and Game Of Thrones: Season 5.
DC's Legends Of Tomorrow "Marooned"
So sad Snart had to kill Rory, but I would like to congratulate the show for going through with it. A lesser show would have forgave and forgotten, and gone back to the status quo no matter what. And they really couldn't do that and play fair with the audience. I think the turning point for Rory was learning that Rip never wanted him, and that he only was aboard because he and Snart were a package deal. Which goes back into the idea that Snart is secretly amazing, and destined for great things. And Rory was obvious not.
Vash? I'm calling it: That is the most obscure Star Trek character I have ever heard referenced in popular culture. There aren't many Star Trek characters I would have squeed more at (other than Garak) but the writers of this show are proper nerds.
I kind of love how much Stein was enjoying the mission. He was probably enjoying it FAR more than he should have considering the actual stakes, but it was cute.
Ray not having a favorite color or Beatle is a quirk Ned Flanders would have. He likes plain flavored ice cream, and eats white bread with a glass of water on the side for dipping. Lame.
I love how the show will often have Rip discuss what a total threat Ray Palmer is, and then cut to him roleplaying Captain Kirk, or some other nonsense. Pretty much the only reason these guys are legends is because Rip bills them as such.
One last ride for the Scofield brothers. Rory will be missed. ****.
Supergirl "Solitude"
How is it that Laura Vandervoort does not warrant a "Special Guest Star" credit? She was freaking Supergirl! If Nicholle Tom ever appears on this show and they treat her this shabbily, I'll be p*ssed.
Why does Indigo look exactly like Mystique? It's not the blue skin or skintight costume I object to. It's the orange hair. It doesn't read any other way.
My favorite scene was Kara hugging Alex when she learned the truth. I loved that moment because it could have gone the other way, but Kara saw how much it was hurting Alex, and decided holding that grudge would be wrong. And she holds Hank's hand which was beyond sweet. I'll think they'll be able to repair their relationship.
Do you know who won't? Lucy and Jimmy. I could have told Kara not to share that watch story with Lucy, but Kara has always been astoundingly naive. Bummer.
Win hooking up with Tweedledee looks like it will be fun. But I still don't quite get why she needs to treat him so horribly. She's not Cat Grant. An assistant behaving this way is just foolish.
Speaking of Cat, how appalling is it that she has her assistants open her mail for fear of anthtrax? I don't know if she's jiving, and it's just a fear tactic to keep her employees afraid of her and in line, but it's appalling either way.
The climax with Supergirl and the missile was fun, and I liked how Indigo defeated Pacific Rim too.
I've always liked that Superman's key to the Fortress of Solitude is made from a dwarf star, and only he can lift it. Such an irresistible conceit, especially since he doesn't hide it.
Good episode overall. ****.
Gotham "Wrath Of The Villains: Mr. Freeze"
As far as the pronunciation of "Fries" goes, as in all things Batman, I am going to defer to Bruce Timm and Paul Dini's opinion on the subject. They basically created the modern Mr. Freeze. And dat's dat.
That pharmacist proves yet again that Gotham's number one export is total aholes. They are the city's number 1 precious natural resource.
B.D. Wong was amazing as Hugo Strange. I expected him to be, but he is even scarier than I thought. I thought they were just gonna go with creepy. Strange is literally alarming to me. How this guy doesn't set off alarm bells with people on the outside who have to do with the asylum is beyond me.
Anybody think it's weird we didn't see Barb upon Penguin's entrance into Arkham? I kind of think she should have been in that scene.
Butch continues to be the best character on the show. And Tigress is crazy: Drew Powell IS handsome. Sure, he's kind of hefty, but he makes it work. He's all kinds of fine.
Bad things? What are they trying to prove with Jim Gordon lying about murdering Galavan? His whole shtick since the Pilot is that he is the last honest cop. Why exactly should I be rooting for him to get away with it when he's basically walked away from everything he's ever claimed to stand for? Frankly, I hope Barnes finds him out and whatever happens, happens. I don't like what this show has done to Gordon, and maybe a little sunlight will be the best disinfectant for the character. He's supposed to be good, so I DON'T want him to get away with it.
This show continues to be good one week and terrible the next. This was a good week, all things considered. ***1/2.
Lucifer "Favorite Son"
Okay, the last scene of Linda and Lucifer was great, but all of the Linda stuff before that wasn't credible. At all. Linda would NOT be discussing Lucifer with another therapist for any reason. Because she's sleeping with him, and anyone who looked too closely into it could find out. And if it was another colleague? Idiotic.
Also, I find it VERY hard to believe Linda doesn't realize he's Satan. Why else would they have this crazy arrangement? What other explanation can there be for what is going on? Geez.
I love that the Biker wants a designer clothes line. Because I imagine that being a biker is sucky occupation, and I imagine many of them don't like doing it. That makes sense to me.
Lucifer's wings missing is a cool idea, and he actually lied by omission for the first time to Chloe here. And I have to wonder about the significance of the Russian dolls. Why are those the specific things stored with his wings? Are they important? Why? Those Russian Dolls raised far more questions than the wings did. I get why Lucifer wants the wings. Why does he have the dolls?
Outside of the Linda stuff, this was an interesting episode. But the Linda stuff was REALLY bad. ***.
Marvel's Agent Carter "Hollywood Ending"
Okay, the season won me back with that. It's still not a great season by any means, but I don't feel like I wasted 10 hours. It was "good enough".
Howard Stark reveals unforeseen levels of dirtbaggery. Playing along with Manfredi while he had a gun on Jarvis just shows that he is a total jerk. It would be one thing if he were a sociopath, and simply didn't care. It's the fact that he does, that makes his actions so abhorrent.
I love that they didn't kill off any of the heroes (save perhaps Jack, but I doubt he's dead) so the "Hollywood Ending" title fit. I cannot tell you how relieved I am Wilkes survived the season. They were hinting a couple of times in the past few weeks that his role would be to sacrifice himself, but that's frankly ALL of the good guy's shtick here, although Sousa is the one impolite enough to do it while they're talking.
Ana Jarvis holding no hard feelings towards Peggy shows that she is a saint, and also makes me realize again why she doesn't see Peggy as a threat. It's because of stuff like that is why Jarvis loves her so much. I think that is really refreshing. Female relationships are one of the most positive things about the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I don't see DC having their women act like grown-ups (Felicity Smoak excepted).
If this is the last episode, I'll be fine with that. Jack kind of deserved to die anyways. And I think on some level he knows that. He is so abashed by his actions he actually gets the sandwiches. He would not have done that in season 1.
But again, the episode felt like a good stopping point even if Jack is dead. I hope the show is renewed but I won't be devastated if it isn't. ****.
Ultimate Spider-Man Vs. The Sinister 6 "Miles From Home"
Excellent way to bring the Green Goblin back without compromising Norman Osborne's "happy" ending. I approve.
I really wish they had gotten Donald Glover back to voice Miles Morales.
I appreciated the fact that they allowed Miles to say a proper goodbye to his mother before he settled in on our Earth. I would have felt terrible if he hadn't gotten to do that.
Doc Ock's new design is going to take some getting used to. The old one was already repellant and this is about ten times that. Ick.
Good week. ****.
Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy "Crystal Blue Persuasion"
Eh. Never been a big fan of the Inhumans and I'm still ticked the cartoon brought Ronan back. And the giant slobbering dog and the wet baseball didn't help my distaste. *.
Star Wars Rebels "Shroud of Darkness"
Yoda is my least favorite Star Wars character, so I was a little bit shocked at how much that ruled. That opening scene knocked my socks off. And the Grand Inquisitor is the good guy in the Temple? What is the significance of that? I can't wait to find out.
Yoda's Rebels design is not as stylized as his Clone Wars design. I would have preferred if it were consistent.
Ashoka knows. She so, SO knows.
Is the Inquisitor simply trying to get in Kanan's head? Does Ezra truly have a path to the Dark Side? I would have laughed at the idea a year ago, but The Force Awakens pretty much means that all bets are off in this franchise. They could actually do that. And it worries me.
Great episode. ****1/2.
The Lion Guard "The Search For Utamu"
Can I just point something about Timon in the flashback? He is STILL a total user. Yeah, he was in the movie too, but the point of the movie was to have all of the characters grow and accept responsibilities. If he's just as big a dirtbag now as he was before he met Simba, we have a problem.
I might have actually forgiven it if they had shown Timon truly no longer cared about the grubs, and it was Bunga worth the remembrance. Except, we can't DO that because the idiot show gave him the grubs anyways. We can either have the grubs or a nice ending. We cannot have both.
Aggravating episode. *.
The Muppets "Generally Inhospitable"
There are not many consistent things in the universe, but I've found one truth that never changes: Willie Nelson makes everything better. Suddenly a four star episode is a five star episode. It's just that easy. Have him and the Muppets sing "On the Road Again" and it's instant greatness. Every time.
I like the idea that one of the ways Uncle Deadly handles Miss Piggy is by telling her the truth. And dadgummit, that's pretty much what he's been doing all season, and once we see how lame Kermit's lie is, I start to realize why Deadly is as great at his job as he is. He breaks the bad news others won't. He bravely takes the brunt that will come from it and makes HER a stronger person by doing so. He empowers her. It's really amazing to watch. I have never seen an assistant on TV quite as phenomenal and competent as Uncle Deadly. And he's a freaking puppet.
Wasn't wowed by Veterinarian's Hospital, but I think that was one of the very best reactions we've ever gotten of Beaker being hurt. So the classic bit ratio was 50/50.
Pepe as a snapdragon? I see it.
Karl doesn't have an idea about this. Shark Tank.
I think Miss Piggy discussing her slaughtered family kind of bummed me out much more than the situation called for. So while livestock breaking legs IS something that usually ends up with the animals dead, I don't want Miss Piggy talking about her family as if they went through the Holocaust. Because that simply isn't funny.
We haven't had enough Sweetums in this incarnation. This episode rectified that.
On The Road Again and Uncle Deadly make this a five star episode. *****.
The Muppets "Because... Love"
Uncle Deadly doesn't approve of Kermit! He doesn't think he's good enough for her! And he's kind of right. But when Piggy makes the decision, he accepts it without question, and offers to help like a grown-up. This show has always been billed as "adult". Well for the first time, I kind of got what they meant.
Kermit was all kinds of deplorable this episode, and sort of makes me realize that Piggy IS too good for him. And that is the first time that opinion crossed my mind. And I loved having it.
Frogs can drive? Kermit sings along to his own soundtrack in the car! Can I just point out how absolutely pathetic that is? It's about the same level of desperate as Dean Cain wearing a Superman T-shirt in public.
Mahna Mahna. Take that, Bruno Mars!
Rowlf at the beginning proves something about therapy dogs: They get something out of it. And probably more than you do. It is NOT altruism. Not at all. Dog lovers can portray dogs as unfailingly loyal and virtuous as a species, but the truth is they get free neck massages just because someone's a little bummed out. We think it's cats who have the power in human animal relationships? It's dogs. Because you aren't even aware of it. We know cats are sinister. But dogs are even moreso because we don't realize it. That goes with the territory for a species you walk behind picking up their cr*p. Who is the real owner here?
Strong season finale. ****1/2.
Transformers: Robots In Disguise "Overloaded, Part 2"
I'm glad they redeemed Optimus. It's not that he's wise that makes him a threat. It's that he's a master tactician, which is a VERY useful skillset that the other Autobots outside of Drift don't seem to possess. It's a VERY welcome skill for the team.
Second thing is that as toyetic as the all white vehicles were for action figure repaints, the truth is it was very hard to "read" the action on the screen when all of the characters and backgrounds were white. They did not think that through. ***.
Sleepy Hollow "Dark Mirror"
I can tell a white person wrote this episode. Because what Joe did in replacing the trailer was so far over the line that the writers don't even proper classify the sin. It's not just stealing. It's not overstepping boundaries. It's Joe having so much white privilege that he cannot see how insulting he is being by essentially telling a black woman her home isn't good enough. A black writer probably wouldn't have written this scenario, but if they had, the subtext would have definitely been made explicit. I am beyond p*ssed that this was played as a joke.
Crane's behavior was far more noble. When Abbie almost lets him die, he is actually concerned that he hurt her feelings earlier by classifying the symbol as evil. That's amazing to me, and shows that Crane is pretty much the best friend anyone could ever ask for. He had a right to be FURIOUS, but he puts Abbie first. Always. Frankly, Abbie deserves a friend as awesome as him. Because she reveals all of her sins at the end, even the ones that make her look bad. A lesser person, particularly one that is under a sinister symbol's control, would have simply brushed off that moment as a brain fart. But Abbie admits without pretense that she almost purposefully let Crane die because of the evil symbol. Both of these characters are amazing to me.
The monster of the week was interesting because we don't usually get one who can converse with the cast. That was kind of awesome, and I like that he and Crane used to know each other back in the day. The film projector was unbearably cool too, and I thought the Jersey's Devil gruesome manner of death was darkly hilarious.
I loved the Crane and Abbie stuff, HATED the Jenny and Joe stuff. ***1/2.
Grimm "Key Move"
Nick and Adalind? Gross. Everything else about the episode clicked. Super cool.
The numbers for the Keys don't add up. If there are only 7 of them and Nick has 5, why does Renard claim in season 2 the Royal Family had 3? Are those the keys Nick just got? If so, wouldn't the Royals be more heavily involved in these episodes? Or did the Royals simply lie to Sean about the number of keys they had? Or, gulp, have the writers simply lost control of the narrative? The third solution is possible, but I'm gonna go with number 2. There is no way the writers just effed up something that important. The show is bad, but it isn't THAT bad.
I'll undoubtedly have more to say next week, but that was excellent set-up for the 100th episode. ****1/2.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "Cheddar"
I loved the stuff between Pimento and Rosa, and the fact that Pimento attributed greater insight to Terry than was warranted. Pimento is going to be a great addition to the cast.
That whole possum thing made me cringe. Probably the grossest moment on the series, or at least since the stuff with the horny morgue attendant in season 1.
Amy being allergic to dogs will never get old.
I like that Jake is frustrated that Gina keeps telling him she's gonna total his car, but he ultimate accepts it because Holt finding out is worse. That was funny.
This entire episode was hilarious. ****.
The Shannara Chronicles "Ellcrys"
There is a classic scene in Family Guy where Chris Griffin and Karl the movie buff are discussing The Lord Of The Rings, and how the Eagles that rescue Frodo and Sam at the end of the third movie, should have simply taken them to Mordor in the first movie, and saved everybody a lot of grief. Karl's position is that that isn't what it's about, and it's about the quest. There is some truth in that. But Chris is also right that there is a hole in the story.
Multiple that times a hundred for this. If Amberlye IS the seed, and always has been, why did they even need to go on a quest? Couldn't Alanon simply have explained the situation to her, and trusted her to make a grown-up decision without putting the Four Kingdoms or her best friends in unnecessary danger? The idea that Amberlye is the seed means she should have walked straight into the Ellcrys in the second episode, and cut the season REAL short. And if Alanon always knew this, why did he send them on the quest in the first place?
I am curious who Eretraya saw and recognized at the end, but I'll tell you this: it will be a miracle if we ever learn. The series must cost a mint to make, and has given MTV record low ratings. It's not getting a second season. Bank on it.
I noticed one annoying thing about the battle sequences. Just when they start to get big, they cut away to something else. That is to save money of course, but Game of Thrones does about one big battle episode a year, and we always see the whole thing. They save up the budget for it. There was no reason this show couldn't have done the same thing in the finale.
Honestly, it's not so much as I'm disappointed in the episode, it's more like I'm disappointed in the genre. It seems all of the big fantasies secretly try to tell the reader / viewer that the quest is pointless. And that bums me out. **1/2.
Colony "From The Cold"
Wow, whatever respect I had for Quail evaporated in one hour. And I already had VERY little respect. I could actually almost forgive him ordering a hit on Katie because he suspected she was a traitor. But him becoming one himself makes that, and all of the people in other cells he's killed due to paranoia, seem absolutely pointless. He's killing people for fear of them not backing a cause he doesn't truly believe in himself. That's the most insidious thing.
I was very moved by Rachel telling Katie that she'd make sure that Quail would let her out of the Resistance, and would leave her and her family alone. Which just makes the fact that she and her kids were killed a thousand times worse.
Very cool we got to see the Factory for the first time. It IS an actual place (either on the moon or in a spaceship) and the people who go there aren't immediately executed. But what is up with getting sick being a death sentence? Is there a plague going around on that ship? If so, why aren't the other prisoners immediately quarantined when one of them starts coughing up blood?
Two interesting Snyder things:
1. We learn that Snyder uses a VERY light touch compared to the other Blocks, and that he is literally the only Block leader who does. And I remember him telling Will a couple weeks ago that he was the best he was going to get. And I finally realize he was right. I expect he will lose his power by the end of the season, and someone else will come in and take over in season two. The revelation that Snyder is a GOOD guy as far as fascists go demands it.
2. I love that Snyder doesn't accept Will or Bo's story for a second. It smells wrong. It doesn't add up. It tied up some loose ends, but Snyder is mad because they seemed a bit TOO tied up, and knows the scenario is b.s.. I like that Snyder is smart enough to get that something is wrong. Not every bad guy who has a hero working under him in genre is that self-aware. Sloane in particular on Alias seemed to accept an awful lot of Sydney Bristow's b.s. on blind faith. He's a bad guy, so you don't mind seeing him repeatedly punked, but it's refreshing that Snyder isn't actually dumb.
I've decided I REALLY like Bo. I always did (he's Carl Weathers, man!) but just the fact that he helped Will in that situation at great personal risk shows that just because he doesn't care about his job, it doesn't mean he doesn't care. Give him something worth fighting for, and he'll do it. I like that.
Next two weeks are gonna be killer. ****1/2.
You, Me, And The Apocalypse "Home Sweet Home"
This show just got deadly serious and it is all the better for it. Holy cow, was that great.
What I love about the idea of Jude being Jamie's father is that only the viewer and Celine know exactly how amazing Jude actually is. From Jamie's perspective, he has every right to hate him. Jude is SO into honesty, he admits he tried to pressure Mary into having an abortion. He basically told his kid every sin he committed against him, no matter how bad it made him look. Frankly, I'm a little bit amazed that Jamie doesn't consider that unusual. Even by a priest's standards, that is pretty much the definition of selfless.
Diana Rigg. Love her. Love to hate her. So much goodness is coming I can't stand it.
I like Dave's perspective that maybe it's okay that Mary's death is a joke. Everybody is in the same boat, and it might be a coping mechanism. Plus, she gets "a fuss" (sort of) made of her, which is more than the rest of the world will get. How does death compare when every other person is going to die in 19 days anyways?
Arnold breaking up with Scotty was also amazing. In any other scenario, it would be appalling. Him trying to keep his hands clean and save his career. But the fact is that President is SO sinister that Arnold needs at least ONE of them there to stop him from turning the bunker into a harem. It is super creepy what the President is doing, and I think if Jamie is the son of God, maybe the President is the anti-Christ.
Or maybe it's Ariel. I cannot tell. I hate him and think he's a bad person, but I think the world is going to be stuck with him.
Oh, my God. We are living in a golden age of television when something this amazing isn't even the best show on the air. I would have killed to have these viewing options growing up. *****.
Blindspot "Cease Forcing Enemy"
Love me some Jon Hodgeman. Here is the interesting thing: even if he has ulterior motives, he is not wrong for wanting to suspend Patterson and take down Mayfair. Both of those agents (particularly Mayfair) are out of control. And once he sees how valuable Patterson is he backs off firing her. But he wasn't wrong to do it is the first place.
The case this week was amazing, and about as likely as an average episode of Prison Break. At some point, the bad guys should have been shooting our heroes as hostages. They killed a guy we didn't know immediately, and if they were going to show they were as cold-hearted as that, it would have made more sense for them to kill the FBI team long before they tried to. Did they even need a video for that particular plan? No. The only reason is because the writers wanted to give them a reason to keep them alive. And it was a pretty lousy reason.
Interesting that Jane IS Taylor Shaw. But that doesn't explain the DNA discrepancies. And now I wish Weller had shared that with Jane so she could get some answers about it. Since she isn't even aware it is an issue, she can't.
Above average episode. ****.
Mulholland Dr.
First things first. I cannot properly review that movie. The best I can do is deconstruct it and call b.s. on David Lynch whenever he deserves it.
Here is my interpretation:
There is no answer. David Lynch purposefully constructed a labyrinthian mystery with no solution. He threw everything at the wall to see what would stick. I have a feeling if this had continued as a TV series, Lynch might have put in the effort to construct an actual mystery like Twin Peaks, but the situation is what it is, and ABC still sucks a decade later. What interests Lynch aren't the answers. Good thing because there aren't any. What he's interested in is getting the viewer to come up with them themselves.
Most people's interpretations are that the first two-thirds of the movie are the dream, and the last third the harsh, sucky reality. I am not as big of a David Lynchophile as I should be for a Peaks Freak (still haven't seen Blue Velvet, Wild At Heart, Inland Empire, or Eraserhead; hate me) but one thing I've gotten from what I HAVE seen, is that the dude isn't actually cynical. I do not think the movie is as simple as Diane waking up in a sucky reality and that the rest was b.s.. That doesn't ring true to me.
Besides, a LOT of Universe A deals with other characters outside of Betty and Rita, so that hints that that is real because a universe that ONLY focuses on one person's perspective, is more likely to be the dream.
But it also doesn't ring true that the last third is the dream either. Because there are plenty of clues of Diane waking up, including the Cowboy stating exactly that. Both stories have an equal shot of being the real one. Which is it?
Watching this again, I kind of think they both are. I'm just going to take what Lynch showed me at face value, and straight up say that this is an actual science fiction movie, and what I saw was the end of one universe and the beginning of another. And The Cowboy is God. The blue box of infinite blackness is the key to this interpretation. It also does not diminish Betty and Rita's grief at the performance near the end. They are crying for a reason. The universe is about to go away and split them apart. And the box made them aware of this.
But can I just take a moment to say how much I actually dislike the last third of the picture? It has a super hot sex scene between Laura Harring and Naomi Watts, but once that's done, I kind of think the movie is pretty much over from a narrative standpoint. All the new universe does is piggyback on the original's back. If it was giving us new concepts as cool as the Cowboy itself I'd tolerate it, but it is clearly the B universe and Lynch treats it as such.
But the A universe gives me a lot to chew on. Let's talk about some of that.
Chad Everett is the luckiest guy in the universe for getting to make out with Naomi Watts like that. And yes, I know he's currently dead. It's still true.
The movie employed quite a few future Bad Robot actors. Justin Theroux and Melissa George were on Alias, and Mark Pelligrino and Patrick Fishler had stints on Lost. ABC already was pretty much dipping into the same talent pool at this point.
Patrick Fishler's scene talking about going to the cafe he dreamed was scary as heck, but I also didn't believe it. If I had a recurring dream about a horrible man at a specific place I had never been, I certainly wouldn't ever go there, and I can't think of anybody who would. But as unlikely as the premise was, I'll give props for Lynch constructing a great "horrible man". "He" was worse than anything I could have pictured.
The scene of Betty getting off at the airport was exceedingly badly written and performed. I just want to point it out. As great as Lynch is, he's not always the best at minutia.
Case in point: the Espresso joke. It doesn't work at all. Lynch oftentimes can wring great humor out of obsessing about a stupid object or food, but this doesn't work because an Espresso is too modern of a creation to actually be funny. The jokes about pie and coffee in Twin Peaks were much more relatable because they were more universal. I know the "Little. Pine. Wee-sal," wasn't actually Lynch's idea, but that's about how funny the espresso is.
That smiling old couple frightened me, and even more-so at the end. I'm not sleeping that off.
The Cowboy is amazing. What I especially love about him is that as creepy and menacing as he is to the viewer, Adam thinks he's a complete joke, and treats him as such. The expression on Theroux's face when he learned he had a meeting with a dude called "The Cowboy" was probably the funniest thing in the movie. I love the Cowboy's warning: If Adam does good, he'll see him once more. If he does bad, he'll see him twice more. That is the perfect kind of riddle that Lynch can construct that fires up the imagination, but probably didn't take a lot out of him to write. He has a gift for stuff like that, and if it took him longer than five minutes to come up with that line, I'd be surprised. And yet what it can possibly mean will be in my thoughts for days.
The scene of Mark Pellgrino accidentally shooting a woman through the wall while botching a murder staged as a suicide was something Tarantino would do. That's Marvin in Pulp Fiction. Lynch does NOT get enough credit for the relatability of his humor. His projects are much more accessible to the average viewer than his weird reputations suggests. Everybody gets that scene. Everybody gets why that's funny. Lynch is great at stuff like that.
Somehow Billy Ray Cyrus playing a dirtbag does not seem to be too much of a stretch.
I think one scene that really had me thinking was the scene where Adam comes home and upon finding his wife in bed with Billy Ray Joe Dirt, takes her jewelry to the garage and pours pink paint over it. That was fabulous, but it raised many questions for me. Is Adam too dumb to realize he isn't actually destroying the jewelry by doing that? His wife washes it off before the paints dries, and it's fine. Jewelry's whole selling point is that it's sturdy. All his actions do is cover him in ridiculous pink paint for the rest of the universe. About that pink paint: what exactly was in Adam's house that he was painting in that color, and why did he need a whole bucket of it? This would normally be considered a plot hole from any other director. But because it is Lynch, the notion is funny.
I think another laughable thing for me (which Lynch might NOT have intended to be funny) was Rita opening her purse and discovering a ridiculously obscene amount of money (all in hundred dollar bills no less!). As a mystery goes, that's a great idea. As far as the narrative we have seen, not so much. That amount of cash on anyone would make the person carrying it extremely nervous. I mean sweating bullets. And that isn't Rita in her first scene at all. She actually seems a bit more petulant than somebody carrying that amount of money around with two guys she doesn't seem to trust would ever be, especially since she isn't apparently armed, and is dressed so skimpy. So there are two theories here: 1. Rita doesn't know that the purse contains the money. 2. Lynch is not interested in an actual human reaction in that moment, and just wants another curveball to throw at the viewer. I'd like to think it's the first scenario, but I don't. I think this was a rare case of Lynch actually letting me down. He's usually much better at character moments than that.
Naomi Watts was great in both roles, but she shines as Betty. There is a great empathy to the character that I have an hard time picturing another actress pulling off in the exact same scenario. I don't buy the idea of somebody going along with the idea of a stranger in their house, but because Watts makes Betty so empathetic, it makes sense for the character and is fascinating to watch. And it turns into a love story so gradually, and yet still so unexpectedly, that there is no question I'm Team Universe A.
I love most of this movie, but once the box spins, Vincent D'Offrio has just been killed in Full Metal Jacket. We can all go home now. But I won't hold that against most of the movie. ****1/2.
Interviews:
Interviews with the cast and crew for The Criterion Collection. Overall: *****.
David Lynch And Naomi Watts: It is hard to believe Watts was a failing actress before this project, but the fact is I had seen her in nothing before it, and now she's everywhere. And I kind of get why she consented to the nude scenes she did. From what I read back in the day she hated doing them, but now she's proud they are captured on celluloid. She should be. She looks great and Lynch made sure she did. The ABC network executive sounds like a piece of work and why that era of ABC television was so bad. I love the idea that the guy playing the Cowboy couldn't memorize his lines and needed cue cards. Another example of how giving a director Lynch is. Another director simply would have fired him and cast someone else. Angelo Badalamenti and Lynch's process has always amazed me. They come up with some phenomenal music simply by talking it out. It is hard to believe a piece as beautiful as Laura Palmer's Theme was created entirely by conversation but that is their process. The idea that Badalamenti was instantly able to combine both themes that Lynch wanted in his head for this movie show exactly how gifted at this he is. I don't ever hear of other composers doing that. Ever. Not John Williams, not Danny Elfman. They create great music. Badalamenti actually has greatness inside him too. *****.
Laura Harring, Johanna Ray, Justin Theroux, And Naomi Watts: This pretty much launched Harring and Watts overnight. I loved hearing Theroux talk about what a disaster Monty Montgomery seemed as the Cowboy while Lynch insisted the footage was great. And he was right. One of the best scenes in the movie and I don't even think it's badly acted by the Cowboy. It's just weird. But he actually had to tape his lines to Theroux's face and body. That's insane. And Theroux pretty much proves how bad ABC networks execs are at their jobs by going through David Lynch dailies as if they were the finished product. That's not how the dude works, and if someone is too dumb to get that, they shouldn't be wanting to hire him in the first place. They want all of the critical acclaim without putting in any of the work. Theroux also has geek cred in that he wrote one of the Iron Man movies (2). It's the worst one, but still. How crazy is it that Lynch casts almost exclusively by picking out head shots? Why that has never come back to bite him is something I will never know, but that is absolutely insane. And he's always made it work (so far). I love that Laura Harring had a car accident on the way to her audition, and gave looks similar to Rita's in the limo when hearing the theme for the first time. Crap like that ALWAYS seems to line up on Lynch projects. *****.
Angelo Badalamenti: "Peachy keen. That's the ticket." Those words are the greenlight for David Lynch. It is so hard to believe this guy hated music as a kid and had to study and practice for years to pick up a talent for it. Because nowadays he's a pure genius. I loved the story of Ossie Davies hiring him for Gordon's War even though he wasn't a brother. But as Badalamenti pointed out, that as a Sicilian, he was at least a cousin. I laughed at that. *****.
Peter Deming And Jack Fisk: David Lynch loves red drapes. I remember On The Air. Great show. Shame it was canceled after three episodes. ABC sucks. Speaking of which, can you believe they had the audacity to suggest to shoot a show CALLED "Mulholland Drive" in CANADA? Stuff like this is why I'm glad the new Twin Peaks is on Showtime. Speaking of which, we got a little hint about that in this interview too. ****.
Deleted Scene: Int: Hollywood Police Station - Day:
Isn't it amazing how Lynch got such a huge actor as Robert Forster to play such a small role in a single scene? Well, it was apparently because the role was going to be expanded in the TV series. This deleted scene seems to be the only cut thing from the TV Pilot that Lynch is willing to share with us and doesn't seem embarrassed by. I'll take it. ****.
On-Set Footage:
Naomi Watts appears to be having a mini-meltdown in the diner. Angelo Badalamenti again discusses how rare it is for film directors to have the composers score the music first the way Lynch does. And the original line for Adam at the end was "Camilla and I... are going to be... married." They cut off the last word in the film. ****.
Trailer:
You can't exactly do this film justice in a trailer, but it's intriguing and that's good. Plus they hype the Blue Velvet / Twin Peaks pedigree so we know who the movie is for. ****1/2.
Blu-Ray Menu: Spooky. ****.
Upcoming reviews include Avengers: Age Of Ultron (Blu-Ray), Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Season 2, Marvel's Agent Carter: Season 1, Ant-Man (Blu-Ray), The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Blu-Ray), X-Men: Days Of Future Past: The Rogue Cut, The Lion Guard: Revenge Of The Roar (DVD), Inside Out (Blu-Ray), The Good Dinosaur (Blu-Ray), Lego Star Wars: Droid Tales, Lego DC Comics Super Heroes: Justice League: Attack Of The Legion Of Doom, Lego DC Comics Super Heroes: Justice League: Cosmic Clash, Batman Unlimited: Monster Mayhem, Teen Titans Go!: House Pests, Batman: Bad Blood, Arrow: Season 3, The Flash: Season 1, Gotham: Season 1, iZombie: Season 1, Be Cool Scooby Doo!: Spooky Kooky Fun!, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies: Extended Edition, Airplane! / Airplane II: The Sequel: Double Feature, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Half-Shell Heroes: Blast To The Past, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 2, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Turbo: Volume 2, Power Rangers In Space Volume 1, Power Rangers In Space: Volume 2, Power Rangers Samurai: The Complete Season, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 1: Water, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 2: Earth, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 3: Fire, Haven: Season 5 - Vol. 1, Under The Dome: Season 3, Sleepy Hollow: Season 2, Doctor Who: Dark Water / Death In Heaven, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 2, The Jurassic Park Trilogy, Jurassic World, Back To The Future: The Complete Animated Series, Tremor 5: Bloodlines, Shaun The Sheep Movie (Blu-Ray), 12 Monkeys: Season 1, Grimm: Season 4, The Wonder Years: Season 4, The Peanuts Movie, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay: Part 2, Community: Season 6, and Game Of Thrones: Season 5.
DC's Legends Of Tomorrow "Marooned"
So sad Snart had to kill Rory, but I would like to congratulate the show for going through with it. A lesser show would have forgave and forgotten, and gone back to the status quo no matter what. And they really couldn't do that and play fair with the audience. I think the turning point for Rory was learning that Rip never wanted him, and that he only was aboard because he and Snart were a package deal. Which goes back into the idea that Snart is secretly amazing, and destined for great things. And Rory was obvious not.
Vash? I'm calling it: That is the most obscure Star Trek character I have ever heard referenced in popular culture. There aren't many Star Trek characters I would have squeed more at (other than Garak) but the writers of this show are proper nerds.
I kind of love how much Stein was enjoying the mission. He was probably enjoying it FAR more than he should have considering the actual stakes, but it was cute.
Ray not having a favorite color or Beatle is a quirk Ned Flanders would have. He likes plain flavored ice cream, and eats white bread with a glass of water on the side for dipping. Lame.
I love how the show will often have Rip discuss what a total threat Ray Palmer is, and then cut to him roleplaying Captain Kirk, or some other nonsense. Pretty much the only reason these guys are legends is because Rip bills them as such.
One last ride for the Scofield brothers. Rory will be missed. ****.
Supergirl "Solitude"
How is it that Laura Vandervoort does not warrant a "Special Guest Star" credit? She was freaking Supergirl! If Nicholle Tom ever appears on this show and they treat her this shabbily, I'll be p*ssed.
Why does Indigo look exactly like Mystique? It's not the blue skin or skintight costume I object to. It's the orange hair. It doesn't read any other way.
My favorite scene was Kara hugging Alex when she learned the truth. I loved that moment because it could have gone the other way, but Kara saw how much it was hurting Alex, and decided holding that grudge would be wrong. And she holds Hank's hand which was beyond sweet. I'll think they'll be able to repair their relationship.
Do you know who won't? Lucy and Jimmy. I could have told Kara not to share that watch story with Lucy, but Kara has always been astoundingly naive. Bummer.
Win hooking up with Tweedledee looks like it will be fun. But I still don't quite get why she needs to treat him so horribly. She's not Cat Grant. An assistant behaving this way is just foolish.
Speaking of Cat, how appalling is it that she has her assistants open her mail for fear of anthtrax? I don't know if she's jiving, and it's just a fear tactic to keep her employees afraid of her and in line, but it's appalling either way.
The climax with Supergirl and the missile was fun, and I liked how Indigo defeated Pacific Rim too.
I've always liked that Superman's key to the Fortress of Solitude is made from a dwarf star, and only he can lift it. Such an irresistible conceit, especially since he doesn't hide it.
Good episode overall. ****.
Gotham "Wrath Of The Villains: Mr. Freeze"
As far as the pronunciation of "Fries" goes, as in all things Batman, I am going to defer to Bruce Timm and Paul Dini's opinion on the subject. They basically created the modern Mr. Freeze. And dat's dat.
That pharmacist proves yet again that Gotham's number one export is total aholes. They are the city's number 1 precious natural resource.
B.D. Wong was amazing as Hugo Strange. I expected him to be, but he is even scarier than I thought. I thought they were just gonna go with creepy. Strange is literally alarming to me. How this guy doesn't set off alarm bells with people on the outside who have to do with the asylum is beyond me.
Anybody think it's weird we didn't see Barb upon Penguin's entrance into Arkham? I kind of think she should have been in that scene.
Butch continues to be the best character on the show. And Tigress is crazy: Drew Powell IS handsome. Sure, he's kind of hefty, but he makes it work. He's all kinds of fine.
Bad things? What are they trying to prove with Jim Gordon lying about murdering Galavan? His whole shtick since the Pilot is that he is the last honest cop. Why exactly should I be rooting for him to get away with it when he's basically walked away from everything he's ever claimed to stand for? Frankly, I hope Barnes finds him out and whatever happens, happens. I don't like what this show has done to Gordon, and maybe a little sunlight will be the best disinfectant for the character. He's supposed to be good, so I DON'T want him to get away with it.
This show continues to be good one week and terrible the next. This was a good week, all things considered. ***1/2.
Lucifer "Favorite Son"
Okay, the last scene of Linda and Lucifer was great, but all of the Linda stuff before that wasn't credible. At all. Linda would NOT be discussing Lucifer with another therapist for any reason. Because she's sleeping with him, and anyone who looked too closely into it could find out. And if it was another colleague? Idiotic.
Also, I find it VERY hard to believe Linda doesn't realize he's Satan. Why else would they have this crazy arrangement? What other explanation can there be for what is going on? Geez.
I love that the Biker wants a designer clothes line. Because I imagine that being a biker is sucky occupation, and I imagine many of them don't like doing it. That makes sense to me.
Lucifer's wings missing is a cool idea, and he actually lied by omission for the first time to Chloe here. And I have to wonder about the significance of the Russian dolls. Why are those the specific things stored with his wings? Are they important? Why? Those Russian Dolls raised far more questions than the wings did. I get why Lucifer wants the wings. Why does he have the dolls?
Outside of the Linda stuff, this was an interesting episode. But the Linda stuff was REALLY bad. ***.
Marvel's Agent Carter "Hollywood Ending"
Okay, the season won me back with that. It's still not a great season by any means, but I don't feel like I wasted 10 hours. It was "good enough".
Howard Stark reveals unforeseen levels of dirtbaggery. Playing along with Manfredi while he had a gun on Jarvis just shows that he is a total jerk. It would be one thing if he were a sociopath, and simply didn't care. It's the fact that he does, that makes his actions so abhorrent.
I love that they didn't kill off any of the heroes (save perhaps Jack, but I doubt he's dead) so the "Hollywood Ending" title fit. I cannot tell you how relieved I am Wilkes survived the season. They were hinting a couple of times in the past few weeks that his role would be to sacrifice himself, but that's frankly ALL of the good guy's shtick here, although Sousa is the one impolite enough to do it while they're talking.
Ana Jarvis holding no hard feelings towards Peggy shows that she is a saint, and also makes me realize again why she doesn't see Peggy as a threat. It's because of stuff like that is why Jarvis loves her so much. I think that is really refreshing. Female relationships are one of the most positive things about the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I don't see DC having their women act like grown-ups (Felicity Smoak excepted).
If this is the last episode, I'll be fine with that. Jack kind of deserved to die anyways. And I think on some level he knows that. He is so abashed by his actions he actually gets the sandwiches. He would not have done that in season 1.
But again, the episode felt like a good stopping point even if Jack is dead. I hope the show is renewed but I won't be devastated if it isn't. ****.
Ultimate Spider-Man Vs. The Sinister 6 "Miles From Home"
Excellent way to bring the Green Goblin back without compromising Norman Osborne's "happy" ending. I approve.
I really wish they had gotten Donald Glover back to voice Miles Morales.
I appreciated the fact that they allowed Miles to say a proper goodbye to his mother before he settled in on our Earth. I would have felt terrible if he hadn't gotten to do that.
Doc Ock's new design is going to take some getting used to. The old one was already repellant and this is about ten times that. Ick.
Good week. ****.
Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy "Crystal Blue Persuasion"
Eh. Never been a big fan of the Inhumans and I'm still ticked the cartoon brought Ronan back. And the giant slobbering dog and the wet baseball didn't help my distaste. *.
Star Wars Rebels "Shroud of Darkness"
Yoda is my least favorite Star Wars character, so I was a little bit shocked at how much that ruled. That opening scene knocked my socks off. And the Grand Inquisitor is the good guy in the Temple? What is the significance of that? I can't wait to find out.
Yoda's Rebels design is not as stylized as his Clone Wars design. I would have preferred if it were consistent.
Ashoka knows. She so, SO knows.
Is the Inquisitor simply trying to get in Kanan's head? Does Ezra truly have a path to the Dark Side? I would have laughed at the idea a year ago, but The Force Awakens pretty much means that all bets are off in this franchise. They could actually do that. And it worries me.
Great episode. ****1/2.
The Lion Guard "The Search For Utamu"
Can I just point something about Timon in the flashback? He is STILL a total user. Yeah, he was in the movie too, but the point of the movie was to have all of the characters grow and accept responsibilities. If he's just as big a dirtbag now as he was before he met Simba, we have a problem.
I might have actually forgiven it if they had shown Timon truly no longer cared about the grubs, and it was Bunga worth the remembrance. Except, we can't DO that because the idiot show gave him the grubs anyways. We can either have the grubs or a nice ending. We cannot have both.
Aggravating episode. *.
The Muppets "Generally Inhospitable"
There are not many consistent things in the universe, but I've found one truth that never changes: Willie Nelson makes everything better. Suddenly a four star episode is a five star episode. It's just that easy. Have him and the Muppets sing "On the Road Again" and it's instant greatness. Every time.
I like the idea that one of the ways Uncle Deadly handles Miss Piggy is by telling her the truth. And dadgummit, that's pretty much what he's been doing all season, and once we see how lame Kermit's lie is, I start to realize why Deadly is as great at his job as he is. He breaks the bad news others won't. He bravely takes the brunt that will come from it and makes HER a stronger person by doing so. He empowers her. It's really amazing to watch. I have never seen an assistant on TV quite as phenomenal and competent as Uncle Deadly. And he's a freaking puppet.
Wasn't wowed by Veterinarian's Hospital, but I think that was one of the very best reactions we've ever gotten of Beaker being hurt. So the classic bit ratio was 50/50.
Pepe as a snapdragon? I see it.
Karl doesn't have an idea about this. Shark Tank.
I think Miss Piggy discussing her slaughtered family kind of bummed me out much more than the situation called for. So while livestock breaking legs IS something that usually ends up with the animals dead, I don't want Miss Piggy talking about her family as if they went through the Holocaust. Because that simply isn't funny.
We haven't had enough Sweetums in this incarnation. This episode rectified that.
On The Road Again and Uncle Deadly make this a five star episode. *****.
The Muppets "Because... Love"
Uncle Deadly doesn't approve of Kermit! He doesn't think he's good enough for her! And he's kind of right. But when Piggy makes the decision, he accepts it without question, and offers to help like a grown-up. This show has always been billed as "adult". Well for the first time, I kind of got what they meant.
Kermit was all kinds of deplorable this episode, and sort of makes me realize that Piggy IS too good for him. And that is the first time that opinion crossed my mind. And I loved having it.
Frogs can drive? Kermit sings along to his own soundtrack in the car! Can I just point out how absolutely pathetic that is? It's about the same level of desperate as Dean Cain wearing a Superman T-shirt in public.
Mahna Mahna. Take that, Bruno Mars!
Rowlf at the beginning proves something about therapy dogs: They get something out of it. And probably more than you do. It is NOT altruism. Not at all. Dog lovers can portray dogs as unfailingly loyal and virtuous as a species, but the truth is they get free neck massages just because someone's a little bummed out. We think it's cats who have the power in human animal relationships? It's dogs. Because you aren't even aware of it. We know cats are sinister. But dogs are even moreso because we don't realize it. That goes with the territory for a species you walk behind picking up their cr*p. Who is the real owner here?
Strong season finale. ****1/2.
Transformers: Robots In Disguise "Overloaded, Part 2"
I'm glad they redeemed Optimus. It's not that he's wise that makes him a threat. It's that he's a master tactician, which is a VERY useful skillset that the other Autobots outside of Drift don't seem to possess. It's a VERY welcome skill for the team.
Second thing is that as toyetic as the all white vehicles were for action figure repaints, the truth is it was very hard to "read" the action on the screen when all of the characters and backgrounds were white. They did not think that through. ***.
Sleepy Hollow "Dark Mirror"
I can tell a white person wrote this episode. Because what Joe did in replacing the trailer was so far over the line that the writers don't even proper classify the sin. It's not just stealing. It's not overstepping boundaries. It's Joe having so much white privilege that he cannot see how insulting he is being by essentially telling a black woman her home isn't good enough. A black writer probably wouldn't have written this scenario, but if they had, the subtext would have definitely been made explicit. I am beyond p*ssed that this was played as a joke.
Crane's behavior was far more noble. When Abbie almost lets him die, he is actually concerned that he hurt her feelings earlier by classifying the symbol as evil. That's amazing to me, and shows that Crane is pretty much the best friend anyone could ever ask for. He had a right to be FURIOUS, but he puts Abbie first. Always. Frankly, Abbie deserves a friend as awesome as him. Because she reveals all of her sins at the end, even the ones that make her look bad. A lesser person, particularly one that is under a sinister symbol's control, would have simply brushed off that moment as a brain fart. But Abbie admits without pretense that she almost purposefully let Crane die because of the evil symbol. Both of these characters are amazing to me.
The monster of the week was interesting because we don't usually get one who can converse with the cast. That was kind of awesome, and I like that he and Crane used to know each other back in the day. The film projector was unbearably cool too, and I thought the Jersey's Devil gruesome manner of death was darkly hilarious.
I loved the Crane and Abbie stuff, HATED the Jenny and Joe stuff. ***1/2.
Grimm "Key Move"
Nick and Adalind? Gross. Everything else about the episode clicked. Super cool.
The numbers for the Keys don't add up. If there are only 7 of them and Nick has 5, why does Renard claim in season 2 the Royal Family had 3? Are those the keys Nick just got? If so, wouldn't the Royals be more heavily involved in these episodes? Or did the Royals simply lie to Sean about the number of keys they had? Or, gulp, have the writers simply lost control of the narrative? The third solution is possible, but I'm gonna go with number 2. There is no way the writers just effed up something that important. The show is bad, but it isn't THAT bad.
I'll undoubtedly have more to say next week, but that was excellent set-up for the 100th episode. ****1/2.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "Cheddar"
I loved the stuff between Pimento and Rosa, and the fact that Pimento attributed greater insight to Terry than was warranted. Pimento is going to be a great addition to the cast.
That whole possum thing made me cringe. Probably the grossest moment on the series, or at least since the stuff with the horny morgue attendant in season 1.
Amy being allergic to dogs will never get old.
I like that Jake is frustrated that Gina keeps telling him she's gonna total his car, but he ultimate accepts it because Holt finding out is worse. That was funny.
This entire episode was hilarious. ****.
The Shannara Chronicles "Ellcrys"
There is a classic scene in Family Guy where Chris Griffin and Karl the movie buff are discussing The Lord Of The Rings, and how the Eagles that rescue Frodo and Sam at the end of the third movie, should have simply taken them to Mordor in the first movie, and saved everybody a lot of grief. Karl's position is that that isn't what it's about, and it's about the quest. There is some truth in that. But Chris is also right that there is a hole in the story.
Multiple that times a hundred for this. If Amberlye IS the seed, and always has been, why did they even need to go on a quest? Couldn't Alanon simply have explained the situation to her, and trusted her to make a grown-up decision without putting the Four Kingdoms or her best friends in unnecessary danger? The idea that Amberlye is the seed means she should have walked straight into the Ellcrys in the second episode, and cut the season REAL short. And if Alanon always knew this, why did he send them on the quest in the first place?
I am curious who Eretraya saw and recognized at the end, but I'll tell you this: it will be a miracle if we ever learn. The series must cost a mint to make, and has given MTV record low ratings. It's not getting a second season. Bank on it.
I noticed one annoying thing about the battle sequences. Just when they start to get big, they cut away to something else. That is to save money of course, but Game of Thrones does about one big battle episode a year, and we always see the whole thing. They save up the budget for it. There was no reason this show couldn't have done the same thing in the finale.
Honestly, it's not so much as I'm disappointed in the episode, it's more like I'm disappointed in the genre. It seems all of the big fantasies secretly try to tell the reader / viewer that the quest is pointless. And that bums me out. **1/2.
Colony "From The Cold"
Wow, whatever respect I had for Quail evaporated in one hour. And I already had VERY little respect. I could actually almost forgive him ordering a hit on Katie because he suspected she was a traitor. But him becoming one himself makes that, and all of the people in other cells he's killed due to paranoia, seem absolutely pointless. He's killing people for fear of them not backing a cause he doesn't truly believe in himself. That's the most insidious thing.
I was very moved by Rachel telling Katie that she'd make sure that Quail would let her out of the Resistance, and would leave her and her family alone. Which just makes the fact that she and her kids were killed a thousand times worse.
Very cool we got to see the Factory for the first time. It IS an actual place (either on the moon or in a spaceship) and the people who go there aren't immediately executed. But what is up with getting sick being a death sentence? Is there a plague going around on that ship? If so, why aren't the other prisoners immediately quarantined when one of them starts coughing up blood?
Two interesting Snyder things:
1. We learn that Snyder uses a VERY light touch compared to the other Blocks, and that he is literally the only Block leader who does. And I remember him telling Will a couple weeks ago that he was the best he was going to get. And I finally realize he was right. I expect he will lose his power by the end of the season, and someone else will come in and take over in season two. The revelation that Snyder is a GOOD guy as far as fascists go demands it.
2. I love that Snyder doesn't accept Will or Bo's story for a second. It smells wrong. It doesn't add up. It tied up some loose ends, but Snyder is mad because they seemed a bit TOO tied up, and knows the scenario is b.s.. I like that Snyder is smart enough to get that something is wrong. Not every bad guy who has a hero working under him in genre is that self-aware. Sloane in particular on Alias seemed to accept an awful lot of Sydney Bristow's b.s. on blind faith. He's a bad guy, so you don't mind seeing him repeatedly punked, but it's refreshing that Snyder isn't actually dumb.
I've decided I REALLY like Bo. I always did (he's Carl Weathers, man!) but just the fact that he helped Will in that situation at great personal risk shows that just because he doesn't care about his job, it doesn't mean he doesn't care. Give him something worth fighting for, and he'll do it. I like that.
Next two weeks are gonna be killer. ****1/2.
You, Me, And The Apocalypse "Home Sweet Home"
This show just got deadly serious and it is all the better for it. Holy cow, was that great.
What I love about the idea of Jude being Jamie's father is that only the viewer and Celine know exactly how amazing Jude actually is. From Jamie's perspective, he has every right to hate him. Jude is SO into honesty, he admits he tried to pressure Mary into having an abortion. He basically told his kid every sin he committed against him, no matter how bad it made him look. Frankly, I'm a little bit amazed that Jamie doesn't consider that unusual. Even by a priest's standards, that is pretty much the definition of selfless.
Diana Rigg. Love her. Love to hate her. So much goodness is coming I can't stand it.
I like Dave's perspective that maybe it's okay that Mary's death is a joke. Everybody is in the same boat, and it might be a coping mechanism. Plus, she gets "a fuss" (sort of) made of her, which is more than the rest of the world will get. How does death compare when every other person is going to die in 19 days anyways?
Arnold breaking up with Scotty was also amazing. In any other scenario, it would be appalling. Him trying to keep his hands clean and save his career. But the fact is that President is SO sinister that Arnold needs at least ONE of them there to stop him from turning the bunker into a harem. It is super creepy what the President is doing, and I think if Jamie is the son of God, maybe the President is the anti-Christ.
Or maybe it's Ariel. I cannot tell. I hate him and think he's a bad person, but I think the world is going to be stuck with him.
Oh, my God. We are living in a golden age of television when something this amazing isn't even the best show on the air. I would have killed to have these viewing options growing up. *****.
Blindspot "Cease Forcing Enemy"
Love me some Jon Hodgeman. Here is the interesting thing: even if he has ulterior motives, he is not wrong for wanting to suspend Patterson and take down Mayfair. Both of those agents (particularly Mayfair) are out of control. And once he sees how valuable Patterson is he backs off firing her. But he wasn't wrong to do it is the first place.
The case this week was amazing, and about as likely as an average episode of Prison Break. At some point, the bad guys should have been shooting our heroes as hostages. They killed a guy we didn't know immediately, and if they were going to show they were as cold-hearted as that, it would have made more sense for them to kill the FBI team long before they tried to. Did they even need a video for that particular plan? No. The only reason is because the writers wanted to give them a reason to keep them alive. And it was a pretty lousy reason.
Interesting that Jane IS Taylor Shaw. But that doesn't explain the DNA discrepancies. And now I wish Weller had shared that with Jane so she could get some answers about it. Since she isn't even aware it is an issue, she can't.
Above average episode. ****.
Mulholland Dr.
First things first. I cannot properly review that movie. The best I can do is deconstruct it and call b.s. on David Lynch whenever he deserves it.
Here is my interpretation:
There is no answer. David Lynch purposefully constructed a labyrinthian mystery with no solution. He threw everything at the wall to see what would stick. I have a feeling if this had continued as a TV series, Lynch might have put in the effort to construct an actual mystery like Twin Peaks, but the situation is what it is, and ABC still sucks a decade later. What interests Lynch aren't the answers. Good thing because there aren't any. What he's interested in is getting the viewer to come up with them themselves.
Most people's interpretations are that the first two-thirds of the movie are the dream, and the last third the harsh, sucky reality. I am not as big of a David Lynchophile as I should be for a Peaks Freak (still haven't seen Blue Velvet, Wild At Heart, Inland Empire, or Eraserhead; hate me) but one thing I've gotten from what I HAVE seen, is that the dude isn't actually cynical. I do not think the movie is as simple as Diane waking up in a sucky reality and that the rest was b.s.. That doesn't ring true to me.
Besides, a LOT of Universe A deals with other characters outside of Betty and Rita, so that hints that that is real because a universe that ONLY focuses on one person's perspective, is more likely to be the dream.
But it also doesn't ring true that the last third is the dream either. Because there are plenty of clues of Diane waking up, including the Cowboy stating exactly that. Both stories have an equal shot of being the real one. Which is it?
Watching this again, I kind of think they both are. I'm just going to take what Lynch showed me at face value, and straight up say that this is an actual science fiction movie, and what I saw was the end of one universe and the beginning of another. And The Cowboy is God. The blue box of infinite blackness is the key to this interpretation. It also does not diminish Betty and Rita's grief at the performance near the end. They are crying for a reason. The universe is about to go away and split them apart. And the box made them aware of this.
But can I just take a moment to say how much I actually dislike the last third of the picture? It has a super hot sex scene between Laura Harring and Naomi Watts, but once that's done, I kind of think the movie is pretty much over from a narrative standpoint. All the new universe does is piggyback on the original's back. If it was giving us new concepts as cool as the Cowboy itself I'd tolerate it, but it is clearly the B universe and Lynch treats it as such.
But the A universe gives me a lot to chew on. Let's talk about some of that.
Chad Everett is the luckiest guy in the universe for getting to make out with Naomi Watts like that. And yes, I know he's currently dead. It's still true.
The movie employed quite a few future Bad Robot actors. Justin Theroux and Melissa George were on Alias, and Mark Pelligrino and Patrick Fishler had stints on Lost. ABC already was pretty much dipping into the same talent pool at this point.
Patrick Fishler's scene talking about going to the cafe he dreamed was scary as heck, but I also didn't believe it. If I had a recurring dream about a horrible man at a specific place I had never been, I certainly wouldn't ever go there, and I can't think of anybody who would. But as unlikely as the premise was, I'll give props for Lynch constructing a great "horrible man". "He" was worse than anything I could have pictured.
The scene of Betty getting off at the airport was exceedingly badly written and performed. I just want to point it out. As great as Lynch is, he's not always the best at minutia.
Case in point: the Espresso joke. It doesn't work at all. Lynch oftentimes can wring great humor out of obsessing about a stupid object or food, but this doesn't work because an Espresso is too modern of a creation to actually be funny. The jokes about pie and coffee in Twin Peaks were much more relatable because they were more universal. I know the "Little. Pine. Wee-sal," wasn't actually Lynch's idea, but that's about how funny the espresso is.
That smiling old couple frightened me, and even more-so at the end. I'm not sleeping that off.
The Cowboy is amazing. What I especially love about him is that as creepy and menacing as he is to the viewer, Adam thinks he's a complete joke, and treats him as such. The expression on Theroux's face when he learned he had a meeting with a dude called "The Cowboy" was probably the funniest thing in the movie. I love the Cowboy's warning: If Adam does good, he'll see him once more. If he does bad, he'll see him twice more. That is the perfect kind of riddle that Lynch can construct that fires up the imagination, but probably didn't take a lot out of him to write. He has a gift for stuff like that, and if it took him longer than five minutes to come up with that line, I'd be surprised. And yet what it can possibly mean will be in my thoughts for days.
The scene of Mark Pellgrino accidentally shooting a woman through the wall while botching a murder staged as a suicide was something Tarantino would do. That's Marvin in Pulp Fiction. Lynch does NOT get enough credit for the relatability of his humor. His projects are much more accessible to the average viewer than his weird reputations suggests. Everybody gets that scene. Everybody gets why that's funny. Lynch is great at stuff like that.
Somehow Billy Ray Cyrus playing a dirtbag does not seem to be too much of a stretch.
I think one scene that really had me thinking was the scene where Adam comes home and upon finding his wife in bed with Billy Ray Joe Dirt, takes her jewelry to the garage and pours pink paint over it. That was fabulous, but it raised many questions for me. Is Adam too dumb to realize he isn't actually destroying the jewelry by doing that? His wife washes it off before the paints dries, and it's fine. Jewelry's whole selling point is that it's sturdy. All his actions do is cover him in ridiculous pink paint for the rest of the universe. About that pink paint: what exactly was in Adam's house that he was painting in that color, and why did he need a whole bucket of it? This would normally be considered a plot hole from any other director. But because it is Lynch, the notion is funny.
I think another laughable thing for me (which Lynch might NOT have intended to be funny) was Rita opening her purse and discovering a ridiculously obscene amount of money (all in hundred dollar bills no less!). As a mystery goes, that's a great idea. As far as the narrative we have seen, not so much. That amount of cash on anyone would make the person carrying it extremely nervous. I mean sweating bullets. And that isn't Rita in her first scene at all. She actually seems a bit more petulant than somebody carrying that amount of money around with two guys she doesn't seem to trust would ever be, especially since she isn't apparently armed, and is dressed so skimpy. So there are two theories here: 1. Rita doesn't know that the purse contains the money. 2. Lynch is not interested in an actual human reaction in that moment, and just wants another curveball to throw at the viewer. I'd like to think it's the first scenario, but I don't. I think this was a rare case of Lynch actually letting me down. He's usually much better at character moments than that.
Naomi Watts was great in both roles, but she shines as Betty. There is a great empathy to the character that I have an hard time picturing another actress pulling off in the exact same scenario. I don't buy the idea of somebody going along with the idea of a stranger in their house, but because Watts makes Betty so empathetic, it makes sense for the character and is fascinating to watch. And it turns into a love story so gradually, and yet still so unexpectedly, that there is no question I'm Team Universe A.
I love most of this movie, but once the box spins, Vincent D'Offrio has just been killed in Full Metal Jacket. We can all go home now. But I won't hold that against most of the movie. ****1/2.
Interviews:
Interviews with the cast and crew for The Criterion Collection. Overall: *****.
David Lynch And Naomi Watts: It is hard to believe Watts was a failing actress before this project, but the fact is I had seen her in nothing before it, and now she's everywhere. And I kind of get why she consented to the nude scenes she did. From what I read back in the day she hated doing them, but now she's proud they are captured on celluloid. She should be. She looks great and Lynch made sure she did. The ABC network executive sounds like a piece of work and why that era of ABC television was so bad. I love the idea that the guy playing the Cowboy couldn't memorize his lines and needed cue cards. Another example of how giving a director Lynch is. Another director simply would have fired him and cast someone else. Angelo Badalamenti and Lynch's process has always amazed me. They come up with some phenomenal music simply by talking it out. It is hard to believe a piece as beautiful as Laura Palmer's Theme was created entirely by conversation but that is their process. The idea that Badalamenti was instantly able to combine both themes that Lynch wanted in his head for this movie show exactly how gifted at this he is. I don't ever hear of other composers doing that. Ever. Not John Williams, not Danny Elfman. They create great music. Badalamenti actually has greatness inside him too. *****.
Laura Harring, Johanna Ray, Justin Theroux, And Naomi Watts: This pretty much launched Harring and Watts overnight. I loved hearing Theroux talk about what a disaster Monty Montgomery seemed as the Cowboy while Lynch insisted the footage was great. And he was right. One of the best scenes in the movie and I don't even think it's badly acted by the Cowboy. It's just weird. But he actually had to tape his lines to Theroux's face and body. That's insane. And Theroux pretty much proves how bad ABC networks execs are at their jobs by going through David Lynch dailies as if they were the finished product. That's not how the dude works, and if someone is too dumb to get that, they shouldn't be wanting to hire him in the first place. They want all of the critical acclaim without putting in any of the work. Theroux also has geek cred in that he wrote one of the Iron Man movies (2). It's the worst one, but still. How crazy is it that Lynch casts almost exclusively by picking out head shots? Why that has never come back to bite him is something I will never know, but that is absolutely insane. And he's always made it work (so far). I love that Laura Harring had a car accident on the way to her audition, and gave looks similar to Rita's in the limo when hearing the theme for the first time. Crap like that ALWAYS seems to line up on Lynch projects. *****.
Angelo Badalamenti: "Peachy keen. That's the ticket." Those words are the greenlight for David Lynch. It is so hard to believe this guy hated music as a kid and had to study and practice for years to pick up a talent for it. Because nowadays he's a pure genius. I loved the story of Ossie Davies hiring him for Gordon's War even though he wasn't a brother. But as Badalamenti pointed out, that as a Sicilian, he was at least a cousin. I laughed at that. *****.
Peter Deming And Jack Fisk: David Lynch loves red drapes. I remember On The Air. Great show. Shame it was canceled after three episodes. ABC sucks. Speaking of which, can you believe they had the audacity to suggest to shoot a show CALLED "Mulholland Drive" in CANADA? Stuff like this is why I'm glad the new Twin Peaks is on Showtime. Speaking of which, we got a little hint about that in this interview too. ****.
Deleted Scene: Int: Hollywood Police Station - Day:
Isn't it amazing how Lynch got such a huge actor as Robert Forster to play such a small role in a single scene? Well, it was apparently because the role was going to be expanded in the TV series. This deleted scene seems to be the only cut thing from the TV Pilot that Lynch is willing to share with us and doesn't seem embarrassed by. I'll take it. ****.
On-Set Footage:
Naomi Watts appears to be having a mini-meltdown in the diner. Angelo Badalamenti again discusses how rare it is for film directors to have the composers score the music first the way Lynch does. And the original line for Adam at the end was "Camilla and I... are going to be... married." They cut off the last word in the film. ****.
Trailer:
You can't exactly do this film justice in a trailer, but it's intriguing and that's good. Plus they hype the Blue Velvet / Twin Peaks pedigree so we know who the movie is for. ****1/2.
Blu-Ray Menu: Spooky. ****.