an email to jodie... =(
dearest babe...
i miss you severly and it hurts. why cant i see you? why cant we be together... you're the closest friend i have right now and i cant be with you.. its not fair.
hows your life going in england? everythings terrible here... im so stressed from school and training and assignments and exams and hui being an asshole and hating training and not being able to sleep and not getting enough sleep and being lonely here and not having any close friends in brisbane and i have no idea what to do... im sorry this is a whinging email but i really need to release it, and its better to release it in writing than on myself...
heres my dilemma, which ive told you already, but its getting really serious. i really cant cope with hui, but he's one of the best coaches in the world (ie 2004 olympics results) and tis is one of the best programs and he is absolutely revolting. he makes me either want to quit or want to mmove to another city to train.. another country even. but 1) he wont let me go... i already asked him if he'd let me go to montreal coz theyve got a good program too and he said no.. he dousnt even want me to go to sydney, he wont let me go anywhere.. and 2) i dont want to quit (which i could easily do with my mentality now) and if i do move away id really want to come back later coz it really is a good program, but he'd never let me come back if i left... and not only that, but i couldn't move until i finish school at the end of the year anyway, which is absolutely killing me coz this year is so important for my future (ie getting into uni course i want to do) but i dont think im going to get good enough marks anyway coz im missing so much work from going away, but i REALLY NEED to go away to see people or ill shrivel up and die from lack of interaction with loved ones...
and i really cant continue going on how i am right now coz.. its not healthy. i cant talk to grandma in too much detail either coz she's been hurt enough with my "hurting self"... and if i tell her im having problems... i just cant do that to her... and i cant talk to the guidance coucillors at my school coz they go into psycho mode and calls up your parents and make you go to psychiatrists and everything....
i have not a clue what to do. im so stuck. i want to drop everything for a while. everything. just have absolutely no responsibilities or obligations and go away and chill out for a while... have a massive de-stressing... i shouldnt be writing to you right now, i should be studying for all my exams this/next week and all my assignments i should be doing. im just procastinating, wasting as much time as possible hoping it will all go away!.. and i have training in less than an hour ='(
im sorry for having wasted your time with an email that you thought may have been interesting or something... dont get worried about this email or anything, i just needed to write it all out to make it a bit easier... i seriously dont want you to take anything to heart ok bubbles??
lobik and missink u with all my heart.. lobe matty xoxoxox
i miss you severly and it hurts. why cant i see you? why cant we be together... you're the closest friend i have right now and i cant be with you.. its not fair.
hows your life going in england? everythings terrible here... im so stressed from school and training and assignments and exams and hui being an asshole and hating training and not being able to sleep and not getting enough sleep and being lonely here and not having any close friends in brisbane and i have no idea what to do... im sorry this is a whinging email but i really need to release it, and its better to release it in writing than on myself...
heres my dilemma, which ive told you already, but its getting really serious. i really cant cope with hui, but he's one of the best coaches in the world (ie 2004 olympics results) and tis is one of the best programs and he is absolutely revolting. he makes me either want to quit or want to mmove to another city to train.. another country even. but 1) he wont let me go... i already asked him if he'd let me go to montreal coz theyve got a good program too and he said no.. he dousnt even want me to go to sydney, he wont let me go anywhere.. and 2) i dont want to quit (which i could easily do with my mentality now) and if i do move away id really want to come back later coz it really is a good program, but he'd never let me come back if i left... and not only that, but i couldn't move until i finish school at the end of the year anyway, which is absolutely killing me coz this year is so important for my future (ie getting into uni course i want to do) but i dont think im going to get good enough marks anyway coz im missing so much work from going away, but i REALLY NEED to go away to see people or ill shrivel up and die from lack of interaction with loved ones...
and i really cant continue going on how i am right now coz.. its not healthy. i cant talk to grandma in too much detail either coz she's been hurt enough with my "hurting self"... and if i tell her im having problems... i just cant do that to her... and i cant talk to the guidance coucillors at my school coz they go into psycho mode and calls up your parents and make you go to psychiatrists and everything....
i have not a clue what to do. im so stuck. i want to drop everything for a while. everything. just have absolutely no responsibilities or obligations and go away and chill out for a while... have a massive de-stressing... i shouldnt be writing to you right now, i should be studying for all my exams this/next week and all my assignments i should be doing. im just procastinating, wasting as much time as possible hoping it will all go away!.. and i have training in less than an hour ='(
im sorry for having wasted your time with an email that you thought may have been interesting or something... dont get worried about this email or anything, i just needed to write it all out to make it a bit easier... i seriously dont want you to take anything to heart ok bubbles??
lobik and missink u with all my heart.. lobe matty xoxoxox