(no subject)
The past few days have been some that I d like to forget. Don’t get me wrong, im happy that Im with Lindsay, and she means a lot to me right now. But there are just a few things that haven’t been something I’ve liked.
It’s become clear to me that “love” is not a word I want to throw around right now. When I say it so people, it just seems to be meaningless to them. I love my band, my family, my job, and they love me back. I’ve fallen in love, but that isn’t the same. You can’t love someone after a week, or so I’m told. It’s more of a lust feeling. I was crazy to think I was in love with someone.
Rachael doesn’t want to be my friend. I’m not going to say I’m ok with that, because it hurts a lot. No matter what she thinks, I still care about her, and hate the fuck that she wont be a friend. She says its hard for her to see me and Linds together. Lets remember that it was her doing. I wanted her back, and she shunned me. She said we could never be together…Then as soon as me and Lindsay got together, she said she wanted me back. As much as I love her, I wasn’t going to play that game. I wasn’t going to hurt Lindsay because Rach got jealous or whatever. . Then, hearing that her and Tom hooked up hurt more. It could have been anyone else, and I wouldn’t have given a flying fuck, but Tom…that to me was kinda suspicious. I wish things would have worked out better for us, but it’s clear to me, and you that it can’t. I’m not going to stop caring Rachael, Im not. You are the first girl that I’ve thought that I loved in my 24 years of being alive, and you’re the first girl to break my heart…
Thankfully Lindsay has been there for me when I’ve needed her. Throughout all my bad days, shes cheered me up. She’s taken a lot of heat for us being together, and it proves what a strong person she is. She puts a smile on my face, and if that bug some people, that’s just too bad.
Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever written so much.
It’s become clear to me that “love” is not a word I want to throw around right now. When I say it so people, it just seems to be meaningless to them. I love my band, my family, my job, and they love me back. I’ve fallen in love, but that isn’t the same. You can’t love someone after a week, or so I’m told. It’s more of a lust feeling. I was crazy to think I was in love with someone.
Rachael doesn’t want to be my friend. I’m not going to say I’m ok with that, because it hurts a lot. No matter what she thinks, I still care about her, and hate the fuck that she wont be a friend. She says its hard for her to see me and Linds together. Lets remember that it was her doing. I wanted her back, and she shunned me. She said we could never be together…Then as soon as me and Lindsay got together, she said she wanted me back. As much as I love her, I wasn’t going to play that game. I wasn’t going to hurt Lindsay because Rach got jealous or whatever. . Then, hearing that her and Tom hooked up hurt more. It could have been anyone else, and I wouldn’t have given a flying fuck, but Tom…that to me was kinda suspicious. I wish things would have worked out better for us, but it’s clear to me, and you that it can’t. I’m not going to stop caring Rachael, Im not. You are the first girl that I’ve thought that I loved in my 24 years of being alive, and you’re the first girl to break my heart…
Thankfully Lindsay has been there for me when I’ve needed her. Throughout all my bad days, shes cheered me up. She’s taken a lot of heat for us being together, and it proves what a strong person she is. She puts a smile on my face, and if that bug some people, that’s just too bad.
Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever written so much.