(no subject)
Once upon a time there was me. And I felt horrible and depressed all the time and all my friends just blamed it on my being melodramatic. Or being stupid. Or thinking too much. But alas, as I think back, I remember that I have no best friend. I have a lot of amazing friends. And they're all the best. But I don't have THE best friend. The one that everyone else has. That one person. And I never have. Ever. And lately, my friends assume a lot about me. They assume so much, they seems as though they feel that they shouldnt have to call me. Or IM me. Or email me. Or invite me. I suppose it's just assumed I'm being oh-so ridiculous about girls, or I'm thinking too much about my friends and reading too much into their actions, or lack thereof, or that I'll just be there to hang out. Ok then. Boo hoo, you say? Yeah. I figured you would. But I'm not complaining. It does upset me, but in all actuality, I'm used to it. 3 1/2 years is getting me used to it. It'll be a nice day when someone makes some kind of deal about my birthday, or even remembers to call and say "Happy Birthday". For the past 3 birthdays in a row. Or thinks about me enough to say "hello" in an email once in 3 months while I'm locked in a fucking shell 300 ft underwater. Or considers visiting me in Georgia once in 2 years. Or doesn't wait for me to call/show up to invite me to do something. This isn't one person. It's everyone. So don't take it personal, because I don't think anyone is excluding me. I'm just sick of "out of sight out of mind" being the truth. I'm sick of feeling like I'm putting forth effort and you aren't. I'm sick of the only reason you'll talk to me is I start talking first. So that's my problem, if you actually wondered. And I'm sorry to certain people who think I walk on eggshells around them. Hopefully I can talk to you sometime about it all. I really love you all. And I'm really sorry I don't tell you personal stuff about me anymore, but in all honesty, I don't to anyone ever anymore. I didn't mean to offend anyone, though I'm sure I did somehow. I'm just expressing my feelings online for everyone in the world to read.