a little of me and a little of mewithoutYou...

Nov 30, 2004 09:01

on a bus ride into town, i wondered "why am i going to town?"
i looked around at the e billboards and the stores i thought,
"why do i look around?"
so i got out and i bowed and kissed the filthy ground
and in the first dry spot i found i laid down without having to wonder why i was laying down.
before long i was too cold and so took a bus back to the station
i found a letter left by a pay phone with no return contact information,
it was addressed: to total strangers,
it read like a horn blown by some sad angel
"bunny, it was me who let you down"
it was the shyest attempt i'd ever seen at conversation
if i didn't have You as my guide i'd still wander lost in sinai
counting the plates of cars from out-of-state,
(how i could jump in their path they hurry along!)
until you could surround me, you're pretty but you're all i can see,
like a thick fog - if there was no way into God,
i would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long,
st. cyril's fair always came through the first week of september
but it's already the 19th and there's no sign of it yet.
i have a hard time remembering the things i should remember
and a hard time forgetting the things i should forget.
oh Christ when You're ready to come back i think i'm ready for You to come back
but if You want to stay wherever exactly it is You are,
that's okay too - it's really none of my business.
if i didn't have You as my guide i'd still be wandering lost in sinai
or down by the tracks watching trains go by to remind me:
there are places that aren't here.
i had a well but all the water left so i'll ask Your forgiveness with every breath,
if there was no way into God,
i would never have laid in this grave of a body
so long, dear.

יהוה

i beat myself up
but don’t worry i deserve it this time
i tried so hard
but i failed again
i need some help
Jesus won’t You give me strength again

i take all the exquisite ceramics i have in my life
and break them one by one across the floor
and fall into the broken pieces
crying bleeding alone and out of touch

and sweetie i never meant to make you cry this time
though what i mean is that i'm dead
and that sometimes i can't feel my heart at all
assuming i'm inhabited by the God of all created
wouldn't you think it would show more
or maybe i wouldn't be so
so ashamed of myself or tired of my dead weight

i take all the exquisite ceramics i have in my life
and break them one by one across the floor
and fall into the broken pieces
crying bleeding alone and out of touch

i was driving home and i screamed to myself
won't you stop
being so selfish and cruel and mean
and such a jerk to the ones you love
oh won't you just stop

look at the ground from where you are
you haven't been this close in years
it's covered with your pitiful tears
oh you're consumed with your fears

i'll let You change me
if i had anything to give
i'd give You my everything
my life is all i ever had
You breathed it into me
but i breathed in death
how i work against You

oh mother i forgive you
and Jesus loves you too
if you could only see that life can be so much better
than what we make it.

lyrics, writing, music, self-deprecation, mother, mewithoutyou, god, poetry, jesus christ

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