I review your reviews
This review of The Island is awesome. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was a fun movie, but it was also completely ridiculous.
I’m still a little shaky. Four hours after the movie and I’m still right there, looking over my shoulder, dodging bullets and praying to god that I don’t drive into on coming traffic…again.
That's because you're American, not because of the movie.
This movie was a ruthless sci-fi masterpiece that refused to let you breathe. Unbelievably intense to the point that you’ll forget you have to go to the bathroom. Constantly besting themselves The Island pounded away offering up more and more, except always, bigger, better, and cooler.
They weren't the only ones pounding away, were they? Admit it, you went purely for Scarlett Johansson.
We have a new Sci-fi action classic to add to the list as this is one of the best films of it’s [sic] kind since the Matrix.
I wonder why this comparison sprang immediately to mind? See also: 1984, Logan's Run and Soylent Green.
Never lagging and never boring, the movie switches genres, scenery and themes in the blink for an eye. Before you know it, the interesting sci-fi thinker has become the action blockbuster of the summer.
See, I'm still not sure how that's good.
And that’s just the thing. When it’s not beating you into your seat with fast, clever action
...or relentless product placement...
it’s feeding candy to your brain
...like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups! Mmm, delicious!
with a great story about “spare part” cloning
...that's so utterly predictable they gave everything away in the trailer.
Rarely does the story match the action so well, but it’s the perfect blend of both.
Yeah, it's right up there with Fortress.
To say it doesn’t lag is not something I expected to type tonight. I knew that it clocked in at just over 2 hours. And I knew it was Bay. Master of the never ending movie. Did anyone see Bad Boys 2? Beautiful action, hysterical comedy, and a little over three movies jammed into one. I expected the same with the Island, but, as much story that takes place here, it feels like a complete piece. It feels right.
I'm still trying to figure out what this paragraph means. I'll let you know.
In the not so distant future, the rich and powerful clone themselves for spare parts. Birthed from what looks like a huge silicone breast implant, these clones are forced to live together in secrecy. But young Ewan McGregor starts asking the obvious questions, and he gets what he thought he wanted. Sort of.
Note the subtle use of the word "obvious" in there. Also "breast".
I’ve got to give the filmmakers credit here. Ewan learns the truth about the Island (I won’t say specifics for spoilers sake, but it’s pretty obvious and cool at the same time), and he could have easily gone back to the utopian prison the clones are kept in, and tried to resolve the matter from within. But in the snap of a finger all hell breaks loose and the audience is unleashed upon by some of the most intense chase sequences seen this year.
Spoiler? It's right there in the trailer! THERE IS NO ISLAND! Also, I like "utopian prison". Mmm, freedom is slavery.
Back to Bay’s work in Bad Boy’s 2, as long as the movie is, it’s got some amazing sequences. The intense 20 minute freeway scene. We see cars being thrown at cars, boats being thrown at cars, and just about 2 dozen other mind blowing stunts and special effects for you to fall in love with. I see now that that was just a warm up for the 3 ton bar bell chase scene in The Island. Placing the movie in the near future resulted in these cars getting TORN UP! It’s great. They can keep my 10 bucks just for that chase.
And yet these giant 'barbells' were held onto the truck by ordinary yellow tie-downs, and Ewan was able to push them off the back with only the slightest effort.
Still, it’s Bay so we’re treated to the crooked bad ass angles, and the swooping camera that makes taking a piss dramatic. Seriously, that camera is pulling in and out more often then a Russian import porno. In the world of Michael Bay, revealing your hidden gun, and turning your head to the right have the same amount of significance. But I’m not complaining. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time.
And in anything other than a Michael Bay film, a prisoner wouldn't be allowed a concealed firearm on an operating table. And the scene where Ewan takes a piss was dramatic. He had robots coming out of his penis.
The performances all around are great. Unfortunately there wasn’t much for Scarlett to do but look good. Thankfully she does in spades.
Meh. Nothing on Lost in Translation. That white jumpsuit did nothing for her colouring.
This is really Ewan’s movie and he does a great job, even when forced to do the old (mild spoile) "I’m not the clone, he’s the clone
I have to say, that bit where Ewan had to mimic his own accent was great. Much more convincing as an American trying to do a Scottish accent than the other way around.
And we get solid supporting work from the great Sean Bean
"I am evil! EEEEEEVIL!"
as well as Michael Clark Duncan
Who has what, two scenes?
Steve Buscemi
Meh.
and the conflicted anti hero Djimon Hounsou. Hounsou has really been stepping it up lately in the cool performances department.
You could almost say he's "Djivolved".
This movie won’t change the world. It’s not the Matrix or Blade Runner.
No matter how hard it tries.
But it takes Paycheck, and kicks it square in the ass. And I liked Paycheck.
Aw, come on! It had Ben Arseflake!
While it won’t change the world it should certainly be respected. It was jsut too much fun to watch.
...and this review was jsut too much fun to read.
8 out of 10 Looses points because it couldn’t take it to the extra level where it becomes a true masterpiece for the ages. There’s a lot of great effects and story, but it’s the sort of thing where - it’s all been done.
4 out of 10. Loses points for awful spelling, terrible grammar, and general I CAN REVEIW MOVIEES ON TEH INTARWEBS LOLZ!!!!!!1
To get a 10, you gotta make my brain explode.
Oh, alright then: 10.