chop chop chop
Disclaimer: I am very tired and refuse to really proof read any of this. If a sentence doesn't make too much sense, keep in mind I was trying my best but a few chemicals didn't fire off in my brain right, connecting electric signals through my nuerons incorrectly. Or something to that effect.
So I was cleaning out My Documents folder, and I found this html file called "The longest convo ever kept open." I knew what it was. It was an AIM conversation I kept open with Haylan for weeks, meaning I kept the window open that long. It was created Saturday, September 18, 2004, 9:03:24 AM, meaning that’s when I save and closed the IM. It started the day after I got back from Austin, which was August 18th. So this thing was open for a full MONTH. It is also 14.5MB in size; I think there are pictures in it, that's why. I proceeded to read it.
Reading it was a definite look back in time to that part of my life. The emotions I once harbored then are somewhat gone, but I can still sort of identify with that they were like. Sorta like how we can vaguely imagine what it'd be like getting our arm chopped off even though it's never happened to us.
note: To those that don't know the saga of my long distance affair, well, it's better you don't. Lets just say Matt's senior year went by very very regularly and I had no relationship status what-so-ever except for having a crush on a girl named Bethany the whole year (the latter is true, the rest is not).
If you really want to see any glimpse of it, you can catch the tail of the comet by reading the first few entries I ever made in this journal. But the bulk of it is left in what little documents and saved AIM convo's I have on my computer, a few pictures, and in my memory and the memory of the parties involved. I think it's best kept like that anyway.
I think the one thing I have learned from this is, 1) how much my memory sucks, or at least, chooses not to remember half the details of this, and, 2) how close Haylan and I were at the time. We don't talk that much now, which is sad, but that is because the only time she is online is when she's at work. That's when the bulk of our discussions happened. But I get to see her in May, and I think then it will be on way different circumstances. No mutual friend of hers that is my girlfriend, no drama for us to fight off back to back and awkward girlfriend crap to defend; just a nice time in good, innocent light. I'm looking forward to that, a new beginning. Not like we ever had any bad memories together. We shared our own form of bad memories, but we stuck together through them all, so it felt more like I had someone there to help me through them. I appreciate her for that more than anything, and it seems she's helped me more than I've ever helped her. I wish it could be even...
I guess that’s the end of this. Half-way through reading "The longest convo ever kept open" the Yeah Yeah Yeah's flipped on the play list and I was instantly transported back to that time me and Dena were fooling around in my room to that CD. For a few brief seconds those emotions of that time, that year, swept over me, but were gone almost as fast. Kind strange. Oh well, I completely forgot about that crap that has happened those years ago. Not forgotten 100%, but enough to where it doesn't effect me anymore. Makes me wonder if future traumatic events will be forgotten just as easy given time. Probably, I suppose...memory is a fickle thing. Not like any of this matters in the long run. I'm writing this but in 80 years it will all be gone, probably sooner. And once we're all dead and gone, it will be like this never happened. Does a tree falling in a forrest with no one around really make a sound? Do these events really happen in our "life" when we're all dead and have no records to back it up? If me and two friends broke a window and never told anyone, and we die, and the house gets torn down...then did we really break that window? I don't know...I'm too tired to even think about it.
And that's all I got for now.
So I was cleaning out My Documents folder, and I found this html file called "The longest convo ever kept open." I knew what it was. It was an AIM conversation I kept open with Haylan for weeks, meaning I kept the window open that long. It was created Saturday, September 18, 2004, 9:03:24 AM, meaning that’s when I save and closed the IM. It started the day after I got back from Austin, which was August 18th. So this thing was open for a full MONTH. It is also 14.5MB in size; I think there are pictures in it, that's why. I proceeded to read it.
Reading it was a definite look back in time to that part of my life. The emotions I once harbored then are somewhat gone, but I can still sort of identify with that they were like. Sorta like how we can vaguely imagine what it'd be like getting our arm chopped off even though it's never happened to us.
note: To those that don't know the saga of my long distance affair, well, it's better you don't. Lets just say Matt's senior year went by very very regularly and I had no relationship status what-so-ever except for having a crush on a girl named Bethany the whole year (the latter is true, the rest is not).
If you really want to see any glimpse of it, you can catch the tail of the comet by reading the first few entries I ever made in this journal. But the bulk of it is left in what little documents and saved AIM convo's I have on my computer, a few pictures, and in my memory and the memory of the parties involved. I think it's best kept like that anyway.
I think the one thing I have learned from this is, 1) how much my memory sucks, or at least, chooses not to remember half the details of this, and, 2) how close Haylan and I were at the time. We don't talk that much now, which is sad, but that is because the only time she is online is when she's at work. That's when the bulk of our discussions happened. But I get to see her in May, and I think then it will be on way different circumstances. No mutual friend of hers that is my girlfriend, no drama for us to fight off back to back and awkward girlfriend crap to defend; just a nice time in good, innocent light. I'm looking forward to that, a new beginning. Not like we ever had any bad memories together. We shared our own form of bad memories, but we stuck together through them all, so it felt more like I had someone there to help me through them. I appreciate her for that more than anything, and it seems she's helped me more than I've ever helped her. I wish it could be even...
I guess that’s the end of this. Half-way through reading "The longest convo ever kept open" the Yeah Yeah Yeah's flipped on the play list and I was instantly transported back to that time me and Dena were fooling around in my room to that CD. For a few brief seconds those emotions of that time, that year, swept over me, but were gone almost as fast. Kind strange. Oh well, I completely forgot about that crap that has happened those years ago. Not forgotten 100%, but enough to where it doesn't effect me anymore. Makes me wonder if future traumatic events will be forgotten just as easy given time. Probably, I suppose...memory is a fickle thing. Not like any of this matters in the long run. I'm writing this but in 80 years it will all be gone, probably sooner. And once we're all dead and gone, it will be like this never happened. Does a tree falling in a forrest with no one around really make a sound? Do these events really happen in our "life" when we're all dead and have no records to back it up? If me and two friends broke a window and never told anyone, and we die, and the house gets torn down...then did we really break that window? I don't know...I'm too tired to even think about it.
And that's all I got for now.