Crossroads
The further I am from my home computer the more diligent and empowered I feel, dispite my shyness. Even when I'm trying to do something productive at my computer, there are just to many distractions that I get caught up in. Even when I don't have anything important to do I find myself getting distracted with all the things I could be doing. Almost trying to do to much, but end up doing nothing besides just sitting behind the keyboard staring at the screen. It's almost as if my computer were a technological siren of sorts, drawing me in and holding my captive. It will always be there through thick and thin, a constant that wont laugh at, belittle, judge, scold, replace, reject, betray, lie to, or be disapointed in me. Which in some way is a comfort, though it can't express it directly in any human form.
Recently what comes mind when I'm think of this addiction is "The Matrix". More specificly when Trinity in speaking to Neo in the club: "I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing; why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You're looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. [...] I was looking for an answer." One probably could misinterpret what Trinity was talking about as addiction or even depression. In anycase most every one knows what happens, Neo decides to reject all that he knows for the truth, severing all ties for what for that truth. Thus starts my dilemma. I don't want to sever everything here, but at the same time I feel if I don't nothing will become of me. I don't want to sever these connections because on some level they are important to me and I enjoy the company. Despite the fact that I don't know if that feeling is reciprocated and at times I dont feel that it is. I've been at this crossroad before a few times before, only to choose the same path which only leads back here. Quoting "The Matrix" again, "Because you have been down there Neo, you know that road, you know exactly where it ends. And I know that's not where you want to be." And it's not, but the call of the siren is so luring. Maybe I can't do this on my own, but I'm still to anxious to bring this to anyone in person.
Kari seems to be turning down a path that I have started down what seems like ages ago. I'm a little frighted for her that she might turn out like me and that's not something I want her to do. Thought I don't feel as if it's my place to tell her what she should and shouldn't do. She doesn't think it's very seirous right now. She also "thinks it's sad that now [she] prefer[s to] turning plans down to be with her computer. [She hasn't] turn[ed] anything down, but when [she is] 'social' [she] feel[s] a sense of regret that [she didnt] get to be on [her] computer or NEAR to [her] computer, [a feeling] that [she's] never ever had before." I agreed with her and added that while you're away being "social" that "you're counting the minutes until you can get behind [your] screen and keyboard," all of which is kinda depressing, because it doesn't miss you, know that you're gone, or reciprocate any other human emotions.
I suppose what it really comes down to is setting my priorities, and holding to them no matter what. Which I can't really say that my track record there is something to be desired.
In anycase, a good read for those that are into hl2: http://www.gamespot.com/features/6112889/?q=1&tag=gs_hp_topslot_click
Recently what comes mind when I'm think of this addiction is "The Matrix". More specificly when Trinity in speaking to Neo in the club: "I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing; why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You're looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. [...] I was looking for an answer." One probably could misinterpret what Trinity was talking about as addiction or even depression. In anycase most every one knows what happens, Neo decides to reject all that he knows for the truth, severing all ties for what for that truth. Thus starts my dilemma. I don't want to sever everything here, but at the same time I feel if I don't nothing will become of me. I don't want to sever these connections because on some level they are important to me and I enjoy the company. Despite the fact that I don't know if that feeling is reciprocated and at times I dont feel that it is. I've been at this crossroad before a few times before, only to choose the same path which only leads back here. Quoting "The Matrix" again, "Because you have been down there Neo, you know that road, you know exactly where it ends. And I know that's not where you want to be." And it's not, but the call of the siren is so luring. Maybe I can't do this on my own, but I'm still to anxious to bring this to anyone in person.
Kari seems to be turning down a path that I have started down what seems like ages ago. I'm a little frighted for her that she might turn out like me and that's not something I want her to do. Thought I don't feel as if it's my place to tell her what she should and shouldn't do. She doesn't think it's very seirous right now. She also "thinks it's sad that now [she] prefer[s to] turning plans down to be with her computer. [She hasn't] turn[ed] anything down, but when [she is] 'social' [she] feel[s] a sense of regret that [she didnt] get to be on [her] computer or NEAR to [her] computer, [a feeling] that [she's] never ever had before." I agreed with her and added that while you're away being "social" that "you're counting the minutes until you can get behind [your] screen and keyboard," all of which is kinda depressing, because it doesn't miss you, know that you're gone, or reciprocate any other human emotions.
I suppose what it really comes down to is setting my priorities, and holding to them no matter what. Which I can't really say that my track record there is something to be desired.
In anycase, a good read for those that are into hl2: http://www.gamespot.com/features/6112889/?q=1&tag=gs_hp_topslot_click