what the fuck???
the fucking sheets haven't even cooled, when Richard called me.
"something's wrong. I just don't feel the physical connection that I felt before last night. While I feel an emotional connection, I don't feel a physical one. That's why i wanted to take things slowly. Now things are more complicated. I have to follow my heart on this. I mean, my friend janet and her husband love each other very much but don't ever have sex. I don't want to go down that road. I feel like I have discovered a great friend but...I feel like I have misled you. (Gee, do you think?!?!?!)
Last night, he had asked me if I was okay with our taking the sex stuff slow. I had told him I was okay with it as long as it wasn't based on him not being attracted to me. " He looked me in the eyes and said, "I am very attracted to you. Didn't you see how attracted I was the other day when we were kissing, you can't fake that." "Okay, " I said, "it is just my own insecurities." He leaned into me and said, "Baby, if you ever worry about me not finding you attractive, let me know, okay? You are really attractive to me." And then, when we were laying in bed naked last night, he kept telling me how hot I was, how much I looked like a porn star that he liked. When my snoring came up, I had apologized and told him it was something about which I was very vulnerable due to my evil ex and his mind fuck. Richard assured me that not only was he planning to spend a lot of time sleeping with me but that wearing ear plugs was worth finding such a good guy. "A good guy is so rare these days." I again apologized and he told me not to beat myself up over it. He introduced me to a lot of his friends. he talked about us double dating with some other people. He was fucking mapping out a future with me--WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?!?!?!??!?!?!??
what happened between seven this morning and 11:30 that caused him to reject me. To all of a sudden switch from finding me so hot and attractive to not wanting to have sex with me because, "Something is missing."
I feel really burned. I mean, I had asked him if there was any issues and he had denied it. He had initiated fucking me last night--although, we didn't go all the way to completion. He was the one who asked to scrub my body in the shower. and now this?
Richard, I am so sorry you got scared and blew it. It is the only thing that makes sense. You would have to be completely crazy to have been so attracted to me then nothing. I asked you if you were ready for an adult relationship, obviously the answer is you are not ready. Too bad. I am a really special person and was willing to be with you to see how things would go. I told you last night I wanted to make you happy. You replied that I was doing that and you saw that continuing for a long time. How could you let your fears throw away our great connection.
I feel really hurt and betrayed. I had believed him when he said the things he said. I had allowed myself to open to the possibility of being with him for the long term and out of the blue, he pulls the rug from beneath my feet. I am hurt and angry and yet still want him to be happy.
My friend Verna says I am intimidating because I am so clear about what I want and I give so easily. I love openly. She tells me that scares a lot of people. She assures me that I am doing nothing wrong, just being an open honest loving person. But, that causes people to have to confront themselves. I don't hold judgements or prejudices, I always look for the good in other people. I would never try to hurt someone or cause them pain of any kind even when i am hurt and angry. And, when I love you I love you fully.
Part of me knows, Richard was tired and not thinking clearly; but, that he would call and tell me these things means he isn't for me. And the thing that sucks--we could have had a wonderful loving relationship, full of sex and laughter and joy and love. He just wasn't strong enough.
That makes me sad--very very sad.
Post note:
I called Richard and left a message on his cell phone. I told him that I wished the best for him and hoped he found what he was looking for (Fool. you almost had it.) I also, told him that I enjoyed our time together and forgave him. I assured him I held no ill will toward him. Closed by telling him I was sending him a lot of light and love to go on with his life.
It really sucks!
"something's wrong. I just don't feel the physical connection that I felt before last night. While I feel an emotional connection, I don't feel a physical one. That's why i wanted to take things slowly. Now things are more complicated. I have to follow my heart on this. I mean, my friend janet and her husband love each other very much but don't ever have sex. I don't want to go down that road. I feel like I have discovered a great friend but...I feel like I have misled you. (Gee, do you think?!?!?!)
Last night, he had asked me if I was okay with our taking the sex stuff slow. I had told him I was okay with it as long as it wasn't based on him not being attracted to me. " He looked me in the eyes and said, "I am very attracted to you. Didn't you see how attracted I was the other day when we were kissing, you can't fake that." "Okay, " I said, "it is just my own insecurities." He leaned into me and said, "Baby, if you ever worry about me not finding you attractive, let me know, okay? You are really attractive to me." And then, when we were laying in bed naked last night, he kept telling me how hot I was, how much I looked like a porn star that he liked. When my snoring came up, I had apologized and told him it was something about which I was very vulnerable due to my evil ex and his mind fuck. Richard assured me that not only was he planning to spend a lot of time sleeping with me but that wearing ear plugs was worth finding such a good guy. "A good guy is so rare these days." I again apologized and he told me not to beat myself up over it. He introduced me to a lot of his friends. he talked about us double dating with some other people. He was fucking mapping out a future with me--WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?!?!?!??!?!?!??
what happened between seven this morning and 11:30 that caused him to reject me. To all of a sudden switch from finding me so hot and attractive to not wanting to have sex with me because, "Something is missing."
I feel really burned. I mean, I had asked him if there was any issues and he had denied it. He had initiated fucking me last night--although, we didn't go all the way to completion. He was the one who asked to scrub my body in the shower. and now this?
Richard, I am so sorry you got scared and blew it. It is the only thing that makes sense. You would have to be completely crazy to have been so attracted to me then nothing. I asked you if you were ready for an adult relationship, obviously the answer is you are not ready. Too bad. I am a really special person and was willing to be with you to see how things would go. I told you last night I wanted to make you happy. You replied that I was doing that and you saw that continuing for a long time. How could you let your fears throw away our great connection.
I feel really hurt and betrayed. I had believed him when he said the things he said. I had allowed myself to open to the possibility of being with him for the long term and out of the blue, he pulls the rug from beneath my feet. I am hurt and angry and yet still want him to be happy.
My friend Verna says I am intimidating because I am so clear about what I want and I give so easily. I love openly. She tells me that scares a lot of people. She assures me that I am doing nothing wrong, just being an open honest loving person. But, that causes people to have to confront themselves. I don't hold judgements or prejudices, I always look for the good in other people. I would never try to hurt someone or cause them pain of any kind even when i am hurt and angry. And, when I love you I love you fully.
Part of me knows, Richard was tired and not thinking clearly; but, that he would call and tell me these things means he isn't for me. And the thing that sucks--we could have had a wonderful loving relationship, full of sex and laughter and joy and love. He just wasn't strong enough.
That makes me sad--very very sad.
Post note:
I called Richard and left a message on his cell phone. I told him that I wished the best for him and hoped he found what he was looking for (Fool. you almost had it.) I also, told him that I enjoyed our time together and forgave him. I assured him I held no ill will toward him. Closed by telling him I was sending him a lot of light and love to go on with his life.
It really sucks!