The week's events
Wow! A 'work' week has gone by and I haven't posted on my journal--my bad! I guess the combination of -25 degree weather, struggling to find a job, and depression cam together to decrease my sex and romance life. *cough* Well, kind of decreased.
Actually, I did have a wonderful time with Dave on Tuesday. We went out to eat at the Thai restaurant and then had hot chocolate at the cafe with the fireplaces. (Mmmmmmmm, fireplaces!!!) Afterward, we went back to my place and fucked like bunnies. He actually wore me out; he couldn't get enough of being fucked. He said he loved watching me fuck him and my expressions were very sexy. It can be a bit disconcerting to be fucking and be told your expressions are sexy...now I am self conscious about my expressions. Good thing it felt so good to be inside him--that helped to return the focus to love making, and the wonderful sensations...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
So that was Tuesday night with Dave. I also saw Dave briefly on Thursday. He came over before meeting with a friend. I gave him a neck and head massage ( a real massage, people, not a hand job!) Then, we got naked and cuddled for a while; it was really nice.
Jonathan has been calling me a lot. He hurt his foot and has been stuck in his five-floor walk up. So, he has been experiencing 'cabin fever' and he calls me to break the boredom. I know he likes me, a lot. I enjoy our time together; I'm just not sure what I want from him, or from 'us', if that makes sense.
Wednesday night, depression hit really hard. I finally had to admit to myself that I needed to call my Parents to see if they could help with rent. God, that was humiliating! I've been trying to find employment, as clients are limited right now due to the holidays. My money had evaporated and I had no money to pay rent in Feb. UGGGGGHHH! Anyway, when I realized I only had 70 cents in my pocket and no employment lined up, it was time to do what I have never done before--ask mommy and daddy for help. *sigh* Well, the deed is done and Dad is sending me a check for rent. I'll be paying it back by summer, but it still was painful to ask!
A funny thing happened yesterday. I went uptown to have breakfast with Verna and John Paul. Verna said she wanted to treat me and JP to breakfast...she is such a sweetie! Anyway, I have met her friend JP before, Verna and I helped him move into his current apartment. He is a really nice guy, very talented actor, and cute. I had asked Verna if he was gay or straight--no need to be interested if he is straight! I swear she told me he was straight. Anyway, yesterday at breakfast and later as we walked around, he made some comments that sounded like he had been with men. I started to suspect that he was Bi. When he found out that I sang with the Gay Men's Chorus, he said he had been with one of the chorus members. I'm thinking, "been with, as in worked together? as in roommates? as in...I don't know." Turns out he knew Marc's ex Richard. Yep, that *Marc* with a 'c'. As we talked about it, he clarified, he said, "Richard and I didn't really date, we more..." verna interrupted, " You were more fuck buddies." "Yeah. A couple of times."
Okay, so now my mind is reeling, JP is telling me he's been with men and I thought he was straight. Shortly there after, JP left. Verna and I went to take the subway downtown.
"Verna, is JP bi?"
verna looks confused. "Ummmm, yeah, I guess he is."
"That's interesting. I didn't know that. I thought he was straight."
Verna burst out laughing, "WHAT?!?! No! he's gay. He's always with men. I mean, he was once engaged, so I guess he is kind of bi, but really he loves men."
"But you told me he was straight!"
"no, I never would have said that! I always wondered why there was no sexual energy between you two. He keeps putting out feelers and getting nothing back from you. I figured you weren't interested. I was just really surprised because every guy I introduce to JP always find him attractive."
D"OH!!!! The guy has been making subtle comments toward me and I was completely oblivious. LOL I had so turned off any sexual thoughts towards him because he was 'straight' that I missed every clue. I still can't stop laughing about it. I have never been so completely reversed in my thinking--so absolutely sure of one thing only to find ot it was 100% the opposite.
Now, I'll have to wrap my mind around the fact that he is gay, possible interested, and see if I am interested too.
Other than possible JP, I am still reluctant to add any new meat to my plate. Of course that reluctance will disappear the minute I see a hot man walk by.... Yep, I'm just a dog in heat, ready to fuck any cute thing that shows some interest. Mmmmmmmmm, doggy style....
Actually, I did have a wonderful time with Dave on Tuesday. We went out to eat at the Thai restaurant and then had hot chocolate at the cafe with the fireplaces. (Mmmmmmmm, fireplaces!!!) Afterward, we went back to my place and fucked like bunnies. He actually wore me out; he couldn't get enough of being fucked. He said he loved watching me fuck him and my expressions were very sexy. It can be a bit disconcerting to be fucking and be told your expressions are sexy...now I am self conscious about my expressions. Good thing it felt so good to be inside him--that helped to return the focus to love making, and the wonderful sensations...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
So that was Tuesday night with Dave. I also saw Dave briefly on Thursday. He came over before meeting with a friend. I gave him a neck and head massage ( a real massage, people, not a hand job!) Then, we got naked and cuddled for a while; it was really nice.
Jonathan has been calling me a lot. He hurt his foot and has been stuck in his five-floor walk up. So, he has been experiencing 'cabin fever' and he calls me to break the boredom. I know he likes me, a lot. I enjoy our time together; I'm just not sure what I want from him, or from 'us', if that makes sense.
Wednesday night, depression hit really hard. I finally had to admit to myself that I needed to call my Parents to see if they could help with rent. God, that was humiliating! I've been trying to find employment, as clients are limited right now due to the holidays. My money had evaporated and I had no money to pay rent in Feb. UGGGGGHHH! Anyway, when I realized I only had 70 cents in my pocket and no employment lined up, it was time to do what I have never done before--ask mommy and daddy for help. *sigh* Well, the deed is done and Dad is sending me a check for rent. I'll be paying it back by summer, but it still was painful to ask!
A funny thing happened yesterday. I went uptown to have breakfast with Verna and John Paul. Verna said she wanted to treat me and JP to breakfast...she is such a sweetie! Anyway, I have met her friend JP before, Verna and I helped him move into his current apartment. He is a really nice guy, very talented actor, and cute. I had asked Verna if he was gay or straight--no need to be interested if he is straight! I swear she told me he was straight. Anyway, yesterday at breakfast and later as we walked around, he made some comments that sounded like he had been with men. I started to suspect that he was Bi. When he found out that I sang with the Gay Men's Chorus, he said he had been with one of the chorus members. I'm thinking, "been with, as in worked together? as in roommates? as in...I don't know." Turns out he knew Marc's ex Richard. Yep, that *Marc* with a 'c'. As we talked about it, he clarified, he said, "Richard and I didn't really date, we more..." verna interrupted, " You were more fuck buddies." "Yeah. A couple of times."
Okay, so now my mind is reeling, JP is telling me he's been with men and I thought he was straight. Shortly there after, JP left. Verna and I went to take the subway downtown.
"Verna, is JP bi?"
verna looks confused. "Ummmm, yeah, I guess he is."
"That's interesting. I didn't know that. I thought he was straight."
Verna burst out laughing, "WHAT?!?! No! he's gay. He's always with men. I mean, he was once engaged, so I guess he is kind of bi, but really he loves men."
"But you told me he was straight!"
"no, I never would have said that! I always wondered why there was no sexual energy between you two. He keeps putting out feelers and getting nothing back from you. I figured you weren't interested. I was just really surprised because every guy I introduce to JP always find him attractive."
D"OH!!!! The guy has been making subtle comments toward me and I was completely oblivious. LOL I had so turned off any sexual thoughts towards him because he was 'straight' that I missed every clue. I still can't stop laughing about it. I have never been so completely reversed in my thinking--so absolutely sure of one thing only to find ot it was 100% the opposite.
Now, I'll have to wrap my mind around the fact that he is gay, possible interested, and see if I am interested too.
Other than possible JP, I am still reluctant to add any new meat to my plate. Of course that reluctance will disappear the minute I see a hot man walk by.... Yep, I'm just a dog in heat, ready to fuck any cute thing that shows some interest. Mmmmmmmmm, doggy style....