after all tomorrow is another day!
Things have been moving quickly in my life. I have reached such clarity on Marc and Jeff and me. From Jonathan and Verna, I have been told that Marc is unbalanced--perhaps chemically. He definitely has not grown up and enjoys/needs people to worship him. He needs to be the center of all attention. The scary thing is that I now know he fucks anything that moves, well is fucked by anything/anyone...not sure Marc is really a top. Wasn't with me--more of an eager bottom! He is not careful nor does he take care of himself. He is a beautiful building filled with shit. He desperately needs to heal but refuses. I realized that I had hooked into the wanting to help him heal part of myself. I can't heal anyone, I can hold a space for them to heal themself, but I can't do it for them.
Jeff, on the other hand, is blinded by Marc. He is going down that road like a lamb to the slaughter. God, I wish I could take him and shake him and shout, "WAKE UP!!! OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE!!!" Again, I must stand back and let go. We each have our own journey to travel. Jeff keeps saying he has already gone down this road before and he won't do it again. Unfortunately, he is saying that as he walks down the fucking road!
I realize that Marc, having heard about Jeff and I connecting, is angry. More than angry he is threatened by me and is doing everything he can to seduce Jeff and assert his power over Jeff. Jeff in his need is blinded to what is really going on and is only seeing the charm/feeling the focus of Marc's attentions. Funny, because I have stepped back from Jeff. I am not about to compete over Jeff. I want a relationship that is based on equal footing--not me pursuing or him pursuing, but both pursuing!
I spoke with Jeff last night. I didn't go into much of this as I figure he has his journey, as I have mine. I did suggest to Jeff that he be careful with Marc. I told him that Marc may be sick without being fully aware he is sick--physically (Marc (nor anyone) is not aware of his mental illness--only that he is miserably unhappy, disconnected from everyone and doesn't know how to connect/love anyone--himself included. I feel such compassion for the guy--but no longer am hooked in the web. I gladly walk away, reminded that we each have our own journey in life. None is better or worse, just different choices.
It has been painful and confusing, but ultimately a cheap lesson. There is more to this, but I would start to get even more esoteric and that I'll keep to myself at this time.
Jeff, on the other hand, is blinded by Marc. He is going down that road like a lamb to the slaughter. God, I wish I could take him and shake him and shout, "WAKE UP!!! OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE!!!" Again, I must stand back and let go. We each have our own journey to travel. Jeff keeps saying he has already gone down this road before and he won't do it again. Unfortunately, he is saying that as he walks down the fucking road!
I realize that Marc, having heard about Jeff and I connecting, is angry. More than angry he is threatened by me and is doing everything he can to seduce Jeff and assert his power over Jeff. Jeff in his need is blinded to what is really going on and is only seeing the charm/feeling the focus of Marc's attentions. Funny, because I have stepped back from Jeff. I am not about to compete over Jeff. I want a relationship that is based on equal footing--not me pursuing or him pursuing, but both pursuing!
I spoke with Jeff last night. I didn't go into much of this as I figure he has his journey, as I have mine. I did suggest to Jeff that he be careful with Marc. I told him that Marc may be sick without being fully aware he is sick--physically (Marc (nor anyone) is not aware of his mental illness--only that he is miserably unhappy, disconnected from everyone and doesn't know how to connect/love anyone--himself included. I feel such compassion for the guy--but no longer am hooked in the web. I gladly walk away, reminded that we each have our own journey in life. None is better or worse, just different choices.
It has been painful and confusing, but ultimately a cheap lesson. There is more to this, but I would start to get even more esoteric and that I'll keep to myself at this time.