Two Sides of the Same Coin
For ryogrande. As promised aaaaaaaages ago...Merry Christmas?
Pairings/Characters: Akanishi Jin/Yamashita Tomohisa
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language, Angst
Notes: I am sorry this took so long (over a month D:) 1000 words.
1.
Yamapi doesn’t really like going surfing with Ryo anymore. Ryo looks at the ocean and sees waves and challenge and fun. Yamapi looks at the ocean, and all he sees is Jin on the other side. Jin, touring America. Jin, on the big screen in Times Square. Jin, going after his dreams, while Yamapi stays at home and does what he’s told, yes and no and thank you.
He doesn’t like going surfing with Ryo-he’d much rather go by himself-but somehow the pre-dawn finds him parked in front of his bandmate’s apartment, phone pressed to his ear as he waits for Ryo to pick up. Ryo is always late. Yamapi never is.
When Yamapi’s out on the water in the early morning, miles of sea and sand between him and the oppression of the agency building, he can almost pretend that he’s his own man. That he’s one of those pro surfers, one of the fearless ones whose lives follow the big waves, unpredictable and wild. That he’s chasing his dreams, out over the ocean. That he has dreams, beyond whatever the producers tell him they should be.
But sometime between when he steps back onto the beach and they pile their gear into the back of Yamapi’s car-sometime before his hands hit the steering wheel or maybe right as-he remembers who he is. He’s not Jin. He’s Yamashita Tomohisa, and he has a job to do.
---
Yamapi always drives them to and from the beach. He’s never gotten into an accident. Because he’s Yamashita Tomohisa. Because he’s the responsible one. That’s who he is.
He’s a fucking coward, is what he is.
---
Jin and Yamapi go clubbing together when they have the time and sometimes even when they don’t. But unlike Jin, Yamapi always stops just short of the scandal line. He’s never quite willing to step over it.
Jin knows exactly where the line is, but he crosses it anyways.
It doesn’t matter, he says. Why should I care what anyone thinks? They don’t know the real me, he says.
Yamapi just watches him go, turns to the bar and gets another drink and wishes he didn’t care so much. He’d like to be out there too-well, maybe not right there, where Jin is making out with a blonde on the dance floor. Yamapi doesn’t really go for the Western girls the way Jin does. His fantasies have always been soft, dark hair and melting brown eyes. Lately, though, he dreams of golden skin and chiseled collarbones and strong, blunt hands.
He doesn’t tell Jin about those dreams.
---
He reads the emails that Jin sends him, looks at the pictures of the girls and the venues and how happy Jin looks, so damn happy.
And when he’s lying in bed at night with three hours before he needs to get up and start all over again, those are the images he holds in his mind, the pictures of Jin smiling in a way that even his best friend has never seen before.
When he’s lying in bed at night, Yamapi knows what his dream is.
When he’s lying in bed at night, it’s okay to admit that he wants to be the one to make Jin smile like that.
---
But even when Jin is back in Japan, Yamapi can tell that his heart is still on the other side of the ocean.
And unlike Jin, Yamapi doesn’t have the courage to cross it.
2.
Jin likes girls, likes how their bodies are soft and warm and so very different from his own. Blondes are nice-blondes are wonderful-and when he’s in Tokyo, those are the ones he chases in the garish Roppongi clubs.
But when he’s in America where no one knows him and no one will ask why, he goes for the goth girls, dark hair and heavy-lidded eyes and rail-thin bodies with fragile, fragile skin. They’re the rockstars, the ones who whisper in the dark with the crack and the booze, who speak slowly and are so. very. profound.
If only he really understood what they were saying.
But he loves them anyways-they’re beautiful and they show him how to be beautiful and that, that’s what’s really important and why he’s come all the way here.
He’s never told Yamapi the real reason why he’d jumped at this chance. He can’t, not yet. Yamapi wouldn’t understand it. Yamapi is the golden boy, the darling of the agency even after all these years. On the surface, that’s never mattered to them, to Jin and Pi. Jin is Jin, and Yamapi is Yamapi. They’re best friends forever. That part, at least, is true.
---
Jin has only ever kept two secrets from Yamapi.
The first is that he’s the one who spilled chocolate milk all over Yamapi’s iPod when they were doing Summary.
The second is that he’s hopelessly, desperately in love with him.
---
Yamapi has never noticed that Jin is in love with him. Jin knows why-he’s nothing like, say, Kitagawa Keiko, elegant and gracious and scandal-free. And beautiful.
Jin is not beautiful. Jin is awkward and in the gossip rags every week and always forgets birthdays and it doesn’t even matter what his face looks like, because he’s not what Yamapi’s looking for.
Jin would know. He drags Yamapi out to party, and it’s fun, but it’s never Pi in the papers the next day. He’s more careful than Jin-better. Responsible Pi. Bright, beautiful Pi. Always a little more self-controlled. A little nicer, a little thinner. A little better at being an idol.
America is a second chance. An opportunity to start over, to make himself into someone that Yamapi will notice.
So he packs his things and starts his tour and at after each performance, each night of revelry, he looks in the mirror and wonders if he’s any different from the day before.
The answer is always no, not yet. Not enough.
But it’s okay, Jin thinks. Give it another day. Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow he’ll be beautiful enough for his best friend to love him.
Pairings/Characters: Akanishi Jin/Yamashita Tomohisa
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language, Angst
Notes: I am sorry this took so long (over a month D:) 1000 words.
1.
Yamapi doesn’t really like going surfing with Ryo anymore. Ryo looks at the ocean and sees waves and challenge and fun. Yamapi looks at the ocean, and all he sees is Jin on the other side. Jin, touring America. Jin, on the big screen in Times Square. Jin, going after his dreams, while Yamapi stays at home and does what he’s told, yes and no and thank you.
He doesn’t like going surfing with Ryo-he’d much rather go by himself-but somehow the pre-dawn finds him parked in front of his bandmate’s apartment, phone pressed to his ear as he waits for Ryo to pick up. Ryo is always late. Yamapi never is.
When Yamapi’s out on the water in the early morning, miles of sea and sand between him and the oppression of the agency building, he can almost pretend that he’s his own man. That he’s one of those pro surfers, one of the fearless ones whose lives follow the big waves, unpredictable and wild. That he’s chasing his dreams, out over the ocean. That he has dreams, beyond whatever the producers tell him they should be.
But sometime between when he steps back onto the beach and they pile their gear into the back of Yamapi’s car-sometime before his hands hit the steering wheel or maybe right as-he remembers who he is. He’s not Jin. He’s Yamashita Tomohisa, and he has a job to do.
---
Yamapi always drives them to and from the beach. He’s never gotten into an accident. Because he’s Yamashita Tomohisa. Because he’s the responsible one. That’s who he is.
He’s a fucking coward, is what he is.
---
Jin and Yamapi go clubbing together when they have the time and sometimes even when they don’t. But unlike Jin, Yamapi always stops just short of the scandal line. He’s never quite willing to step over it.
Jin knows exactly where the line is, but he crosses it anyways.
It doesn’t matter, he says. Why should I care what anyone thinks? They don’t know the real me, he says.
Yamapi just watches him go, turns to the bar and gets another drink and wishes he didn’t care so much. He’d like to be out there too-well, maybe not right there, where Jin is making out with a blonde on the dance floor. Yamapi doesn’t really go for the Western girls the way Jin does. His fantasies have always been soft, dark hair and melting brown eyes. Lately, though, he dreams of golden skin and chiseled collarbones and strong, blunt hands.
He doesn’t tell Jin about those dreams.
---
He reads the emails that Jin sends him, looks at the pictures of the girls and the venues and how happy Jin looks, so damn happy.
And when he’s lying in bed at night with three hours before he needs to get up and start all over again, those are the images he holds in his mind, the pictures of Jin smiling in a way that even his best friend has never seen before.
When he’s lying in bed at night, Yamapi knows what his dream is.
When he’s lying in bed at night, it’s okay to admit that he wants to be the one to make Jin smile like that.
---
But even when Jin is back in Japan, Yamapi can tell that his heart is still on the other side of the ocean.
And unlike Jin, Yamapi doesn’t have the courage to cross it.
2.
Jin likes girls, likes how their bodies are soft and warm and so very different from his own. Blondes are nice-blondes are wonderful-and when he’s in Tokyo, those are the ones he chases in the garish Roppongi clubs.
But when he’s in America where no one knows him and no one will ask why, he goes for the goth girls, dark hair and heavy-lidded eyes and rail-thin bodies with fragile, fragile skin. They’re the rockstars, the ones who whisper in the dark with the crack and the booze, who speak slowly and are so. very. profound.
If only he really understood what they were saying.
But he loves them anyways-they’re beautiful and they show him how to be beautiful and that, that’s what’s really important and why he’s come all the way here.
He’s never told Yamapi the real reason why he’d jumped at this chance. He can’t, not yet. Yamapi wouldn’t understand it. Yamapi is the golden boy, the darling of the agency even after all these years. On the surface, that’s never mattered to them, to Jin and Pi. Jin is Jin, and Yamapi is Yamapi. They’re best friends forever. That part, at least, is true.
---
Jin has only ever kept two secrets from Yamapi.
The first is that he’s the one who spilled chocolate milk all over Yamapi’s iPod when they were doing Summary.
The second is that he’s hopelessly, desperately in love with him.
---
Yamapi has never noticed that Jin is in love with him. Jin knows why-he’s nothing like, say, Kitagawa Keiko, elegant and gracious and scandal-free. And beautiful.
Jin is not beautiful. Jin is awkward and in the gossip rags every week and always forgets birthdays and it doesn’t even matter what his face looks like, because he’s not what Yamapi’s looking for.
Jin would know. He drags Yamapi out to party, and it’s fun, but it’s never Pi in the papers the next day. He’s more careful than Jin-better. Responsible Pi. Bright, beautiful Pi. Always a little more self-controlled. A little nicer, a little thinner. A little better at being an idol.
America is a second chance. An opportunity to start over, to make himself into someone that Yamapi will notice.
So he packs his things and starts his tour and at after each performance, each night of revelry, he looks in the mirror and wonders if he’s any different from the day before.
The answer is always no, not yet. Not enough.
But it’s okay, Jin thinks. Give it another day. Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow he’ll be beautiful enough for his best friend to love him.