beaten
feel a little beaten lately. feel like quitting everything and just running away to build a house for my prospective family and live out my years. i'd get bored in about 15 mins but it's a good idea for now.
it's a heavy feeling in my mind. it takes me away from the things i love and the things i want to do. all the time is work work work and little play. it's enough to beat the strongest person into submission and i am by no means the strongest person. all this stuff seems to be caving in on my mind. kinda like no matter how hard i fight against it, it's just going to consume me and never let up.
i'm seeing no point in anger lately but it seems to be my trigger response to a lot of situations but it's very very empty. it's like i cant be bothered anymore. feels like i've been shouting and no-one is listening. mind you i wouldnt listen to someone who was shouting at me....there is truth in that comment.
i miss so many things about the life i had and i crave so many things for the future but where is the mindset that i should be in the now? there is nothing wrong with where i am in the ways of my personal relationships and the place i live in and my job. why is it that i always crave what i had or what's coming to me? i need to learn to be happier in the moment. when i sit and think about it i just want to take my heavy emotional mindset off and lay it down beside me. like taking a weight off my mind and giving me back my emotional dignity.
i feel beaten. i dont like it.