204: Sometimes the appopriate response to reality is to go insane.
204: Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane. (Philip K. Dick)
I don't think going insane is ever an appropriate response to reality, even when things happen that are so terrible you do not think you can possibly live through them. Losing it is sometimes the easiest response. Maybe even the expected one. But appropriate? No.
I think--and this might surprise you, but this is not only a religious thing--but I think we are supposed to hold ourselves to a higher standard than that. I think we're supposed to be able to step back from the edge. And whether or not we do, when life (or God, or reality) gives us one of those moments where a choice has to be made...maybe that says something. Maybe--and this is a religious thing--maybe it's a test.
If it is, I have failed.
Curling fists in red leather, waiting for it to warm to body temperature, to become a second skin. I feel teeth graze the knuckles but know the bloodstains won't show. The marks on my skin will the next morning, though, when I cross myself at Mass.
Over.
Stone ledge in the pouring rain, one hand clinging, the other peeling the mask away from my face. For a moment, I do not know who I am. Want to sit still and start screaming, raise my voice above theirs because they are only asking questions, but I have the answer. Want to rip the costume off and leap down and--and I make myself sick--for a moment I actually want to make the street flow with as much blood as rain. Want to tear them apart.
And over.
Lying or hurting (or being responsible for the death of) everyone I love because I just. Can't. Stop. Using a loophole--I make myself sick--to break a promise to my father. Not treating Foggy the way he deserves. Not treating the women I've loved the way they deserve.
And over again.
Forgive me. Especially since, most of the time, I am not sorry for the things I do and the choices I've made. Maybe appropriate and right aren't as similar as I thought.
Matt Murdock/Daredevil
Daredevil
359 words
I don't think going insane is ever an appropriate response to reality, even when things happen that are so terrible you do not think you can possibly live through them. Losing it is sometimes the easiest response. Maybe even the expected one. But appropriate? No.
I think--and this might surprise you, but this is not only a religious thing--but I think we are supposed to hold ourselves to a higher standard than that. I think we're supposed to be able to step back from the edge. And whether or not we do, when life (or God, or reality) gives us one of those moments where a choice has to be made...maybe that says something. Maybe--and this is a religious thing--maybe it's a test.
If it is, I have failed.
Curling fists in red leather, waiting for it to warm to body temperature, to become a second skin. I feel teeth graze the knuckles but know the bloodstains won't show. The marks on my skin will the next morning, though, when I cross myself at Mass.
Over.
Stone ledge in the pouring rain, one hand clinging, the other peeling the mask away from my face. For a moment, I do not know who I am. Want to sit still and start screaming, raise my voice above theirs because they are only asking questions, but I have the answer. Want to rip the costume off and leap down and--and I make myself sick--for a moment I actually want to make the street flow with as much blood as rain. Want to tear them apart.
And over.
Lying or hurting (or being responsible for the death of) everyone I love because I just. Can't. Stop. Using a loophole--I make myself sick--to break a promise to my father. Not treating Foggy the way he deserves. Not treating the women I've loved the way they deserve.
And over again.
Forgive me. Especially since, most of the time, I am not sorry for the things I do and the choices I've made. Maybe appropriate and right aren't as similar as I thought.
Matt Murdock/Daredevil
Daredevil
359 words