ARRRGH!
Confusion is such an interesting and intriguing thing, sometimes!
I had my friend, Maggi, over tonight and that was cool. We watched Super Group, which I was watching before she showed up. We laughed about stories about the past week or so, and listened to and talked music until she had to leave.
For the record: I'm not planning to commit suicide any time soon, my friends!
It's nice to hear my friends are concerned about me, though. I know i've talked with one of my friends over the phone a couple times in the past few nights, and i've heard the same concern on both occasions: "We gotta keep you alive, man!" and, "We can't have you dyin' on us!"
First conversation was kinda hard to swallow, at one point I found myself speechless, and choked on my emotion... and now i'm starting to cry just thinking about it. I'll admit it. I have been very depressed lately, but you know me! I'm a fucking trooper, guys! I AM depression, for fuck sakes!
BUUUT... that's my friend, Jason, for you. Very sincere when it comes to looking out for his friends. Can't fault him for that at all, and I never will!
I'm trying my hardest to love this life, guys. I am, and it's not easy, but atleast I can say i'm trying! God knows I haven't been dealt the best cards throughout my life, but I haven't done much to improve that, either.
The hardest part to swallow is the fact it's all upto me now, but lets turn this from upside down, and cheer up this clown!
I wrote some poems, and here you go...
I've decided i'm not going to sleep tonight
I need to lose myself completely and I just might
Don't need speed or cocaine
to go insane on this crazy train to nowhere
It's all the same
and right now you're probably thinking, as opposed to saying,
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"
Why am I doing this to myself?
Maybe i'm not myself, baby
and maybe I don't want help
Maybe I can't help myself
Everything I am is everything I have become
and i'm slowly growing sick of being this comfortably numb
I'm not trying to be someone
I'm not
Okay, so maybe I am
but who, exactly, I completely forgot
That's exactly what I thought
Don't take me too seriously
Remember, i'm the joker, not the theif
Now open up your third eye
and stare into the abyss that is my soul
How old am I?
I don't think I really know
Now i'm really tired
and it's only been two hours
Maybe that's a sign it's time to retire
but I think i'll go two more before I shower
I didn't say sleep
I'm not completely crazy yet
or maybe I am
I bet I already am
I'll dive into the deep end
and come out at the bottom
What happened to Kurt Cobain?
They say he shot himself
They also say his wife had him murdered
If he didn't take his own life
I wonder what he would've prefered
He had a lot to say
A lot of nothing to say
I'll miss him
Now I think i'll satisfy my mind with Schism
While I wonder why i'm not in bed instead
Why am I still awake?
Why am I still alive?
I wonder what life would be like if I faked my own death
and left them all wondering where I went
and would I let any of them know?
I guess we'll never know
Now is this a masterpiece,
or just another piece of shit?
It's upto you, my friend, it's upto you
and this is the end
This is as beautiful
as it's ever going to get
----------------------------------
"Interesting Thoughts"
Everything interests me
from life, to death;
from our birth, to our very last breath
and after that, whatever's left;
Everything from A to Z,
and everything inbetween,
including both the birds and the bee's,
and every other place i've never been;
Everything outside the box,
that can't be seen;
Everything above and beneath,
both Heaven and Hell
Maybe i'm a sinner,
but I can't help myself
I had my friend, Maggi, over tonight and that was cool. We watched Super Group, which I was watching before she showed up. We laughed about stories about the past week or so, and listened to and talked music until she had to leave.
For the record: I'm not planning to commit suicide any time soon, my friends!
It's nice to hear my friends are concerned about me, though. I know i've talked with one of my friends over the phone a couple times in the past few nights, and i've heard the same concern on both occasions: "We gotta keep you alive, man!" and, "We can't have you dyin' on us!"
First conversation was kinda hard to swallow, at one point I found myself speechless, and choked on my emotion... and now i'm starting to cry just thinking about it. I'll admit it. I have been very depressed lately, but you know me! I'm a fucking trooper, guys! I AM depression, for fuck sakes!
BUUUT... that's my friend, Jason, for you. Very sincere when it comes to looking out for his friends. Can't fault him for that at all, and I never will!
I'm trying my hardest to love this life, guys. I am, and it's not easy, but atleast I can say i'm trying! God knows I haven't been dealt the best cards throughout my life, but I haven't done much to improve that, either.
The hardest part to swallow is the fact it's all upto me now, but lets turn this from upside down, and cheer up this clown!
I wrote some poems, and here you go...
I've decided i'm not going to sleep tonight
I need to lose myself completely and I just might
Don't need speed or cocaine
to go insane on this crazy train to nowhere
It's all the same
and right now you're probably thinking, as opposed to saying,
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"
Why am I doing this to myself?
Maybe i'm not myself, baby
and maybe I don't want help
Maybe I can't help myself
Everything I am is everything I have become
and i'm slowly growing sick of being this comfortably numb
I'm not trying to be someone
I'm not
Okay, so maybe I am
but who, exactly, I completely forgot
That's exactly what I thought
Don't take me too seriously
Remember, i'm the joker, not the theif
Now open up your third eye
and stare into the abyss that is my soul
How old am I?
I don't think I really know
Now i'm really tired
and it's only been two hours
Maybe that's a sign it's time to retire
but I think i'll go two more before I shower
I didn't say sleep
I'm not completely crazy yet
or maybe I am
I bet I already am
I'll dive into the deep end
and come out at the bottom
What happened to Kurt Cobain?
They say he shot himself
They also say his wife had him murdered
If he didn't take his own life
I wonder what he would've prefered
He had a lot to say
A lot of nothing to say
I'll miss him
Now I think i'll satisfy my mind with Schism
While I wonder why i'm not in bed instead
Why am I still awake?
Why am I still alive?
I wonder what life would be like if I faked my own death
and left them all wondering where I went
and would I let any of them know?
I guess we'll never know
Now is this a masterpiece,
or just another piece of shit?
It's upto you, my friend, it's upto you
and this is the end
This is as beautiful
as it's ever going to get
----------------------------------
"Interesting Thoughts"
Everything interests me
from life, to death;
from our birth, to our very last breath
and after that, whatever's left;
Everything from A to Z,
and everything inbetween,
including both the birds and the bee's,
and every other place i've never been;
Everything outside the box,
that can't be seen;
Everything above and beneath,
both Heaven and Hell
Maybe i'm a sinner,
but I can't help myself