Planet Takes Over TEM
Last night Blasted Bill was AWOL from his own radio show for an hour! And so were Minion and Narf! At least twoofdtm showed up, and after all she's the reason I was there... ;^)
So there I was. Incomprehensable sound mastering boards to the east of me. Incomprehensable computers to the south of me. Incomprehensable speakers to the west of me. A bed with a gorgeous woman sitting on it to the north of me. And out there, in radio land, our show's fans, listening to dead air. "So what did they do Grandpa?" the offspring of my cloned replicant will ask when I tell this war story. "They killed me." "Then whattaya doin' livin'?" "Ya call this livin'?" Fortunately Blasted Bill called just at that moment from his cell phone and told me how to start the broadcast. And this is what I said into the microphone:
"BOOM-shaka-laka and welcome to the Toad Elevating Moment! Yes boys and girls you're scratching your heads and thinking NO, that's all wrong, why is this opening not the way it has always gone for years? This is the voice of Planet X, Planet Crooton, Planet Serif, Planet of the Apes, Planit Wisely, and in fact this has not been planned wisely because like all Planets, this one is floating out there in the void all alone-lone-lone-lone... DJ Blasted Bill is not here ladies and gentlemen. But wait! This Planet has been assimilated by the Borg! But it's not Seven of Nine. Hey baby, what's your designation?"
[my falsetto voice because she's downstairs chatting] "Two of D."
"One-two-three-four tell the people what she wore! Wow, you can assimilate me any time. But this will be a great show now that I've taken control of the horizontal and the vertical. We've got oldies-but-goodies and newies-but gooies, stacks-n-stacks of wax-n-wax, wonderful wecords to pway on the wadio! All here on W-W-W-W-W-W I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O Wonderful WINO Radio! [singsong voice:] (Wonderful Wiiiiinooooo... In western Walla-walla...) So with no further ado let's cut to the music."
At that point I turned on the elements song by Tom Lehrer, and loaded up the instant messenger, whereupon I was informed by bluehamster98 that nobody could hear a thing. The levels on the sound board were all turned down and I had been using a broken microphone.
Today I'm receiving death threats from wormquartet for playing each and every version of "Mommy's Broken" and using deconstructionist critiques to artfully expose this part of his ouevre for the fraud it is. His ouevre is probably still stinging. Although, I did not fail to stress the fact that he's my favorite second only to Tom Lehrer, so I hope he'll make it a quick and merciful death.
So there I was. Incomprehensable sound mastering boards to the east of me. Incomprehensable computers to the south of me. Incomprehensable speakers to the west of me. A bed with a gorgeous woman sitting on it to the north of me. And out there, in radio land, our show's fans, listening to dead air. "So what did they do Grandpa?" the offspring of my cloned replicant will ask when I tell this war story. "They killed me." "Then whattaya doin' livin'?" "Ya call this livin'?" Fortunately Blasted Bill called just at that moment from his cell phone and told me how to start the broadcast. And this is what I said into the microphone:
"BOOM-shaka-laka and welcome to the Toad Elevating Moment! Yes boys and girls you're scratching your heads and thinking NO, that's all wrong, why is this opening not the way it has always gone for years? This is the voice of Planet X, Planet Crooton, Planet Serif, Planet of the Apes, Planit Wisely, and in fact this has not been planned wisely because like all Planets, this one is floating out there in the void all alone-lone-lone-lone... DJ Blasted Bill is not here ladies and gentlemen. But wait! This Planet has been assimilated by the Borg! But it's not Seven of Nine. Hey baby, what's your designation?"
[my falsetto voice because she's downstairs chatting] "Two of D."
"One-two-three-four tell the people what she wore! Wow, you can assimilate me any time. But this will be a great show now that I've taken control of the horizontal and the vertical. We've got oldies-but-goodies and newies-but gooies, stacks-n-stacks of wax-n-wax, wonderful wecords to pway on the wadio! All here on W-W-W-W-W-W I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O Wonderful WINO Radio! [singsong voice:] (Wonderful Wiiiiinooooo... In western Walla-walla...) So with no further ado let's cut to the music."
At that point I turned on the elements song by Tom Lehrer, and loaded up the instant messenger, whereupon I was informed by bluehamster98 that nobody could hear a thing. The levels on the sound board were all turned down and I had been using a broken microphone.
Today I'm receiving death threats from wormquartet for playing each and every version of "Mommy's Broken" and using deconstructionist critiques to artfully expose this part of his ouevre for the fraud it is. His ouevre is probably still stinging. Although, I did not fail to stress the fact that he's my favorite second only to Tom Lehrer, so I hope he'll make it a quick and merciful death.