We'll be dancing on the cinders as the town is burning down
I had a pretty good idea if what I was going to write. Then I got home
and passed out on the bed. Now I have no idea what I was going to say.
I think if you ever have any big emotional problem you should just go
to sleep. It pretty much kills any emotions you have, at least for me.
You know what I hate? Days like this when I remember exactly where I was a year ago. Because when I was with everyone doing the hallway (which i feel like crap that I didn't stay till 10 to help) I remembered exactly what went on last year. Makes me feel old. Feels like years aren't as long as they're made out to be. Like theres only a thin layer between now and the year before it. And for the next few days, with midterms and all, you remember. You remember where you were when you took you English, SS, Math, etc. midterm a year ago. But do you remember who you were a year ago? What kind of person you were? What changed? It's hard I know. But sometimes you can learn something about yourself.
So yeah, I swear, there is nothing as good as small things like free soup. Or a nice comment from a friend. Or finally getting a new episode of LOST.
And you know what the most upsetting thing of all is? If you look how short a year is, everything we've come to expect will be shattered soon. I'm going to share a secret of you. I am dreadfully afraid of leaving this place. I'm dreadfully afraid of leaving everyone behind. For once in my life there are people that mean the world to me and I don't think many people give much thought to what's inevitably coming. That the house of cards is going to fall down soon. You know how when you go to camp, you have all these camp friends, and you promise you'll see all of them during the year and you only hang out with a few? And soon as the years go by it eventually lessens. I don't want to lose anybody. You spend years getting to know certain people and then theres the big fat chance you'll rarely ever see them. It's one of the most frightening things to me. Death doesn't bother me. Movies rarely affect me. I never cry. This chokes me up.
Every single friend my Mom had in high school she doesn't go out with anymore. And I asked her why. She said that that's just what happens. People change. They move on.
And that comment hit me pretty hard. I actually have a list of people I think will still be my friend after school is over. So yeah. That's my secret. And theres a lot more where that came from.
You know what I hate? Days like this when I remember exactly where I was a year ago. Because when I was with everyone doing the hallway (which i feel like crap that I didn't stay till 10 to help) I remembered exactly what went on last year. Makes me feel old. Feels like years aren't as long as they're made out to be. Like theres only a thin layer between now and the year before it. And for the next few days, with midterms and all, you remember. You remember where you were when you took you English, SS, Math, etc. midterm a year ago. But do you remember who you were a year ago? What kind of person you were? What changed? It's hard I know. But sometimes you can learn something about yourself.
So yeah, I swear, there is nothing as good as small things like free soup. Or a nice comment from a friend. Or finally getting a new episode of LOST.
And you know what the most upsetting thing of all is? If you look how short a year is, everything we've come to expect will be shattered soon. I'm going to share a secret of you. I am dreadfully afraid of leaving this place. I'm dreadfully afraid of leaving everyone behind. For once in my life there are people that mean the world to me and I don't think many people give much thought to what's inevitably coming. That the house of cards is going to fall down soon. You know how when you go to camp, you have all these camp friends, and you promise you'll see all of them during the year and you only hang out with a few? And soon as the years go by it eventually lessens. I don't want to lose anybody. You spend years getting to know certain people and then theres the big fat chance you'll rarely ever see them. It's one of the most frightening things to me. Death doesn't bother me. Movies rarely affect me. I never cry. This chokes me up.
Every single friend my Mom had in high school she doesn't go out with anymore. And I asked her why. She said that that's just what happens. People change. They move on.
And that comment hit me pretty hard. I actually have a list of people I think will still be my friend after school is over. So yeah. That's my secret. And theres a lot more where that came from.