Because I wanted to Live. | Matsujun RP Post |
So this was one of my favorite roleplaying posts from my site. Tells a darker side of Matsujun (and his love for Gackt -- if you followed my RP site you'd know that me and a friend shipped MatsujunxGackt. Heh.) It wasn't that long but I loved it regardless. Anyways; here goes.
It was pitch black in Matsu's apartment, except for the lighting coming from the open balcony window. Bottles of many different alcholic drinks littered the floor, and packs of unopened cigarettes were splayed out in a neat pile on the table in his living room. Matsu laid sprawled out on his couch, an unlit cigarette in his hands as he spun it around in his fingers. His head was swiming, his eyes redrimmed from crying earlier. Something he hadn't done in forever. The stench of alcohol radiated off of him, but that seemed to be the only thing that would calm his excessive hysterics. He held his cellphone tightly in his hand, as if waiting for his call. But he knew it wasn't coming. Nor was it going to come anytime in the near future. It was over, he had been used for fun and all that for a while - but he figured he was done with young Matsu. The thought tore at his heart as he gripped his cellphone tightly, the sound of the plastic casing around the phone making a slighty crack noise. He tossed it angrily out of his site as he heard it clatter against something. He had been calling people to come and maybe help him, before he did something he regretted, but everyone seemed to be busy. That was, everyone - except for Chiko. He had kept the conversation light, but he knew that his voice read off his distress. She had agreed, of course not first without some sarcastic remark. But at least she had come over. He didn't bother to clean up, or move from his semi-permanent position for the tears had started to fall once again after he had finished that convo. And he had probably cried for a good 30 minutes after that.
But now, there he laid, on the couch - a complete former shell of himself all because of him. His heart choked at him as he grabbed at it faintly, closing his eyes at the sudden sharp jolt of pain it caused him. All because of him. He didn't mind when Gackt had decided to randomly stop calling. That was normal when the star was either in a sudden creative high or was filming a movie. But two months had gone past without sign or word from the older male. He simply brushed it off, but he got worried as he soon started his frantic calling of his at the time beau. But there was never an answer. Matsu then at the time had got bold, he decided to wait up at places he knew the other male would be. But to no avail. It was then that he had saw Gackt at an award show they were both attending. He was happy to finally see him, but something was telling him that the other one wasn't so estatic. So he had approached him - only to be brushed off with a quick glance before Gackt walked away from him. As if he was someone he didn't know, someone he never knew, and really didn't care about. Ever. The whole incident was embarrassing, as Matsu remembered himself causing quite a scene as he had called out to Gackt, screaming a stream of obscenities, and all around throwing a fit. As if he were a woman. But the thing he remembered clear as day were the words Gackt had spoke to him. "Don't make such a fool of yourself, Jun." And he had smiled lightly, as if to mock him before turning away and disappearing altogether.
"FOOL..FOOL?!" Matsu screamed into the silence of his apartment, as his body shook with anger - hot tears streaming down his cheeks. "I..I loved.." But he didn't allow himself to finish the rest of his thought as he curled up on the sofa, the tears coming out in a more uncontrollable wave, his body shaking with the tremers of a sudden crying fit. And just then, he wished he had never met him. Had never stepped foot in that club that day. Had never..fallen in love. His heart choked him again, as if it were trying to make its way out of his throat as he silently prayed Chiko got there soon. The night air seemed to be calling to him.
It was pitch black in Matsu's apartment, except for the lighting coming from the open balcony window. Bottles of many different alcholic drinks littered the floor, and packs of unopened cigarettes were splayed out in a neat pile on the table in his living room. Matsu laid sprawled out on his couch, an unlit cigarette in his hands as he spun it around in his fingers. His head was swiming, his eyes redrimmed from crying earlier. Something he hadn't done in forever. The stench of alcohol radiated off of him, but that seemed to be the only thing that would calm his excessive hysterics. He held his cellphone tightly in his hand, as if waiting for his call. But he knew it wasn't coming. Nor was it going to come anytime in the near future. It was over, he had been used for fun and all that for a while - but he figured he was done with young Matsu. The thought tore at his heart as he gripped his cellphone tightly, the sound of the plastic casing around the phone making a slighty crack noise. He tossed it angrily out of his site as he heard it clatter against something. He had been calling people to come and maybe help him, before he did something he regretted, but everyone seemed to be busy. That was, everyone - except for Chiko. He had kept the conversation light, but he knew that his voice read off his distress. She had agreed, of course not first without some sarcastic remark. But at least she had come over. He didn't bother to clean up, or move from his semi-permanent position for the tears had started to fall once again after he had finished that convo. And he had probably cried for a good 30 minutes after that.
But now, there he laid, on the couch - a complete former shell of himself all because of him. His heart choked at him as he grabbed at it faintly, closing his eyes at the sudden sharp jolt of pain it caused him. All because of him. He didn't mind when Gackt had decided to randomly stop calling. That was normal when the star was either in a sudden creative high or was filming a movie. But two months had gone past without sign or word from the older male. He simply brushed it off, but he got worried as he soon started his frantic calling of his at the time beau. But there was never an answer. Matsu then at the time had got bold, he decided to wait up at places he knew the other male would be. But to no avail. It was then that he had saw Gackt at an award show they were both attending. He was happy to finally see him, but something was telling him that the other one wasn't so estatic. So he had approached him - only to be brushed off with a quick glance before Gackt walked away from him. As if he was someone he didn't know, someone he never knew, and really didn't care about. Ever. The whole incident was embarrassing, as Matsu remembered himself causing quite a scene as he had called out to Gackt, screaming a stream of obscenities, and all around throwing a fit. As if he were a woman. But the thing he remembered clear as day were the words Gackt had spoke to him. "Don't make such a fool of yourself, Jun." And he had smiled lightly, as if to mock him before turning away and disappearing altogether.
"FOOL..FOOL?!" Matsu screamed into the silence of his apartment, as his body shook with anger - hot tears streaming down his cheeks. "I..I loved.." But he didn't allow himself to finish the rest of his thought as he curled up on the sofa, the tears coming out in a more uncontrollable wave, his body shaking with the tremers of a sudden crying fit. And just then, he wished he had never met him. Had never stepped foot in that club that day. Had never..fallen in love. His heart choked him again, as if it were trying to make its way out of his throat as he silently prayed Chiko got there soon. The night air seemed to be calling to him.