Umi no shizukesa chapter 4
Title: Umi no shizukesa (the ocean's silence)
Author: MatsuAurore
Beta: Mokohno *lots of hugs*
Pairings: Juntoshi, Matsumiya, Sakuraiba
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter
Genre: Au, drama, romance, angst
Disclaimer: own nothing, just the hope to see them one day xD
Summary: Ohno looses his voice after a traumatic experience. He is desperate and alone, rejected by the others because of his silence. One day, he meets Jun, a young diver addicted to the sea. With Jun's help, Ohno discovers another world where the silence is the most precious thing. Together, they learn another language: the language of the sea.
Chapter 4:
After Nino left, Jun took his phone. He needed help. He needed someone he trusted, someone who wouldn't judge him and understood him.
"Moshi moshi."
"Sho, it's me," Jun whispered.
"Jun? What happened? You have a strange voice," Sho asked, worried.
"Can you come now, I... I need you," Jun stammered.
There was a pause before Sho answered.
"I'll be here in 5 minutes." And hung up.
Sho bit his lip, nervously. It wasn't like Jun to call him suddenly like that and ask him for his help. There might be a problem. A big problem. The newscaster drove quickly and when Jun opened his door, Sho's eyes widened. His friend's eyes were red, swollen and his face very pale.
"What happened?" Sho asked when they sat down on the sofa.
"I made a big mistake..." Jun whispered.
"Eh? What?"
"You know my relationship with Satoshi is getting better?"
Sho nodded. Jun told him all about Ohno since the beginning and the newscaster really liked the silent man.
"I was very happy when Ohchan started to let me touch him even a little. But I spoiled everything."
"How?"
"Yesterday, Kazu came and we slept together."
"You mean..."
"Yes. This morning, Satoshi found us and now, he locked himself up in the bathroom and doesn't want to open the door."
"I see."
"But the worst is I hurt Kazu too. When I made love to him, there always was Ohchan's face in my mind."
Sho sighed. Yes, it was a big problem. He knew Jun slept with Nino many times before without feeling anything more than friendship. It was Nino's idea at the beginning. It's him who suggested to help Jun to forget his ex-boyfriend. But with time, Sho noticed Nino was falling in love with his best friend. The newscaster tried to warn Nino that they should stop. Jun didn't love him as a real lover, the gamer was a substitute. But Nino ignored his warnings and kept on with his game. Now it was too late.
"What do you feel for Nino?" Sho asked.
"Hum... I think I really love him but since I met Ohchan, there is only him in my mind and it's worse when I sleep with Kazu. I don't know why... I'm lost."
"I think you love Ohchan." Sho smiled sadly.
"But... I'll hurt Kaz’ if I reject him," Jun protested.
"You’ll hurt him more if you’re not honest with your feelings. Nino knew you didn't love him at the beginning, it was his idea. It would only make things worse to lie to one of them and to yourself."
"What can I do?"
"You must choose. Nino or Ohno. Try to find who you really love. If it's just a phase with Ohchan or if you are really in love with him. Be honest, don't make one of your friends suffer for nothing. I know you're a kind and sensitive person, Jun," Sho said. He stood up and took his shoes. "I'll always be here for you but today, you have to deal with that alone, it's your feelings, not mines."
"Thanks, Sho." Jun hugged his friend who smiled.
When the newscaster left, Jun walked to his kitchen and cooked curry for Ohno who was still locked in the bathroom. Sho was right, he must choose. Even if Satoshi didn't love him, if he chose the sleepy man, he couldn't be with Kazu anymore, it would be unfair to the gamer.
"Satoshi... I made curry for you. I wanted you to know that I'm sorry for what happened this morning. You know, my life is a big mess and Kazu was the only one who understood me while the others judged me. I just want you to understand why I acted like that. I let you the curry in front of the door, but please, sleep in your bed tonight and not on the ground," Jun said to the door and left.
After a while, Ohno opened the door and ate his curry with happiness. Jun really was a good cooker. Guilt invaded his heart. Maybe he had overreacted... After all, Jun could sleep with whoever he wanted, who was he to judge him? Ohno lied down on his bed but couldn't sleep. Something was missing, or actually someone. Silently, he stood up and walked to Jun's bedroom. The younger was asleep, snoring slightly and Ohno smiled with tenderness. He slipped under the sheets and closed his eyes. Now, he could sleep.
Jun smiled when he saw Ohno next to him in the morning. His hand stroked the cute chubby cheeks to his mouth. Jun bit his lips, Ohno really had a beautiful mouth. He didn't want to wake him up and silently left his bedroom, letting a letter for the sleepy man before he left for his work.
When Ohno woke up, he found the letter on the table and sighed.
Satoshi,
I have to go to work but I’ll come back soon. There is your lunch in the fridge and if you need to go somewhere, call Masaki.
Jun
Ohno waited a moment and left the apartment to take a taxi. He wanted to bring back his belongings and his diary. When he came back to Jun's, he grabbed his notebook and wrote.
Dear diary,
Four months ago, I tried to kill myself because of Yamada. You know, he raped me again, he said my silence was pissing him off and maybe he's right. But I was sure of one thing; I couldn't bear it anymore. I didn't want to feel Yamada inside me, these disgusting fingers on my body, this tongue licking my skin, I didn't want to feel so dirty anymore. That's why I tried to kill myself. I preferred dying than this grief but someone saved me. His name is Matsumoto Jun, he's kind and gorgeous. He has a very sensitive look and his smile heals my heart. It's the way I feel when he smiles at me, I don't know why but my heart beats so fast and my hands are shaking. It's the first time since the accident that someone calls me his "friend" and I'm so happy but at the same time, I’m afraid of Jun being fed up with me. What if my silence was annoying him? I don't want him to reject me, I don't want to loose him...I think... I love him. It's the first time I can touch someone since the accident and since some days ago, I can let Jun touch my skin without feeling my body dirtied. But I'm still afraid. Maybe he will rape me like Yamada did if he doesn't bear my silence anymore... My mind is a big mess, I'm lost. On one side, I'm afraid that Jun might leave me and on the other side, I'm afraid he might want to do the same things Yamada did to me. And he doesn't know anything about my life, he doesn't know I'm not really mute. What if he learned about the accident? Would he reject me? Would he like to rape me too? I couldn't bear him rejecting me, I don't want to loose him. When I saw him with Nino-chan, my heart broke in one thousand pieces. It wasn't Nino's fault but I felt angry with him. He stole my Jun, he stole the only man who makes me feel better, who makes me feel complete. With Jun, I feel like a good person, as if I wasn't this coward and this killer that I became two years ago. When I'm next to him, I can think I deserve to live, I can imagine I deserve happiness. Is it really love? It's wonderful how one feels when there is someone next to you who count for you, someone who is precious, someone you want to protect no matter what happens. But I'm not stupid, I know very well Jun will never share my feelings. How could he love someone who can't speak? How could he love someone who can't even say 'I love you'? It would be very boring for him to love someone who can't talk about his day or any interesting subject. Silence is destroying my life like a storm erasing everything on its way. But I'm not sad. I understand now that if Jun is just next to me, I can be the happiest man in the world. I just need him by my side.
Satoshi the dumb
Ohno hid his diary in his stuff. He was watching a movie when he heard a noise.
"Tadaima," Jun's voice said and Ohno ran toward him. "I left earlier because I didn't want you to be alone. I want to take you somewhere to apologize," Jun added shyly while the older looked a bit curious and surprised.
Jun took a big bag and led the older to his car.
The silent man blinked when he saw the sea. Jun took him to a boat and started it. Ohno was a bit panic-struck, he didn't know where they were going but relaxed when he saw how Jun was staring at the ocean and how kindness was shining into his eyes. No. He couldn't be afraid. Jun would never harm him, he wasn't Yamada. After 20 minutes, the younger casted the anchor and turned round toward Ohno.
"Have you ever swum?" Jun asked and Ohno nodded. "You know...The ocean is my passion, I love swimming and diving, it's like a need and I want to share it with you," Jun said, a bit hesitantly.
Ohno grinned excitedly, he wanted it, yes, he wanted to dive with his friend. The younger smiled happily and took their wetsuits, masks and flippers. He explained to Ohno how to use it and after few minutes, dived into the fresh water.
"You have to learn the signs used in diving; it's for your security. This one is for 'I'm fine', this one for 'I feel bad', this for 'I can't breathe' and this one for 'I'm freezing', it's enough for today because we don't dive with a bottle of oxygen, ah, and this one is for 'look at this', is it ok?" Jun asked after showing the signs to Ohno who made the one for 'it's ok', making Jun laugh.
"Ok, then, let's go."
He took a big breath and Ohno's hand shyly and both dived. At the beginning, Jun was a bit worried about Ohno's reactions. What if Ohno was afraid? But the older looked very happy and flipped excitedly, showing all the fishes to Jun with an innocent smile. Both swam toward a wall of stones where there were many shells.
Suddenly, they saw a very big fish and stopped to admire it. Despite Jun's worries, Ohno seemed to be in his element and could hold his breath very long. The sleepy man jumped when a shadow approached him and Jun started to panic but it was just Hinata. The dolphin swam toward Ohno, curious and the older held out one's hand. The beautiful animal cried happily and stroked Ohno's hand with the tip of its nose. The silent man grinned and grabbed its fin. Jun was very surprised, Hinata never acted like that with a stranger. After a few minutes he took Ohno's hand and both climbed on the boat. They took their suits off and the younger looked at his computer. His eyes widened when he saw they had been diving for 25 minutes without breathing.
"Did you enjoy it?" Jun asked and the older nodded, smiling brightly.
They came back home and after a shower, sat down on the sofa.
"You never did apnea before today?" Ohno shook his head. "Amazing! You dived during 25 minutes without breathing".
Is it good? Ohno wrote on his skin.
"It's very very good, you have a gift, Ohchan, I'm very proud of you," Jun exclaimed. "Do you want to dive tomorrow?"
Yes, yes Ohno wanted to dive again, to enjoy this feeling of freedom. When he was in the water, all his problems faded away. It wasn't important if he couldn't speak because he didn't need to speak, he just had to look and listen. For him, the sea was the most silent place and at the same time the noisiest because, if you listened very well, you could hear the fishes swimming, the crabs and the shells walking on the sand, the plants moving with the waves. All the ocean's inhabitants were speaking to him but he had to listen if he wanted to understand. Under the water, the animals didn't judge Ohno, they were all equals. The fishes approached and swam or played with him. Their only word was respect. If he treated them kindly, they gave him the right to come into their world. But Ohno was happier because he could share it with Jun. His friend. His first friend since the accident and the man he loved. Feeling the younger's hand in his when they swam was the best. Both understood each other. And even in the cold water, Ohno felt Jun's warm hand.
Ohno jumped into Jun's arms happily but stopped when he realized what he was doing. He lowered his head, ashamed but the younger put his hand on his cheek, a bit hesitant. Satoshi raised his face, looking at Jun with his innocent and kind eyes.
"Ohchan, I...I wanted to say... I think I lo..." Jun started but stopped when he heard a sound of keys.
"Tadaima!" A voice said and Jun released immediately Ohno's cheek and stood up, blushing.
"Oh, Masaki, why are you here?" Jun asked nervously.
"Gomen ne, JunJun but Sho left town for two days and I didn't want to be alone, Nino will come in an hour because he has free time," Aiba said happily without noticing Jun's upset look and that he disturbed a very important moment between Ohno and his best friend.
"I see~ we wanted to watch a movie with Ohchan, would you join us?"
"Yes, sure."
"And how many times did I tell you not to call me JunJun?!" Jun frowned and Masaki stuck his tongue out childishly.
They sat on the sofa and Jun put one of his favorite movies, Gantz. He loved watching Nino in his sexy suit. They were watching TV since 45 minutes when Aiba's phone rang.
"Oh, sumimasen, it's Sho-chan!" Aiba grinned before leaving the living room.
What did you want to tell me earlier? Ohno wrote on his arm.
"Oh, I... I wanted to say I think I lo.." But the doorbell rang.
"Shit!" Jun exclaimed, annoyed. He stood up and opened the door.
"Yo, J." Nino smiled before taking his shoes off. He hugged his friend and kissed his lips. Jun jumped and pushed him away. Ohno, who saw the whole scene, lowered his head, pain crossing his heart.
"What are you doing, Kaz’?!" Jun asked, annoyed.
Nino smiled innocently and bowed when he saw Ohno's gaze, his eyes showing clearly he would leave Jun to him without fighting. He was determined to fight for his love. The game started now and they'll see who would win Jun's heart. A diabolic smile spread Nino's lips with a frightening look. Ohno gulped and turned his head away.
"So~ what did you do? Oh, you were watching Gantz?! Sugoi, it's one of my favorite movies!" Nino said and Jun smacked his head.
"Don't be so arrogant, brat!"
Jun sat down next to Ohno on the sofa and took his hand while he started the movie. Satoshi's smile came back when he saw Jun taking care of him. He didn't want to give up but at the same time, he knew Nino would probably win. He was able to speak. Nino could say 'I love you' to Jun unlike the sleepy man. Certainly, Nino could speak about the ocean, about their diving. Ohno asked himself if Jun had ever taken Nino with him when he dived. There were pictures of the younger and Masaki in the sea but none of Nino. Did it mean the gamer had never dived with his best friend? Somewhere, Ohno felt better with this thought. It wasn't kind but he couldn't help it.
Nino frowned when he saw them so close and sat next to the younger, leaning his head on his shoulder. He liked Ohno, he was a kind guy but at the same time, he loved his best friend and didn't want to let him to the older. Jun and him knew each other since they were 3 years old, Ohno couldn't just get in like that and steal Jun from him in a few months.
When Aiba came back, he frowned. Ohno had his hand in Jun's but it wasn't what shocked him, it was the fact that Nino had his head on Jun's shoulder. He caught Nino's arm and took him in the kitchen.
"Oi, what are you doing?" Nino growled angrily.
"No, Nino, YOU what are you doing?!" Aiba asked, frowning.
"I don't know what you mean, sorry I have to leave," Nino smiled innocently.
"Bye, J, see you later," Nino said, kissing his cheek.
"Bye, Kaz’," Jun answered.
Jun looked at Ohno who was asleep and smiled. He stroked his cheek, lifted him in his arms and stretched out the older on his bed. Ohno curled up in a ball, stroking his cheek against the sheets and Jun gulped. He sat down on the bed and put his hand on the chubby cheek lovingly. Without thinking anymore, Jun brushed Ohno's lips with his. As he thought it tasted amazing, a mix between strawberry and cherry and Jun couldn't resist. He kissed the beautiful lips softly to not wake Ohno up.
"Oyasumi, my silent chubby Satoshi," Jun whispered before kissing his favorite pouty lips one last time and leaving the bedroom.
To be continued...