Forbidden games (chapter 3)
Title: Forbidden games
Author: MatsuAurore
Pairings: Ohmiya, Sakumoto
Banner: My dear Sis’ Witch, Lilisan31 <3
Genre: Au, angst, drama, romance
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Disclaimer: If Arashi belonged to me, they would be tied up on my bed xD
Summary: Ohno and Nino are the perfect couple. Dating for six years, they love and trust each other deeply and live a perfect life surrounded by amazing friends. But one day, Ohno discovers a secret that Nino is hiding for several years and realizes he doesn't really know the man he lives with.
When life is a dream, be careful with the nightmares.
Chapter 3:
Nino's pov:
Satoshi's eyes widened when he realized what I was going to do and struggled to escape from the bounds, fear shining in his beautiful eyes.
"Kazu!!! What's going on?! What are you doing with a gun?!!!" My lover cried.
"Jun?! You... What the fuck, what are we doing here?! Satomi, calm down my baby! Papa is here!" Sho tried to calm Satomi who was crying and calling Jun's name.
"Papa!! Papa!!"
"You can't be serious Kazu!" Jun yelled when he realized I was deadly serious and ready to pull the trigger.
"And why would they be here?! And how do you explain the indication?! The boss is testing our loyalty!"
"Kazu!!!" Satoshi yelled in pure panic, struggling. "Kazu, I didn't mean to be angry at you! I need you..." Satoshi sobbed, lowering his head. "I just want you to be here for me... To be with me... You know perfectly I love you so much that I would become crazy without you... Tell me... Tell me what I did wrong... Why... Why do you want to kill me?... Why are you able to use a gun... I'm lost... Kazu... You said you would always be here for me... Kazu, I beg you..." My lover cried incoherently. My heart tightened in pain but I had to ignore my feelings.
I looked away to fight the pain in my heart. He wasn't more important than my mission. The boss counted on me.
I took a little ball in my pocket and threw it on the floor. A big smoke wrapped us and I gripped Jun's arm to whisper in his ear.
"They are listening to us. This gadget can give us two minutes of privacy."
"But..."
"Jun, do you trust me?"
"With my life."
"Okay... When the smoke will disappear, we will shoot them."
"What?! Never! You..."
"Jun! You said you trust me!" I threw him a death glare.
"Okay... I hope you know what you're doing!"
"I am. Be ready! In four, three, two, one..." The smoke disappeared and we jumped on the guns as three men in black leather suits were attacking us. I killed one of them while Jun had already dived his katana in the two other's bodies. I kneeled down and closing my eyes, shot on Satoshi who cried in pain before his body stopped to live. "Jun! Shoot!!!"
"I can't!" Jun was pointing Satomi with shaking hands while Sho was screaming and struggling to protect their daughter. I growled and shot myself under his scream. "No!!! Killer!!!" Jun jumped on me with anger. I punched him hard and grabbed his collar.
"Trust me." I whispered. His look dived into mine and the unbreakable trust he had in me made him react quickly. After a nod, my friend rolled on the ground and shot on Sho who spitted some blood.
We were both paralyzed, not even caring about the men who were about to kill us some seconds ago. I was staring at Satoshi's body on the ground, trying to refrain my sobs until a music started, some men of the HQ appearing.
"Congratulations, number XVII and XVI, you've passed the test." A numerical voice resounded, Satoshi, Satomi and Sho's corpses disappearing.
"Eh?" I acted as if I hadn't understood.
"You're free until the next mission." The voice said before vanishing. Two men grabbed our arms, Jun still shocked and not able to form a coherent word. We ended in our private quarters reserved for the best agents and went to the showers like two zombies. We had maybe lived the worst moments of our lives.
"How did you guess?" Jun finally asked after being sure we weren't heard.
"They are good to create illusions but they forgot a little scar on Satoshi's face. I know it by heart as I often stroke it after making love. When I didn't see it, I realized it wasn't them. They did that to be sure we are loyal and that our families are nothing more but covers."
"I didn't even see it... "
"Don't blame yourself, shooting your own child is just impossible for a normal parent..."
"I didn't even see it wasn't them... "
"If they hadn't forgotten this tiny scar, I wouldn't have found out the truth... I was only lucky... "
"Would you have shot then?"
I looked at him with pain. This question had none answer. I didn't know.
"Sometimes, I wonder if I'm human. I can't even tell you if I would have shot or no. I... I love Satoshi... More than my own life... But the promise we made when we were young is meant to be the most important. Would have I shot if it had been him? I don't know. Maybe. And once my promise realized, I would have killed myself. It's funny because the only truth I have told him until now is that I can't live without him. My love for him is the only real thing in this fake reality." I sighed.
"Kazu... Our promise..."
"No!" I grabbed his collar and pushed him violently against the wall, my knife against his throat. "You swore! We both swore on their graves! We will hold this promise even if it means killing the ones we love! Don't betray me, Jun or I'll rip your heart myself and it's not a joke." I stared at him with killing eyes, all my humanity vanishing. Jun stared at me before hugging me.
"I would never betray you, brother. I'm just scared, Kazu..."
I bit my lip, anxious. Jun was someone who never complained, never showed his weaknesses despite his very sensitive personality... If today he admitted his fear, it was bad. It means he was on the edge for the first time of our lives. I had never seen him like that and believe me, he had seen and lived horrible situations in his life, mostly when he was in Afghanistan during the war... The violence he had been through had changed him... But today, I couldn't allow that.
"Listen to me carefully, Jun." I grabbed him by his collar, looking at him intensively. "We are professionals killers and we love it. "
"I... "
"You don't? Be honest with yourself before answering."
"Yes. "
"Hum? "
"Yes, I love to kill. I... I need it. My job is my life. Diving my katana into someone's body is like an orgasm... And this promise is what has kept us alive until now."
"I was scared you had turned into a stupid snail." I smiled.
"But Kazu..."
"There is Satomi, I know. The goal now is to not panic and to think. After that game, I think they trust us. The boss needed to know if we are loyal and if we can kill our covers if it's needed. I don't think he is going to touch them. Satomi will soon be in the age for the agency, if they try to come and take her, we will have to react."
"How? "
"I'm thinking about a plan to protect her. But there are lots of risks... Sho's life will also be in danger... For the moment, let's go back home, we will talk later... We also have to remember our goal, Jun. Don't forget we swore on blood we would achieve our promise no matter what."
"I know. I can't forget that." Jun clenched his teeth as scenes of the past came back in his mind.
****
When I came back, Satoshi was awake, of course and I had to face a closed lover who this time, didn't forgive me so easily, even when I tried to kiss him.
"Toshi..."
"Where were you? I woke up at 6 a.m and found the bed empty."
"An emergency at work..."
"Kazu, you create video games, you don't lead the CIA!" I shivered at his words. Leading the CIA would be so easy compared to my actual job.
"I lead a big company, Satoshi, and being called for an emergency is a quite high possibility."
Ohno sighed and drank his cup of coffee.
"I'm losing you..."
"What??"
"It's like when we met, you are so distant again... You lie, you find lame excuses to justify your actions... I don't recognize you anymore, Kazu."
"Satoshi..."
"I've seen it." I paled at his words. If he meant...
"What?"
"Your wrist. I'm sorry but I checked it during the night."
"I..." Satoshi grabbed my arm and taking a knife, cut my bracelet, letting it fall on the ground.
"Why have you tattooed XVII on your wrist?!!!" Satoshi yelled, making me jump. He wasn't the kind of person who was able to scream, even when we argued.
"Nothing..." I put my hand on the tattoo.
"You lie. Again."
"Satoshi... I... It's just a tattoo..."
"Like the one on your shoulder blade?! Like the marks on your back?!! You're a complete liar! I realize I don't know you at all after all this time!!!"
"I'm sorry... I... I love you so much but you're unhappy with me... "
"Stop! Stop using this card! It's too easy to say that! I think... I think we should make a break..."
"What?!"
"I need to think... Alone... I'll stay at my parent's house for a while..."
"Satoshi..."
"I have worked so hard to break this shell around you, I have suffered a lot and I don't want to go back to this time..."
"If breaking up is what you need." I said coldly without any emotion, hating this sadness in his eyes. It was stronger than myself, when you hurt me, even if I loved you more than anything, I could reject you without any compassion.
"Kazu, don't make me look like the bad guy, you know perfectly I wasn't talking about a break up."
"If you're this unhappy with me, go back to your ex."
"Kazu... Talk to me... Look at me... Whatever you've made or whatever happened to you in the past, I'll always love you... Just... Tell me the truth..." Satoshi took my hand but I pulled away with a cold look.
"No need to go to your mother, I'll sleep at the agency." I left him and made my luggage quickly before leaving under his shocked eyes. I didn't leave the building and locked myself up in my second apartment. I knew it wasn't Satoshi's fault but anytime you reproached me something, the wall of silence and coldness I had built all my life came back and in these moments, I could become as cold as an iceberg.
I dived in my bath, holding my breath and closing my eyes to think. Sato was right, I was acting like when we met, like the arrogant and nasty bastard I was...
Six years ago...
"Bastard, you are going to die... I... " The man gasped as my knife was diving in his stomach, a sadistic smile painted on my face.
"I would love to see that~" The man fell on his knees, dead. "It's so boring when they die quickly..." I complained with a pout. "I didn't even cut his fingers..." Lightning a matchstick, I threw it on the man, looking at his body in fire. "At least, I took off his teeth~" I left, wiping the blood on my arm. It was the third case of my day and I needed more, I needed my adrenaline dose to sleep peacefully tonight. Climbing on my motor bike, I drove quickly toward the beach. It would soon be dark and I liked to watch the sunset. I walked and sat on the edge of the beach, looking at the sky. I missed Jun. I hadn't seen him since his start for France, six months ago and without him, my emotional
stability was in danger. He was my rock since we met when we were 6 years old.
"Are you okay?" A voice asked suddenly.
I turned my head to discover a short man with a fishing rode in his hand looking at me with worried eyes. I ignored him and stared back at the sky.
"I also love the view." He sat next to me with a smile and I stopped my hand that almost took the knife on my leg to kill him. I hated being disturbed. I loved my loneliness after all. "It's so appeasing... The colors on the sea, the sound of the waves... I feel calmer when I come here."
I stood up without a word and left before killing him. I didn't understand why but something in his eyes stopped me from diving my knife deep in his heart. I didn't sleep well this night, his face invading my dreams and preventing me to take some rest. Stupid chubby man!
The next day, this bastard came again, talking alone or staying quiet for hours. He was so annoying that I didn't understand why I hadn't cut his throat yet. The first word he heard from my mouth was a small comment about his painting. He was cute when he painted, mostly when he bit his lip and his tongue.
"Beautiful..."
"Eh???" He looked at me in disbelief, his mouth wide open.
"You've heard me."
"Sorry but I thought you were mute.."
"Baka." I replied.
"Anyway, thank you for the compliment..." He smiled happily and kept painting under my eyes.
It took him one week to make me say a word and three weeks to make me reply to his questions. I wasn't used to talk to someone else than Jun. But he managed to make me smile a bit with his pouts and his funny reflections. He wasn't a very talkative person and I liked that as I preferred to stay silent and to be alone. His name was Ohno Satoshi and he was a professional dancer.
"You have a beautiful smile." Ohno smiled one day.
"Idiot." I mumbled.
"You should smile and laugh more. Want to have a coffee in a bar?"
"Is it a date?"
"Well... What would you say if it was?" Ohno blushed.
"I'd say no."
"Then, it's just a drink." He looked disappointed and for an unknown reason, I was a bit happy.
"Just 5 minutes then." I sighed and stood up.
But these 5 minutes turned into 5 hours. We talked a lot and I laughed a bit. To be honest, I spent a very good time with him. We kept going to the bar, talking or sometimes staying together without a word but it wasn't unpleasant.
"Nino..." Ohno said one day as I was leaving him in front of his apartment.
"Hum?"
"When will you make the first step?"
"Eh? "
"When will you kiss me?" Ohno stared at me, blushing.
"Never. Why?"
"You... Don't you feel the same?" He looked at me with sad eyes. No. Sorry. I wasn't someone who was able to love. I didn't need anyone besides my gun.
"No, sorry." I shrugged.
"I see..." Ohno looked down, probably holding back his tears.
"I should go."
"Are you this insensitive? Don't you feel anything for me?"
"No."
"Why do you keep coming to the beach then? "
"Because I've always come there and since you're here, I let you come."
"How can you be so cold?!" I blinked when I saw his crying face.
"I'm not a kind person, Satoshi. You like the wrong guy."
"Spend the night with me."
"Eh?" I looked at him with shock.
"Make love with me and if you really don't feel anything, you will be free to leave and I won't come back to the beach anymore."
"I've never fucked." I shrugged. Ohno stared at me with surprise.
"And then? I don't care, spend the night with me." Ohno grabbed my nape and our lips met quickly. I didn't move, not knowing what to do until he showed me how to kiss.
We spent the night together and to be honest, it was very good. I didn't know making love was so pleasurable and didn't refuse when Ohno asked for more rounds. When I woke up the next morning, he was deep asleep, the sheets barely covering his naked body. He was very beautiful. I stood up and dressed up silently before taking my bag, ready to leave but stopped when I heard a sob.
"I wasn't good enough for you to stay..."
"No. It was very good..."
"I feel so miserable, crying for you and almost begging you to stay... Loving someone who isn't even interested by me... I'm pathetic!" Ohno cried.
"I..." I didn't know why but I didn't like seeing him cry.
"Thank you for this amazing night... I... It will stay a beautiful memory for me..." Ohno smiled weakly. I bit my lip, thinking quickly. Okay, I didn't love him but he did... And he would make a good cover for me.
"I was just going to work..."
"Eh?" Ohno looked at me with surprise.
"I work today... I'll come back tonight... If you want..."
"Really?"
"Hum."
"See you tonight then." A wide smile stretched his mouth.
"Yes..." I left quickly. Okay, I was using him but he would never know.
This lie worked for one year. I was using Satoshi as cover, playing the perfect boyfriend and repeating how much I loved him despite my lack of feelings. I was so cruel but I couldn't help it. I was like that. But Sato seemed happy and I fucked him well. He couldn't understand I hadn't any clue about what love was. I had never loved. I was raised to kill. When a child had sweets and plush for his birthday, I had handcuffs and guns. When a child was punished in his bedroom for disobeying, I was tied to a chair before being beaten and locked up in the dark without anything to eat for five days. I wasn't able to love because I didn't know what love was. So, at least, I knew I made Satoshi happy even if everything was a lie.
My life was simple. Everything was like I planned and wanted it to be. Or it was what I thought. As years passed, I became less careful than when I was alone. And I paid it.
"Tadaima." I said, entering my apartment before reacting in one second and taking my gun. It had taken me only some seconds to see there was something wrong. The lack of noise, the atmosphere and the darkness. Holding my gun against my chest, I walked silently toward the living room, discovering Satoshi on the ground, unconscious. I kept my calm, my training had always taught me not to let my emotions take advantage of the situation. I closed my eyes, listening to my abilities before bending and shooting toward the window. A muffle scream resounded and I approached, looking at the man on the ground.
"Who are you?"
"As if I was going to tell you." The man smirked. "You're taking a dangerous path, XVII, you're going to pay for that later, you know the boss never jokes."
"Are you sure? I can torture you for hours without any compassion."
"I don't think so..." The man smirked before closing his eyes.
"Shit!" I tried to open his mouth but the poison had already killed him. Inhaling deeply, I stood up and looked for something to make his body disappear. After that, I took Satoshi in my arms and laid him on our bed. As he wasn't waking up, panic invaded me.
"Moshi moshi?" A sleepy voice mumbled.
"Jun!! Are you back in Japan?!"
"I came home an hour ago and was trying to get some sleep, why?"
"I need you now. Come immediately!" I hung up. "It's going to be okay, Satoshi..." I stroked his hair, crying silently.
It took Jun 15 minutes to come over. I knew he would be quick as I never called him for nothing except when we wanted to compare our cases. Unlike me, Jun had worked with a very good surgeon in Afghanistan during his longest mission, five years. He hadn't any diploma but he had already made surgeries with this man and would maybe know how to help Satoshi.
"Poison." I paled at his words.
"You can save him, ne?!"
"Without going to the hospital, it will be hard. I have to make him throw up, first and after I'll clean his blood." Jun stood up and opened his bag to take something I had never seen before. "Don't worry, it won't hurt him." Jun smiled and inserted this horrible object in Satoshi's throat. My lover's body started to shake under my panicked eyes. "Don't panic Kazu! Have you forgotten our training?!" Jun snapped coldly.
"Sorry." I inhaled to calm down as Satoshi threw up violently. "I thought it wasn't painful?"
"You didn't need to know." Jun replied calmly and put a perfusion in my lover's arm. "He will be okay, his blood is clean and he will wake up after some hours of sleep." Jun stood up.
"Thank you so much, J..."
"You're welcome." Jun smiled, kissing my forehead.
"Where have you learnt that?" I asked, showing the horrible thing in his bag.
"You wouldn't like to know." Jun smirked, a sadist smile on his face. "Well, be careful Kazu, love isn't allowed in our profession."
"And you with this Sho Sakurai?" I replied.
"He is just a cover." Jun shrugged.
"Anyway, I don't love him..."
"Keep lying to yourself, Kazu but I'm not blind. Be careful because you're taking a very dangerous way..." Jun whispered before leaving.
I stared at Satoshi, thinking about my feelings in the previous situation.
"Shit." I groaned.
Jun was right.
I was in love with Satoshi.
To be continued...
A/N: Here was the chapter 3! I’m sorry for being late but my cat died two days ago and I wasn’t in the mood to post… he was 19 years old, so, I have spent most of my life with him, it’s really hard for our family to lose such a wonderful cat that everybody loved…
I hope you liked it and yes, they didn't really kill Sho and Ohchan but like Nino said, their mysterious promise is more important than their lovers. Well, it seems a bit horrible but there are reasons you will discover later that explains their behavior and why this promise is what they live for. In the next chapter, things are going to move, the agency will make the first step and Jun and Nino are going to be in a big shit xD
For my dear Andy, your bb will appear in the next chapter, you know what I mean ;)
Comments are always very <3 See you soon~
Author: MatsuAurore
Pairings: Ohmiya, Sakumoto
Banner: My dear Sis’ Witch, Lilisan31 <3
Genre: Au, angst, drama, romance
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Disclaimer: If Arashi belonged to me, they would be tied up on my bed xD
Summary: Ohno and Nino are the perfect couple. Dating for six years, they love and trust each other deeply and live a perfect life surrounded by amazing friends. But one day, Ohno discovers a secret that Nino is hiding for several years and realizes he doesn't really know the man he lives with.
When life is a dream, be careful with the nightmares.
Chapter 3:
Nino's pov:
Satoshi's eyes widened when he realized what I was going to do and struggled to escape from the bounds, fear shining in his beautiful eyes.
"Kazu!!! What's going on?! What are you doing with a gun?!!!" My lover cried.
"Jun?! You... What the fuck, what are we doing here?! Satomi, calm down my baby! Papa is here!" Sho tried to calm Satomi who was crying and calling Jun's name.
"Papa!! Papa!!"
"You can't be serious Kazu!" Jun yelled when he realized I was deadly serious and ready to pull the trigger.
"And why would they be here?! And how do you explain the indication?! The boss is testing our loyalty!"
"Kazu!!!" Satoshi yelled in pure panic, struggling. "Kazu, I didn't mean to be angry at you! I need you..." Satoshi sobbed, lowering his head. "I just want you to be here for me... To be with me... You know perfectly I love you so much that I would become crazy without you... Tell me... Tell me what I did wrong... Why... Why do you want to kill me?... Why are you able to use a gun... I'm lost... Kazu... You said you would always be here for me... Kazu, I beg you..." My lover cried incoherently. My heart tightened in pain but I had to ignore my feelings.
I looked away to fight the pain in my heart. He wasn't more important than my mission. The boss counted on me.
I took a little ball in my pocket and threw it on the floor. A big smoke wrapped us and I gripped Jun's arm to whisper in his ear.
"They are listening to us. This gadget can give us two minutes of privacy."
"But..."
"Jun, do you trust me?"
"With my life."
"Okay... When the smoke will disappear, we will shoot them."
"What?! Never! You..."
"Jun! You said you trust me!" I threw him a death glare.
"Okay... I hope you know what you're doing!"
"I am. Be ready! In four, three, two, one..." The smoke disappeared and we jumped on the guns as three men in black leather suits were attacking us. I killed one of them while Jun had already dived his katana in the two other's bodies. I kneeled down and closing my eyes, shot on Satoshi who cried in pain before his body stopped to live. "Jun! Shoot!!!"
"I can't!" Jun was pointing Satomi with shaking hands while Sho was screaming and struggling to protect their daughter. I growled and shot myself under his scream. "No!!! Killer!!!" Jun jumped on me with anger. I punched him hard and grabbed his collar.
"Trust me." I whispered. His look dived into mine and the unbreakable trust he had in me made him react quickly. After a nod, my friend rolled on the ground and shot on Sho who spitted some blood.
We were both paralyzed, not even caring about the men who were about to kill us some seconds ago. I was staring at Satoshi's body on the ground, trying to refrain my sobs until a music started, some men of the HQ appearing.
"Congratulations, number XVII and XVI, you've passed the test." A numerical voice resounded, Satoshi, Satomi and Sho's corpses disappearing.
"Eh?" I acted as if I hadn't understood.
"You're free until the next mission." The voice said before vanishing. Two men grabbed our arms, Jun still shocked and not able to form a coherent word. We ended in our private quarters reserved for the best agents and went to the showers like two zombies. We had maybe lived the worst moments of our lives.
"How did you guess?" Jun finally asked after being sure we weren't heard.
"They are good to create illusions but they forgot a little scar on Satoshi's face. I know it by heart as I often stroke it after making love. When I didn't see it, I realized it wasn't them. They did that to be sure we are loyal and that our families are nothing more but covers."
"I didn't even see it... "
"Don't blame yourself, shooting your own child is just impossible for a normal parent..."
"I didn't even see it wasn't them... "
"If they hadn't forgotten this tiny scar, I wouldn't have found out the truth... I was only lucky... "
"Would you have shot then?"
I looked at him with pain. This question had none answer. I didn't know.
"Sometimes, I wonder if I'm human. I can't even tell you if I would have shot or no. I... I love Satoshi... More than my own life... But the promise we made when we were young is meant to be the most important. Would have I shot if it had been him? I don't know. Maybe. And once my promise realized, I would have killed myself. It's funny because the only truth I have told him until now is that I can't live without him. My love for him is the only real thing in this fake reality." I sighed.
"Kazu... Our promise..."
"No!" I grabbed his collar and pushed him violently against the wall, my knife against his throat. "You swore! We both swore on their graves! We will hold this promise even if it means killing the ones we love! Don't betray me, Jun or I'll rip your heart myself and it's not a joke." I stared at him with killing eyes, all my humanity vanishing. Jun stared at me before hugging me.
"I would never betray you, brother. I'm just scared, Kazu..."
I bit my lip, anxious. Jun was someone who never complained, never showed his weaknesses despite his very sensitive personality... If today he admitted his fear, it was bad. It means he was on the edge for the first time of our lives. I had never seen him like that and believe me, he had seen and lived horrible situations in his life, mostly when he was in Afghanistan during the war... The violence he had been through had changed him... But today, I couldn't allow that.
"Listen to me carefully, Jun." I grabbed him by his collar, looking at him intensively. "We are professionals killers and we love it. "
"I... "
"You don't? Be honest with yourself before answering."
"Yes. "
"Hum? "
"Yes, I love to kill. I... I need it. My job is my life. Diving my katana into someone's body is like an orgasm... And this promise is what has kept us alive until now."
"I was scared you had turned into a stupid snail." I smiled.
"But Kazu..."
"There is Satomi, I know. The goal now is to not panic and to think. After that game, I think they trust us. The boss needed to know if we are loyal and if we can kill our covers if it's needed. I don't think he is going to touch them. Satomi will soon be in the age for the agency, if they try to come and take her, we will have to react."
"How? "
"I'm thinking about a plan to protect her. But there are lots of risks... Sho's life will also be in danger... For the moment, let's go back home, we will talk later... We also have to remember our goal, Jun. Don't forget we swore on blood we would achieve our promise no matter what."
"I know. I can't forget that." Jun clenched his teeth as scenes of the past came back in his mind.
****
When I came back, Satoshi was awake, of course and I had to face a closed lover who this time, didn't forgive me so easily, even when I tried to kiss him.
"Toshi..."
"Where were you? I woke up at 6 a.m and found the bed empty."
"An emergency at work..."
"Kazu, you create video games, you don't lead the CIA!" I shivered at his words. Leading the CIA would be so easy compared to my actual job.
"I lead a big company, Satoshi, and being called for an emergency is a quite high possibility."
Ohno sighed and drank his cup of coffee.
"I'm losing you..."
"What??"
"It's like when we met, you are so distant again... You lie, you find lame excuses to justify your actions... I don't recognize you anymore, Kazu."
"Satoshi..."
"I've seen it." I paled at his words. If he meant...
"What?"
"Your wrist. I'm sorry but I checked it during the night."
"I..." Satoshi grabbed my arm and taking a knife, cut my bracelet, letting it fall on the ground.
"Why have you tattooed XVII on your wrist?!!!" Satoshi yelled, making me jump. He wasn't the kind of person who was able to scream, even when we argued.
"Nothing..." I put my hand on the tattoo.
"You lie. Again."
"Satoshi... I... It's just a tattoo..."
"Like the one on your shoulder blade?! Like the marks on your back?!! You're a complete liar! I realize I don't know you at all after all this time!!!"
"I'm sorry... I... I love you so much but you're unhappy with me... "
"Stop! Stop using this card! It's too easy to say that! I think... I think we should make a break..."
"What?!"
"I need to think... Alone... I'll stay at my parent's house for a while..."
"Satoshi..."
"I have worked so hard to break this shell around you, I have suffered a lot and I don't want to go back to this time..."
"If breaking up is what you need." I said coldly without any emotion, hating this sadness in his eyes. It was stronger than myself, when you hurt me, even if I loved you more than anything, I could reject you without any compassion.
"Kazu, don't make me look like the bad guy, you know perfectly I wasn't talking about a break up."
"If you're this unhappy with me, go back to your ex."
"Kazu... Talk to me... Look at me... Whatever you've made or whatever happened to you in the past, I'll always love you... Just... Tell me the truth..." Satoshi took my hand but I pulled away with a cold look.
"No need to go to your mother, I'll sleep at the agency." I left him and made my luggage quickly before leaving under his shocked eyes. I didn't leave the building and locked myself up in my second apartment. I knew it wasn't Satoshi's fault but anytime you reproached me something, the wall of silence and coldness I had built all my life came back and in these moments, I could become as cold as an iceberg.
I dived in my bath, holding my breath and closing my eyes to think. Sato was right, I was acting like when we met, like the arrogant and nasty bastard I was...
Six years ago...
"Bastard, you are going to die... I... " The man gasped as my knife was diving in his stomach, a sadistic smile painted on my face.
"I would love to see that~" The man fell on his knees, dead. "It's so boring when they die quickly..." I complained with a pout. "I didn't even cut his fingers..." Lightning a matchstick, I threw it on the man, looking at his body in fire. "At least, I took off his teeth~" I left, wiping the blood on my arm. It was the third case of my day and I needed more, I needed my adrenaline dose to sleep peacefully tonight. Climbing on my motor bike, I drove quickly toward the beach. It would soon be dark and I liked to watch the sunset. I walked and sat on the edge of the beach, looking at the sky. I missed Jun. I hadn't seen him since his start for France, six months ago and without him, my emotional
stability was in danger. He was my rock since we met when we were 6 years old.
"Are you okay?" A voice asked suddenly.
I turned my head to discover a short man with a fishing rode in his hand looking at me with worried eyes. I ignored him and stared back at the sky.
"I also love the view." He sat next to me with a smile and I stopped my hand that almost took the knife on my leg to kill him. I hated being disturbed. I loved my loneliness after all. "It's so appeasing... The colors on the sea, the sound of the waves... I feel calmer when I come here."
I stood up without a word and left before killing him. I didn't understand why but something in his eyes stopped me from diving my knife deep in his heart. I didn't sleep well this night, his face invading my dreams and preventing me to take some rest. Stupid chubby man!
The next day, this bastard came again, talking alone or staying quiet for hours. He was so annoying that I didn't understand why I hadn't cut his throat yet. The first word he heard from my mouth was a small comment about his painting. He was cute when he painted, mostly when he bit his lip and his tongue.
"Beautiful..."
"Eh???" He looked at me in disbelief, his mouth wide open.
"You've heard me."
"Sorry but I thought you were mute.."
"Baka." I replied.
"Anyway, thank you for the compliment..." He smiled happily and kept painting under my eyes.
It took him one week to make me say a word and three weeks to make me reply to his questions. I wasn't used to talk to someone else than Jun. But he managed to make me smile a bit with his pouts and his funny reflections. He wasn't a very talkative person and I liked that as I preferred to stay silent and to be alone. His name was Ohno Satoshi and he was a professional dancer.
"You have a beautiful smile." Ohno smiled one day.
"Idiot." I mumbled.
"You should smile and laugh more. Want to have a coffee in a bar?"
"Is it a date?"
"Well... What would you say if it was?" Ohno blushed.
"I'd say no."
"Then, it's just a drink." He looked disappointed and for an unknown reason, I was a bit happy.
"Just 5 minutes then." I sighed and stood up.
But these 5 minutes turned into 5 hours. We talked a lot and I laughed a bit. To be honest, I spent a very good time with him. We kept going to the bar, talking or sometimes staying together without a word but it wasn't unpleasant.
"Nino..." Ohno said one day as I was leaving him in front of his apartment.
"Hum?"
"When will you make the first step?"
"Eh? "
"When will you kiss me?" Ohno stared at me, blushing.
"Never. Why?"
"You... Don't you feel the same?" He looked at me with sad eyes. No. Sorry. I wasn't someone who was able to love. I didn't need anyone besides my gun.
"No, sorry." I shrugged.
"I see..." Ohno looked down, probably holding back his tears.
"I should go."
"Are you this insensitive? Don't you feel anything for me?"
"No."
"Why do you keep coming to the beach then? "
"Because I've always come there and since you're here, I let you come."
"How can you be so cold?!" I blinked when I saw his crying face.
"I'm not a kind person, Satoshi. You like the wrong guy."
"Spend the night with me."
"Eh?" I looked at him with shock.
"Make love with me and if you really don't feel anything, you will be free to leave and I won't come back to the beach anymore."
"I've never fucked." I shrugged. Ohno stared at me with surprise.
"And then? I don't care, spend the night with me." Ohno grabbed my nape and our lips met quickly. I didn't move, not knowing what to do until he showed me how to kiss.
We spent the night together and to be honest, it was very good. I didn't know making love was so pleasurable and didn't refuse when Ohno asked for more rounds. When I woke up the next morning, he was deep asleep, the sheets barely covering his naked body. He was very beautiful. I stood up and dressed up silently before taking my bag, ready to leave but stopped when I heard a sob.
"I wasn't good enough for you to stay..."
"No. It was very good..."
"I feel so miserable, crying for you and almost begging you to stay... Loving someone who isn't even interested by me... I'm pathetic!" Ohno cried.
"I..." I didn't know why but I didn't like seeing him cry.
"Thank you for this amazing night... I... It will stay a beautiful memory for me..." Ohno smiled weakly. I bit my lip, thinking quickly. Okay, I didn't love him but he did... And he would make a good cover for me.
"I was just going to work..."
"Eh?" Ohno looked at me with surprise.
"I work today... I'll come back tonight... If you want..."
"Really?"
"Hum."
"See you tonight then." A wide smile stretched his mouth.
"Yes..." I left quickly. Okay, I was using him but he would never know.
This lie worked for one year. I was using Satoshi as cover, playing the perfect boyfriend and repeating how much I loved him despite my lack of feelings. I was so cruel but I couldn't help it. I was like that. But Sato seemed happy and I fucked him well. He couldn't understand I hadn't any clue about what love was. I had never loved. I was raised to kill. When a child had sweets and plush for his birthday, I had handcuffs and guns. When a child was punished in his bedroom for disobeying, I was tied to a chair before being beaten and locked up in the dark without anything to eat for five days. I wasn't able to love because I didn't know what love was. So, at least, I knew I made Satoshi happy even if everything was a lie.
My life was simple. Everything was like I planned and wanted it to be. Or it was what I thought. As years passed, I became less careful than when I was alone. And I paid it.
"Tadaima." I said, entering my apartment before reacting in one second and taking my gun. It had taken me only some seconds to see there was something wrong. The lack of noise, the atmosphere and the darkness. Holding my gun against my chest, I walked silently toward the living room, discovering Satoshi on the ground, unconscious. I kept my calm, my training had always taught me not to let my emotions take advantage of the situation. I closed my eyes, listening to my abilities before bending and shooting toward the window. A muffle scream resounded and I approached, looking at the man on the ground.
"Who are you?"
"As if I was going to tell you." The man smirked. "You're taking a dangerous path, XVII, you're going to pay for that later, you know the boss never jokes."
"Are you sure? I can torture you for hours without any compassion."
"I don't think so..." The man smirked before closing his eyes.
"Shit!" I tried to open his mouth but the poison had already killed him. Inhaling deeply, I stood up and looked for something to make his body disappear. After that, I took Satoshi in my arms and laid him on our bed. As he wasn't waking up, panic invaded me.
"Moshi moshi?" A sleepy voice mumbled.
"Jun!! Are you back in Japan?!"
"I came home an hour ago and was trying to get some sleep, why?"
"I need you now. Come immediately!" I hung up. "It's going to be okay, Satoshi..." I stroked his hair, crying silently.
It took Jun 15 minutes to come over. I knew he would be quick as I never called him for nothing except when we wanted to compare our cases. Unlike me, Jun had worked with a very good surgeon in Afghanistan during his longest mission, five years. He hadn't any diploma but he had already made surgeries with this man and would maybe know how to help Satoshi.
"Poison." I paled at his words.
"You can save him, ne?!"
"Without going to the hospital, it will be hard. I have to make him throw up, first and after I'll clean his blood." Jun stood up and opened his bag to take something I had never seen before. "Don't worry, it won't hurt him." Jun smiled and inserted this horrible object in Satoshi's throat. My lover's body started to shake under my panicked eyes. "Don't panic Kazu! Have you forgotten our training?!" Jun snapped coldly.
"Sorry." I inhaled to calm down as Satoshi threw up violently. "I thought it wasn't painful?"
"You didn't need to know." Jun replied calmly and put a perfusion in my lover's arm. "He will be okay, his blood is clean and he will wake up after some hours of sleep." Jun stood up.
"Thank you so much, J..."
"You're welcome." Jun smiled, kissing my forehead.
"Where have you learnt that?" I asked, showing the horrible thing in his bag.
"You wouldn't like to know." Jun smirked, a sadist smile on his face. "Well, be careful Kazu, love isn't allowed in our profession."
"And you with this Sho Sakurai?" I replied.
"He is just a cover." Jun shrugged.
"Anyway, I don't love him..."
"Keep lying to yourself, Kazu but I'm not blind. Be careful because you're taking a very dangerous way..." Jun whispered before leaving.
I stared at Satoshi, thinking about my feelings in the previous situation.
"Shit." I groaned.
Jun was right.
I was in love with Satoshi.
To be continued...
A/N: Here was the chapter 3! I’m sorry for being late but my cat died two days ago and I wasn’t in the mood to post… he was 19 years old, so, I have spent most of my life with him, it’s really hard for our family to lose such a wonderful cat that everybody loved…
I hope you liked it and yes, they didn't really kill Sho and Ohchan but like Nino said, their mysterious promise is more important than their lovers. Well, it seems a bit horrible but there are reasons you will discover later that explains their behavior and why this promise is what they live for. In the next chapter, things are going to move, the agency will make the first step and Jun and Nino are going to be in a big shit xD
For my dear Andy, your bb will appear in the next chapter, you know what I mean ;)
Comments are always very <3 See you soon~